Restoring Faith
by BrilliantDarkness
Summary: Jimmy's getting tired of Wild Bill. Maybe, with some help, he can find a new person to be...or recover a former self. Mature rating for sex and descriptions of sexual encounters. I warned, please don't yell.
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING: Sex! I mean it...if it will offend you to read about sexual encounters, please, please, please, I beg you stop reading right now. Last chance!**

**Okay...now that we have that out of the way, this story isn't only sex...really it's not but what's there is pretty explicit and I don't want to risk offending anyone.-J**

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><p>Thrusting rapidly, James Hickok pounded himself into the woman beneath him. He heard her ragged breath indicating that she was nearing her orgasm as his speed increased until his whole body stiffened in that final thrust as she cried out, "Yes! Yes! Oh Wild Bill! Yes!"<p>

As his semen spurted into her body, he found himself disgusted and angry. He wanted to grab her by the shoulders, shake her and scream, "That's not my name!"

The truth was this woman whose name he did not remember-not that it would matter-was under him now for the sole purpose of being able to say she had slept with Wild Bill Hickok. He pushed aside his anger; not that he was even truly certain which of them he was angry at, and rolled off of her. She wordlessly got up, dressed and soon he heard the door close leaving him once more to his lonely state.

There was a time in his life when he thought he might fall in love, marry, even have a family but he had set his fate before he even fully knew what he was doing and had found out the hard way that was not something he could change.

Being a lawman much of the time, he found Wild Bill could be handy to have around. He encountered little trouble and many women.

He took a swig from the bottle of whiskey next to the bed hoping it would dull the loneliness or hold the memories at bay. Sleep was searching for him and more and more lately, sleep brought dreams of that brief time in his life when he was Jimmy Hickok, not Wild Bill. The legend was being born at that time but that bunch had kept him grounded.

The other riders had loved him like a brother; Teaspoon had looked on him like a son. It had been the real, unconditional love of true family. They had been so very young then and learned their lessons the hard way; making mistakes as naturally and almost as frequently as they put their pants on. But no matter how many stupid things each of them did, there was never a question of defending each other. Jimmy had no friends before or since who were so dear or true.

They were scattered to the winds now. Somewhere inside, Jimmy wanted to believe they still loved him as he did them but the self-loathing voice that seemed to speak the loudest these days protested that too much time had passed, that they wouldn't forgive him his abandonment of them.

He told himself they were better off, that being in his proximity would only bring danger to them but he knew that was a lie. It sounded good enough to believe until he found himself alone and lost in thought. That was the problem with lying to yourself, you know you're feeding yourself a pile of bullshit and when you get sick of eating it, you've got no one but yourself to blame.

Laying in this hotel bed, half drunk and still smelling of the perfume worn by the most recent female visitor, Jimmy felt the bile rise in his throat as he contemplated what he'd become. He projected the air of a quiet gentleman to most but that was becoming more of a lie as time went on. In the daylight he'd argue that the women threw themselves at him while at night, alone, he'd know that a man who took a different nameless, faceless woman to bed each night was no gentleman. It had started in the belief he could stave off the loneliness with a little female companionship but it time had become more habit than anything else. While it was true that a man had needs and required a certain release from time to time, these shallow encounters were no different than what he could accomplish with his own hand.

Bringing the women to his bed each night was a pretense; one constructed purely for the benefit of one James Butler Hickok. It hid the one truth he would deny above all others, to himself more vehemently than to anyone else. He was scared.

Jimmy was never scared of a fight with guns or fists. He never had been and that was no bravado speaking, it was the solemn truth. The only times the prospect of a fight caused him concern was when he thought harm might come to someone he cared for. The worst that could happen in a fight was dying and he'd made peace with that longer ago than he could remember. He knew he'd see an earlier grave than most. Getting involved with people had much higher stakes than death. Once dead, there could be no more pain and even being wounded wasn't so very bad. Wounds might leave scars but they didn't keep hurting the way a pain inflicted by another person's words or callous actions could.

As it did nearly every night, Jimmy's mind played the "if only" game. If only he'd just apologized to Longley; if only he hadn't been such a hair triggered hothead around J.D. Marcus; if only-'oh hell,' he thought, 'Might as well try if only the sky were yellow and the sun blue for all the good it would do.'

He sighed loudly to the empty room as he acknowledged to himself as he often did that J.D. Marcus didn't create Wild Bill Hickok, he merely named him.

The sleep that had stalked Jimmy finally pounced and while he put up a valiant fight against it, the whiskey made it a fight impossible to win. He conceded defeat and fell into a fitful sleep.

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><p>The next morning found Jimmy out on the boardwalk of the main street of town bright and early and looking quite dapper if one overlooked the dark circles under his eyes. He hadn't had a decent night's sleep in at least a month. Sleep was something else that scared him these days.<p>

Looking up, Jimmy was spurred to a thought that perhaps there were advantages to waking early. The vision responsible for this thought was seemingly the only woman on the street who did not throw furtive glances his way or look down blushing when he looked her way. She didn't seem to acknowledge him at all. It was the Widow Lassiter. It took him a moment to realize what was different about her today that she should catch his eye. He knew he'd seen her a few times before but something was different. Her hair was loose; not flying all over but loose and hanging down her back from beneath her sun hat. He typically paid no mind to whether a woman's hair was pinned up or not; at least not a woman he merely passed on the street. But he did find that a woman's hair hanging loose softened her features a considerable amount and when he was with a woman, he took pleasure in freeing her hair from whatever "proper" style it had been forced into. Jimmy could not help but to stare at her. He knew he probably looked a fool but he simply could not get enough of the way the sun picked out the odd strands of red hidden throughout her brown hair.

Any other woman on any other day and he would have imagined his fist tangling in that hair as his body merged with hers. But today he didn't want Wild Bill's fantasies and this woman deserved far better than Bill could or would offer. He instead imagined himself gently moving a wayward strand of that lovely hair from her face, perhaps brushing her cheek as he did so.

He shook his head to dislodge that thought. This poor woman had been through quite enough already. Her husband had gone off to war and only a telegram had come back. That must have been a good year ago, he thought. Then, only two months ago, her son of five or maybe six years fell from the hay loft and died. A woman dealing with all of that pain and the realities of still running a farm, all alone surely didn't need the likes of James Hickok anywhere near her. Of course, he mused, she also didn't need to be lugging her supplies home from the mercantile by herself either.

He strolled over and took the bag from her hands.

"Let me help you with that, ma'am," he said with a smile and she gladly allowed the weight lifted from her arms until she saw whose kindness she was enjoying.

"I can handle it Marshal," she said trying to take the sack away from him, "I'm certain you have more pressing matters to attend to."

"I can't think of a one," he answered flashing a smile that held no trace of the polished gentleman that was Bill Hickok. This smile was entirely the loopy, boyish smile of Jimmy Hickok. He saw her ponder him for a moment and then relent with a small blush.

"Well, if you're sure it's no trouble, I guess I could use the help."

The smile she gave back was grateful but wary and he didn't blame her for it. He blamed himself.

Once her supplies were loaded, Jimmy tipped his hat to her.

"Now if you'll just wait here a moment," he started, "I'll fetch my horse and ride out with you and help you unload."

Panic flashed in her eyes but never made it to her face. His mind went straight to Emma and how deep a body would have to look at her to know what was on her mind.

"Marshal Hickok," she began and something in her voice betrayed the calm smile she tried to put forth, "I'm grateful for your help but that would just be above and beyond the call of duty. I'm sure I'll manage it myself."

"Ma'am, that's not how my mama raised me," he replied affably, "I won't be long."

She opened her mouth to protest but Jimmy cut her words off.

"Please," he said sincerely, "You'd be doing me a favor too. It'd do me a world of good to get out in the fresh air. I've been spending way too much time cooped up in the saloon lately."

"Alright," she said reluctantly and in obvious opposition to her better judgment.

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><p><strong>See...I might not have been that frantic in my warning earlier if it weren't the first freaking sentance! But I can't help how a story starts, now can I? Anyway...this is a product of my mental instability when I write. I talk to my characters and they tell me their stories...usually. So I recently wrote a story where Jimmy adopts this darling sweet little girl and it didn't have a happy ending and I didn't feel like I could face him again to ask for another story. I didn't think he'd want to talk to me anymore so I thought I'd get him laid to put it simply. God I hope this story turns out happier than the last or he might never speak to me again. And really that's not the only reason for my writing an "adult" (ahem) story. For reasons I need to know and you, dear readers do not, I needed to branch outside of my confort zone. I have written romance for a different fandom and there were sexual scenes in that but this will be more graphic and descriptive and I think this chapter marks a first for me as a scene of angry sex...we've all had it at one time or another but so rarely do I see it addressed. Jimmy's a natural for this to me as he has sort of a raw sexual power. He wasn't my favorite when I first watched the series. I didn't understand the concept of a tortured andor reluctant hero and I was too young to appreciate his, um, heat. I think he frightened me...I wasn't the one who went for the bad boy at that time. Now I get it and, well, I love me a good tortured hero. And a grown woman of (ahem) years old can handle a sexually powerful man...TMI? Sorry.**

**So, yeah, that about covers my preliminary thoughts on this story. I hope I have piqued some interest in this one and perhaps some are even enjoying it. I welcome reviews, even if they are not glowing. We're all just trying to get better here, right?-J**


	2. Chapter 2

Once the two were on their way, Jimmy took a good look at the woman. She looked terrified and he wondered if the reputation he'd built with women had gotten that far out of control so as to merit her response.

"Ma'am, I don't think we've properly met. I know of you and you seem to know who I am."

"Who doesn't know Wild Bill Hickok?" she retorted.

"Actually that's not my name. It's James, James Hickok. My friends, the few who'll claim me call me Jimmy," he looked at her and hoped his words sounded reassuring and not defensive, "And your name?"

"Faith," she replied, as if uncertain, "Faith Lassiter. Jimmy, huh?"

"That's right."

They ventured a bit further and Jimmy was chagrined to see her white knuckles clutching the reins. She was not becoming more comfortable; if anything she was growing more fearful.

"Faith, I need to ask you something."

He could see how she worked to keep her voice level and her head down.

"What is it?"

"Has my reputation gotten that bad? You act as if you're not safe with me."

"I would think you'd know perfectly well what your reputation is," she nearly snapped at him and then flinched as if ducking repercussions.

"I guess I do," he agreed, "I never thought there was anything said about me that I was anything but a gentleman where a lady is concerned."

"And you would have me believe that all of those women run willingly to your, your…"

He spared her the obvious embarrassment of finishing the sentence.

"Yes," he said quickly adding, "And no."

She looked at him perplexed and that made him happy. Confused was a vast improvement over frightened.

"Is that some sort of riddle, Marshal?" she asked.

"Not at all," he said in a disconnected sort of way, "Those women are willing enough but it's not me they want. It's him."

"Who?"

"Wild Bill Hickok," he replied unable to completely rid his voice of the disgust.

"Is there really a difference?"

"I know it doesn't make sense," he said, "There've been times when I thought we were the same person and times when I wished we were."

Her face seemed to soften at the honesty of his words.

"What changed?"

"Nothing, everything, I don't know," he said defeated. He hadn't planned on opening up this much to her, "Maybe I do know and just can't say."

The silence settled between them like an unwelcome third to their party. They arrived at the Lassiter place and Jimmy began to unload the supplies with the only words being Faith's direction as to where he ought to put things. As he was unloading, he noticed the fence was in need of repair. He brought it to her attention.

"I was planning on fixing that this week," she told him.

"I'm right here," he stated the obvious; "I might as well take care of it."

"No. That's just too much to ask of you."

Jimmy was aware of the fear returning to her voice.

"You're not asking, I'm offering," he clarified, "You remind me of someone I knew once who showed me great kindness. Please."

She seemed intrigued and taken aback by his plea.

"I guess it will be alright. Honestly I don't know when I would get to it."

Jimmy wished her smile wasn't still attempting to mask fear of him but he'd take it. For some reason he couldn't place, it was suddenly very important to assuage her fear, to help her. He had an inkling there may be redemption in it.

As he worked and began to see progress, Faith came out to bring him some water. Jimmy was grateful and leaned against a post a moment to drink.

"Who was she?"

"Who?" he asked genuinely needing to know.

"The woman I remind you of?"

"She was a friend. I was a confused kid when we met and thought I'd fallen in love with her. If I had been a bit older, maybe…" his voice trailed away to wherever his gaze had gone.

"Do I look like her or something?" she asked.

"Not really," he replied flatly but then that wistful gaze returned and she knew he was seeing her, the woman of his memories, "You just have something about you, the way you carry yourself, hold your head, set your features. She'd been through a world of pain but she was so strong and all she showed the world was love."

In spite of herself, it seemed, Faith was letting down her defenses and beginning to believe this man was someone other than the great legend others thought him to be.

"What was her name?"

"Emma," those two syllables threatened to be his undoing. He hadn't ever really resolved all of his feelings for and about Emma and wasn't sure he ever would or even wanted to. But she had always been the measuring stick he'd held women up to.

Neither of them had noticed the clouds rolling in until the rain started to fall.

"I guess that's my cue to leave," Jimmy said looking to the clouds, "I'll come back tomorrow to finish this."

"It's starting to come down pretty hard," she said with a tone that said she wasn't sure what she was saying or why, "Maybe you should stay."

He wanted to stay, he really did and not for any improper reasons either. He shook his head and opened his mouth to decline her offer but a flash of lightning changed his mind.

"I guess I'd better."

The inside of the small home was cozy but the toys still scattered on the floor spoke of the ghosts that dwelled within and the lone living occupant's attempts to deny them. He waited for her to sit and then lowered himself into the other chair in the room. She took up her knitting and after a few minutes of quiet she looked at him and began to laugh.

"Begging your pardon," Jimmy said feeling more than a little insecure and possibly a tad defensive, "What is so funny?"

"I was so afraid of inviting you in," she answered wiping her eyes, "And there you sit looking like a saloon girl in church."

Jimmy couldn't help but laugh along. It had been a long time since he had felt so unsure of himself in any situation and even longer since he had shown it.

"I'm sorry," she said gently, "I've made you uncomfortable."

He listened to her tone expecting the frightened apologies of one who feared she had offended Wild Bill but, to his delight and relief, this was the genuine concern of someone who believed she had hurt the feelings of Jimmy Hickok.

"You haven't; not at all. I should be apologizing to you."

Somewhere inside he knew that his whole life had gone astray over apologies not offered. He'd said and done things before Longley and Marcus that might have done him in but they didn't. Every mistake before those had been reversible. He'd lost count the number of times he'd wished he could go back to the afternoon in Tompkins' store or the day in the saloon when he could have just let Cody be. But God or fate or what or whoever runs the show doesn't jump up and give you a tap on the shoulder to let you know which decisions are life-changing and which aren't. He was too young to know his luck wouldn't hold out. He knew it all and heaven help anyone who tried to tell him otherwise. He learned his lesson, albeit too late; the word "sorry" did not make a man weak. Lost in his musings, Jimmy did not immediately realize that Faith was speaking.

"Yoo-hoo…Marshal Hickok…"

He broke free of the trance the memories had placed him in.

"Hmm? What?"

She giggled and he thought it was a wonderful sound; one made even lovelier by the thought that she probably hadn't known much laughter of late.

"I was asking what in the world you had to apologize to me for?"

"I guess for being me," he blushed, "For scaring you so, for making you nervous."

"But remember," she said with the corners of her mouth threatening to betray her stern tone, "It's Wild Bill Hickok that scared me and made me nervous. He's not here, is he?"

They spent the rest of the day holed in from the rain as the storm clouds it seemed had decided to make camp right over their heads. As afternoon made a run for evening, Faith went to the kitchen to begin preparing supper and was surprised when Jimmy appeared and began helping to peel potatoes and chop vegetables. She looked at him in utter disbelief.

"You've never seen a man in a kitchen before?" he asked almost defensively.

"No," she answered simply, "I've heard of it but Aaron would have never."

Her eyes drifted out the window and past the rain as he knew they had countless times before. He could see the look that said she knew that there would be so silhouette approaching but also that her heart would never stop longing for it.

"That was his name? Aaron?"

She nodded and then tears began to fall, quietly at first as she endeavored to continue preparing the meal. But soon the sobs wracked her body and she had to lean against the counter for support. Jimmy could never abide a woman crying and enveloped her in his arms, realizing only after she was in his embrace that he still held a paring knife and carrot in his hand. He quickly set them down and leaned back against the counter to more fully take her weight. Her trust in him was so sacred at that moment that he admonished himself for delighting so in the clean, unperfumed scent of her hair.

At last her tears ebbed and she straightened, pushing lightly against his chest to signal that he could release her. Jimmy thought her hands may have lingered on his chest a moment or two longer than was necessary but he couldn't be sure. It might have just been wishful thinking.

Faith wiped her eyes with her sleeve and cleared her throat.

"Well now, we won't be eating at all if I don't get to this."

Jimmy wanted to take her in his arms again and tell her he didn't care if they ever ate, that she could let all of her pain and sorrow out, that he'd hold her forever if only she'd let him but she had put those feelings away for the time being and there was no opening that box back up until she was good and ready for it.

The pair ate in silence that was broken only by Faith as she looked out the window while clearing the dishes.

"The rain's still not letting up. You make yourself comfortable and I'll put on some tea."

He had thought to help her with the dishes or the tea or something but her words rejected the offer before it was even spoken.

Jimmy occupied himself with a magazine he found on the table where she kept her knitting. In time Faith emerged from the kitchen with a tray and the promised tea. She busied herself with pouring and the silence settled in again, uninvited. Jimmy was about to make some stupid weather related comment just to bring sound into the room when she spoke.

"How did you know this Emma?"

He blinked at her as if the very concept of speech was foreign to him, let alone the words she used.

"The one I remind you of?"

"Right," he smiled bashfully, "I used to ride for the Pony Express when there was such a thing. Emma ran the station I first worked out of. Well, she wasn't officially in charge but Emma ran things. She was mother, big sister and best friend to all of us."

"All of you?"

"The riders and even Teaspoon; he was the station master."

"That was a good time in your life, wasn't it?" she asked.

"I think it might have been the best time in my life."

As he said the words he knew there was no thinking about it and no might have been either, those were the best times.

"These other riders were your friends?"

"The only ones I ever had really," he said knowing the sad truth of what he said, "Closer to family really."

"Tell me about them."

He did. Cautiously at first and then he was off and running. It felt good to talk about them. He told her about Teaspoon's quirkiness and tendency for pontification and Cody's bravado that might have been conceit if he hadn't been able to back it up.

"Are you trying to tell me you are friends with Buffalo Bill Cody?"

"No," he smiled without a shred of deceit, "I was no more friends with Buffalo Bill than he was friends with Wild Bill. Those men didn't exist back then."

He told her about Kid and how they fought over nearly everything and yet were closer than brothers and how to this very day he didn't know the man's name. He spoke fondly of Lou and got a laugh when he told the story of finding out that Lou was actually Louise. He told her about Buck and then very sadly told her of Ike. And he shared how he felt when Emma left to marry Sam, how abandoned he had felt and then the guilt at his selfishness to begrudge that wonderful woman her chance at happiness.

"It's not that you didn't want her to be happy, Jimmy," she soothed, "You were just sad for the loss of her in your life."

He continued speaking of Rachel and ultimately how he met Noah and then the part he felt he'd played in Noah's death.

"It was my fault. I shouldn't have brought her. Noah didn't have to die like that."

"You couldn't have known."

Jimmy wanted to believe her but he knew he'd always carry that guilt.

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><p><strong>So what are we thinking out there in reader land? I like Faith and I like who Jimmy is when he's with her. I think he likes himself better with her too. I feel bad for all she's been through but it was a rough place to live and stories like hers weren't rare. I like her spunk. I guess just let me know what you all are thinking. I'm still paying penance to the Jimmy who lives in my head so that I can face him again. stupid muses with their omniscience and all. If I didn't need them like the air I breathe I would banish them as Golum banished his evil self. But then I'd get too lonely and I just don't know what I'd do. Love you all my beautiful people who live in my computer and read my drivel.-J<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

Jimmy sat watching Faith for a few minutes just basking in the normalcy of sitting together, her knitting while he pretended to read that magazine. He would read it later as he had noticed there was one of Cody's stories in there and he would really like to know what his old friend had been up to. He looked up noticeably from the page when Faith cocked her head to one side and listened to the still constant pounding on the roof. She then glanced with some uncertainty at the clock on the wall and Jimmy had a feeling he knew what she was thinking. It was getting late.

"I guess I ought to head to the barn about now so you can turn in."

Her brow furrowed in an unspoken demand for explanation.

"I'll sleep out there," he explained, "It'd be more proper."

She contemplated his words for a moment and then came to a decision that she looked as though she felt good about.

"No," she said, "You sleep in Adam's room and tell anyone nosy enough to ask that you slept in the barn."

"Faith," he asked not believing her words, "Are you sure? Adam was your boy, wasn't he? I don't want to…" He wasn't even sure how he meant to end that but the woman hadn't even picked the child's toys up yet, he felt certain she didn't need some dime novel hero turned lawman and gambler bunking down in his room.

"Adam was my son, yes," she said emphasizing 'was', "And turning his room into a museum doesn't seem to be bringing him back. You should sleep there."

Jimmy could tell there would be no argument, she was more like Emma than he ever could have imagined, and he went to Adam's room. He felt a chill that he knew was more in his mind than the air. He readied for bed and tried to sleep but knew his hostess was not even making the attempt. He could hear the floorboards as she paced and then heard them as she made her way to the front door. When he heard the door close behind her, he was compelled to go check on her. He quickly pulled his trousers back on and made his way through the house to her.

Through the front window, he could see her shape sitting statue still on the porch swing. She jumped when he opened the door and then resumed staring out into the rain. He sat next to her on the porch swing allowing a space between them and was surprised when she scooted over and leaned against him. Jimmy's arm found its way around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry I woke you," she said almost inaudibly, "I don't sleep much anymore."

"I wasn't sleeping," he said, "I don't sleep much either."

"You would think I would have been used to being alone after Aaron left. He was gone nearly a year before the telegram came. Somehow it never seemed that bad when Adam was still here. He was six and probably should have had something in his life besides keeping his lonely mama company but he rarely left my side and never stayed with the other boys after school to play. I don't know what he was playing at in the loft that day. I think sometimes I take comfort that he was playing when he died. I hope he was at least having fun; he deserved that much."

She seemed surprised that she had gone on like that but Jimmy was more taken aback by her matter of fact tone when she spoke of her son. She hadn't dealt in any way with his loss and he wondered when she looked into the rain if it was Aaron or Adam she prayed would emerge.

He let her just be close to him for a while. He told himself she needed comfort but he really didn't want to let go. It had been a long time since he'd had a moment like this and it felt good and real.

"It feels good to be held," she said softly.

"It feels good to hold someone," he confessed, "But you need to be getting some sleep. I'll be right next door so you aren't really alone."

She allowed him to lead her, still leaning against him, toward the door but then she stopped. He looked to her lacking understanding.

"Jimmy, can I ask you something?" her voice was timid and small.

"Anything," he said and he meant it. Looking into her vulnerable eyes right then, he wanted to promise her anything and everything.

"I'd like you to be closer than next door."

Her head dipped in her embarrassment of what she had just asked of him. Jimmy wasn't ready to jump to that conclusion just yet. Faith wanted him closer, he didn't care the reason.

"I will be anywhere you want me to."

She straightened to move completely of her own volition, took his hand and led him to her room. She rose onto her toes in order to kiss him and he backed away from her. Everything in his body wanted what she seemed to be offering but she was so wounded, he didn't think it was right.

"Faith," he tried to reason, "I'm not here expecting anything. I said I'd do whatever you need. You need me close, I'll be close. You need to be held, I'll hold you."

"I need you."

He took one more step back trying to give her space to really think because if she kept coming at him and trying to kiss him, he wasn't going to be able to stop what would happen.

"I just don't want you hating me, or yourself, in the morning."

"I won't. I promise," she looked straight into his eyes as she lifted her nightgown over her head and let it fall to the floor next to her feet.

The sight of her unashamed nudity hit his eyes only moments before the sensation of her lips on his and her breasts pressing into his chest. There was no more thought or debate within him about what was right or wrong. There was only the wanton need they had for this, for something real, for that connection.

Her tongue roamed freely about his mouth while her hands made short work of the buttons fastening his pants giving them a push over his hips and allowing them to slide to his feet. Faith then began to lower herself trailing her tongue down his chest and abdomen and, grabbing his erection firmly, rubbed it between her breasts as she continued her descent. She knelt before him and took him into her mouth which turned up in a satisfied smile when he involuntarily bucked his hips forward. He felt her mouth release him and then her tongue and fingers traced abstract shapes on his manhood.

She stood slowly making sure to press herself against him as she did. His hands began to wander across her breasts, down her stomach and veered around to the small of her back where they continued their journey over the soft curve of her buttocks. Jimmy took hold of one of her thighs raising the leg to hook around his hip and allowing his hand access to the quickly moistening area between her legs. Faith ground her hips into him arching her back to maximize the friction below their waists.

He then lifted her other leg, which she wrapped around his waist, and carefully stepped out of his pants as he carried her to the bed where he laid her down and settled next to her on his side. His mouth quickly found one of her breasts while his hand travelled south where two of his fingers slipped easily inside her. He delighted in the way she writhed beneath his ministrations; how her hip rubbed steadily against his erection. She was gasping, moaning and may even have confused him with God once or twice. It didn't take long for her to scream out, muscles tightening around his fingers.

His mouth reclaimed hers and he was about to shift atop her but she put a hand on his shoulder effectively pushing him onto his back and straddled him. He could feel her moist heat as his erection twitched its desire to enter. She smiled as she felt the movement.

"Not yet."

She leaned forward kissing him, rubbing her hardened nipples against his chest and pinning his throbbing member between them. Faith pushed herself up onto her arms and began making circles with her hips until she hit just the right spot to where she could thrust her pelvis back and forth while keeping the friction of her clitoris on the underside of his penis.

Her motion against him, while maddening in itself was heightened by the very sight of her as she frantically moved her hips speeding to bliss.

He was transfixed by the color rising in her cheeks, the nonsense babble escaping her lips, the bounce of her breasts and her lovely hazel eyes rolling back in her head. As he felt the warmth spread across his groin, his own desires took control and he rolled and entered her in a move possibly more impressive and certainly more pleasurable than when he drew his guns on an adversary.

The rhythm he established was merely an extension of hers. He truly thought nothing could ever feel so damned good until, in her growing pleasure, Faith called out, "Faster Jimmy! It's so good!"

Not "Wild Bill"; she called out his name. She wanted faster, well she'd get faster. She'd get harder too. Her hips met his every thrust, their bodies moving together as if choreographed. Soon she cried out his name again in her ecstasy and that, as much as her muscles tightening around him brought him to those final satisfying thrusts.

Jimmy collapsed to the side of her and watched with a smile the heaving of her chest as she worked to catch her breath. He then saw her gently shaking and his smile turned quickly to a frown when he saw that she was crying. Without a thought, he pulled her tight to him even though he suspected he might be the reason for her tears. He was beginning to wish he had decided to sleep in the barn after all. Surely she was upset with herself and moreover with him for what had just transpired. But if she was angry with him, she surely wasn't showing it as she was limp as a ragdoll in his arms and only turned her head to bury it deeper in his chest as she cried her tears flowing hot over his bare skin.

"I'm sorry, Faith," he said and he couldn't recall a time when the words were truer.

"Why?"

"For…well, I took advantage. I knew it wasn't right. I shouldn't have done that."

"I don't regret it," she whispered to him, "If that's what you're thinking. I don't regret a thing."

He held her a bit more stroking her hair until she finally spoke again.

"I think I just got overwhelmed. I miss him and I miss not being alone. I miss feeling good; or I did until a few minutes ago. Thank you for that."

Jimmy had no words for her so he just pulled her closer and held her tight.

* * *

><p><strong>You can't say you weren't warned. I told you. There's more to the story. I think I'd be horrible at writing screenplays for pornos because I'd be trying to get too much plot in there and the right motivation for the characters...definitely not my forte...hehehe...so catch your collective breath out there in readerville and let me know if'n ya like it or not...this is really far outside my confort level and I wouldn't have written it if I didn't totally owe Jimmy some pleasure.-J<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

When he woke the next morning, Jimmy was alone in the bed. He got up, dressed quickly and went to find Faith which turned out to be an easy task as she was only in the kitchen.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked and he jumped having believed her to be unaware of his presence. As she spoke, she turned and her face was held in that expression he equated with Emma. It was a face that all but dared a person to figure the feelings of the wearer.

"Better than I have in a long time," he answered honestly, "You?"

"Not as well as I'd anticipated," she frowned. It wasn't a sad or angry frown but one of confusion.

Jimmy was confused as well; he would have thought her sleep would have been sound indeed. He looked everywhere but at Faith because he just didn't know what else to say to her. Luckily she didn't seem to be looking to him for answers.

She dished breakfast and poured coffee in silence and spoke little while they ate. Finishing the meal, Jimmy excused himself to get back to the work on the fence he'd started the day before. He was making progress and feeling the welcome change of physical labor and fresh air. He really had been spending too much time around poker tables in saloons and he was sure it was to the detriment of his health.

"I didn't expect you to stay."

Jimmy jumped as Faith, for the second time that morning startled him with her words.

"Pardon?" he asked looking to where she sat on a blanket with her knitting. From the looks of her, she had been sitting there watching him for a bit before she spoke.

"I was surprised you were still here this morning," she replied.

"I said I'd stay."

"You did," she agreed, "But I feared things may have gotten awkward between us," she offered timidly.

"Awkward? I can think of lots of ways to describe what happened between us but awkward ain't one of them."

"I meant after," she clarified and her will put a stop to the blush that tried to overtake her cheeks.

He smiled in understanding. Bill might not have a reputation for cruelty to women but he didn't have any sort of reputation for sticking around long or getting entangled with real feelings. Maybe it was time to make some alterations to the great legend; or, at the very least to make this woman see the true differences between Bill and James.

"If anything," he said clearly, meeting her eyes, wanting no mistake of his meaning, "That made me want to stay. I wanted to make sure you were alright. I don't think I could leave any woman crying but especially not one I'm beginning to care for."

She mulled over his words for a while and he went back to work. Jimmy was beginning to wear that same confused frown Faith had been sporting most of the morning. It had been a while since he'd cared for a woman like this and even longer since that feeling had come to him so quickly. He'd never been able to quite understand how you could meet a hundred people and they could pass through your life like water through your fingers and then there would be one person who could turn your head and heart in nearly the same motion.

Faith was the one to break the pensive silence between them.

"You're beginning to care for me?" she asked as if she had only then just realized those words had been spoken.

"I think if I'm not careful, I could fall in love with you."

"Would that be such a bad thing?" she asked looking worried.

"I wouldn't be opposed at all," he said easily, "I won't speak for you though."

She grew quiet once again and Jimmy finished the fence. He went to ready his horse for the ride back to town.

"Don't worry," he told her gently, "I'll be sure to tell any of the busybodies in town that I slept in the barn."

"Do you really have to go?" she implored of him.

"I do. I am the marshal after all," he said with a slight smile, "But I happened to notice that step on your porch was getting weak. I couldn't let that go; you could fall right through and who knows how long it would be before someone found you. I'm duty bound to see to your safety, you know. I guess I'll have to just be back tomorrow to fix that."

Faith smiled and allowed a small laugh her eyes sparkling at him. She looked away for a moment and then returned her eyes to him with a wicked gleam in them.

"Maybe you'd like to come by for some supper and sleep in the barn again," she said emphasizing the word 'barn', "That way you could start first thing tomorrow."

He pulled her to him and captured her lips with his. When he broke the kiss he whispered in her ear.

"I guess I'll just see you tonight then."

Jimmy got back to town to deal with the most excruciatingly long day in his memory. He found himself fighting disdain for nearly every soul he encountered. He managed to keep his head about him enough in a poker game to not do too badly and then went to his room alone to the evident disappointment of quite a few females.

'Let them be disappointed,' he thought, 'They want someone who don't even exist.'

As he readied, his heart swelled at the thought of Faith who was so ready to reject Wild Bill but welcomed Jimmy to her arms, her bed. He hadn't even thought that Jimmy still existed and he was happy to find him once again. He wondered though if she'd always long for that silhouette to come over the horizon to her and worried he'd never be all she wanted or needed. And that was a worry that was definitely foreign, both to Jimmy and Bill.

Arriving at the Lassiter place, he saw to the only one who actually would be sleeping in the barn that night, his horse. He then climbed the steps to the porch, taking care on the middle one as he'd not been fabricating the need for its repair. As he approached the door, he saw it open and for a moment, as he took in her smiling face, he let himself fantasize about a life where he'd come home from a day's work to that beautiful face. It was far from the life he had or any he'd allowed in his imagining since he wasn't sure when. He was starting to entertain thoughts of a life like that.

"You came," she said surprised.

"I make it a rule to never pass up a home-cooked meal with a beautiful woman."

Faith blushed at the compliment and gestured for him to come inside. He noticed as he entered the home that Adam's toys had been picked up.

That uncomfortable silence made itself at home while they ate.

"Faith," he began, unsure, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," she answered quickly, a little too quickly it seemed, "Why would you ask that?"

"I just keep feeling like you're upset. I know last night brought up some powerful feelings and memories and I know you aren't ready to deal with all of them," he spoke without eye contact for even if he'd been able to raise his eyes to hers, she was looking past him to the wall behind, "You seem unsettled being alone with me. Do you think I have some expectations of you?"

"Don't you?"

"Well, the invitation was to sleep in the barn," he said in an attempt at levity that he knew was doomed before it left his mouth, "I just want to be near you."

"Everyone knows you never go to bed alone," she said bitterly.

"Maybe not," he replied allowing the insult go to Bill where it belonged, "But I sleep that way; when I sleep, that is. Those women are me trying to not be lonely. It don't work."

She turned her furrowed brow to him.

"Sometimes you can be lonelier with someone there. I told you this morning, I care for you. I'm fairly certain I'm falling in love with you. That's not just something I say. You're right, there's no shortage of women and I'm here anyway. I could have had a warm body in my bed to do with as I pleased without the ride out here."

"So why are you here?"

He sighed and closed his eyes a moment to collect the words to explain.

"When you opened the door, I had a vision of a life I used to dream of. I thought I'd lost that dream. If you kicked me out now and told me to never come back, finding out that dream was still alive somewhere would be worth the ride out here."

"Why me though?"

"At first I thought it was just because you weren't trying to catch my eye," he began, "Most women in town do. They look away as if they're trying to be embarrassed when I look back to them but then I think that might be part of the game some women like to play."

He paused to sip his coffee.

"There was that expression you get that's like Emma. It's like you're challenging me to figure out what you're thinking. And you were frightened of me and I have to admit that was upsetting and a challenge in itself to show you I'm no one for a woman to fear. But you still spoke to me even though you were wary; that kind of strength is irresistible. And you're beautiful, which certainly doesn't hurt," he looked down at his plate and then quietly added, "You called out my name, not his."

"What was that last part?" she asked.

"When we made love, it was my name you called out; not Bill's."

"You hate him don't you?" she asked as if trying to believe it.

"More and more every day, it seems."

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah...obviously not the real James Hickok speaking there...he did more than anyone else to perpetuate the myth. But he was such a romantic at times I wonder if occasionally he wanted to be someone else or if he even saw a difference between James and Bill. Interesting to note, his own wife called him James. I don't think many did. Anyway...trying to get to some feelings here and I have no idea where this story is going. But after the night they shared, starting to feel better about trying to talk to him again. So, I love you all for reading and would love to know what you think as we go along...is it holding your attention? Do you like Faith? I'm trying to think what really lurked beneath the stoic exterior of a frontier woman who had been through things like she had. Certainly keeps the Mary Sue at bay...I think. she comes too naturally flawed and fractured to be too good to be true. So...yeah...let me know what you think...okay?-J<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

Quiet parked itself at the table once more and Jimmy searched for something to say to banish the unwelcome guest and, looking across the table, he thought Faith was doing the same thing.

"I'm sorry," he said at last and in all his years, he'd never meant those words more than he did at that moment.

Faith's puzzlement was evident.

"I don't understand; if anyone should be sorry, it's me. I'm being a terrible hostess."

Jimmy shook his head. He was the reason she was uncomfortable. He knew it.

"Faith, I know I make you uncomfortable. I did from the start," he held up a hand to quiet her protestations, "What happened last night shouldn't have. Hell that just confirmed everything you feared about me. You're hurting and lonely, I should have been stronger. It shouldn't have happened that soon."

"Jimmy," Faith spoke up, no longer able to stay quiet, "What happened was what I wanted, what I needed. I'm not sorry for it and I don't blame you at all. I don't feel uncomfortable with you specifically. I'm so out of practice at being with people that I'm uncomfortable around everyone."

"Out of practice or not, I think you're nicer to be with than most people I know," he said and then realizing how his words might be misinterpreted added, "Not because…"

She giggled and allowed her cheeks to flush, not from embarrassment or shame but with the memories of how he made her feel.

"I'm serious, Faith," he asserted.

"I know," she replied still smiling, "I'm not laughing at you. I'm happier when I'm around you and I guess being happy makes me giggle."

"I make you happy?" he asked with wonder.

She nodded.

He saw her smile fade as if she thought perhaps she had said something wrong but Jimmy felt quite the contrary; she said the most right thing he had ever heard.

"What can I do right now?" he asked sincere, "What will make you happy?"

"Kiss me."

He flashed that little boy smile and crossed the short distance to her. Jimmy crouched next to her, took her face in his hands and kissed her. Tender and gentle, this was no torrid kiss and yet it was far from chaste. This kiss spoke of intent but not a short-term intent of giving in to fevered passion. This was more a promise; a promise Jimmy was surprised to find himself making-surprised but confident.

Jimmy broke his lips away from hers and searched her for some reaction. Faith blinked at him and her shock was evident across her entire face.

"Is that what you had in mind?" he asked innocently.

Faith's laughter was the only answer.

"I hope you're laughing 'cause you're happy and this isn't some comment on my kissing."

She stood and cleared the dishes still giggling.

"It's happiness alright. I haven't had a kiss make me feel quite like that since Aaron and I were courting."

Jimmy would have to have been a blind man to miss the shadow of sadness passing over her features.

"Tell me about him. What was he like?" Jimmy finally asked as he took up a cloth to dry the dishes as she washed them.

"Aaron? Oh, you don't want to hear about him," she stated.

"I do," he argued, "But more than that, I think you need to talk about him."

"Talking about him feels too much like living in the past. I've done enough of that."

He smiled to himself and sighed before speaking.

"I spend a lot of time running from ghosts," he began, "I'm afraid to admit how much they meant to me because I can't have them in my life anymore. And then I'm too afraid-not that I admit fear or anything-to let anyone else be for me what they were. Being with you, I can talk about them and feel glad for what they were to me and then hope all the more for maybe what you could be, what we could be."

He laid the cloth on the counter and turned to look into her bewildered eyes.

"Remembering him, admitting you love him, talking about him; that's not living in the past. It's knowing where you came from so you can figure where you're going," he stopped himself a moment realizing how like Teaspoon he was sounding.

"You still love him. A blind man could see that. Loving him don't mean you can't love me or someone else, if you've a mind to."

Faith looked away and Jimmy quickly added, "Not that you need to even think on that right now."

He said the last as much to save himself from rejection as to take any pressure from her.

As Jimmy dried the last dish and set it in the cupboard, he suggested that perhaps they could sit on the porch a bit and enjoy the night air. They settled on the swing and Jimmy could hardly hide his disappointment as Faith sat on the opposite end leaving nearly enough room for another person between them. She sat stiffly and he found himself, yet again, confused by her behavior.

"You must think me a fool," she said at last, "I try to refuse your help and then drag you to my bed and now I'm acting like a virgin contemplating her wedding night. If I could explain this to you, I would. I really would."

Her voice was shaking and he was certain he could see her eyes shining more than usual in the scant moonlight.

"Let me try then," he said softly, "You are scared. Last night happened and I guess we both needed it for our own reasons but we didn't do a lot of thinking beforehand. You're hurting and you're still in love with a man you can't have anymore. Am I close?"

Faith nodded and began speaking.

"Yesterday you were so kind to me and it felt so good to have your arms around me but last night wasn't about you and I feel bad about that."

She turned where she sat and placed a hand over his own that rested on his knee.

"Aaron and I used to sit here together and when you put your arm around me, it brought the same comfort. I thought I could get that feeling back but the feelings were all different-not bad, please don't misunderstand-but different. I feel so torn apart. I know I can't have him ever again but I want him. And I want you too. I do. I think I might love you but I'll always love him still and I don't know if that's fair to you. I feel guilty. I'm not being fair to you and I feel like I'm betraying Aaron."

She was still willing the tears to stay put and not fall but when Jimmy pulled her close and wrapped her in his arms, Faith's will broke. She cried, wailed and balled her fists against the unfairness of fate that took what mattered most and left her behind with nothing but the pain and loss. Jimmy just held her tight, mostly silent but occasionally attempting a soothing word or two. He did not try to shush her or to elicit speech from her. She needed to cry and let out her pain as surely as the night before she had needed to dull it with pleasure. He decided that he'd sit on that swing holding her until the end of time if need be.

Faith's tears did slow in time though Jimmy wasn't sure if it was from exhaustion, dehydration or if she was really done crying. He just continued to hold her, smoothing her hair and rocking the swing gently.

"Please don't leave," she whispered so quietly he almost didn't hear her.

"Why would I do a silly thing like leave you?" he asked.

"Because I'm a mess and far more trouble than I'm worth. I kept expecting you to leave and I even talked myself into being fine with it if you did leave but I'm not fine with it and I want you to stay."

He smiled into her hair and kissed the top of her head before speaking.

"I guess it's a good thing I don't want to leave then, isn't it?"

She looked toward the front door and with resignation said, "I suppose it's time for bed."

Jimmy still held fast to her. He'd never pressured a woman and he wasn't about to be the reason a woman did something she didn't want to do.

"Faith," he said tenderly, "It's not time for bed until you realize and understand that what happens there hasn't been decided. I don't think you're in any shape to do much but try to get some sleep. If you disagree, let me know but I think you don't need to worry yourself. I'm not going away."

"I don't have anything else to offer," she responded.

"Oh, you've got plenty else to offer," he said chuckling, "But it doesn't matter because I don't need a thing from you. I don't think you appreciate what you've given me already."

Faith remained silent in Jimmy's arms a while longer before she asked simply, "Is it time for bed now?"

Jimmy pulled back from her far enough to look her in the eyes before responding, "You tell me."

She nodded and rose heading for the door. He followed her to her room and then paused in the doorway awaiting an invitation. Faith turned to see him hovering here and nodded for him to enter the room. She began to undress in order to change into her night gown and he stripped to his long johns. Jimmy climbed into bed and sat there, leaning his back against the head board, transfixed as she brushed her long brown hair. She was an absolute goddess and she wasn't even aware. She seemed oblivious to his rapt attention as she wound her hair into a braid. What he would give to bear witness to this simple moment every night.

She turned and saw him watching her and it caused the color to rise to her cheeks. He saw her begin to fluster.

"You never did tell me about him," he said, "Aaron, I mean."

"I don't know what there is to tell," she said climbing onto the bed and sitting stiffly against the headboard, "He was a good man and we loved each other."

"There's plenty more to tell," he said trying to hide his frustration, "How you met, what he looked like; he's here and there's no denying him but if you get him out in the open, he can't get between us."

Faith drew her knees up and hugged them to her chest then rested her head on them facing him and let her eyes half close with the memories.

"He was tall and strong and his eyes were the deepest brown I'd ever seen. They were almost black but when he smiled, which was often, they would sparkle so and when he laughed, they would dance. I think I loved him from the moment I first saw those eyes across the counter from me in my father's store. I wasn't sure at first if he felt the same but he was back in the store every afternoon after that for some small thing or another. He didn't say much; a remark on the weather or some such thing but every day I would rush from school to work and wait for him to stop in. One day when he came he seemed even less talkative; in fact, he didn't say anything at all. He nodded when he walked in instead of 'Good afternoon, Miss Mattson' as I'd grown accustomed. He kept browsing a display of canned goods some distance from the counter and sneaking glances at me. I went over to see if he was having trouble finding what he needed. He didn't even turn to look at me but said, 'Miss Mattson, I wonder if you'd do me the honor of letting me escort you to the dance this Saturday.' I said yes, of course and that was really all there was to it. We were married a year later."

Jimmy watched fascinated as her eyes looked beyond the years and rediscovered that young love. He was jealous of Aaron Lassiter; not because Aaron had been with Faith and had married her but because it was all a man could ask for to have a woman speak of him so.

Faith looked up at Jimmy for a response but he was unable to come up with anything to say about her story. He wasn't sure how he felt sharing her with the memories of that man that time would only elevate further in her mind.

"I see you picked up Adam's toys today," was all he could muster.

"It was time," she nodded with an odd look in her eyes, sadness mixed with resolve and a hint of something he knew only a parent could fully name; "The Jenkins' have a passel of boys. I thought I'd take Adam's things to them."

"Why not keep them? You might have another child someday."

She shook her head and fought the tears.

"Adam was a miracle. The doctor said I'd never be able to conceive at all and if I did, I'd not carry a child long. I made it the whole nine months and he was healthy and strong and perfect. I cherished him so."

Her tears broke free and Jimmy pulled her to him. He knew there was no real comfort he could give Faith aside from not having to be alone as she cried. He hoped that was enough.

"I don't think there's a rule that says you only get one miracle," he said tenderly, "It hasn't happened doesn't mean it won't."

She nodded and gripped him tighter and he carefully slid the both of them beneath the covers, her head on his chest.

"You need some sleep, sweetheart," he whispered, "I've got you; just relax and get some rest."

She nodded her head against him and Jimmy found himself surprised when she did relax and soon her breathing was deep and even. He inhaled deeply the scent of soap and fresh air that hung on her hair and whispered, "I love you."

* * *

><p><strong>Not even sure I can talk about Jimmy and Faith right now...really sad about Amy Winehouse. Her life may have been like the car accident you don't want to look at but just have to slow down and check out anyway but she was a truly talented woman. So very sad that she's gone so young. So, yeah, let me know what you think of the story. I don't think there's much more to the story but I'm still not sure how it ends.-J<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

When the sun rose to enough height to pull Jimmy from his slumber, he found, to his amazement, Faith still sleeping in his arms. He gently extricated himself from her and dressed before heading to the kitchen. He never had become much of a cook but breakfast had been his specialty. It was simple and he could handle it pretty well.

In short time he found himself whistling as he carried a tray back to her room. She was still asleep and he wondered how long it had been since she'd had a good rest. He stood there a moment longer just watching her sleep and fully allowing himself to appreciate her features. She was beautiful, there was no mistaking that. Her cheeks and jaw line looking as though sculpted by some visionary of an ancient land. When opened, her eyes a color shifting hazel that he could never get a bead on. He tried, oh how he tried for those eyes were often his only tiny glimpse of the heart within. Jimmy's pulse quickened every time he thought upon her lips; soft, full, inviting. Most of the time, they were mere shades darker than the slight pinkish cast of her ivory skin but when filled with the blood of desire, they darkened beyond that artificial stain the women of the saloon used. They veritably dripped with passion as juice drips from mid-summer cherries.

Jimmy became aware of his rapid breathing and how hard he was gripping the tray. He then came aware of a knocking at the front door.

He sat the tray down on her dressing table and headed to the door and opened it, ready to draw if the need arose. It did not as there was only one of his deputies standing on the porch.

"Pete, what in the hell are you doing out here?" Jimmy asked in complete annoyance.

"Sorry Marshal, there's a bunch of fellas causing a ruckus in town," Pete said almost apologetically, "Not too bad right now but once they set to drinking…"

There was no need to finish the thought and Jimmy nodded.

"I went to find you and the desk clerk gave me the message you left," the deputy got a smile that Jimmy wanted to forcibly remove, "Sure was surprised to find you out here."

"I slept in the barn," Jimmy said flatly, "How well do you think you can handle these fellas by yourselves?"

"Probably can for a while but come nightfall things could get rough."

Jimmy contemplated for a moment and then said, "I came out to fix Fa-the widow's step."

He hoped his slip of the tongue had not been caught and then continued.

"She didn't answer when I knocked so I went in to check on her," Jimmy wondered when lying had become so easy, "She's taken ill, it seems."

"Should I send the doc out?"

"No," Jimmy said easily, "She's been under a great strain recently. I'm sure some rest will have her right as rain. I'll be back in town late afternoon. If you need me before then, send someone to fetch me."

The deputy shot an odd look full of questions he dared not ask and Jimmy thought once again how handy Bill could be to have around.

Jimmy went back inside and found Faith had still not moved at all. He sat next to her and brushed her cheek lightly before bending to press his lips to hers.

She opened her eyes disoriented. He just smiled at her.

"Good morning, pretty lady," he said and saw the beginnings of a smile play at the corners of her mouth.

He got up and turned back to her with the tray of food. Jimmy saw the smile fade as her mouth turned different directions and she began to weep.

"You come to help me," she squeaked through her tears, "And I can't even get up to cook for you."

"Faith, you needed that rest and I'm not completely helpless in the kitchen," he smiled and then added, "Besides, I kind of liked the idea of taking care of you."

Faith dried her tears and made a valiant attempt at a smile.

"Well, who would have thought Wild Bill Hickok could cook?"

"First of all," he said with a laugh, "I can think of a few men and a woman who'd swear I can't cook. And second of all, Bill ain't here. I wouldn't let him within a hundred yards of you."

That brought a genuine smile from her.

Jimmy excused himself to work on the step while she ate and got herself up and around. It wasn't very long before he looked up to see her sitting on the porch swing. If he had thought her pretty before, the effect of a good night's sleep had rendered her breathtaking. He found himself staring at her until she looked up and took notice. Jimmy quickly turned his eyes back to the step embarrassed.

He wasn't sure why he should feel as if they were only just getting acquainted. In addition to their talks, they knew each other in the biblical sense. But something did feel different even if he couldn't figure it out.

Jimmy worked in silence until it was broken by Faith.

"Are they dead?"

"Are who dead?" he asked.

"Your friends," she answered, "I know Bill Cody's alive but the rest of them; is that why they aren't in your life?"

Jimmy thought back to the day he left Rock Creek. The express was over, Cody was long gone, Kid and Lou married. Ike and Noah were in the church cemetery and despite his efforts to the contrary, he found himself less and less able to look Rosemary in the eye. He knew Rachel and Teaspoon had wanted him to stay but even Buck had gone, knowing that the war would somehow make things even more complicated for the Indians. The home, the family that Teaspoon and Rachel were clinging so tight to was already gone. So he left too.

Jimmy blinked and saw Faith still looking at him awaiting an answer.

"No," he said at last, "They ain't dead, not that I know of, but I am to them."

"Not that you know of?" she asked in disbelief, "You don't even know?"

Jimmy could only shake his head as he kept working. Faith said nothing more until the job was finished and Jimmy had readied his horse.

"I'm sorry," she said looking at her feet.

"It's not your fault," he replied then added, "If it wouldn't be too much bother to you, I thought I might ride out tomorrow just to see how you're doing."

"I'd like that."

He wasn't sure why but he felt almost nervous about kissing Faith. This was hardly their first kiss and they had already done so much more than kiss but it now seemed as if everything else didn't count. He thought maybe that night and all that had happened between them to this point had only been to heal them and allow them to start anew.

Jimmy relished the excited butterfly flutters in his stomach as he leaned toward her and she must have felt them too as he heard an anticipatory gasp from her as his gloved hand touched her cheek. He pressed his lips to hers and let the soft heat of them overtake him.

Jimmy reluctantly parted from her and just stood for a moment drinking in her beauty. A breeze blew a lock of her hair across her face and he gently tucked it behind her ear before kissing her on the forehead.

"I guess I'd best be off," he said with no real conviction. Whatever he'd 'best be' doing, all he wanted to do was stand and stare at her.

She nodded as if not trusting her voice. He saw her eyes follow him into the saddle and she waved to him as he rode away.

* * *

><p>When Jimmy rode into town it wasn't even suppertime and already he could hear the chaos in The Sagebrush. One of many saloons in town, The Sagebrush had the roughest reputation and Jimmy rolled his eyes as Pete sidled up alongside him.<p>

"How long's it been like that, Pete?" Jimmy asked.

"Just started getting loud."

Jimmy gave a single nod. He really hoped this was one of those times when his mere presence would diffuse things. He dismounted and strode over to the bat wing doors and entered. He let his hands hover over the butts of his guns. He'd made it a rule never to draw unless he planned to shoot and he preferred to avoid shooting when necessary.

A handful of patrons saw him enter the room and took note of the steely look in his eyes. He knew he looked intimidating when angered and had learned to conjure that expression when needed. On this day though, it was no act. He really didn't want to be there and he was genuinely mad as hell at the small band of cowboys necessitating his being away from Faith.

At last those very ruffians took notice of him standing in the doorway, hands hovering over his Colts as if daring them. Jimmy's heart sank a little when one of them, the leader he guessed, sized him up and got that look Jimmy had come to know all too well. It was a look that said the whiskey was doing the other man's thinking and whiskey rarely made wise choices. He saw the man reach for his weapon and, as Jimmy didn't draw unless he was fixing to shoot, he went with the assumption that everyone else felt the same. Unfortunately for the other man, Jimmy was faster by far. The other man had two patches of red spreading across his gut before he'd been able to get his gun clear of its holster.

Jimmy knew that one of two things would happen next and he stood there still holding his pistols at the ready waiting to see which it would be. Either this man's friends would take up his cause and there would be a messy gunfight or they'd take the path of self-preservation and surrender. His unuttered prayer was answered when he saw hands raised and heard guns dropping onto tables.

With a look, Jimmy conveyed to Pete he ought to take the men up to sleep it off in a cell for the night and happened to notice Doc Landon at a nearby table playing cards.

"Sorry to break up your free time, Doc," he said in sincere apology, "But it looks like you got yourself a customer."

Jimmy stood watching as the old man braced his hands on the table and pushed himself out of the chair with a grunt. He looked on as the doc instructed some of the men standing near to carry the injured man to his office. Jimmy just took in the scene until the men left with Doc trailing behind. He tried to not care if the man made it or not but he really didn't like killing anyone so he did care. He knew Bill would say that a man doesn't go for his gun unless he's about to use it and it's better to shoot than be shot. The truth there didn't make the taking of a life any easier.

Finally Jimmy moved but only as far as the bar where he simply nodded to Dave the barkeep. While Jimmy hadn't been in town long enough to get to know the citizenry, he'd been there more than long enough for every bartender to learn his nods. Proof positive, he thought, that he'd been spending far too much time in saloons. This nod said, 'Whiskey and keep it coming'. Tomorrow, after he emptied his jail cells, he'd go see Faith but tonight he was going to see how much booze it took to get Bill to leave him alone for a bit.

Soon the noise and activity of the saloon returned as if nothing had happened. Jimmy quickly found himself growing cross with the racket and took the bottle with him down the street, alone to his room.

Closing the door behind him, he let out a sigh but it was less relief than resignation. He hated this room. There wasn't really anything wrong with it but he hated it all the same. He knew where he wanted to be. It was the one place he knew Bill would not follow.

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><p><strong>I still have no earthly idea where this story is going so I hope you all don't mind being on the trail to possibly nowhere with me. It might turn out good...maybe. So, yeah, I know I haven't been updating this often but I have had a lot of other irons in the fire. I have two novels outside the realm of fanfic that I am working on and then there have been some little one shots plus a story I had promised a friend of mine that I had to write. I always have multiple stories I'm working on at any given time but five and six stories simultaneously is a lot even for me...plus dealing with the family which is alright but very trying sometimes. So, I thank you for your patience and hopefully there is still interest enough to follow the spotty updates. I do love you all. Really I do.-J<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

Faith woke up in a cold sweat and groped helplessly at the empty space beside her in bed. She could remember very clearly the dream that pulled her from her slumber. She had been in town and standing along the boardwalk. It was dark and she had strained her eyes to see the shape of a man standing in the street. It wasn't just any man she saw. She couldn't see his face clearly but the shape of him, his posture, the hair hitting past his shoulders and even the shape of his hat told her it was Jimmy. Though she supposed at that moment that it wasn't Jimmy but Wild Bill. As she sat in her bed in the dark of her room hugging her pillow tight to her it seemed odd to Faith that she would finally gain understanding of the distinction between the two through a dream. It truly was as if two completely different men occupied the same body. In the dream she'd called to him. She was afraid and longed for his arms which, even in the short time she'd known him, had come to equal comfort and safety. He turned to look for her when the night erupted in thunder. No, it wasn't thunder but gunshots she heard echoing through the street. She saw Jimmy crumble and ran to him with no thought of her own safety. If she was to lose every love she had then she decided she'd rather not live anyway. He was expiring in her arms as she saw a shadow run away. There was something familiar about the shadow but she couldn't place it and she didn't want to waste what precious little time she lad left with him wondering about that shadowy figure. She looked back to the man in her arms and saw the visible change from Wild Bill to Jimmy. She felt the blood flow over her arms and knew that nothing she could do would stop it. Faith watched helplessly as the last of his breath left his body.

That was the image still frozen in her mind when she started awake. Her hand still groped for him even though she was now awake to remember he wasn't there. He'd gone into town at the behest of one of his deputies to see to a problem. For a moment she relaxed and then the fear gripped her all the tighter as she realized that something terrible could indeed have happened. He could be dead right now for all she knew.

There would be no more sleep for Faith that night so she got up and pulled her robe over her nightgown and then wrapped a blanket around her to further ward off the chill of the night air. Faith carefully made her way through the darkened house and out to the front porch. He had said he'd be back in the morning and from the position of the moon that wasn't that far off. Of course he might not come even if he was fine. Sure he said he had feelings for her and even said he loved her but there were no doubt women in town throwing themselves at him and any one of them must be more appealing than a sad and lonely widow. Still, he had yet to ever break his word to her. If he said he would come, he always seemed to show up. So Faith sat on the swing and wrapped the blanket tighter around her shoulders. There was nothing to do but wait. She prayed he would come but secretly feared the worst.

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><p>Jimmy woke before dawn grateful that he'd not actually finished off the bottle of whiskey at his bedside. He looked around the dismal room and fought off the urge to make a breakfast out of what remained in the bottle. It was early with the sun only hinting at its imminent appearance at the horizon but he knew he couldn't stay in that room a moment longer. He got up, dressed quickly and then walked down to the stables to collect his horse so that he could head out to Faith.<p>

Dawn was just beginning to create the first tiny glimmers of pink where the sky met the earth in the distance when the little farm came into his view. As he drew closer a shape was visible to him on the porch. He quickened the horse's pace ready to draw one of his Colts should this shape be that of a foe. A little bit closer to the farm and he saw the shape jump up and heard his own name called causing him to flinch toward his holster but then he quickly noted the higher pitch of the voice and the female shape that was now running toward him. He spurred the horse to a full run pulling up hard on the reins when he was within just a few yards of her. He jumped from the saddle and closed the gap on foot.

Faith nearly flew into his arms when he reached her. She was smiling through the tears streaming down her face. Those tears looked to have been flowing for quite some time.

"What are you doing running around outside barefoot and in your nightgown?" he asked knowing he sounded more like a scolding father than a concerned lover.

He didn't ask why she was crying. With everything she'd been through tears just sometimes came to her. They started toward the house together and it seemed Faith was having a bit of difficulty answering him as she trembled against his side.

"Really," he said, "Whatever's wrong, you can tell me."

"It's silly," she whispered.

"I doubt it," he told her, "From the looks of you; you don't really think it is."

"It was a dream I had," she said sheepishly. Having Jimmy close was finally making the panic of her dream fade.

"Must have been a bad one," he said, "Tell me about it."

She shook her head and the tears started to once again form in her eyes.

They had made their way to the house and Jimmy quickly tethered the horse to the porch before climbing the steps to her. She was already on the swing with her knees tight to her chest. Jimmy sat next to her and pulled her feet onto his lap and inspected the scratches incurred from her run to him.

"Faith, you shouldn't be running out there in your bare feet," he chastised, "You're lucky you didn't really hurt yourself."

"I wasn't planning on running when I came out here," she said, "I couldn't sleep and I was scared for you and I thought I'd just sit and wait but then I saw you riding toward me and I just couldn't help myself. I guess I had to make sure you were really real."

"You were scared for me?" he asked in disbelief. No one had worried for him or his safety in longer than he could remember. It used to unnerve him to be the cause of someone's worry but suddenly being worried for was like an old friend or maybe it just made him think of old friends. They were the last who had ever concerned themselves too much with his well-being. He thought he might even like the notion that someone would care one way or the other if he lived or died. But what he didn't like was how frail and frightened Faith looked right then. She hadn't answered him at all and seemed lost somewhere beyond the horizon.

Jimmy stood and cradled Faith in his arms. He carried her inside and to her bed. Once the quilt was tucked up around her he turned to leave the room but was stopped by her whimper. He knelt next to the bed.

"I have one thing I have to do. I won't be far and I'll hurry back," he assured her, "I love you."

He kissed her lightly before ducking out of the room. He didn't want to leave her for even a moment but his poor horse was still tethered to the porch. Once that detail was taken care of he crept back through the house hoping to find Faith asleep but instead found her eyes wide open and trained on the bedroom door. She seemed to relax a little once she saw him.

Jimmy peeled off his clothes down to his undergarments and climbed into the bed next to her. Pulling her close he rubbed her back and held her tight until he felt her melt into his arms and heard her breathing become deep and even. It was then he realized how little sleep he had gotten and allowed slumber to overtake him as well.

Jimmy wasn't sure how long he had slept before he was pulled from his sleep. It took him a second to orient himself and identify the nude body pressed to him. She hadn't been naked when she fell asleep in his arms.

Of course when he fell asleep, his long johns had been securely in place and there hadn't been a hand roving around inside of them. It didn't take long for Jimmy to wriggle free of the garments and feel the satisfying heat of his flesh pressed to hers.

In another time or place—one where he'd not just been brought to consciousness by the groping hands of a naked woman—he might have questioned things. He might have wondered about her motives, her thoughts. Jimmy might have suspected her fears more than her love or desire of him. But this was not a calm time or place he found himself in. There was no thought in him or in anything either of them did.

Their mouths desperately sought each other and met in a near battle for dominance. His hand found its way between her legs and she ground her hips into him. I wasn't long before her back arched and she cried out his name. Her cry only made him hunger to hear it again. He thought nothing could sound so sweet until her head lowered so that her mouth was nearly touching the side of his head. He could feel her breath warm and ragged stirring his hair and then she whispered full of vulnerability, "I love you Jimmy. Take me now."

He'd had plenty of invitations and even outright demands for him to have his way with women but never in his life had one followed a profession of love. What that did to his body was something so intense as to nearly be painful. He was aware that she had rolled away from him and when he looked she was on her back with her legs slightly spread and one arm resting across her stomach. The other hand was wrapped firmly around his erection. If he didn't pull up on the reins just a little this would be over before it started and he really didn't want that, not as she was just giving herself to him. Besides, he was also worried that he wouldn't be able to control himself. He might not care if some of the women he had been with left his room with a slight limp but this one needed some gentle treatment yet and he truly liked that tenderness that could pass between people who can wrap themselves up in experiencing pleasure and not in racing to the finish line.

He removed her hand and brought it to his lips as he rose to sitting next to her. He kissed each fingertip and then pulled her index finger into his mouth and sucked lightly letting his tongue twirl around the digit. She gave a soft sigh which in and of itself threatened to be his undoing. He moved her hand away from his mouth and brought it between her legs feeling for the right spot himself before moving her finger to the place that caused the involuntary raise of her hips. In her eyes he could see doubt so, leaving his hand over hers he leaned down and covered her mouth with his. Then he brought his other hand to trace circles around the nipple of one of her breasts. She moaned against his mouth and he no longer had to move her hand for her. Faith's fingers moved over and around the hardened spot as her other hand tangled its way into his hair. He soon had a hand on each of her breasts. Jimmy kissed his way to where his mouth could take over for first one hand and then the other. The hand in his hair tightened to a fist as the one between her legs increased its pace until she cried out for him. He lifted his head from her breasts and took in the sight of her body glossy with sweat and trembling as the effects of her bliss washed over her.

Jimmy dragged his fingertips across her belly barely touching her soft, damp skin while he kissed lightly at her jaw line.

"I love you," he said before moving between her legs. He entered her slowly feeling every muscle that twitched against him, savoring every sigh, every moan, every tiny noise he elicited from her. Once completely encased within her he paused to look down at her. Faith's eyes were half closed and her mouth hung open a bit in a partial smile. Jimmy rolled his hips into her and saw her lower lip sucked between her teeth. He pulled his hips back and then pushed forward again causing her to release her lip and allowing him to see the redness where the blood rushed to the surface. He kept up the slow pace delighting in every sensation until he felt the waves begin to course within his body. He tried for slow and even movements and yet each thrust was emphasized by a jerking motion harder into her that was beyond his control yet every one of those sudden deep pushes garnered him a pleasured sound from this woman he loved. Her fingers gripped his shoulders and her lower muscles gripped his cock and held it tight fighting against him every time he withdrew slightly for the next thrust. Her hips rose to meet his and were not controlled but bucking as a horse that's yet to be tamed.

"Please, now," she begged and from then on his body worked of its own accord as his thrusts became nearly violent and their bodies found a rhythm that sped them toward the release they needed.

Jimmy barely felt her nails dig into his flesh so overwhelmed was he by the sight of her breasts bouncing, the sound of her cries of building pleasure, the smell of passion and of raw sex and the feeling of being inside her, moving inside her. He knew he was close and hoped to all that was good and right in the world that she was too because he wasn't going to be able to hold on much longer. He needn't have worried as the next thrust brought a vice like grip around his man hood as her back arched up off the bed high enough to press her hardened nipples into his chest.

Somewhere between the sudden change in angle, her body more fully pressed to his, the hold her wall had around him and her cries of his name and God's he didn't even try to hold out any longer. A deep cry came from him that more closely resembled a roll of thunder than a scream the likes of which she had just uttered and he could feel his release leave his body more with each thrust until he was completely played out. He collapsed onto her keeping his arms braced to avoid crushing her. Faith wrapped her arms tightly around him holding him close to her and allowed on hand to twist absently in his long hair. He could still feel her small spasms around him as slowly he slid from her body. It was then that he rolled to one side and pulled her with him so that she came to rest half on top of him. He held her close and stroked his fingers down her back feeling the goose bumps rise and the slight shudder that passed through her.

He almost spoke but then realized there was nothing to say in that moment and nothing that needed saying.

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><p><strong>Um...yeah...so that's what happened there...hope you enjoyed? Um, Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukkah and all that.-J<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

Jimmy waited for Faith's breathing to slow and for her to relax fully against him before he spoke.

"Now what was that dream about?"

"Please don't ask that," she begged, "I don't want to think about it anymore."

"Sweetheart, as much as I enjoyed what just happened—and I enjoyed it a whole awful lot," he began, "I have a feeling that wasn't about how irresistibly handsome I am."

"Please don't," she whispered as her first tears fell hot on his chest.

"Faith, I love you. You're safe with me. You can tell me anything. Whatever it was, you're still scared and that won't change by keeping it to yourself."

Reluctantly Faith told him of her dream. When she came to the part where she was sitting in the road holding him as the life left his body, he could barely make out her words through her tears. Jimmy held her tighter then and right up to where she woke grasping for him in the darkness and finding only a cold empty space.

"It's okay now," he cooed to her between planting soft kisses on her head. "I'm here."

He knew his words might calm her in the short term but her nightmare was of a very real and possible threat. Her fear was completely rational. He searched for a real comfort for her, something he could say that she could believe in. It came to him sudden. It was a frightening thought but the more he pondered it, the more he realized it was what he truly wanted and what he had been searching for to restore his own spirit. He took a breath and thought a bit to make sure he wasn't making a decision he'd come to regret. He closed his eyes and pictured his options and that only further crystallized this in his mind as the right thing to do.

"Let's get up and get dressed," he said, "I have an errand to run in town and I'd really like it if you'd come with me."

Faith looked at him puzzled, tears still clinging to her eyelashes. But she got up and dressed before pinning her hair up. She was going as much to not have to let him out of her sight as because he had asked her to. The fear of that dream still gripped her. She hadn't known that much about him but the talk in the town but it didn't take her long at all to understand the danger inherent in his life and when he was out of her sight, anything could happen and she couldn't lose someone else. She just couldn't.

Jimmy went out and readied the wagon and once Faith was all set, he helped her onto it and drove toward town.

"I'm sorry," Faith said when they were about halfway to town and Jimmy turned and looked at her in question.

"With your methods of rousing a man from sleep, what on earth do you have to be sorry for?"

"I've somehow upset you," she answered, "It was the dream, wasn't it? I shouldn't have told you."

"The dream was awful upsetting but that's not your fault. It really only upset me because I don't want to be the one causing you fear. I scared you when we first met and I swore to myself I wouldn't ever again. I aim to keep that promise."

"I don't understand. Ho-"

"You will," he said cutting her question off. There was nothing he could say to her perhaps that would calm her fears but there were things he could do and those actions would speak far louder.

Once in town, Jimmy pulled the wagon up in front of the mayor's office. He climbed down and then lifted Faith out of the wagon as well.

"Come on," he said gently holding a hand to her, "I've got something to say to the mayor that I'd like for you to hear."

They had to wait a few minutes in the outer office for the mayor to see them but soon were ushered into his office. Mayor Hastings gestured to a couple of chairs but Jimmy just shook his head. There was silence for a moment before Mayor Hastings spoke up.

"What can the mayor's office do for you today Marshal Hickok?"

"You can stop calling me 'marshal' for one thing," Jimmy replied placing the metal star on the desk in front of him, "And you can accept my resignation effective right this minute."

"You can't just quit, Mr. Hickok."

"I can and I did," Jimmy said with finality, "Pete'll do a fine job of keeping peace around here."

With that Jimmy put an arm around Faith's shoulders and led her out of the office and onto the street. Mayor Hastings was still trying to argue the point but his words were for his own benefit only.

"That felt good," Jimmy said.

"Why did you do that?" Faith asked, "Was it because of me? You shouldn't have done that just because of me."

"Yes, I should," he told her, "I promise I'll explain it to you but not right now."

Jimmy led her down the street and to the hotel and nodded at the desk clerk as he passed on his way up the stairs.

"Unless you turn back pretty quickly your reputation is probably pretty much gone," Jimmy said and Faith realized that he had long before released her hand. She saw the apologetic look in his eyes.

"Why's that?" she asked as he stopped in front of a room and fished a key out of his pocket.

"This is my room," he explained, "Women usually are only here for one reason."

"Oh," Faith said looking down.

"I'm just getting my things and checking out," he said, "You don't have to come in. You could wait in the lobby and no one would think ill of you then."

"You'll need help," Faith replied shaking her head. She wasn't sure exactly what was happening but it was big. A part of her was frightened at how sad he seemed to be when he spoke to her as if he was sorry for things he couldn't or wouldn't put words to. Somehow it seemed even more important to not leave him. Besides she was interested in seeing where he had lived. There was still so much she did not know about him.

Jimmy sighed heavily walking into the room. He had hoped that she would take the offer to wait downstairs and looking around, he wished he had insisted. He visibly cringed as she picked up the unfinished bottle of whiskey from the night before.

"You want me to pack this up too?" she asked without a trace of judgment.

"I don't expect I'll be needing it."

"Oh you might just," she said with a smirk at him, "Aaron used to say that I could drive a man to drink."

Faith looked down quickly, "I mean, unless you-well, if you are-" she stammered not really knowing what was going to happen after they collected his belongings. She wanted so desperately to think that this was all so he could come and be with her but a man like James Butler Hickok settling down on a farm was a little farfetched even for her romantic imaginings. She fought the tears down and concentrated on keeping her breathing even.

"If I'm what?"

"If you're staying," she said knowing that she had just asked a question she was more terrified than anything else of finding the answer to. He only said he wouldn't frighten her anymore, he didn't say he would move in and be with her.

Jimmy looked in her eyes for a trace of emotion and it was there but so buried that if he hadn't known Emma and therefore been trained to look for such things, he would have missed it and seen only her stoic eyes. But it was there, the desperate pleading for him to say he was staying with her.

"Of course I'm staying," he said softly, "I'm sorry I didn't make that clear. I'm out of practice at being with someone and caring about them. I guess I was never all that good at it to begin with."

Faith wasn't quite sure what to say at that and Jimmy once again offered that she could wait downstairs. He was once again met with a shake of her head and those eyes that dared him to search her feelings. Another time or place and he would have but right then all he cared about was getting his things and getting the hell out. He set to tossing clothes in a bag hurriedly. The sooner this was done, the sooner he could leave this place that seemed to mock him for the time he'd wasted in loneliness seeking out cheap and empty substitutes for real human connections.

Faith stood in the room with her arms at her sides and tried to watch Jimmy but her eyes were continually drawn to the one place she noticed he could not bring himself to look: the bed. She wondered who had been beside him, under him, maybe even, she thought as her insides began to flutter, atop him in that bed. Had they all been loose women or had some of the supposed upstanding ladies of town made their way to that mattress? Had they possibly even been here on a Saturday night and then in a pew next to her Sunday morning with their husbands none the wiser? Would any of the women clucking their tongues at her right now be women who had shared that bed? And for those who had seen her head up the stairs with this man, what did they imagine was happening right now?

The very thought of the things—the torrid, passionate things—others might imagine made her weak at the knees. She crossed the room unnoticed. So wrapped up in what he was doing was he that had she been skipping rope on the nightstand with her hair on fire that would have gone unnoticed as well. In fact, so unaware of her was he that when her arms encircled him from behind he actually jumped. She pressed her face into his back taking in his rugged scent feeling the heat spread through her body.

Jimmy turned in her arms to face her.

"I'll be done soon," he said trying to turn back to his packing but she held him tight.

"Kiss me," Faith said in reply although the one seemed to have little to do with the other.

"Faith, I need to get back to this so we can go," he insisted not wanting to keep her in this sad little room with its desolate memories any longer.

"Kiss me," she said again holding him even tighter.

Jimmy acquiesced and leaned to kiss her lightly but that was not what Faith had in mind. Her hands quickly went behind his head, tangling in his long hair and pulling him tighter to her. Her mouth opened begging him to deepen the kiss.

Everything in Jimmy wanted to protest. This was an ugly room where ugly shallow things happened. Everything he had with Faith was beautiful and didn't belong in a place like this. There were too many ghosts here, too much anger and fear and sadness. Too many nights with women whose names he'd never remember even if he'd been told them and more often than not he hadn't. He wanted to tell her that her love for him was too good for this place but she was kissing and trailing her tongue down his neck and he seemed to forget his objections. In fact he was starting to see this was just a room and it was not the things that had happened in it. It was not in itself good or bad but a place where good things as well as bad could happen.

His shirt was off him before he'd even realized she had been unbuttoning it and Faith was continuing her trail of kisses down his chest as she lowered herself to her knees in front of him and set to work at his gun belts and then the belt of his trousers and finally the buttons that held them closed. Her kisses took a detour from their due south trail to cover his hip and toward his upper thigh as her hands snaked around and caressed his backside. One hand trailed back around to the front of him and traced over his other hip and thigh and back across his pelvis twirling in the hair above his arousal where he could feel her hot breath ever nearer. Her fingers traveled his length lightly, barely skimming the flesh pulled tight with anticipation. He was aware that his breath was coming faster and more shallow and his pulse was beating in his ears. He could not help the groan that escaped him as her tongue started to follow along behind her fingertips. Nor could he stop the sharp intake of air as the moist heat of her mouth enveloped him. Within her mouth her tongue circled around him before she began to bob her head pulling back so as to nearly release him and then forward relaxing her throat to take the whole of him. Jimmy was awash in sensation. Later he would reflect on his surprise that this woman even knew how to do these things she was doing to him. So often she was timid and shy toward him and all of a sudden she was a wonton creature taking him over. He was not in control of this nor was he truly in control of his own body. She knew what to do to elicit certain responses from him and he was powerless against her. But he was a contented powerless. If this was what it was to relinquish control then he'd gladly do this anytime she wished it. His knees were starting to buckle and he knew he was close but then he felt the air cool on him as Faith pulled away and stood giving him an impish look. She smiled and backed him up to the end of the bed and gave a small shove. She then pulled his boots off followed by his pants which had still been around his ankles.

Jimmy scooted up the bed and lay back wondering what was coming next for he knew well that he was not running this show. The excitement at wondering just what was coming next was far greater even than when he did know. Faith stood at the end of the bed and looked him up and down smiling. Then she slowly removed her dress and stood before him in her undergarments. As many women of her position on a regular day, she wore no corset and few petticoats. The petticoats were the first to go leaving only a simple cotton camisole and her pantaloons. Crossing her arms over herself and grasping the bottom hem of her camisole she raised her arms lifting it from her allowing him the sight of her firm breasts being freed. With a small tug on the drawstring and a twitch of her hips her pantaloons fell to her ankles. She stepped free and then reached up and removed the comb that was holding her hair up. As she shook her head her golden brown hair fell around her shoulders and across her breasts. As she walked toward the bed her breasts swayed and occasionally peeked through her long wavy tresses. Jimmy was mesmerized. She climbed onto the bed and crawled toward him like a cat stalking its prey.

Jimmy could feel the mounting excitement mounting in him greater than he felt before the first time he was ever with a woman. He wanted so badly to reach out for her and pull her to him, to mount her and bring this to its ultimate conclusion but that wasn't what was going to happen. For once in this sad little room he was not in control. This was less about his needs than hers although he was certain his would be met. She had given him enough of a taste already that he had no doubt this would end well for both of them. He could feel her moving up his legs, kissing, licking, her breasts rubbing against him as she worked her way toward his groin.

"Oh my God," he said as he felt her tongue on the soft sack beneath his throbbing erection. It was the last intelligible thing he would say for a while.

He sucked in a sharp breath and then let out a soft moan as her tongue ran its way up the underside of his cock. Faith paused to circle the head with her tongue before continuing up his chest. As she crawled her way up his body, he could feel the wetness between her legs. She began circling her hips, grinding against him as she licked and sucked at his nipples. She continued kissing and licking her way upward until she found his mouth, open and panting. Jimmy was amazed at how forcefully she claimed that mouth. Sure he had done that to women in the past but had never had someone claim him in this way. It was something he could get used to. His senses were under assault. Her mouth working over his, her tongue exploring every crevice of his mouth, her hardened nipples pressing into his chest and her wet heat grinding into his groin. He needed so badly to be inside her. Jimmy's nails raked down her back as she arched up and smiled at him.

"My God I do love you," she said her voice thick with passion.

Then Faith rocked up onto her knees and lifted herself a slightly reaching between her legs to grab his hardened and desperate length. She guided the tip to her slick, wet entrance and lowered herself onto him. Her eyelids fell and her back arched with the ecstasy and she moaned softly. Slowly her hips began to move as her hands groped at his chest. Jimmy ghosted his fingers up her thighs to her hips and urged her to a faster pace. She granted this and he let his hands finish their travels to her breasts which he cradled, caressed and fondled. He could see the flush come over her cheeks as her breath came frantically and her hips gyrated at a torrid pace. Jimmy was hoping that she was close because he would not be able to hold out very much longer. He needn't have worried because mere moments later he felt her walls tighten around him as she cried out, "Oh yes, Jimmy!"

He quickly followed her explosion with a powerful, earth shattering one of his own.

Jimmy couldn't help but smile as she collapsed onto him. That was the one thing that had never before been screamed out in this room.

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><p><strong>Yeah...sometimes Jimmy just needs a little Faith.-J<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

The rest of the packing was finished and Jimmy wasn't sure what was happening between the two of them. There was a self satisfied air about Faith that was well earned he thought as he'd had a hard time getting his legs back under him when she had finished with him. But there almost seemed an embarrassment too. As if she knew how thin the walls were and that others had possibly heard her impassioned cries. It didn't seem to be just that though and he had half a mind she was embarrassed for him to have seen her that way.

There wasn't much to his things when all was said and done. A bag with clothes and a mochila from the old days that contained a few mementos he'd never quite been able to give up. They probably seemed like a silly assortment of items but each was worth more than an entire mine full of gold to him. There were a couple of pictures, fading but still recognizable, of the people he'd counted as family. There were also a handful of letters; two or three were from Emma after she and Sam had moved to Omaha. She had written to each of them and her letters were the reason he wanted so badly to learn to read well. She had still had such hope for him when she left and a few times he thought he might live up to that hope. Mostly he knew that if she got wind of his life and how it had gone so far, she would be horribly disappointed. He knew that stronger every time he reread the letters but it never stopped him from getting them out every so often and reading them over again. Jimmy guessed he was torturing himself but it seemed to him he deserved the torment. As he had placed the letters back into the old pouch that had once held letters and packages of all sorts, he looked across the room at the woman who had just placed so much trust in him and thought maybe he could earn Emma's hope and Faith's trust—truly be worthy of them—at the same time, two birds with one stone, one might say.

The other letters had come to him after the Express had ended. One or two from Lou writing about her life with Kid and then some from Rachel with little notes tagged on the end from Teaspoon. He had left and he knew that hurt Rachel and Teaspoon both. He could feel it in their words in paper as clearly as if they'd been spoken to him. But every letter ended with an invitation home. He now felt like he might someday be worthy of returning to that home but also wondered if it was too late. He didn't even know if they were still there anymore.

There were a few other odds and ends in the pouch as well. A book or two and a few things that represented for him the people who had meant the most to him, people who had called him brother and son when he didn't deserve either. He looked up having finished the task of loading the pouch to see Faith looking at him and then quickly down at her feet.

"Are you hungry?" he asked her realizing that between their mutual inabilities to sleep and his abrupt decision that they had not taken time to eat yet that day. He wasn't really all that hungry but he needed to think of her as well. She just looked up at him like the words had little meaning if any to her. "We haven't eaten today and the restaurant downstairs ain't half bad. I mean I know it might be awkward but if you're hungry or something…"

His voice trailed off as he thought of what it would be like for the good widow to walk into that restaurant with him after having been in his room for more than an hour. He could kick himself for not having thought this out better.

"I'm not really hungry," she said but then quickly added, "But if you are, we could…"

"I'm not actually. I just thought if you were…"

They both descended the stairs with Jimmy carrying his things and he was at once proud and heartsick at the way she held her head up as they walked through the lobby and down the street to the wagon. She shouldn't have to face such a thing but she was with a grace and a dignity he envied. Jimmy helped her onto the wagon and they set back toward her place. The most terrifying thought occurred to Jimmy but he waited until they were well clear of town before he pulled up on the reins bringing the wagon to a stop. The question he wanted to ask died on his lips and he just sat there looking lost for a while.

"Is something the matter?" Faith asked and then quickly found an answer herself, "You're having second thoughts."

"Do you understand what I did and why?" he asked.

"I'm not sure I understand the why part," she responded, "But I think I understand the rest. Though maybe I don't."

"When you told me about that dream it made me feel some pretty powerful feelings. I don't want to scare you. I don't want to make you cry; you've cried enough. I knew I could tell you I was safe and you might believe for a time but every time I left and went into town the fear would come back. I had to find a way to make you feel safe and the only thing I could think was to not have to leave you. Then I realized I don't want to leave you anymore either. You remember me telling you about my time with the Pony Express?" Faith nodded. "Well, Emma and Rachel and Lou and even Kid a couple times told me over and over that someday I would find someone, someone who loved me and not the legend and not what I could do for them or what they could use me for. I had given up and lived a life none of them would be proud of—hell it wasn't a life I was too proud of. I told myself I was but it wasn't really me talking. It was Bill. I just let him take over. He was all anyone ever wanted anyway. Jimmy Hickok was a nobody and a nothing. Well he was to everyone except the people I walked out on."

Faith tried her hardest to hold back the tears and she would have too if her emotions pertained to herself but they did not. Seeing this man she had come to love open up to her, expose this hurt and how he'd been so shoved aside his whole life and only searched for acceptance and then the price it came at; she was powerless to hold her feelings in check. She could feel first one tear and then another slide silently down her cheek as she reached for his hand. She looked at this man who she knew could be rough and fearsome, although she had never once seen that side of him, looking very much a frightened child she wasn't sure he'd ever had the freedom to be. She wanted to wrap him in her arms and let his fears be safe with her. She had loved Aaron but he was not nearly the complex or tortured soul that Jimmy was. He was just a boy who came into her father's store and stole her heart with his beautiful eyes. Jimmy had lived pain and want and sadness and hardships she only knew tiny glimpses of. He had even become those things for a time. She turned his hand over in hers studying every vein and line on it, running her fingers over the calluses, memorizing it like one might a map. Her eyes rose to his when he spoke again and the fear in them nearly broke her heart.

"I thought I had lost who I'd been entirely and sometimes I even did a decent job of telling myself that it was for the best too. Then I caught sight of you on the street that day. I told myself I only noticed you because you're so pretty but it wasn't Bill that took note of your beauty, it was Jimmy. And it wasn't just your beauty I saw, it was your strength. It was so like Emma. I've been searching for something for a while and not knowing what it was. I saw you and all at once I was ashamed of my life. I thought of what she'd say if she knew how I was living and I thought for a moment that if I could talk to you, if I could do something to help you that in some strange way it would be giving back to her for all she'd given me. I need you to know and believe when I say that I didn't talk to you to work my way into your bed or lure you into mine. I made a decision this morning holding you in my arms with you crying about being scared for me and I know it's what I want. I know it like I've never known anything else but all of a sudden it occurs to me to ask what you want. I set out of town and thought that I was going home but I'm still not sure I have one. I guess I know if you don't want me that I can try the only other one I've known and see if anyone would still have me there. But that wasn't what I set out to do today. I assumed things I maybe should have talked to you about. It's bad enough that I took you to that room today and so many people saw you with me and now I'm talking about living in your house and we ain't married or nothing, though I'd surely like to marry you, Faith. I really would."

He was starting to babble at this point and was grateful when Faith lifted a hand and held her index finger to his lips. His eyes had been looking beyond her the whole time he was speaking as if afraid to even try to gauge what was possibly written on her face. Her simple gesture of stopping his words brought his eyes to her face and to study her hazel eyes looking for clues. There were tears and he first thought the worst but there was a smile as well and then she spoke.

"Was that a proposal, Mr. Hickok?" she asked and when he failed to respond she continued. "Because if it is I think I shall accept. As for the living arrangements, I could have you sleep in the barn like you have been but I don't think after today and what others might have heard or seen that anyone would believe it. I guess I don't care about propriety anymore. I've lost too much and I understand how when we find the people who mean something to us we have to hold them tight and pay no mind to those who are lucky enough to not understand how easily our lives can empty. Let them judge what they don't understand. They'll never know how lucky they are to have that moral high ground over people like us."

Jimmy sat shocked at her words and sat processing them for a while. He had proposed, hadn't he? That alone terrified him but then she had accepted so maybe it was alright he had uttered the words. The rest sort of went into a blur except the blush that crossed her face when she spoke of their earlier activities. She wasn't embarrassed that others had heard them; somehow he was certain of this. But she was embarrassed all the same.

"About earlier," he began and saw that blush take over her cheeks once again. "Thank you. There was a whole lot of healing in what you did."

She looked surprised like he would think ill of her.

"Now I don't know how you knew those things or to do them and you can keep your secrets if you like but I'm telling you that you can take the reins anytime it strikes your fancy to do it."

She still looked almost ashamed of herself so he leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"I'm going to guess some of that you learned when you was married but I wonder if you know that two can play that game," he smiled at the look of shock on her face. He had guessed as much. "As for anything else, women get needs the same as men and if you're feeling a need, I'd rather you not keep it to yourself."

Faith pondered his words as he snapped the reins and started them movin toward home once again. Home. She hadn't actually thought of it as that since Adam had died. It had been a place to sleep, or not sleep as was more often the case, and to eat and work but not a home. Homes contain love and laughter and even tears but they are shared tears and not lonely mournful ones. This house was finally to be a home once again.

Jimmy helped Faith down from the wagon once they had arrived home and then went to take care of the horse while Faith went in to start supper. He made it three steps before he turned and walked over to her. Placing his hands on her shoulders he turned her to face him and kissed her. It was not the blistering kisses of their earlier lovemaking. It was a simple kiss but it was enough to tell her how he never wanted to part from her without their lips meeting. Even if they were only to be yards apart. When they parted he smiled that loopy little boy smile at her and went back to tend to the horse. Faith stood a moment longer in the yard and brought her fingers slowly to her lips. All that they had shared and done together to that point and somehow it felt like their first kiss. In a way she supposed it was.

Jimmy thought while he was in the barn and even once he was done he sat and thought some more. The times he had actually tried for a life like this in his youth and here he was a man who had completely given up on a life that anyone would ever want and there it came hitting him upside the head. As far as he knew, Emma and Sam were still in Omaha. Perhaps he should write a letter. Some details he'd leave out but he'd write a short note and tell her he'd found someone, that she was right and there was someone for him after all. There was no need to tell her how he'd lived up until this point. Hell enough of his life had been in the papers that she probably knew most of it anyway. The things she would say to him if he was in front of her could probably scare the stripes off a snake but if she knew that he had found a little of his old self and even found a good woman, not some whore or fleeting encounter but really a nice, good woman, then she might forgive him for all the time he spent living such an empty and terrible life. He was brought from his thoughts by Faith's voice.

"Jimmy! Supper's ready!"

He pushed himself off of the bale of hay he'd been sitting on and headed to his new life as maybe a respectable family man.

They ate and spoke of simple subjects. For a while Jimmy began to wonder if this had been a mistake, if he had changed something that was better off not being changed. Then Faith dared to take the conversation to a deeper level.

"So the Pony Express was your only family?" she asked propping her chin in her hand while her elbow rested next to her plate. "What happened to your real family, the one you were born to, I mean? Surely you were born at some point."

"Of course I was born. Ma died when I was still young. My father threw himself into the cause—he was an abolitionist—and that got him killed. I left before his body was in the ground. I got a couple sisters left but I ain't seen either one of them in too long to think on. The older of 'em, Celinda, we sort of patched things up at one point but I know I've abandoned her again. The younger one I haven't seen or talked to or heard from since I left home. I shouldn't have left them in the first place and I know that now."

"You still weren't very old when your father died, were you?"

"Old enough to know better," he said looking into his coffee.

"Knowing something like that doesn't come without teaching and it sounds like you didn't have anyone to teach you."

"I guess not," he admitted, "Not until Teaspoon and you needed some sort of college education or something to understand most of what came out of his mouth."

Faith giggled a little at him and her eyes twinkled.

"So you found a father after all."

"I did," he said, "Though I'm not sure if he'd still consider me a son."

Her hand left her chin and she wrapped her fingers around his hand, "Parents don't stop loving their children because they grow up or change or even because they do things we don't agree with. They just don't."

"But he ain't no blood to me."

"I hardly think that matters, Jimmy," she said softly.

He blinked at her in an effort to understand her words and to hold back the tears that had suddenly come to his eyes. It was one thing to attach a word like father to Teaspoon because he doled out fatherly advice but to call him a parent and suggest that the man loved him was something Jimmy hadn't ever allowed. Celinda loved him once but then she was probably back to being angry. She probably had more children that he didn't even know about and had never seen. His mother had loved him, he knew but he was never sure about his father. To think that a man who had no blood ties to him cared for him as a father always should have, as he had longed for, was more than he could comprehend. He couldn't speak because he couldn't trust his voice to not betray his emotions. The emotions he couldn't even sort all out. He was awash with happiness at knowing that he had been loved but then also the guilt of knowing how he had treated that love and even the sadness of knowing that he no longer deserved it if it was indeed still out there for him.

Faith held his hand tighter and then raised it to her face kissing each finger before hugging his hand tightly to her cheek.

She held it there a moment longer and then released him and stood to clear the dishes and prepare the water for cleaning them. Jimmy stood too and carried his dishes to her before she could come to gather them and then grabbed a towel to dry as she washed. They worked in silence but it didn't feel uncomfortable. It was actually nice to not need words and to just work alongside each other. Once the dishes were clean and put away, they went on the porch to sit on the swing for a while before heading to bed.

Jimmy quickly undressed and sat up on the bed watching Faith remove her dress for the second time that day. It had every bit the effect on him that it had earlier. She slid her nightgown over her head and sat at her dressing table to brush out her long hair before twisting it into one long braid. He loved her hair loose but he understood why she worked it into that plait. He watched her stand and walk to the bed and then he rose onto his knees on the mattress and moved to her. He put his hands on her hips and bunched the fabric of her nightgown under his fingers lifting it to expose her and then lifted the garment the rest of the way off of her, revealing her body to him. His need visible and twitching in anticipation.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered with reverence, "Every inch of you."

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><p><strong>Oh sweet harmonious domesticity...it makes me happy to see him like this...well aside from his lingering sadness. But he'll get over that in time, I'm sure.-J<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**I respectfully suggest listening to Aaron Copeland for the second portion of this chapter...Well, really start the chapter with Chris Isaak's Wicked Game and then move to Symphony for the Common Man then Appalachian Spring and end things up with Promise of Living...trust me.-J**

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><p>Jimmy could see the shiver run through her body as he ran his fingers over her soft curves. He pulled her to him and onto the bed and laid her down gently then rested back on his heels and just looked at her noticing her blush as he gazed at her. With one hand he traced the contours of her face and brushed away a stray hair or two that had fallen over her brow.<p>

Faith felt self-conscious to have Jimmy hovering over her just staring at her naked body. She had been naked in front of him before but every other time she had been so consumed with other feelings, fear, hurt and even her own wonton desires that she had not even thought about this man seeing her nude body. Of course he'd never really spent the time looking at her that he was right then either. She stopped the blush from rising in her cheeks. As he traced her face with his fingers so soft and gentle, she dared to look in his eyes to try to grasp what he was seeing. What she saw there was a man completely unguarded. There was no pretense within him, no façade. He looked at her with such love and such vulnerability that she nearly wept at the tenderness of it. His hand trailed down her neck and her eyes fell half closed from the sensation. The fingers kept travelling and soon were tracing her breasts. It was then he settled down next to her and brought his hand back up to turn her head toward him so that he could press his lips to hers. It was a soft kiss that still burned with a passion that was being held back for the time being.

Jimmy pulled back from the kiss which had been tame compared to some they had shared but had somehow contained more emotion than most. Her breathing was more rapid and he was aware that her hand was snaking between her legs. His own hand intercepted hers as he lightly stroked her inner thighs and then up to the apex of her legs. He lightly circled the hardness he found there as he lowered his lips to her breast and ran his tongue over the contours. He would flick back and forth at her nipple while rubbing harder that certain spot between her legs and then slide his fingers into her and trail his tongue back over the roundness of her breast. Finally he just kept rubbing at that hardened nub between her legs and held her tight to him as he kissed her neck. She was shaking in his arms and the muscles in her legs and belly were tensed and he could hear her whimpering until she cried out something that might have been meant to be words but was instead just a yell.

He climbed atop her and straddled her hips as he leaned down to kiss her panting mouth.

"Just when I think you can't get more beautiful, you somehow manage to prove me wrong."

She looped her hands behind his head to hold him closer and kiss him longer but eventually he broke the kiss and began to work his way down her body.

"You know you sometimes remind me of these pictures I saw one time of how Greek Goddesses looked," he told her between kisses, "Goddesses are supposed to be worshipped and that's what I aim to do right now."

Faith heard his words but was uncertain of them all the same. Sure there were boys who had wanted to court her when she was younger and Aaron told her she was beautiful but never like this. She had never felt quite this, well, to use Jimmy's word, 'worshipped'. She would have thought on it more but he was worshipping her with his mouth and tongue and hands all over her breasts and stomach and she just couldn't think anymore. She could feel his hardness pressing against her stomach and then her hips as he scooted lower and then her thighs. Still he straddled her but she expected at any moment he'd settle himself between her legs, and he did. But when he did he was kneeling between her knees. He placed a hand under each of her knees and pushed them upward. She did as he urged but looked at him uncertainly. He kissed first one knee and then the other. And then ran his fingers down her thighs stopping just before her wetness. Then he began trailing kisses down the inside of one of her thighs until his mouth reached the heat between her legs. She jumped a little and raised her head to see him smiling over her dark curls.

"Relax, I told you two could play that game," he said, "I will never, ever hurt you."

Faith relaxed as she felt his mouth descend on her once more and his hands cup under her buttocks lifting her toward him. His tongue first circled the hardened center of her desire and then darted inside of her kissing her lower lips as he had kissed her mouth earlier. She gripped the mattress tighter and tighter as the pleasure grew within her. At every circling of his tongue, every swift motion it made inside her, she felt the knots within her grow until finally she felt as if she had melted from the inside.

Jimmy lifted his head and kissed lightly along her quivering thighs waiting for her trembling to subside. Then his mouth lowered once more and began the same actions over again. Once Faith was breathing rapidly he picked his head up again and climbed back up the bed aligning his length with her and thrusting into her. His desire for her had been mounting through everything he had been doing to her and there was no initial tender pace, this was hard and fast and he was only half aware of Faith's legs wrapped around his waist and her nails down his back. He continued pounding into her until her legs tightened even more and so did the muscles surrounding his manhood. That was the one thing that could always put him over the edge and it did this time too. He could feel his release spill into her with every thrust as her muscles fluttered around him as if milking him.

At last he collapsed to the side of her out of breath and completely satisfied.

"You know, Faith," he said trying to catch his breath, "I actually never knew that could feel quite that good. Really. I mean it always feels good to take care of a need but that's all it ever was before. This, well, I can't even explain what's different but it's better than I've ever known."

Faith rolled toward him resting her head on his still heaving chest. She kissed him tenderly and then settled her head back onto him.

"Maybe it's because I love you so much," she said at last.

"I expect that might be it," he replied, "I guess we have a fair amount to talk about, don't we?"

"What's that?"

"Well I sort of did ask you to marry me," he clarified, "If I'm not mistaken, you said yes too."

"I was teasing you," she laughed, "I can't hold against you what you didn't even realize you'd said."

"Isn't that where this goes?" Jimmy asked, "We love each other. We're sharing a house, a bed. Doesn't marriage come next?"

"Jimmy, my head is swirling enough that you did what you did today just to ease my fears. That's enough for right now. We can talk more another time. It's been a long day. Let's just sleep. It's more than enough for me that you'll be in my arms still in the morning."

"But Faith I did mean it," he protested. He was certain he did but then maybe that wasn't the most romantic way to ask. "I know most guys get on one knee to ask and sometimes even have a ring or something but even though I didn't ask like that well, I still meant it."

Faith yawned against him, her lack of sleep from the night before along with all of the emotion of the day catching up with her.

"Please," she said wearily, "If there's talking to be done, it isn't anything that can't wait a few hours. Go to sleep."

Jimmy knew that her words were final for the night and now that he thought of it, he was pretty darned tired too. He kissed the top of Faith's head and closed his eyes to get some sleep.

He woke the next morning to the smells of breakfast and quickly pulled clothes on before staggering out into the kitchen. Faith was diligently working away getting the meal ready so she didn't notice Jimmy sneak up behind her and jumped when he snaked his arms around her middle.

"You're lucky I'd already put the knife down," she said before twirling in his arms to face him with a smile. "Good morning, handsome."

She placed a kiss on his lips as he stared at her bewildered. It was as if he had a completely different woman in his arms this morning. He rather liked her too.

Talk was light over breakfast but this time he was the one to bring the heavier topic into play.

"We do need to talk about things, you know."

"Am I your only woman?" she asked and he stared at her stunned that she could even ask. "Am I the only one you want forever?"

"Yes."

"You're the only man I want or need," she said staring unflinching into his eyes, "I suppose at some point we'll make this official and actually get married but that honest answer and the way you treat me is all I really need."

"The people in town," he began but was cut off by her waving hand.

"They've been chattering since I didn't take up with the first man that offered to marry me after Aaron died. It's not proper for a woman to live alone and now it's not proper to live with someone. Well maybe I've given up on proper."

"I'll only make it worse for you if we don't get married," he said.

She laughed at this. First it was a small titter but soon her head was on her arms on the table as her whole body shook with the laughter. When she finally got herself under control again and looked up at him, her face was red and there were streaks where her tears had flowed from laughing so hard. Faith wiped her eyes and took a breath to collect herself.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I was just picturing the first person to say anything disparaging about me to your face and what they might come face to face with. Being with you might increase what they say behind my back but it would put a stop to them saying it to my face. People are afraid of you whether you want them to be or not."

He grumbled a little at that.

"Don't get me wrong," she said, "I still expect at some point to be Mrs. James Hickok but we don't need to run a race to the altar. Maybe we can get used to just being together a little first."

Jimmy nodded and could see the reason in what she said but one thing was still bothering him.

"You don't really want to be married to me, do you?" he asked, "I can't blame you really but that's it, isn't it? You thought since I didn't know what I'd said that I didn't mean it so you could say you accepted but…"

His voice trailed away and he hated how wounded his voice was. He had been so exposed to this woman but still felt far too vulnerable right then.

Faith rose from her seat suddenly not feeling nearly as jovial as she just had. She'd not meant to hurt him but she had all the same. She walked over to him and crouched down next to where he sat and rested her hands on his leg.

"I might have been teasing at you a little yesterday but I meant what I said," she told him, "I accept your proposal and since you've made it more than clear that you meant it even if you weren't aware of it right away, I consider us engaged if it's all the same to you. Before you, everything in my life I cared about was snatched from me, first Aaron and then Adam. I wasn't even a whole person anymore. There was no joy in my life, no purpose. I woke today from a deep sleep that was free of sad or frightening dreams for the first time in I don't even know when and found myself safe in your arms. I've been married Jimmy and the wedding isn't when you get married. It's when everyone else acknowledges that you're married. You're married from the time you make that commitment to be there for each other through everything, to support the other's dreams, to understand what drives them and let them do what they need to do and still be there to love them when they fall. Usually that happens before the wedding but sometimes not until after. It's a private thing that's just between two people and it never really happens at the altar of a church. We're married, Jimmy. We just haven't had the formality of a wedding. Besides, weddings are for your friends and family to bear witness to your love and commitment and I don't really have friends here, or family for that matter. I don't see where it would matter to declare this in front of people who have done near to nothing but think ill of me since I was widowed. I couldn't care less for how scandalized they feel. I wouldn't be the first woman in a common law arrangement and I'll surely not be the last."

Tears shone in her eyes that looked decidedly green right then although Jimmy was sure if he looked away for a moment when he looked back they would be a different color. He was sobered by her words and knew the conviction in them from her expression. It made sense but above all he knew that she did want to marry him. There was no rejection. He shouldn't have doubted her but then he was kind of conditioned for such a thing and hadn't lived a life worthy of anyone such as the woman before him right then. Jimmy leaned forward and captured her lips which were just beginning to tremble with her emotion and wrapped her tight in his arms as he tried to tell her what her words meant to him with the kiss they shared. He wanted her to know the loneliness she was saving him from, the heartache he'd had and the hope he now felt grow within him.

Faith was overwhelmed by the emotion of his kiss and could not staunch the flow of tears. When their lips parted her cheeks were streaked with tears that he brushed away before kissing her cheeks and then her forehead. Then he stood and looked to the door.

"I suppose I'd better get to the chores," he said with the ghost of a smile on his lips, "Haven't been able to say that in some time but it feels good to have real work to do for a change."

Jimmy went out and to work. It did feel good to do physical labor again, to put his back into something and have something immediately to show for it even if it was just a clean stall. He looked up after a while to see Faith hanging clothes on the line, the sun catching the golds and reds in her brown hair and a simple hummed tune carried by the wind to him. This was the life he'd dreamed of, maybe not when he was a boy but once he had a better grasp on the world, this is the life he knew he wanted. The sun was warm on his back, the air fresh in his lungs and the woman across the yard was beautiful without even trying or being aware of it. He was old enough and wise enough and had seen enough to understand the beauty and grandeur of the commonplace, the quiet dignity of a simple life, the near divinity of a real connection between people. They are things that many take for granted. Those who have lost nothing in their lives have no appreciation for too often we only see the value of something once it is gone from our grasp. Jimmy knew though that once you've lost something precious that when you find the little nuggets of gold that life throws your way again, you hold tight to them for their value is understood. He had the basic chores around the place finished by lunch time while taking notes to himself of the little repairs that needed to be done here and there. Overall Faith had done a decent enough job of holding the place together on her own but he guessed that since Adam had passed that she had possibly cared less and less about much of anything. He would see to things though.

Faith called him in to lunch and he ate quietly. Once the quiet had sat between them like an uninvited and unpleasant guest but now it was like an old friend. There was no discomfort to the lack of words for this was not the silence of people who did not know what to say but that of those who don't need to say anything. Once he finished eating Jimmy asked Faith if there happened to be some paper around and perhaps something to write with as well.

"Of course," she said, "Is it okay to ask why?"

"It's okay to ask anything," he said, "If we're getting married we don't need no secrets between us. I wanted to write a letter. I thought maybe Emma and Sam might still be in Omaha. I haven't heard about anyone else being appointed territorial marshal."

Faith smiled and for a brief instant there were tears in her eyes telling of her hurt for him and how distanced he'd become from his family and those who had loved him but then it was gone and she just got up and got him the things he needed.

Jimmy stared at the blank sheet for a time wondering exactly how to go about writing after so much time had passed. He felt like he didn't even deserve to bother her.

"You know she probably still prays for you every night," Faith said as if reading his mind, "I can't imagine a child of mine somewhere and I don't even know where. It wouldn't matter how long he'd been away or what he'd be doing, hearing from him would be a treasure. Just start writing. Any words that come to you will be dear to her heart."

Jimmy blinked the moisture away from his eyes and set pen to paper.

_Dear Emma,_

_I have no excuse for not writing before now. I guess I'm not that good at it anyway and then after a while it just seemed too much time had passed and there wasn't any good in any of it anyway. I didn't figure I had much to say that would make you happy or proud and you mean too much to me to send you words that would make you sad or disappoint you. I guess I can't change what I done though. I wish I could, I really do. I haven't lived at all like you tried to teach me and I guess I didn't want you thinking your trying didn't matter. It did and so often I'm ashamed of things I done because of what you would think of me. I'm sorry I left you to worry all this time._

_I guess I'm writing because I finally have something good to say. I met someone, Emma. She's a real lady too. Her name's Faith and it fits her too because she's got more of it than any ten people I know except for maybe you and she shares it freely. We're engaged. I asked her on accident sort of but I meant it all the same and we're going to get married. She's a widow and her little boy died not long ago but we help each other through and I guess that's what it is to be together like this. I wish you could see her Emma. She has no idea how beautiful she is. Her eyes are mysterious like yours. Like she's challenging me or something but they are the most interesting color too. They are always a different color every time I look at them and her hair is like a waterfall the way the mist from one catches the sun and turns it into every color of the rainbow. When her hair catches the sun, the colors that come to it. I guess some would just say it was brown but it's so much more. Maybe I should stop describing her now. She was reading over my shoulder and just walked away blushing beet red. She is beautiful though._

_I wish I had more worth telling but I guess that's big enough news for now. I gave up being a lawman for now. It's too dangerous and it frightened Faith. I can't be scaring her like that; she's been through too much already. This is a good life for me though. I'm happy. Maybe I was just waiting to write until I could write those words. I really am happy, Emma. First time since we was all together in Sweetwater I think I could say that but it's true now._

_I hope you and Sam are doing alright. Please tell him I asked after him too. He taught me more about being a man the first day I met him than my own father did in all the years he lived. He should know that._

_You take care of yourself, Emma and take care of Sam too. If you're not too mad for me keeping quiet all these years, I sure would love to hear from you._

Jimmy paused in the writing, unsure how to sign off.

"Most people sign with 'love'," Faith told him from over his shoulder.

_Love,_

_Jimmy_

Jimmy set the pen down and leaned back in his chair. Faith was standing behind him and leaned down to wrap her arms around his shoulders and kissed his neck.

* * *

><p><strong>So sweet I think. Hope everyone is enjoying this.-J<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

Sam Cain sat in his office looking out to the street. It had been the kind of day where he wanted to go back to Sweetwater or anywhere else really but where he was. Too many people coming to him with garbage they should just solve themselves and when there really was a problem he wasn't always free to decide how to handle it. He frequently wondered why they hired him if they trusted his judgment so little.

Sam looked up when he heard the door to his office open. A boy hurried inside with the day's mail in his hand. He handed Sam the mail and Sam offered his usual couple of coins to the lad and settled down to read the handful of letters. There was a large envelope that obviously had wanted posters in and communications from some town marshals. A couple letters from people he didn't care about and one that caught his eye. It wasn't exactly addressed to him for one. It was addressed to Emma by someone who clearly did not know their address. Looking at the return address he decided it could not wait a moment longer and headed out the door and toward their house.

Opening the door he immediately started calling for her.

"Emma! Where are you Emma!"

He made it all the way through the house and out the back door finally finding her hanging out the wash.

"Sam Cain," she chastised, "Could you be any noisier if you tried? The baby's finally down for a nap and here you come in hollering to beat all. You know she's teething."

"I'm sorry honey," he said kissing her cheek causing her glare at him to soften. She never could stay mad at him for too long. "I didn't think you'd want to wait another moment to read this."

He held the letter out to her. She furrowed her brow trying to discern something from the writing on the envelope. Sam lightly tapped the return address. She glossed over all except the name, JB Hickok.

"Jimmy?" she said, her hand flying to her heart. She wobbled slightly. "My Jimmy's written me at last?"

"It looks that way," Sam said, "Now come on in out of the sun and read it. I'll get you some water. You look pale."

Emma allowed herself to be led into the house as if in a daze and really she was. The last person she expected to write to her had. He was never far from her mind and perhaps he was always so close to her thoughts because she hadn't heard from him at all. Sometimes there would be an article in the newspaper about something he'd done and it was usually something she was glad to hear about long after the fact for the danger of it. Emma got letters from the others. Her Lulabelle had married Kid and they were doing alright and finally getting on their feet with a couple of little ones of their own now. She heard from Buck and Mr. Spoon from time to time as well and Cody was hard not to hear of in the papers and the dime novels but even he took the time to write her grand letters telling her everything he saw and did. She felt like she was travelling and living that glamorous life right with him from the detail of his letters. But never was there a word from her Jimmy. She knew he could read and write now so that was not an excuse but she knew it wasn't his way and she understood the demons that chased him and made him feel unworthy of the family he'd found.

Finally she held in her hand word from her most lost lamb. She'd known he was in danger of drifting like this but had once feared more for Buck than Jimmy. Buck somehow had found his bearings while Jimmy had been carried on the winds. Emma waited for Sam to come with the water for her, less because she needed the drink than because she needed him. She was still tough as nails and no one had better mistake that but this was her boy she was hearing from at long last. Once Sam was settled in a chair next to hers she dared break the seal on the envelope and slowly pulled out the paper within.

Sam watched her read the letter. He wanted to ask what it said and maybe have her read it aloud to him but patience was a virtue and he was no child, he could wait for her. He cared for those boys and stuck his neck out for them and worried for them but she'd lived with them and been their ma when no one else would give them two looks. She was the one who cared for every injury from bullet wounds to broken hearts. It was her right to read this first and tell him what she wanted to tell him when she was good and ready to tell him. So there he sat studying her face for clues. He saw so many emotions wash over her and yet he did not dare to reach out to her. This was her time with her boy and it wasn't his place to intrude in any way.

At last he saw her lower the letter and blink back the tears in her dark brown eyes before taking a drink of the water. Then she spoke.

"He asked after you," she said at last, "Said you taught him a lot about being a man."

"He finally writes after all these years and all the letter, which was addressed to you, said was that he wanted to know how I was?"

"If course not," she replied, "He wrote to tell me he met a woman. They're going to be married."

"Is he sure this is a good thing?" Sam asked suddenly concerned, "He never had too good of luck with women before."

Emma held up a smaller piece of paper.

"Let's just see what this says," she smiled as she began to read aloud, "Dear Mrs. Cain, Jimmy doesn't know I slipped this in but I just had to. He flatters me with his words. I am no great beauty but he looks at me like I am the prettiest woman in the world. I was in a very dark place and he has brought light back to my world. You raised him to be a good man. I can only hope that if I'd had my Adam for longer I could have been as good of a mother as you. I cannot tell you what it means to have purpose in my days again, to have love as well. I truly hope one day to meet you although I hear enough about you from Jimmy I almost feel as if I already know you. I will close with my most sincere wishes for your health and well-being and that of your husband. – Faith."

Emma looked up from the note beaming.

"I know anyone can write pretty words but something about this makes me believe them."

"I think so too," Sam said, "Well, my dear, I have to get back to the office. I'll see you tonight."

He leaned to kiss her and gave her a squeeze around her shoulders for good measure before heading out the front door.

Emma sat in the chair reading the note over and over, her wash completely forgotten. Finally she stood and went to the desk near the entryway of their house. She pulled out a few sheets of writing paper, a pen and a pot of ink before sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and composing her reply. More than once she had to take a break from writing because her eyes had filled too much with tears at the sheer knowledge that her boy was still out there and that he had found some happiness. Finally she was just wrapping up as Betsy came down from her nap to announce the baby was awake and smelled funny. Emma quickly closed the note and addressed the envelope delighting that she could do this as she finally had somewhere to send it. Then she climbed the stairs to take care of Sarah and her 'funny' smell. Somehow Emma doubted she'd find it at all amusing.

* * *

><p>"What are you being so secretive about?" Faith asked. They had just gone to town and Jimmy had grown very quiet and it made her worried.<p>

"I'm not being secretive," Jimmy said.

"Did someone say something about our living arrangement again?"

They had been living together for close to a month and it seemed every time they went to town some busy body had to pipe up and say something about them living in sin or her reputation or his. Jimmy had gotten better at ignoring them although the first trip to town had resulted in Mr. White, whose wife was the president of the ladies auxiliary at the church, staring down the barrel of one of Jimmy's Colts. No man said anything to his face after that incident but the women had learned that he would not draw on them and therefore felt safe in saying whatever hurtful and hateful things they wanted. Faith didn't care. The only way to make them truly understand was for them to deal with the pain and loss that she had. Jimmy understood all that but it still made him angry when people said hurtful things about her and sometimes even to her. There were times when she was alone in the house while he was out working at chores she would find the tears springing to her eyes when she thought on how fiercely he defended her. She wasn't sure she had ever been loved quite this intensely before. But then he was as wounded as she was and she had only scratched the surface of the losses he had suffered.

"Of course someone said something," he said getting terse and hating himself for it, "Someone always says something."

"I've told you before I don't care. They are ignorant and I won't wish misfortune on people merely for their edification."

"So they get to be lucky enough to have less pain in their lives and then cause more pain for less fortunate people?" he asked.

"I don't consider myself less fortunate," Faith asserted, "I wake every morning in the arms of a man who loves me, I drift to sleep after he pushes me to the limits of bliss and I understand how precious a gift his love is. I'm a very lucky woman."

"Don't make it right," he grumbled.

"It also doesn't mean that you have to get all sullen and quiet on me every time we come back from town," she said leaning her head against his shoulder, "It worries me because I think maybe you're hurting and bottling it inside."

"It's not the first time I've heard bad things about myself but you don't deserve it."

"Neither do you," she said planting a kiss on his arm before returning her head to rest on his shoulder.

"We could argue that 'til the cows come home but that's not even what's got me thinking today."

"You mean you're not brooding about the nasty things Mrs. White and her little flock of followers says?" she asked.

"Nope," he said, "I'm not brooding at all. Just thinking."

"Well, now you're being secretive again."

Jimmy held up the mail.

"Ain't no secret," he said, "Just something that came in with the mail."

Faith took the offered letters.

"Another letter from my sister telling me that I don't need to live alone because she refuses to acknowledge that we're together," she said flipping through, "My magazine, oh, Jimmy, Emma wrote back. That's wonderful. I can't believe you aren't excited, or at least happy."

"I am happy," he told her, "And nervous. And don't tell anyone else this but a little scared too."

"Well then I can see why you are so quiet," Faith said, "The great Wild Bill Hickok is scared of his mama."

"I ain't scared of her," he protested, "I'm scared of disappointing her and that's way different. And Wild Bill never cared one way or the other, besides he's gone. Ain't no such man anymore."

"I know. I was teasing you."

Jimmy put his arm around her squeezing her to his chest and kissed the top of her head.

"I worry you, huh?"

"Yes, well sometimes," she confessed, "I worry you don't tell me things that bother you. You take on all my sorrows and don't share your own."

"I love you too much to saddle you with all that."

"And I love you too much to keep seeing you deal on your own."

Jimmy chuckled at her and tightened his arm around her again, "You win."

"What do I win?" she asked with a giggle. Jimmy wondered if she had laughed often before her losses because her giggles came more and more frequently the longer they were together and she was more playful as time went on as well.

"What do you want, Faith?" he retorted, "Anything, just ask and it's yours."

"Well for one thing I want you to talk to me more. Stop being so evasive when you talk about yourself. I know enough that if I was going to be frightened away I would have run screaming for the hills by now."

"I'll try," he said, "Old habits die hard. What else?"

Her eyes twinkled at him and she gave him a playful wink.

"I think I'll keep that to myself for now," she told him, "It'll be as much a prize for you as for me."

"I like the sound of that," he growled into her ear. He knew somehow it would involve making love with her and there wasn't a thing on earth he enjoyed more than that.

They arrived home and took care of the week's supplies before heading onto the porch. Jimmy lowered himself to the swing and Faith sat close to him. He handed her the two items that were for her. She sat them next to her.

"Aren't you going to read your letter?" Jimmy asked her.

"From Patience the Perfect?" she sniffed, "I'd rather not. I know it's just more of the same. It can wait until later."

"You should probably try writing her again," he said, "She's your only sister and you never speak."

"You should talk," Faith snapped back and Jimmy knew to shut his mouth. She was right. He hadn't made any effort to contact Celinda or Lydia and he didn't even have the excuse of them being nasty tempered people. His sisters were very sweet and loving girls. Patience was possibly more of a holier than thou bitch than Mrs. White and all her ladies auxiliary crones put together. Jimmy turned to the letter in his hand and then looked at Faith.

"I'm sure I have something I could do in the house if you'd like your privacy," she said.

He pondered for a moment and then shook his head.

"I think I'd rather if you'd stay. I think I'm just trying to find the courage to open the thing."

Faith just hugged his arm and rested her head against him. There was no urging him to open it or even telling him it would be fine. She knew he'd open it in his good time and she only wanted him to know that she was there and would be there for him no matter what happened. After a few moments he tore away the envelope and held the letter in his hands and then with a sigh he unfolded it and began to read.

_Dear Jimmy,_

_Oh my sweet boy, you have no idea the joy your letter brought to me. I was overcome with happiness just to hold it in my hand and know you were out there somewhere and well enough to write to me. I have worried so for you. I ask God every night to look to your safety and send my love to wherever you are. Now I want you to stop right now feeling guilty over what you imagine I might think of your choices. I might wish sometimes your life had gone different but I will always love you and be proud to call you one of my own._

Jimmy paused in his reading to wipe at his eyes and allowed a chuckle.

"That's Emma alright," he said, "Still telling me what's what."

_To read that you are happy is the most wonderful thing I could think of. I spent so much time worrying for all of you boys—and Lulabelle of course. To know that those of you that remain are finding your places in the world brings me endless joy. This Faith of yours sounds like a remarkable woman. I should like to meet her someday. With the hardships she has suffered, you are no doubt as precious a fountain of hope for her as she is to you. Treasure the comfort you can be to each other._

_I will fill you in as best as I can on the rest of your brothers. If you wanted to write to them, you wouldn't have a hard time finding them at all. Mr. Spoon remains the marshal in Rock Creek so I am sure he would pass along letters to any of the others. They all live in or near Rock Creek. Kid and Louise are still married but I am sure you figured as much. They have two little ones now. A boy and a little girl. Lulabelle is quite a natural mother despite her best efforts to say otherwise._

"I'll just bet she is," Jimmy said.

_Buck, who I worried for as much as I did you, has stayed on being deputy to Mr. Spoon and I expect that he's taking over more of the job everyday as Mr. Spoon is not getting any younger. If you are wondering about Rachel Dunne, my understanding is that she is still the schoolteacher there and I think Mr. Spoon has become sweet on her and possibly she is returning his feelings. _

_Sam and I are still here in Omaha as I am sure you had guessed seeing as your letter found me. He is still territorial marshal but every day and sometimes many times each day he threatens to quit and go back to being a small town marshal. He hasn't yet although I expect he probably will at some point. I'd be as happy either way. We have two little girls now. Betsy is nearly school aged and Sarah is our baby. She'll be one in a few months. You should see how tightly they have Sam wound around their chubby little fingers. I'll just bet they'd get you to spoil them rotten too if ever they got to meet you._

_I guess it's a good thing I was nearly done writing now as Betsy has just come down to inform me that Sarah is up from her nap and needs a diaper change._

_Please write again Jimmy. You will possibly never understand how happy it made me to hear from you. I want you to know you are never without a home or family. I swore the very day I met you all that none of you would be orphans as long as I was around. I still draw breath, Jimmy. You remember that now._

_Love,_

_Emma_

Jimmy just sat motionless and was only vaguely aware that a couple of tears had escaped his control and were working their way down toward his jaw. His family was all there waiting for him. Except for Emma and Sam and she had been thinking of him and praying for him. There were children he hadn't met. He had been away so long and yet maybe not too long. His shoulders began to shake and he felt a tiny stab of shame when Faith wrapped her arms around him and kissed at his tears. He had forgotten she was there. His shame was soon replaced with so many other emotions at the absence of judgment in the love she was showering on him.

Faith had watched his face as he read the letter, heard the emotion in his words at the few comments he made while reading and even felt her own emotions well up within her as she took in the words on the page. His tears surprised her, not because he was moved by the words in the letter. Faith expected that but he hid his feelings from her so often that she was nearly shocked when he allowed such a display. She pulled him to her as she leaned back against the arm of the swing. He rested his head against her bosom and wept. Faith almost didn't know what to think of the situation. He had held her through her tears many times but had never allowed her this chance to comfort him. She felt oddly honored. Faith moved her hand up and down his back and planted kisses on his head and was content to hold him as long as he needed her to. As much as her heart was at once broken by the pain within him and mended by the hope he seemed to have found, she also felt happy that for once he was allowing her to help him. She felt equal and that felt good.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh the healing...it makes me happy to see these two wounded souls find each other and find they aren't as alone as they thought they were...and sweet Emma finally hearing from her lost little boy.-J<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

Jimmy's tears eventually slowed and then stopped altogether. Faith still held him close to her pushing the swing gently with her foot and kissing his head while stroking his long hair.

"I don't know why I reacted like that," he said at last straightening up and wiping the few tears that were still wet on his cheeks.

"People sometimes cry when they are happy," she said grasping his hand in both of hers, "And from relief, and regret and a whole host of other feelings too."

He nodded and raised her hands to his lips kissing them and delighting in her nearness to him.

"Should we check to see what Patience the Perfect has to say?"

Faith reluctantly opened the letter and immediately frowned upon reading only a few lines.

"What does she say?"

"More of the same," Faith said blinking rapidly a few times and then standing and heading into the house. "I should start supper."

Jimmy wanted to reach out for her but she bustled past him and he just let her. He heard the door shut harder than was necessary and looked to his side to see Patience's letter just sitting there. He wouldn't ever think to snoop in her private letters but then she left this right in the open so it wasn't really snooping, he reasoned. He picked up the paper and began to read.

_My darling baby sister,_

_How are you little Faith? I understand you must be very desperate about your situation as you are still with that man. Honestly dear, you're so pretty and you always were such a good cook. If you had better taste in men you might even be perfect. First you marry the penniless man and now a man known the country wide for killing people. Do you even care what people think of us? Of you? Grief is no reason to throw your good name away and embarrass your family._

_Now, stop with this silliness and come live with me. I could have you married off in less than a month to a respectable man who wouldn't even care that you can't give him children. Why there are one or two quite eligible widowers who already have children you could be a mother to. But the longer you insist on spending your time with that gambling murderer, the less chance you would have with any of them._

_You know I love you sweet Faith or I would not nag you so. I am only looking out for your own good since you seem wholly incapable of doing that yourself._

_Your loving sister,_

_Patience_

Jimmy just stared at the paper in his hands with his mouth hanging open. He wasn't sure which appalled him more, the fact that someone would say those things to their own flesh and blood or that she professed such love for her sister while she did it. He wanted to hit something or go track this woman down and give her a piece of his mind but then his thoughts went to Faith. He knew she was upset and hurting and thinking about his own anger wasn't going to comfort her any. He stood and went inside leaving the letter on the swing.

Jimmy closed the door quietly behind him and was instantly glad that he hadn't made any noise coming in. Faith was apparently planning a stew for supper and was chopping the vegetables. Though he thought it might be more accurate to say she was murdering the vegetables. He now understood how she was never short of firewood even as she had lived alone. No doubt every carrot and celery stalk bore the face of Patience the Perfect.

He stood stock still, fearing to even breathe. Finally she put the knife down and took a step to the side doubling over the counter crying. The knife gone, there was nothing stopping Jimmy from getting to Faith's side. She didn't hear him come up behind her but she didn't even jump when she felt his hands rest on her shoulders. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss behind her ear. His arms wound the rest of the way around her as her shoulders shook from her tears.

"She shouldn't say those things about you," he whispered in her ear, "Though she has a point about your taste in men, at least your most recent taste."

"She's my sister," Faith said softly, "Why doesn't she want me happy?"

"I don't think she understands our kind of happy," Jimmy replied, "Happy for her is being what she thinks other people respect. You and me we have lived some different things than she has. I'm thinking she don't know what it is to be loved really."

"Are you feeling sorry for my rotten sister after the terrible things she said about you?"

"Did she really say anything that wasn't true?" he asked.

"She called you a murderer."

"Well, I have killed people," he pointed out.

"You're not a murderer, though," she choked out as she turned in his arms and looked up at him. "I'm sorry she said those things, she had no right. She's not a very nice person. You'd think I'd be used to it by now but damn if it doesn't still hurt."

Jimmy was momentarily taken aback by her words. He'd never heard such language from a woman outside of a saloon or a brothel. But then she was very upset. He just hugged her tighter.

"I guess that just shows how a reputation can take over," he soothed, "Besides, she's talking about Bill and there ain't no one here answering to that name. My pa's name was William but it ain't what my mama named me."

"Right, I'll be sure to tell her that," Faith said scowling a little, "I'm sure it will make all the difference."

"Well the important thing is that you know the truth," he told her.

"It just makes me so mad," Faith half growled, "I'm just tired of it, you know? She's been like this for as long as I can remember. She goes off all holier than thou and I end up crying and hurt. It's weak is what it is, Jimmy. I can't be that anymore. I'm not that. Aaron and I never had much but each other and Adam. Then he died and I stayed here on my own, thank you very much and raised that boy and took care of things pretty well if I do say so myself. No thanks to Patience who could not be bothered to come and help out. Then I buried my little boy and still I get nothing from Miss Perfect but snide remarks and criticism. She's never had real feeling for me; even that letter today was more about her own standing in the community than it is about worry for me. And here I am crying. It just makes me so mad!"

Faith slammed her fist onto the cutting board causing Jimmy to jump. Her other one landed mere seconds after the first and then she raised them both over her head. Jimmy's hands shot out and grabbed her wrists stopping her blows from landing on the cutting board again.

"I know you're mad and I know you need to let it out but this ain't the way," he said, his voice low. "You're only going to hurt yourself and that's letting Patience win."

She nearly went limp before him and her arms dropped taking his with them. Jimmy stood there a moment thinking and then got an idea. He pulled at her wrists and she took a couple steps with him before stopping.

"Come on," he said dropping one wrist and tugging lightly at the other, "Trust me. I think I've earned that much from you."

"But whe-" she began but his look stopped the question on her lips and she just followed obediently.

Jimmy kept walking until he was a few yards from the fence and then he released her hand. Faith watched while Jimmy scrounged around for cans and bottles and set them up on the fence. He then walked back and stood next to her. She studied him and saw him close his eyes and let out a breath and then almost faster than she could register he reached across his body, brought out his Colt and fired causing a can to go flying into the air. Without words he turned to her and spun the pistol in his hand so the butt of the gun was toward her and he extended his arm.

"Jimmy, I don't know the first thing about firing a gun," Faith protested taking a step backward.

"I'll teach you," he said, "If I can do it, how hard can it be?"

"You keep putting yourself down like that and I'll learn to use this thing just to turn it on you."

Jimmy pulled the gun back and raised his hands in surrender, "Alright, alright, I brought you out here to let out some anger, not make you madder."

Then he offered the gun again, "Trust me. I can help."

Reluctantly she took the weapon from his hand and just stood there letting it rest on her palm.

"Well, it's not going to do much good holding it like that," he said as he moved closer, taking her hand and wrapping her fingers around the butt of the gun. Faith looked at him uncertainly.

"Now don't look so scared," he said, "I been shooting these practically since I could hold one. I'm right here and I'll help you. It's just a gun, a thing, it won't bite."

Faith's brow furrowed in an attempt at a brave face. She hadn't actually lied. She knew how to fire a rifle. She'd never done it but she knew how. Pistols however were a mystery to her and a frightening one at that. She'd seen them strapped to Jimmy's hips. He wore them less and less now but they had just gone into town and when they did that, he strapped them on. The rest of the time they hung on a hook by the door. She never touched them and tried not to look at them and now here she was holding one. She was afraid of it even though she knew it was just an object, it wasn't a person or even an animal that could act of its own accord. Faith nearly jumped when she felt his breath hot on her neck as he whispered in her ear.

"Relax, there ain't no way I'd ever let you get hurt," he whispered, "You ought to know that by now."

She nodded and tried to relax as he told her to.

"What do I do now?" she squeaked.

He stood close enough to her that she could feel his body heat and lifted her arm. Then his hand closed around her own, the one that held the gun, and he pulled the hammer back.

"You got to make sure it's all the way back," he said, "Steady it with your other hand if you need to."

Faith brought her left hand up and steadied the gun in her hand. Her eyes darted to the side asking him if she was doing it right.

"Just like that," he confirmed, "Now pick one of them cans to aim for," he moved his hands to rest lightly on her shoulders. "Look down your arm, center the barrel on your target, relax and squeeze the trigger."

Faith tried to do what he told her but she was so nervous and afraid of the noise that was coming that she jerked her hand and the shot went way wide.

"Not bad," he said.

"Not bad? I missed completely," she argued.

"You hit air pretty solid," he joked trying to lighten her mood. It didn't work and he could see the tears start to form in her eyes.

"I can't do this, Jimmy," she said, "Just add it to Patience's giant list of my failings."

Jimmy at first thought his idea had failed but then at mentioning her sister's name he could see the anger sparking fresh in her eyes.

"Not a failure, Faith," he said in the most soothing tone he could, "Just takes practice. Give it another try."

Her eyes narrowed and she raised the pistol again. Jimmy stepped forward to cock it for her but she did it herself and was glaring at the cans on the fence as if they were every person in the world who ever wronged her. He stepped back not wanting to get caught in her anger. Jimmy stood a couple of feet from her and watched her take a deep breath, focus on one of the targets and pull the trigger. The can went flying. He was about to congratulate her when he saw her thumb pulling the hammer back once more. She fired and another can went flying. She kept this up three more shots until there was only an empty click when she pulled the trigger. He walked closer to her and she surprised him by grabbing his other gun. She spun away from him and he watched her shoot the rest of the targets off of the fence. Her eyes were on fire as she took aim at each of them, her breathing came more rapidly and he watched her breasts rise and fall within her dress as the color rose in her cheeks. He found his own pulse quickening as well.

Faith had been unsure at first with the gun in her hand but when that first can went flying she realized the power of it. She had never felt powerful before. Life happened to her but now she felt like she could happen to it. Each target she sent flying was a slight, a loss, a hurt to her. There was the stupid war that had taken her husband and cruel fate that had robbed her of her son and every person who looked down their nose at her in town and every one of her sister's hurtful and judgmental words. She knew she shocked Jimmy when she took the other Colt from its housing but she just had to finish them all off. He'd been right, she was angry and letting it out like this felt good. It felt so very good.

Jimmy watched the whole scene. There were no tears, just self-satisfaction and something else he couldn't put his finger on but seeing her there breathing hard, the color high on her cheeks and her eyes just daring someone to get in the way of anything she needed or desired made him want her more than he ever had before. In two long strides he brought himself behind her and grabbed her hips pulling her to him, grinding into her so that even through her skirts she could feel how hard she'd made him. He heard her groan and was just considering leaning down to kiss her neck when she spun to face him and caught his lips in a kiss that threatened to bruise. When she broke the kiss she was panting and rubbing her hand up and down his length through his pants. Her eyes were dark and excitement blended with fury, hurt and lust within them.

"I need you," she growled low at him, "Now."

She emphasized her point by squeezing him making his need even more urgent. He looked around and realized that he couldn't very well take her right there in the yard. Well, he could, he supposed but he would prefer a bit more privacy. It wasn't likely that someone would come along but just in case they did, he'd rather not be interrupted. He lifted her straight up bracing an arm under her bottom. Her arms tightened around his neck and her legs wrapped just as tightly around his waist. He could have completely let go and she would not have budged. Her skirt hiked a little in the process of lifting her up and he used one hand to snake up her leg. As he approached the meeting of her legs he could feel the wetness of the fabric. He walked toward the house his hand getting ever closer to its destination. Finally he reached the split in the crotch of her pantaloons. He wasted no time with play and thrust two fingers into her. She groaned and tightened her legs around him. Her mouth worked over his neck as he carried her into the house and to the bedroom. Her legs released as she lowered her feet to the floor and set to work on the buttons of his shirt but that wasn't fast enough so she just pulled it over his head. He had a little better luck with the buttons on her dress which was soon discarded. Her petticoats were a puddle at her feet just as quickly and she lifted her camisole over her head while he yanked the drawstring on her pantaloons and gave them a shove. His hand found its way back to the desperate wetness between her legs. His fingers were thrusting in and out of her and he could feel her hands working at the buckles on his belts so that she could free his need for her. And he did need her like he thought he'd never needed anything before. He needed her like a drowning soul needs air. At last he felt his pants being shoved downward and her hand wrap around his manhood gripping him tightly and rubbing up and down the shaft. She pushed him back onto the bed and straddled him crawling on her hands and knees to position herself over him and then lowered herself quickly onto him. Her hips began to move at a torrid pace against him.

Jimmy grabbed her hips urging them even faster and then pulled her toward him to claim one of her breasts with his mouth. He could feel her getting close and knew he was too. This was not over, not by a long shot and there was only one thing he could think of to do to slow things without giving up what they so desperately needed. He lifted her hips allowing himself to slip from inside of her and threw her down on her back on the mattress next to him. Jimmy rolled to be between her legs and hooked her legs over his shoulders.

Faith was ready to grab his hardness and shove it back inside of her when Jimmy forcefully threw her next to him on the bed. It surprised and half scared her but then it was also exciting. Before she knew it her legs were in the air draped over his shoulders and he was buried deeper in her than she knew was possible. His fingers were digging hard into the flesh of her buttocks. She was sure there would be marks but she just didn't care. It felt far too good. On the surface it might have looked like he was the one with the power but she was understanding that she had created this fire in him. She was the powerful one. If she didn't have more power than this formidable man, she at least had as much. He was pounding into her, his flesh slapping against hers and suddenly he pulled out of her.

Jimmy watched Faith's face and wasn't sure how much longer he could hold out with the look of pure lust he found there. Once he pulled out of her he straightened up to stand on his knees and rolled her onto her hands and knees and plunged into her. His hands spread her buttocks to better watch himself in and out of her glistening more with her juices with every thrust. Faith found his rhythm and soon was pushing back against him with every thrust he made into her. He wasn't sure if he was penetrating her or she was impaling herself on him and he didn't really care. He reached with one hand to grab one of her breasts harshly, digging his fingers into the soft firm mound and his other hand slid around to make damned sure that however rough things might be that she would feel that pleasure. Letting out the anger was one thing but there had to be the promise of the bliss, the joy, the elation or it just wasn't worth it. He rubbed hard, fevered circles over the hardened nub as he continued drilling into her as hard and fast as he could. Jimmy could see her thrusts back toward him were starting to become ragged and out of rhythm as she came closer to that edge that only he could push her over. The noises she was making belonged more to a wild animal than a proper lady like Faith but that only made him more desperate to seek his release in her. That release was coming fast and there was no stopping it. He could feel it like raging waters pounding upon a dam. Then the dam broke and he could feel his seed spilling into her with every thrust. He growled at her as his hand kept working toward her pleasure.

Faith was overwhelmed. The pleasure was mounting within her and even if she had wanted to, there would be no holding it back. She heard Jimmy reaching his climax and each time he pounded just a little deeper into her and his fingers continued their work, she got closer to her own and then it hit. Her mind went blank, she saw flashes of lights. It was as if there was a slow burning fire in her loins that flashed all of a sudden to an explosion. He had brought her pleasure before but there was something else here. Something she brought to the table and it was a level of ecstasy she wasn't aware existed. Her arms went out from under her and her legs trembled as well. Jimmy rolled onto his side and brought her with him allowing his body to contour to hers and just like that he became tender to her.

Jimmy lightly dragged his fingers over her sensitized flesh, up and down her arm and over her hips. He leaned and kissed her shoulder lightly.

"Please tell me you feel better," he said in a near whisper, "Because I ain't as young as I once was and I don't think I can do that again for a little while."

In response Faith just began to giggle.

"Can I ask what's so funny?"

"I was just imagining my sister's reaction if she had seen that," Faith answered, "I'll bet she's never felt anything like that and I'm pretty sure of that too because I never had either."

She rolled onto her back and reached to gently caress the side of his face.

"You're pretty good at this, you know."

"I aim to please, ma'am," he said with a smirk.

Faith wrinkled her brow and looked at him strange for a moment, "Are you hungry?"

"I could eat."

"I'm starved," she said, "And I think I can smell that stew. It must be near to done."

Things were different after that day, in a good way. Jimmy noticed Faith was more sure of herself. She had lived on her own and done a right fine job of it all that time but she always had doubted herself and her choices before then but she had found something inside that day that allowed her the knowledge she had done well. She was proud of herself. She was stronger and she no longer dipped her head or looked embarrassed about anything she wanted or needed and that applied to life outside the bedroom as well as in bed.

One day, maybe a week or so later, Jimmy was out seeing to the horse's stalls when he heard a rider coming toward the house fast. He made his way out of the barn wishing he at least carried one of his guns around the place. He soon realized he didn't need it though as the rider was merely the young man who worked as a messenger for the telegraph company. Jimmy watched as the young man handed something to Faith and rode away. Faith opened the envelope and he could see the color drain from her face as she read whatever was on the message. She staggered to the rail of the porch and doubled over it emptying the contents of her stomach onto the ground below. He broke into a run then and was just climbing the porch steps when he saw her wobble and sink to the floor.

* * *

><p><strong>Hmmm...mysterious telegram...mysterious, upsetting telegram...wonder what it could be. Oh yeah and women's pantaloons then were not sewn up between the legs...imagine trying to use an outhouse or, worse yet, a chamber pot, and you're holding your skirts up and trying to lower your bloomers...just not a working thing. But put to good use here I think.-J<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

Jimmy knelt next to Faith gently brushing her hair away from her brow which had beaded with sweat. She looked so pale and fragile in his arms and he felt helpless.

"Faith, sweetheart," he said softly kissing her forehead and tapping lightly at her cheeks. He knew that usually you would slap at someone's face to wake them but he just couldn't bring himself to. "Open your eyes, please. I'm here."

After what seemed like an eternity Faith groaned and opened her eyes frowning at him.

"What happened?" she croaked.

"I'm not sure. A telegram came for you and once you read it, you lost your lunch over the rail and then just sort of collapsed."

Faith had been flushed when she had reawakened but the color left her quickly then and she shook her head almost violently as the tears pricked at her eyes.

"No, this isn't happening," she insisted although it sounded more like a plea but Jimmy wasn't sure who she was asking this of. "This is not happening. This cannot be happening."

Jimmy had no idea what was happening but Faith did not look well to him so he carried her inside the house and settled her on the couch before hurrying to fetch her a glass of cool water. Returning with the water he crouched next to where she lay on the couch and stroked her cheek tenderly.

"Tell me what's wrong," he pleaded.

"A-A-Aaron," she managed before tears obscured any other words she might have tried to form.

Jimmy was torn. He had no idea what she was talking about; he knew that if he went outside and picked up the telegram that all would be explained but on the other hand, Faith was crying and he couldn't leave her crying alone. So he kept his questions to himself and just held her tight to him as her tears soaked his shirt. In time those tears slowed and he dared to inquire further.

"What about Aaron?" he asked.

"He's alive."

Jimmy sank back onto his heels feeling like he'd just been punched—or maybe shot—in the gut. The one man Faith loved as much as him was alive.

"How long before he's here?"

"I don't know," she said, "It said he's still in a hospital somewhere in New York I think. He was injured in the head. He wasn't recognizable and when he came around he didn't know who he was or couldn't say. I'm not sure which. I don't know who they identified as him before or if they just assumed he was dead. I never had a body here to bury. This is not happening."

Jimmy didn't know what to say and therefore said nothing. Faith looked at him and searched his eyes for something but there was such a maelstrom within him she could make out nothing. It frightened her. She had no idea what to do and needed to know what he wanted, what he felt.

"Say something, please," she begged.

"I don't even know what to say," he told her honestly. It was taking all his concentration just to breathe. "I expect I'll need to be moving along soon though."

"You're leaving me?" she was incredulous.

"Faith, your husband is coming home. I don't figure he'd be too happy to find you playing house with another man, especially one of my kind."

"But we were going to be married," she protested.

"Yeah, only problem is that you already are."

"No, I don't think I am," she said, "He was declared dead, that has to mean something."

"Faith, honey," he said gently wanting to buy everything she said and take her in his arms and never ever let her go. It could work. He could marry her before Aaron got home and then she'd be his and no one could take that from him. He could have the simple life of a family man that he wanted so badly. Days of hard work and a real sense of accomplishment and nights next to Faith. But he couldn't. "You look me in the eye and tell me you don't still find yourself looking to that horizon wishing you'd see him coming over the hill; coming home to you. You do that and I'll haul you right into town and get us married today."

She raised her eyes to his and stared deeply into him and could not lie as badly as she wanted to be able to. Faith could see in his eyes how badly he wanted her to be able to say that she didn't still pine for Aaron a little bit at least but she could not and he seemed to grasp that fact and his eyes softened.

"It's alright," he said, "I knew from the first day here that I was in line behind him. I should be happy for you. This is a good thing, right?"

"You aren't leaving right away are you?"

"I guess I can stay a little while but I don't want to linger," he answered, "It'll only make it harder to leave you."

"Maybe if it's so hard then it isn't the right thing to do," she offered.

"I wish it weren't but I've learned a fair amount while appearing to most I hadn't learned a damn thing. I know the easy option usually ain't the right thing to do and the right thing to do is usually harder."

"But you gave up everything for me," she protested, "You can't leave. It's not right."

"I gave up a job I wasn't feeling too good about anyway," he said, "I got so much more than that."

"Where will you go?"

"Well, I'm closer to Rock Creek so I thought I'd head that way first and see if any of my family would have me back. Not sure what I'll do but I have a little money saved and it might just be enough to buy some land. If they're still too sore at me to want me around—which I'd understand if they were—I imagine I'll see what the prospects are in Omaha. I'd sure like to meet Emma's little ones."

Another communication came the next day telling of Aaron Lassiter's impending release from the hospital and that he would probably arrive within two weeks. Jimmy decided that meant he needed to leave in no longer than a week's time. Faith hated having a timetable for his departure. Knowing he was leaving her was bad enough but knowing when and having every minute that ticked by mean one less minute to be with him and one minute closer to being alone. It tore her up inside. She did love Aaron, his smile, his eyes, the way he would bring her a wildflower he happened to pass because its beauty reminded him of hers. But Jimmy had a passion and a fire that she never knew existed anywhere in the world and even if she had known of such a thing she never would have guessed to look within herself. He had taught her so much about herself and about love and healing and redemption and forgiveness. She had finally forgiven herself for everything; for not fighting harder to keep Aaron from joining the army, for Adam's death, for everything that had gone so terribly wrong in her life. She was in love with two men and that wasn't fair to either of them or to her but it was the fact of the situation nonetheless.

Faith tried to keep busy that week and spent every minute she could with Jimmy even if it was just sitting alongside while he did chores or cleaned his guns which he had taken to doing every night. One of those nights she dared ask why. He hadn't fired them since the day he taught her to shoot. They could not need the cleaning that much.

Jimmy stared blankly at her for a moment or two trying to find an answer to her question. In honesty he wasn't all that sure himself but he thought on it anyway.

"I guess it's an old habit," he said, "When I needed them every day it made sense to clean them every day and make sure they wouldn't let me down. Part of it is that I'm riding through some rough country here pretty soon and I need to know when I grab for one of these that it'll come through for me."

He paused and thought a bit more.

"I guess the other part is I know I might be heading into another life like the old one where all I really am is these guns. And one where all I really have are the guns. I don't know how else to say it. Guns aren't people but sometimes they're all you have. Maybe I was feeling guilty for having neglected such old friends like I have. I don't know."

He looked at her again and could not gauge her reaction at all.

"Hell maybe I just needed something to do with my hands," he added.

He looked up again to see one of Faith's eyebrows arched.

"What?" he asked.

"Come with me," she said taking his hand and pulling him toward the door.

"Faith, it's late. Where are you dragging me to?"

"Oh don't be silly," she chided him, "How late would Wild Bill stay up? Why, I'll bet he'd tell you the night is still young and if a woman was dragging you somewhere you'd be a fool not to go along."

"But I'm not-"

"You're not Wild Bill," she finished for him, "Seems like you're preparing to become him again. Doesn't Jimmy do anything crazy and impetuous?"

"Faith, morning comes early," he still protested but he didn't know why he felt he needed to.

"Oh sleep in tomorrow. You're gone day after anyway. Besides you owe me this."

"How do I owe you this?"

"Remember that day that Patience's letter came and you said I could have anything I want and I said there was something else I wanted but it would be a surprise? Well, this is going to be your surprise if you'd quit dragging your feet and come with me."

At that Jimmy gave in and followed willingly to the path that broke from the main trail near the house and all the way to a pond.

"Isn't it beautiful how the water shimmers in the moonlight?" she asked smiling at him. If she was only two have a couple more nights with him she was going to find a way to enjoy them.

"Yes it is," he agreed but he was looking more at the way the moonlight illuminated her face. He had stopped walking close enough to nearly be brushing against her and the energy he felt pulsing between them was hard to ignore. He had been feeling guilty the whole week every time he touched her or kissed her. It hadn't stopped him from touching her or kissing her or holding her tight or making love to her but he'd felt guilty all the same. Right then in that moment he felt no guilt or shame and he raised his hand and quickly pulled the comb from her hair and watched those lovely tresses come cascading down around her shoulders. "Are we here to admire the water?" he asked in a husky voice.

"No we're here to go for a swim," she replied, her hands working at the buttons of his shirt.

"Why are we here in the middle of the night? Wouldn't it make more sense to swim during the day?"

"There are people here during the day," she explained, "You wouldn't want a bunch of kids from town coming upon me swimming in my altogether now would you? And besides, if we're swimming here without our clothing, who's to say we wouldn't be come impassioned and feel the need to do more than swim? Now I know I would prefer to not be interrupted if that was to happen. And I think it's very likely to happen."

Jimmy's shirt was open and she leaned in and made a trail of kisses across his chest.

"I would imagine that could be very possible," he said helping her with the buttons on her dress. It didn't take very long for the two of them to be standing next to the pond naked as the day they were born. Jimmy wanted to touch her, to caress her, to lower her to the ground and—

"Last one in is a rotten egg!" Faith called out as she ran toward the water. Jimmy stood stunned for only a second and then broke into a run after her. Which one of them was in fact a rotten egg was debatable but soon they were both in the water splashing at each other like children. Faith was giggling and Jimmy soon found himself laughing as well. It felt good to just have fun and it felt even better to hear her laugh after the week she'd had, the week they'd both had. She swam to him almost close enough for him to reach out and touch but then she just swam lazy circles around him. She was on her back mostly floating but moving her hands or feet once in a while to keep her course and propel herself through the water. The way she was, Jimmy could see her breasts peeking out of the water and her long hair stuck to her shoulders. Even in the cool water he could not help the response from below his waist. He lunged and grabbed her around her middle and pulled her to him.

"Well, hello," she said with a smirk, "Whatever did I find?"

Her fingers lightly traced his growing erection and Jimmy's eyes began to slide closed only to fly open when her whole hand tightened around him and began pumping up and down his length. His breath quickened as he was lost momentarily in the sensations but he came to his senses and clamped his hand over hers before bringing his lips to her neck.

"You know I'm not much for subtle," he whispered in her ear, his breath cooling her wet neck giving her chills. "What is it you want, Faith?"

Faith batted her lashes and smiled her sweetest smile at him.

"I only want what I want every time I have you naked," she said, sugar dripping from her words along with unveiled lust.

Jimmy planted his feet more solidly in the bottom of the pond and ran his hands down her sides and along the contours of her backside. Bending over he continued down to the backs of her thighs and then between them. The sigh that escaped her lips then drove away all thoughts of a slow and tender encounter. He grabbed her thighs and wrapped her legs around him and quickly guided himself into her.

Faith thought she would die of need while he was tenderly running his hands over her body and then more quickly even than he could draw his Colt he was inside her and she could not hold back the moan that escaped her.

"Yeah, that's what I wanted," she said arching her back and grinding her hips into his.

Jimmy settled his hands on her hips and held them tight raising and lowering her as his hips bucked almost of their own accord. He could feel the water swirling around them stirred by their movements and the cool of the water contrasted to the heat of her body. It was like nothing he'd ever felt before. He could feel Faith's legs start to quiver around him as her muscles became rigid and she screamed out his name to the night. When his release came a few sharp thrusts later he felt as if he was exploding into her.

Faith's legs and arms went limp and she allowed herself to relax back into the water and float away from Jimmy. Her whole body was vibrating and she could feel her walls fluttering, the muscles tensing and relaxing faster than she could even acknowledge. She was only vaguely aware that she was humming though right then she couldn't possibly have told anyone what the tune was called.

Jimmy watched her float away and almost grabbed her out of a fear that she'd drown but then he took note of the contented smile on her face and the soft melody she was humming. He thought he had heard it once before but it was some piece of music that didn't have words and was written by some foreign guy in Europe or somewhere so he didn't know the name of it. He just watched her nude form glide lazily through the water as the moonlight shimmered around her.

"Come float with me, Jimmy," she said quietly, "It's perfect."

"I can't," he answered, "I can't swim."

"I didn't say swim. I said float," she clarified her voice so relaxed that she could have hypnotized nearly anyone right then and she nearly had Jimmy going with her. "Besides, you agreed to come in knowing you couldn't swim."

"I can touch bottom. It's not very deep."

"Then there's nothing to fear," she said so soft and tranquil he just had to believe it. "If you start to sink you just put your feet down. But you won't sink. People float. Just go limp. Let your head fall back and your feet float up."

He did as he was told. This was Faith and she'd never allow him to be hurt. He relaxed and felt himself drift backwards into the water and as she said, his feet floated up. Before he knew it, he was floating atop the water. It was magical floating there with the stars twinkling in the blackness overhead. There was a willow at pond's edge and he could see a soft rustle within it as a bird readied and took flight. Half of the time he could hear nothing but the muted swishing of the water in his ears and the rest of the time he heard crickets chirping accented only by the occasional hoot of an owl. Right there might just as well have been heaven for all he knew. A new sound joined the others as Faith began humming that tune again.

"What's that song you're humming, sweetheart?"

Faith wracked her brain a moment and then it came to her.

"It's a sonata by Beethoven," she said, "Part of one anyway. The second movement of the Pathetique Sonata. I remember Patience playing it over and over when she took piano lessons. I always loved the tune."

"It sure is pretty," he agreed.

They floated like that for a few minutes admiring the stars, their hands linked together. Jimmy felt a pang of sadness that with every day that he spent with Faith he discovered some new and wonderful thing and the many wonderful things he would now miss out on because he would not be with her.

"I guess it's time we got out of the water before we shrivel up to nothing," Faith said sounding like she'd rather stay until they did indeed shrivel to nothing.

The two left the heaven they had found floating dreamily in the water and Faith headed for her clothes but Jimmy took her wrist.

"See how soft that grass looks under that willow? It'd sure be a shame to waste grass that soft by heading home now," he said, "I'll bet the stars are just as shiny from there as they are from the pond."

Faith smiled knowing he didn't want the night to end any more than she did. Soon they were snuggled in each other's arms gazing at the stars through the embracing branches of the willow tree.

"I don't suppose it matters much that I love you," Faith said startling Jimmy from his brooding.

"It matters a whole awful lot," he replied bringing her hand to his lips and planting soft kisses on it. "It doesn't change the right thing to do but it matters. I did mean to marry you, Faith, I really did. I could love you forever. I'm sure I will actually. But you're not mine."

"I'm not his either," she said softly, "That's what you taught me, Jimmy. I'm not property and I have worth and value outside of a man. My own desires are important and what makes me happy is important. Don't you care that you make me happy?"

She sat up and looked down at him until he sat up as well and pushed the hair from her face, his hand lingering on her cheek.

"Were you happy with him?" he asked, "Before he left, I mean. Did he make you happy? Did you love him and want to make sure you kissed him each time you parted?"

Faith looked down, "Yes," she admitted softly.

"I'm glad I made you happy again," he continued, "You deserve happiness no matter what your rotten sister says. I wish it could be my place to give you all that but I know it's not. You love him. You never stopped loving him and I could take that when he was dead or, you know, when we thought he was. I can't stay with you knowing the man you love more is still out there and I'd be keeping you from him. I love you far too much for that."

"Will you write sometimes and let me know how you are?" she asked, "I'll still worry."

She felt a chill steal across her shoulders and then Jimmy's arms tightening around her obviously blaming the night air for her shudder. In fact she was remembering the dream she'd had the night before. It was the same nightmare as before. She was in town and saw him—but not him, Wild Bill—and then the shots rang out and she ran to him and felt the life slip from his body as she held him tight. The difference this time was the man who had shot him didn't run. He hovered over the pair in the street. Faith looked up to see Aaron looking back at her. He didn't speak, just nodded for her to come with him. His eyes were hard and cold, not the warm laughing eyes she remembered, not the ones she fell in love with. He frightened her and she found herself in the dream preferring to stay in the street holding a corpse than to follow the man she had married and bore a son. She woke terrified and clung even tighter to Jimmy. Something was telling her that her future was no longer to be found with Aaron but it ought to be. This was news she had dreamt of and prayed for. Even after she had first taken up with Jimmy she longed for Aaron sometimes. Faith knew Jimmy would tell her it was just nerves at seeing her husband again. Perhaps it was at that.

Whatever was causing her troubled feelings, Faith was going to treasure every moment of this night with this man she loved so deeply. She continued to stare at him forcing an answer to her question.

"I'm not real good at letter writing but I'll try to get word to you every so often," he finally told her causing her to melt further into him.

They spent the rest of the night until near dawn holding each other and making love under the warm glow of the moon and the twinkling light of the stars.

When they wandered back to the house the next day, they were tired but neither one felt a great deal like sleeping. It was to be their last day together and they didn't want to let the other one out of their sight for any length of time. They did nothing of any real consequence that day but then each thought those were the best days of all. That night they went to bed early. They were both tired from not having slept the night before and Jimmy wanted to be off at first light. They readied for bed without words. Jimmy climbed under the covers first and laid there watching Faith brush her long brown hair and wind it into a braid. He had seen her do this many times and it never got old to him. This time though he wanted to look away to spare himself the thought that this would be the last time he would look upon this simple yet lovely sight. At last she was ready. She darkened the room on her way to the bed but then the same large moon as the night before shone through the window casting a soft and nearly magical glow upon them.

Jimmy held her in his arms but it was different. There was a distance between them that had never been there before. She rolled away from him and he curled around her until his body contoured to hers, like spoons in a drawer. He felt her nestle closer to him and then heard her breathing grow slow and even as sleep overtook her. He still could not sleep. This was going to make for a very long day of riding the next day and he truly hoped he would not meet trouble as he surely would not be up to defending himself against it. Instead of sleep he took in every sensation he could. He memorized the room, every shadow, every nook and cranny. He inhaled deeply the scent of her hair so fresh and clean. She never wore perfume and only lightly scented her baths and yet to him she smelled better than the women who used to visit him in town that smelled so strong of perfume. They always made him think of wilted bouquets. Faith smelled of sunshine and outdoors and her own sweat which was not foul in the slightest but sweet like honeyed fruit. He listened to the silence which was broken only by her soft breathing and the occasional coo she would make along with the random chirps of a cricket that had taken up residence outside the open window. The cricket had been there at least a week and a half and Jimmy had on one of its first nights there named the creature George since the thing had no plans to leave and was intent on talking to them all night every night. On this night George seemed to be keeping time with her breathing and soft sighs and coos. But the feeling Jimmy wanted most to remember and be able to call upon in the future was the way her warm body felt in his arms. How when they laid like this it felt as if they had been made as one piece and broken apart and had simply found each other so that they could fit back with their other half. She would sometimes shift in her sleep and rub closer against him. He closed his eyes to take in every sensation and realized that her nightgown had ridden up around her waist. She shifted slightly in her sleep causing her hips to wiggle and press her warm soft folds into his groin. If he was having trouble sleeping before then it was completely impossible now.

Jimmy's arm had been draped around her middle but now he moved it slowly to her bent knee and trailed his fingers up her thigh and over the curve of her hip. She made another soft noise and her backside rubbed against him again. He pressed against her and rubbed himself over her moistening heat. Her hips moved with his to create more friction and he thought then that she was awake. He was certain of it when she took his hand and moved it under her nightgown to rest upon her breast and gasped audibly when his fingers made circles around her nipple. He moved his hand only long enough to take hold of his erection and slide it into her. It was so soft and warm inside of her and right then it felt like the only place he ever wanted to be for the rest of his days. Jimmy lifted Faith's leg over his to allow him to get deeper into her and then let his hand trail from her breast to the spot between her legs that he knew ached for his touch. He could feel her pleasure build within her and then when he sent her over the edge. He needed more though.

She whimpered when he pulled out of her rolling her on her back. He pushed her nightgown over her head and tossed it to the foot of the bed before leaning back on his heels to look at her memorizing every curve, every rise and fall of her body.

"That's better," he said, "Now I can see you."

He traced her with his finger and his tongue finally settling both between her legs. His tongue circled the hardened nub bringing her closer to her bliss while his fingers pumped in and out of her speaking of things he still planned to do to her with a different appendage. He kept a maddening pace until she screamed out his name. It was still the sweetest sound he could think of. He quickly positioned himself to enter her and very slowly allowed his length to part her soft and still quivering folds. He moved slowly to draw this out. He knew it would be the last time he would make love to her and he wanted—no, needed—it to last. Once fully encased in her warmth he just as slowly withdrew almost completely and then back in. he lamented that he could not keep this pace up but he just needed her too badly and she was writhing beneath him urging him to a faster rhythm. His next thrust came even quicker and harder until he could hear their skin slapping together and her cries begging for more. He kept pumping in and out each time trying to go deeper within her, never feeling like he was quite far enough inside of her. If he could have somehow merged himself with her to live within her skin with her, to truly become one then he would have right then. Inside her to his very base was not close enough to her. If Jimmy could have lived in these few minutes forever he would have but he knew they would come to an end and they did. With the final few thrusts and her once again calling out his name and God's as well, he coated the inside of her walls with his release.

He was able to fall asleep after that with her in his arms but he woke before dawn all the same. That was good because he had places to go and he needed to put as much distance between himself and the dream existence he had been living as he could in the first day. He kept telling himself that while it was a home he was leaving it was also a home he was going to. It didn't help much but he hoped it would give solace the closer he got to his family.

Faith was quiet as Jimmy readied to leave. He didn't see her stuff a couple of things inside the old mochila he still carried, nor did he notice much as she packed a satchel of food for his trip. She had slept some after making love with him but her sleep was frequently interrupted by the nightmare and her own feelings of apprehension. She wanted to beg him to stay, fall to her knees and plead, cry, wail, whatever it would take for him to not get on that horse, for him to stay with her. Maybe he would just take her with him instead. Deep down though she knew that he would not take her with him and he would not stay and there was reason to his decision. So she held her stoic face for him as she watched him lead his horse out into the yard and offered a smile to him.

"I will always love you, you know that, right?" he said begging her to believe him.

She nodded and then gave up the stoicism and let the tears fall. Faith could not even find words to say to him but when he embraced her she whispered into his ear, "I love you James Hickok and I always will. I would have proudly been your wife. Please do something for me now."

He pulled back to look at her and hear her request.

"Be happy," she told him, "Find someone to share your life. You deserve it. Please, just be happy."

"I will because you wish it," he said before leaning to kiss her.

Those were the last words he would say to her but they were honest. He pulled himself into the saddle and rode away. He did not dare look back because he knew he could not leave her if he did and he knew he had to leave. It was the right thing to do after all.

Faith stood in the yard watching him ride away from her forever. She was alone again. She hugged her arms tight around herself and then sank to her knees right where she had stood. She sat and watched his shape grow smaller and smaller until she could not see him anymore and it was then she wept and wailed to the heavens, to God Himself if He was listening. Eventually she got up and started preparing for Aaron's arrival but her heart was not in it.

Jimmy rode on and on. There was a time when riding the open landscape brought him freedom and joy but he didn't want freedom anymore. He didn't want to be running away from anything. He wanted to run toward and not the thing he was heading toward either. He wanted to be running toward Faith. How fitting her name was, he thought. Faith. She had given him back his own. He still wasn't all sure about God but his family was something he could believe in again. He sighed and kept riding hoping that old wounds had healed over the years and he'd find welcoming arms in Rock Creek.

* * *

><p><strong>First of all, sorry for the length of this chapter. It sort of got out of hand. I knew the things that needed to be in this chapter and those crazy kids just kept filling in details. Now when I originally came up with the idea for this story, this was where it ended but I recently came to know that I needed to follow Jimmy back to Rock Creek. It's important. So it does not end here.-J<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

Jimmy rode as long as he could pushing the horse as hard as he dared. Night fell and it paid it little mind but finally he was so tired he was nearly falling out of the saddle and he knew he had to make camp. Of course he had passed a few towns along the way and he could have gone in and found lodging but he had skirted every one of them. In time, if he lay low enough for long enough, he might be able to walk through a town without the whispers or the challenges or even just the knowing looks. For now he knew that Wild Bill was still alive and well as far as the world knew and if he wandered through a town, no matter how hard he tried to be anything but Bill, it would only keep the legend alive.

He had tried not to think as he rode but found he could do little else. He thought about the time he had spent with Faith and worried for her alone. Now he didn't worry that she could handle the work that needed doing or that she could take care of herself. He knew she could. He worried that she'd be lonesome; he worried that she'd be sad. Mostly he was angry at his own selfishness. Jimmy had a terrible fear that Aaron wouldn't come back the same man that left. He should have stayed and seen for himself that she would be alright but he told himself they would probably be happy to be together again and he couldn't bear the thought that his last memory of her would be in another man's arms. He needed to keep and hold sacred the memory of her in his arms, making love to him, kissing him.

Of course he knew he was being ridiculous with his worry anyway. Her wishes had just come true and even though she had loved him and even though she was sad to see him go, her husband was coming home. He was a good man who loved her deeply in return and they would go back to the business of building their life together that the war had rudely interrupted. He felt like a jackass for begrudging her happiness. It was as bad as when he had been angry and hurt over Emma's marriage to Sam. He was just too selfish and as long as he thought of himself first he had no chance at happiness no matter what nice things Emma or the others had said to him over the years.

Days passed and Jimmy knew he was nearing Rock Creek. He patted the horse on the neck as he jumped down to make camp one night.

"We ought to make town sometime tomorrow," he said. The first day he had felt stupid talking to the horse which was odd since he had always talked to Sundance. It only took until the second day riding before he started conversing with the beast. Once Jimmy had settled down by the fire with a pot of coffee and nearly the last of the food Faith had sent him he got to once again feeling melancholy. He looked at the food and knew he didn't deserve it. He wasn't sure why though or at least he could decide whether it was that he had spoken to her and complicated her life in the first place or the fact that he hadn't stayed when she asked. He would have torn into Kid for making a decision like that for Lou and he had just done the same thing to save his own feelings.

He knew he would see his family the next day and became all at once lonesome for them. So he picked up the old mochila and reached in. First he happened upon the one picture he had of all of his family together. It was before Ike had been killed. Sure Emma was missing but the very fact that there was a family to be photographed was a testament to her presence. Rachel was there looking proud of her boys and Teaspoon smiling wide. Lou scowling behind her glasses for fear someone would question her delicate features. Cody had that happy-go-lucky grin. Kid smiling and trying not to look like he was in love with Lou, Buck's head held high knowing he was someplace he belonged and was wanted and needed and cared for. Hardest to look at wasn't his own dopey face but the two faces he'd never see again aside from in this picture. Ike's kind eyes that never let on the ugliness he had seen in his young life. He still believed in love and joy and that being a caring person was somehow the only thing that mattered. Jimmy knew he was right about that but also that it was a good part of why he was gone from them now. Noah would forever be Jimmy's cross to bear. If only he hadn't talked him into working for the express or if only he hadn't met up with Rosemary. So many if onlies and not a damn one mattered because there was no going back and no changing that Noah was in a hole and Jimmy was still above ground. Hell, as far as he knew Rosemary Burke was still alive and probably still getting men to do her bidding with that pout. He always said that the reason he didn't come back to Rock Creek before now was that he couldn't face his family after he had left, after he had been so stupid and selfish. That was only part of it and not even the biggest part. Jimmy wasn't sure he could face the graveyard in Rock Creek. He wasn't sure if he could ride past knowing that one of the markers bore the name Noah Dixon. That man should be walking around knowing that he was as free in Missouri and every other state and territory as he had been at his birth. He should have lived to see slavery abolished. If anyone should have died that day it should have been Jimmy for visiting that plague upon his friends, the people who'd called him brother. Now that he thought about it Noah had called him brother and he got killed for it.

Sighing Jimmy set the picture down and reached into the mochila again only to find something he didn't remember being in there, and he knew every item in there by heart. He pulled out this new object. It was cloth and rolled and tied with a ribbon. It was a ribbon he recognized as one he'd seen Faith use in her hair once or twice. Slowly he untied the ribbon and unrolled the cloth. Inside he found a letter in Faith's hand. Atop the letter were a few soft leaves from the willow by the pond and a lock of Faith's lovely hair. Jimmy picked up the wavy strands of hair held together with a small bit of yarn from Faith's knitting and brought it to his face. It still smelled of her and he felt the tears begin to fall at the rush of memories and feelings that scent brought to him. He blinked them away and picked up the letter. He saw quickly that it wasn't a letter. It was a poem and one he actually recognized from a book she often read. He couldn't remember the name of the poet, just that it was a woman and the book was something like Portuguese Songs or something like that.

_Go from me. Yet I feel that I shall stand _

_Henceforth in thy shadow. Nevermore _

_Alone upon the threshold of my door _

_Of individual life, I shall command _

_The uses of my soul, nor lift my hand _

_Serenely in the sunshine as before, _

_Without the sense of that which I forbore- _

_Thy touch upon the palm. The widest land _

_Doom takes to part us, leaves thy heart in mine _

_With pulses that beat double. What I do _

_And what I dream include thee, as the wine _

_Must taste of its own grapes. And when I sue _

_God for myself, He hears that name of thine, _

_And sees within my eyes the tears of two._

The words hurt him like he wasn't aware he could hurt. There was nothing he could do and yet they both were aching so. Carefully he rolled the cloth again and secured it with the soft ribbon before placing it back with the rest of his treasures in the old mochila.

It was full dark and he knew the hour must be late so Jimmy settled onto his blanket resting his head against his saddle and allowed sleep to come for him. It wasn't a sound sleep and he woke often with a start but not remembering what vision might have brought him from his slumber. By the time the sun finally began to stretch above the horizon he was about to give up on the whole idea of sleep anyway. It wasn't long after midday that he saw the town of Rock Creek come into view. He dismounted and unbuckled his guns. Being so close to town he was sure he would not need them and the guns were better known on sight than he was. He'd been gone just long enough that he didn't need word spreading of Wild Bill riding into town. He shoved the pistols into his saddlebags and pulled himself back into the saddle and continued on his way into town.

Jimmy wasn't sure why he had thought the town would look different but it really didn't at all. He rode in past the old station and down the main street. Only a few people on the street even spared him a glance and he merely nodded at them and tipped his hat if the curious soul happened to be a lady. Certainly no one spared him a second glance. He passed Tompkins' store and it sort of seemed more like home to know that grumpy old cuss was still running the mercantile. Smiling he shook his head remembering how he and his friends would go 'round and 'round with that man but somehow even though he never wanted to, Tompkins learned some tolerance and Jimmy hoped in the time he'd been gone the man might have even learned more. He pulled up the reins in front of the Marshal's office. There was no better place to start than right there and if Jimmy knew Teaspoon the man would be sitting behind his desk, feet propped upon it, hat pulled over his eyes snoring away and yet still aware of everything going on around him.

Stepping inside the office, Jimmy felt like he'd walked back into a different time. Absolutely nothing had changed at all in that room.

"Can I help you?" the old man said from under his hat. Jimmy suddenly had no voice at all and what he thought he might be able to muster he knew would fail him completely should he try to use it. He just stood helplessly inside the door waiting for Teaspoon to look at him. Curiosity got the better of the old marshal and he did tip his head back to its more rightful place on his head and looked at the man in his doorway.

His eyes went up and down the newcomer and then his feet landed on the floor along with the two legs of the chair that had been in the air allowing him to recline for his nap. He swallowed away the lump in his throat and hoped he could speak.

"Jimmy?" he asked tentatively, "Is it really you, son?"

Jimmy looked down at his feet unable to do more than nod. Teaspoon rose from his chair and crossed to his long lost child for as much as he had told Emma that these were not boys, they were men and they needn't be babied, they each had become the children he'd not fathered but got the honor of raising all the same. He knew where every other one of them was including Noah who was in the graveyard and Ike who was in the winds and the sunlight and the flowers in the spring. The only exception was James Hickok. Sure he'd hear a story or two now and then of some of Wild Bill's exploits but it wasn't the same as hearing from the boy or seeing him once in a while. Teaspoon placed a hand on each of Jimmy's shoulders.

"Let me look at you," he said his voice becoming clouded with emotion, "The mustache is new but it looks fine on you. Ain't you riding a little light?"

Jimmy furrowed his brow and then realized Teaspoon was indicating the lack of guns around his hips.

"It's best not to draw attention sometimes," Jimmy replied as he felt himself pulled into an embrace that he readily returned. It wasn't like Teaspoon to put on such a display of feeling but then neither was it Jimmy's way. When a father and son are reunited, as was the case in that office, they are allowed whatever show of affection they deem fitting.

When they parted Jimmy blinked a few times to push back the tears that threatened to form. There was so much he wanted to say to Teaspoon right then but none of it would come out and he couldn't sort even how to put any of it into words. Finally he said the only thing he was sure of.

"I'm sorry."

Teaspoon just shook his head and waved off the apology.

"No, Teaspoon, I mean it," Jimmy asserted, "I caused so much pain and then instead of fixing anything I just left."

"Weren't nothing really that was your fault," the older man said clapping Jimmy on the shoulder and leading him to a chair. "War was starting and people get hurt in wars. No one ever seems to remember that detail until it's far too late."

Jimmy looked down not being able to meet Teaspoon's eyes. He didn't deserve the kindness and as much as he needed forgiveness, he didn't deserve that either.

"I brought her here," Jimmy nearly whispered knowing there was no need to elaborate on the identity of 'her'. "I was stupid and she played me and even after Noah I couldn't see her for what she was."

Teaspoon chuckled. He felt bad about laughing at the boy's hurt but someday Jimmy would understand when, God willing, his own son was in a similar place.

"You ain't the first man to get stupid over a woman and you won't be the last," Teaspoon told him, "The important thing ain't that you left, it's that you came home."

"I was afraid for a while I didn't have one of those anymore."

Teaspoon looked at the man across the desk from him and he didn't see a fearsome gunman or lawman, he didn't see a gambler or hero of dime novels, he didn't even see the stubborn and hotheaded youth at Emma's that first day squaring his jaw at him over the placement of his holster. He saw a frightened little boy and for the first time he truly saw the orphan who had signed on with Russell, Majors and Waddell out of desperation. He saw a wounded child with nowhere to go and a fear that no one loved him because he was unlovable.

"Son," Teaspoon began and he let that word sink in good before he continued. Jimmy needed to know that Teaspoon wasn't just calling him that for something to say, that he really considered him a son. "You've had a home since the first day I met you. I told Emma not to baby you boys and not to get to attached and mother on you. She insisted on it but I'll tell you, I was trying as much to tell myself not to get too attached and not to be trying to take you all in like you was my own. I thought it would be easy seeing as I didn't never have no young uns but damn, if I didn't just get sucked right in too. You made some mistakes and I'll grant you that but everyone does. Ain't a one of us perfect. You being human ain't reason to cast you out. You got a home and you got family and as long as any of us breathe it's here for you."

"I maybe should have written or something," Jimmy said, "I just was too afraid of hearing something back that I didn't want to."

"It's alright. Surprises like this brighten a day right up."

Teaspoon looked to the door as Buck walked in with a smile on his face.

"It was like you said Teaspoon," Buck said with half a chuckle. He nodded at Jimmy, "Hey Hickok," he said before continuing. "Judd passed out and fell off his horse on the way home from the saloon. The horse went on home and left him. He's fine."

Through his whole story Buck had been heading to the coffee pot while Jimmy watched with a smile. He had offered up only a nod in return to his friend's greeting. Buck had his cup in his hand and had just picked up the pot of coffee when he stopped dead. He set the pot back down and turned to face Teaspoon and Jimmy. His eyes were wide as if he was looking at a ghost.

"Afternoon Buck," Jimmy said easily hoping the shock was happy as Teaspoon's had been. Buck was a good guy and they had become close but the man was known to hold a grudge.

"Hickok?"

Jimmy just nodded. Buck's shock spread into a smile that consumed his whole face. It was a smile that Jimmy missed and not just because he'd been away. It was a carefree type of smile that Buck had stopped offering after Ike died. Buck had recovered some after Ike's death but he carried a weight after that and it always tempered even his most genuine smiles with sadness. Jimmy was sure his arrival wasn't the real reason for the lighter countenance of his friend but whatever it was, he aimed to stick around long enough to know it.

"Well, it's about time you came home," Buck said offering a hug, "You've missed a lot. You'd better be planning on sticking around for a while because it might just take weeks to tell you everything that's gone on. How long are you here for?"

"I was thinking of staying permanently."

"That'll make Rachel happy," Buck replied and then a new smile came across his face. "Say, why don't you and me head over to the school? It's about dismissal time and I'm sure she could use some help carrying books and such."

Both men looked at Teaspoon as if asking permission and the man smiled that they would so quickly return to being his boys. He nodded to them as if they even needed to ask him and they left the office smiling.

As they walked, Buck studied his old friend. It was clear Jimmy was glad to be home but there was a worry in him. Buck supposed that part of that was being gone so long and maybe worrying about being welcome. Still there was something else and as much as Buck wanted to ask where Jimmy had been and what prompted him to suddenly come home his instincts told him that wasn't the question for right then. Instead he talked and filled Jimmy in on the rest as best as he could.

He started telling him about Kid and Lou but found Jimmy knew a fair amount from Emma's letter.

"They're going to be so happy to see you," Buck said, "Kid worried he wouldn't ever again but Lou had some faith you'd find your way back. Got to be a little tiff for a bit after the first child was born, their son."

Jimmy looked confused.

"Kid wanted to name him after his brother and Lou argued that it was too formal to not call him by a nickname but it might get confusing. They finally settled on it though."

"Kid's brother's dead," Jimmy said, "How could it be confusing to call any nickname and what does that have to do with me?"

"Not Jed," Buck explained, "Kid wanted to name the boy James after the brother who always looked out for him and had his best interests at heart. Lou argued they could name him James but if they called him by Jimmy then it would get confusing when you came back to us. Kid didn't believe you would but they finally decided to call him Jamie."

"They named their son after me?"

Buck smiled, "You and Teaspoon. That was an argument and a half too but they finally settled on Aloysius for a middle name. The girl is Mary for Lou's ma."

Buck stopped and put a hand on Jimmy's arm.

"I figure Rachel will stake her claim to feeding you immediately and Lou will want to have you over too," he said, "Don't worry, she can cook. You know how she is when she really puts her mind to something. Well she really put her mind to learning to cook and she's a damned fine one now too. Anyway, my point is that once Lou and Rachel are done fussing over you, I'd like to have you over. Jenny would have my head if I didn't extend the invite."

"Jenny?" Jimmy asked and then realization dawned, "Jenny Tompkins?"

"Jenny Cross now," Buck said with a growing smile. Before Jimmy could say anything in response they heard the school bell telling all of dismissal. Kids flooded out chattering and playing. Behind them came a familiar blonde woman. The years had not changed her at all as far as Jimmy could see. She was still lovely. He walked over to her.

"Those books look awful heavy, Ma'am," he said tipping his hat, "Let me give you a hand."

She looked ready to protest but then stopped and turned the voice over in her head before raising her eyes to the face of the man standing next to her. The books fell from her hands onto the soft grass of the schoolyard.

Jimmy watched her mouth open as if to speak but nothing came out. Tears shone in her eyes and she reached for him and threw her arms around his neck hugging him tight.

Rachel could not believe her eyes. As she hugged him she tried to make her mouth work to say something so that he might speak again and she could have her proof that Jimmy had in fact come home. It had nearly broken her heart when he left. She lost so many all at once. Ike went first and then Noah and then Cody joined the Army. She thought she might lose Buck for a while and Kid threatened on more than one occasion to leave for Virginia. In the end he stayed and Cody came home to see her and Teaspoon whenever he could. Jimmy left so hurt inside and so torn up and confused she wondered if she would ever see him again. She knew she had said some things before he left that she regretted and suspected he hadn't meant all he had said either.

"How is a beautiful woman such as yourself still single, Rachel?" Jimmy asked her making her giggle.

Rachel finally loosened her hold on him, "Why don't you ask a certain grouchy old marshal?"

"So it is true," he mused picking up the fallen books and offering his arm to her.

"Can I plan on two handsome men dining with me this evening?" she asked him looping her arm through his.

"I'll be there," he answered, "I ain't speaking for anyone else though."

* * *

><p><strong>Okay...so he's home. I never doubted that bygones would be bygones and everyone would be happy to see him. As for the poem Faith copied for him, it is by Elizabeth Barrett Browing who is one of my all-time favorites. And the book it is from is "Sonnets from the Portuguese". She wrote them for her husband Robert Browning. His nickname for her (though I am not sure why) was Portuguese so it was truly a gift for him. They had an epic love story. Anyway...there's still more to this.-J<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

Jimmy had been home for a couple of months and was finally feeling settled. He'd spent a few weeks in the old bunkhouse. It was hard at first to be there all alone with the memories but after a couple nights he came to understand that the memories were better than the emptiness of his previous rooms. It was still nothing compared to sleeping next to Faith but eventually he had to get past that. He would never have that privilege again. He left and that was that.

Jimmy thought back to maybe a week or so after he had arrived back in Rock Creek. Teaspoon sought him out.

"I was starting to feel the autumn chill yesterday," Teaspoon had said, "This might be the last good fishing day we have. How about it?"

Jimmy knew this was a pretense and had little to do with catching fish but he was sort of grateful for the offer all the same and accepted the invitation.

The pair got settled by the fishing hole and sat in the comfortable silence that comes between people who have a certain history and don't feel the need to fill the quiet with unnecessary words. Eventually Teaspoon cleared his throat.

"Jimmy," he began and then paused as if perhaps he still didn't have his thoughts completely settled in his mind yet. "It's good to have you home and I know you've been a big help to Rachel fixing some things I hadn't gotten to. I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth but I can see there's something weighing on you, son. What exactly happened to bring you back to us?"

"Teaspoon, I really don't want to talk about it," Jimmy said staring at his line in the water.

Teaspoon chuckled a little under his breath, "If that was really true, you wouldn't've come out here with me. You ain't stupid, Jimmy, you knew what I was fixing to ask."

"There was a woman," Jimmy said finally. Teaspoon was right, on some level he must have wanted to talk about this even though it hurt something fierce to even think about her.

"Well, we all get our heart broke at some time or another, son," Teaspoon told him, "I know you've had your share of bad luck with women who weren't what you thought they were."

"It's not like that, Teaspoon," Jimmy protested, "She was perfect."

"No one's perfect," Teaspoon noted.

"I know that but she was perfect for me. She just loved me and let me love her."

Teaspoon sat back to get comfortable while Jimmy told of meeting Faith and how things had progressed with them and even how he had accidentally proposed to her which brought a chuckle from the old man. Teaspoon's smile faded when Jimmy spoke of the telegram and Jimmy's decision to leave. He winced at that choice and his heart hurt to think of the pain that must have come to his boy from that decision.

"I didn't know where else to go really but I thought if Emma still had some warm feeling for me that maybe I could still come here," Jimmy concluded, "If it was still too soon to be welcome here, I was going to head to Omaha. I just didn't want to bounce around anymore."

"Home's where you go when nowhere else seems right," Teaspoon mused, "I'm glad you came back here."

"I know it was the right thing to do—leaving, I mean—but nothing ever hurt like this."

Teaspoon cleared his throat and straightened up.

"I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all."

"Sounds to me like the words of someone who really never did love at all, or at least never loved Faith,"

"You're still too close to it Jimmy," Teaspoon said and then paused to think of how to proceed when Jimmy gave him a skeptical look that said distance had nothing to do with how bad he was hurting. He sighed heavily before continuing.

"You know I been married six times and I know you think I was probably divorced the same number," he paused again blinking back emotion. Jimmy's head shot up realizing that for once one of Teaspoon's talks might actually make sense to him. "I was widowed twice. As hard as this land can be on a body, and especially women, I guess I'm lucky it was only that many times. The first time it happened was one of the Indian women I married. She was killed and it don't matter much the circumstances just that I wasn't able to protect her and she was gone. I honestly thought I would never love anyone again. But I did. It took a while but eventually it wasn't so raw. Second time I think it was even worse. We was going to have a baby but something went real wrong and when the time came, she died and the baby with her. I thought I'd never get past that. The point of that poem and what I'm trying to tell you is that someday you'll be able to hold tight to the good and the pain will have faded. I ain't going to lie and say it goes away entirely. It don't. The reason I never told this before is that it still hurts a bit. But then I remember how I loved them and how they loved me and how that felt and I know it was a blessing to have shared that."

"I'm sorry, Teaspoon," Jimmy said with tears in his eyes. At least Faith was still out there and could be happy. To think of her gone from the world entirely, knowing that no one would ever know the warmth of her bright smile would probably kill him outright.

"I know son and I appreciate it," the older man told him, "Now what you have to do right now is take care of yourself. Coming back here was a good choice, better than going back to that old life you had. Now that you're home and looking at a different life you still have to look after yourself."

"Rachel and Lou and even Jenny are feeding me-"

"That ain't exactly what I'm talking about," Teaspoon said looking uncomfortable, "You got food and shelter and even some purpose what with helping Rachel out but a man has some needs that are even more basic than those things."

Jimmy looked away willing himself not to blush. He was a grown man and knew all about these needs Teaspoon spoke of. He had indulged them nearly every chance he had and he had just admitted to Teaspoon having indulged them with Faith. Everyone had known those needs were what pulled him to leave with Rosemary and even what had caused the whole unfortunate Sarah Downs incident. He was no stranger to the women in saloons and what they had to offer. But still and all this was Teaspoon standing in front of him talking about a man's needs.

"I'm alright, Teaspoon."

"You might think you are," Teaspoon told him not really wanting to have this talk anymore than Jimmy did, "You didn't leave that long ago and it sounds like you didn't let your frustrations build too much while you was with her. But they will build again and you have to find ways to deal with them. There are establishments just for that purpose, in fact."

"Are you standing there telling me to get over the love of my life by visiting whores?"

"I'd never suggest that you'd get over her," Teaspoon explained, "Just over the, well, the tension that can build in a man. There's a reason they provide that service."

"I'm not sure if I can do that anymore. I mean, I used to but that was before. I never knew it could mean something. Before her, it was just, like you said, to relieve the tension but then Faith showed me what it was to really make love with someone."

Teaspoon took off his hat, ran his fingers through his hair and replaced the hat on his head before speaking again.

"I ain't talking about love, Jimmy," he said, "I'm talking about filling a need. Love is grand and no one I think knows that like I do but sometimes you need to deal with a need even if you don't have the love. Don't neglect yourself. And if visiting one of those ladies don't help, you still have two hands."

Jimmy looked even more embarrassed. Sure every man did that and more often than he'd even admit to himself but no one talked about it as far as he knew.

"Rachel already has enough wood chopped for the winter and you don't look like you feel a bit better for it," Teaspoon said raising an eyebrow, "Think about it."

That night, Jimmy'd gone back to the bunkhouse after supper with Buck and Jenny and got himself ready for bed. He couldn't get Teaspoon's words out of his mind. Maybe he should get dressed and head to the saloon. He knew there was no shortage of women who could see to him but the very thought made him angry. That was the old life of emptiness that he thought he could leave behind once he met Faith. He came home to break that pattern. He still could not deny that he did need a release so, alone in the old bunkhouse where he'd once been surrounded by family he pushed down his long johns and took hold of his cock. He began to stroke himself harder and harder blocking everything out of his mind but the pleasure he was giving himself. He did not think how he no longer was worthy of pleasure or how lonely he was even though he was home and surrounded by family and only after his release spilled hot across his stomach did he take the time to contemplate how pathetic a figure he was alone in the old bunkhouse seeing to his own needs. He grabbed a bandanna and cleaned himself off before rolling over and begging sleep to come for him so he wouldn't have to think on it anymore. If nothing else, his activity had made it easier to sleep and that was something. It made it easier to fall asleep at any rate. Staying asleep was another matter entirely and his night was filled with dreams he couldn't remember but that shook him from his sleep all the same.

Jimmy looked back on that now with gratitude. It wasn't anything like spending hours sharing that pleasure with Faith but it had lightened his step the next day.

He had eventually moved from the bunkhouse and into his own place. He was still alone and lonely but he no longer was mocked by the ghosts of the good times. He thought he might even find his place in the grand scheme of things and that maybe Teaspoon was right, he shouldn't mourn that Faith was gone from him, he should be happy he had ever known her at all. Some days he barely even thought on her but others were so much harder. And the hard times would blindside him too. He'd be going along on a typical day and then something would occur to him that he wanted to tell her, something she'd find funny or sweet and he'd have to remember that she wasn't there for him to tell. Today was just such a day.

He'd been over visiting Lou, just checking in because Kid was away for a few days. Mary was cutting a tooth and was fussing and Lou was just getting overwhelmed. Jimmy had taken the baby from her, kissed her cheek and told her he'd see to the little ones if she'd just get herself some tea and relax a bit. Jamie had followed him inside to help calm little Mary and went on about how to get her settled for a nap. He wanted to tell Faith how good it had felt to hold that little girl and figure out how to soothe her crying. And the way Jamie saw to his little sister and then went to sit next to his mama and pat her hand reminded him so of how Faith had described her Adam. He felt no one else in the world would understand these things or what they meant to him but then Faith wasn't there for him to tell and it was still too soon to write. She and Aaron needed time to be a couple again. He thought then how he hoped that she would get another miracle like her Adam had been. It was the first time he felt truly happy to think of her happiness. He had known in his heart that he should be happy for her but he hadn't felt it until that day. Still it hurt that her joy had to be with someone else.

He couldn't remember how this ritual began for him but one day when he was feeling particularly sad for not being with Faith he had pulled that rolled up cloth from the old mochila and it had begun. It was now the only thing that got him through some days though he knew at some point he would have to face facts and move on and that would mean that he could not do this anymore. But after first feeling so excited about wanting to tell Faith of his time with Lou's kids and then the crushing blow of reality that he could not, nothing else was going to help.

Jimmy peeled his clothes off once he had entered his bedroom and sat on the edge of his bed. He no longer even put the rolled cloth away; it just sat on the small table at his bedside. He untied the ribbon and unrolled the cloth reading the words that he had long before memorized. They were the words of another but they may have been written for their love. He then picked up the willow leaves and just held them remembering how these very leaves had embraced him as he held his love close to him, how they offered glimpses of the star filled sky as it glittered just for them that night. He remembered that magical feeling of floating atop the water listening alternately to the soft waves in his ears and Faith's humming of the sonata. Last he would pick up the bundle of her hair that still carried her clean, fresh scent. He relived every time he had brushed a strand of that hair off of her face and each and every time he'd been fortunate enough to lay in the bed watching her brush through it in her nightly routine. He imagined that hair cascading over her shoulders nearly but not quite concealing her soft breasts, how her hardened nipples would protrude through those tresses as her excitement grew. It was then, every time, that he would place the piece of hair back next to the willow leaves and lie down on the bed his own long hair falling around his head on the pillow. Jimmy's eyes fell closed and his hand drifted down to where his body was responding to the memories those items had conjured and he would begin to recall even more moments with Faith. His hand would close around his growing erection and rub slowly, lightly as Faith would sometimes do when she wanted to get his attention to her needs. A smile ghosted his lips as he could see in his mind the way her mysterious eyes would sparkle as if asking him why he hadn't thought if this first. Lightly his fingers would travel the hardened length remembering every time her fingers or tongue had traveled this route. As his hand tightened once more around himself he would see her beneath him, face flushed and eyes half lidded moaning in pleasure. His hand would speed up gripping tighter at the thought of her astride him, riding him, her breasts bouncing, her hair flying as she throws back her head in ecstasy. Pumping his hand harder and faster he could feel the heat building in his loins, traveling through him and out of his body and coating his stomach and chest in hot, sticky ribbons. As always in his ears as the last wave of pleasure gripped him was Faith's sweet voice, "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart," he said aloud to the empty room.

Usually he felt a wave of comfort at this completion but not this night. This night he just felt lonelier and more empty. He rolled to his side and into a ball, not caring to even clean himself, and cried for her, cried for what he lost and what he almost had and the cruelty of God or fate or whatever that would tease him with all he ever wanted and ever could want only to snatch it away. He had been sad, he had been aching. He had even been angry with himself, with her, with Aaron for not being dead. But this was the first time he really cried, really let out everything right from his very soul. It was ugly and it hurt and he screamed and growled even. He punched at the mattress and balled his fists up in the blanket as he curled in tighter on himself and let out every bit of pain that he had ever felt. He cried truly for his mother, for his father, for his sisters and for Noah and Ike. He cried for Faith's pain, for that piece of her that died with Adam. He cried for Emma and her losses and her fears he knew she still carried that her happiness would somehow vanish as quickly as it had done in the past. He cried for what Lou endured through her youth and the fear she still carried. He cried for the child that Teaspoon never got to meet, both of them. He cried for Buck who never wronged a soul and paid the price every day for his father's cruelty. And he cried for his own longing and loneliness. After a while he didn't even know why he was crying but he was. It came in great heaving waves and his breath sometimes left him completely. He thought once or twice that he might be going mad and it almost scared him but he knew he was now powerless whether he was mad or not. Eventually he ran out of tears though his sobs kept coming until he also ran out of energy and fell asleep. His dreams were haunted. He was supposed to save someone, be their hero but he could not find this person. No one would tell him who was in danger or what the danger was. He kept searching only hearing the muffled and muted cries of a woman in the distance but without direction. He just kept stumbling and searching and hoping against hope that he would stumble upon her and be in time to save her.

* * *

><p><strong>Um, yeah...I thought this would help him feel better but it just didn't...sorry, Jimmy. Hope everyone is sticking with me. I promise-although I refuse to say how-that there will be some healing to come. I will not leave him permanently in this sad panda state.-J<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

Buck was sitting in the marshal's office with his feet propped upon the desk. It was another slow day in a string of slow days. He was grateful that here was nothing to do as deputy of course. With the job there was an understanding that most of the work was unpleasant and would involve people at some of their worst moments. Still Buck did not like to be bored. It was times like this he longed for the old Pony Express days. He and the others worked hard but he always felt clearer and stronger in both body and mind when he worked that hard. There were some days he thought to quit, to turn in the badge and find something else to do. For a few reasons, he could not do that right then though. First of all he had no other way of supporting himself in mind right then and even though he'd gained an amount of acceptance in Rock Creek, it was still a world where the deck was largely stacked against him. The second reason really was inextricably tied to the first and that was Jenny. While a man on his own could quit a job and float around with only a thought of his own comfort, a man with a wife had other considerations. And a man with a newly expecting wife had even more. He did grant the thought that both he and Jenny knew how to live with little reliance on money but he still was trying to forge a relationship with his father-in-law. Sure if it was just the two of them they would just do whatever they wanted but he understood the importance of family and he wanted Jenny to have the chance at it with whatever family she had left. He also did not want to leave his own family. He knew he had no blood relation left in the world, or at least none that would have him, but he had family all the same. They were almost more precious because they were a family that chose to be part of him. They didn't have to, they could have turned on him like everyone else and they didn't. They defended him, they took care of him and most of all, they loved him even at the times when he wasn't so lovable. Not all of them were still here, but most were. In fact since Jimmy had wandered in some six months before, only Cody was missing and he wrote everyone often and had stories in magazines as well. It was almost like he was still there to annoy them daily. Kid and Lou weren't far out of town with their little family and he saw them frequently though not as frequently as he saw Teaspoon and Rachel. Those two were getting close enough that he half expected a wedding to take place soon.

His impending fatherhood brought even more reasons to not leave his post without a solid plan that would keep him close. He had no idea how to be a father at all but he knew Teaspoon did and he felt that he would need to rely heavily on the old marshal when the time came. Besides, Mr. Tompkins had come so far in his acceptance of Jenny and of Buck as well. The man deserved the fresh start a grandchild would bring.

More important even than being around family or making his new father-in-law happy with the decision to let him marry Jenny was Teaspoon himself. Teaspoon was still a little ways off from being an old man really but he was no spring chicken either. He was slowing down and Buck found more and more of the work of being marshal fell on him as Teaspoon just couldn't do it anymore. He had sort of hoped when Hickok came back those months ago that he would want to help Teaspoon out and that would leave Buck to finding some other means of supporting himself and Jenny. Jimmy seemed to have no interest in being a lawman anymore. Buck even cornered him one day thinking Jimmy wasn't pursuing it because he didn't want to put his friend out of work. Buck assured Jimmy that he'd leave the job happily but Jimmy just shook his head and said maybe someday farther down the road he'd think about it but he had no desire to go that route with his life anymore. Buck had tried to press him for a reason but like so many things about his time away from them, Jimmy would not speak of his reasons. Buck left it be knowing there was some real hurt there and just hoped his friend would come to him to talk at some point.

He already felt like he'd come a long way at re-establishing his friendship with Hickok in these last few months. He could still remember the look on Jimmy's face that day when Buck came walking into Teaspoon's office. He had tried to act nonchalant but Buck could see the fear that maybe he'd come looking for something that wasn't there anymore. Nothing could have been further from the truth. They had all missed him and having him back felt good and right. In fact, while there had been days when they felt much older than they were for the way they talked about the 'old days', there were also times when those years fell away and it was just like they were still those wild and free kids, as wild and free as either of them had ever really been able to be, at any rate.

As Buck was lamenting how little he had to do he heard something that might relieve him of that boredom for at least a little bit. The stage was rolling in and that was at least something. He stood and wandered out in front of the office to see what or who might be coming. It wasn't much for excitement but it was better than half dozing at the desk. Only one passenger emerged from the stage and she immediately piqued Buck's curiosity.

He didn't recognize her at all and that seemed odd since she was big with child and a woman in that condition wasn't often one to travel alone where she didn't know people. Buck continued to watch as the driver dropped her single bag from the top of the stage. He looked closer to the boardwalk where she stood and confirmed there was no one waiting for her and then saw her eyes dart around as if unsure of where to go or what to do next.

With nothing else pressing to do that day, Buck thought the best service he could provide was to see if he could assist this woman in any way. She looked quite tired from her journey. Perhaps he could go and find her people for her or at least carry her bag to the hotel where she could get some rest. He had just neared her enough to ponder asking her name and if he could help her when she turned to him. There was a brief flicker of recognition in her eyes when she saw him and then she swooned and wilted right there. Buck caught her before she could fall completely to the ground. For a moment he panicked but then looked up and saw the doc's office right across the street. Buck lifted her into his arms and carried her across.

"Who do you have there, Buck?" the doctor asked as Buck maneuvered the women through the door.

"Don't know," Buck answered quickly relating the story of the mystery woman's arrival in town as he laid her on a bed for the doctor to examine.

Buck stood nervously in the doorway feeling oddly protective until he was shooed out.

* * *

><p>The woman woke and looked around trying to figure where she was. Terror struck her as her mind tried and failed to reconstruct her last remembered moments.<p>

"Well, look who's awake," a man said upon entering the room observing the woman skittering to a far corner of the bed she was on.

"You don't need to be frightened," the man said in a soothing tone, "My name is Dr. Braden."

"Where am I? What happened?"

"You're in my office in Rock Creek," he replied, "And it appears that in your travels you weren't eating or drinking enough to sustain your condition. I suspect you might not have been sleeping either. You fainted."

"Rock Creek?" she asked looking hopeful. Dr. Braden nodded. "I need to find Marshal Hunter. Please, it's very important."

"I'm afraid the marshal is out of town. He's due back soon but the best I can do right now is fetch you his deputy. That's who brought you here. He's been plenty worried for you anyway. Hasn't even gone home to his pretty little wife yet. I'd better let him know you're awake. I'll go and get him. You rest a bit and there's water and a sandwich for you. You need to get something into your body."

The woman sat stunned as she watched the man leave the room. She did not remember making it to Rock Creek but she had and that was a good thing. It bothered her though that she remembered so little and had lost consciousness. She had no way of knowing if she'd been followed and if she had, losing this time was a bad thing.

Buck had been sitting outside the woman's door for hours. He'd left only to fetch her some food and water for when she woke. Jenny had stopped in worried for him and he told her that he needed to make sure this stranger was going to be alright before he could come home. He knew when she woke he'd probably have to go find her people for her. Doc said the baby was moving around and that she was probably just exhausted and maybe hungry too. Buck was grateful that Doc thought the baby was probably fine. Before she had fainted the woman had been reflexively rubbing her belly in a loving gesture. If she had woken to bad news about the baby there might not be much consoling her.

As he sat and waited he thought about this woman and why he felt such a need to protect her. He had never seen her before. He tried to tell himself it was just that she was alone and he was concerned for her. It was his job after all but this feeling of protection was more than just duty. He couldn't get out of his mind that although he did not know her, she sure looked like she knew him. The look wasn't just recognition, it was relief. There had been fear in her eyes like an animal searching for refuge from a predator. Yet when she saw him—and it wasn't his badge because she looked right at his face—she looked relieved like she knew she was safe and whatever might be chasing her wouldn't be able to get her now.

Buck looked up expectantly as Doc Braden came out of the room.

"She's awake," the doc said and Buck breathed a sigh of relief. "Skittish thing, she asked for Teaspoon. Told her the best I could do was his deputy. She seemed maybe she'd be okay with that."

"If she's not," Buck offered, "He'll be in later tonight."

Buck entered the room to find her in the far corner of the bed with her knees as close to her chest as she could with her swollen belly. He could see she'd been tearing little bits of the sandwich to eat almost like a mouse.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry Teaspoon's not here," Buck began feeling uneasy as her eyes studied him intently, "He'll be back in a bit but, if I'm not overstepping, it looks like you might be in a tough place right now. I'd like to help if I can."

"Buck?" she asked, "Buck Cross, that's your name, right?"

"Have we met?"

"No, but I think we have a well, a friend in common," she said almost desperate with hope.

"Who would this friend be?"

"I don't know if you've even seen him," she said with despair starting to creep into her voice, "He said he was coming this way but either way I know he'd tell me to trust you."

"Who is he?"

"James Hickok."

"Jimmy? You came here looking for Jimmy?"

"Yes," she said looking down, "Has he been through here?"

"Not just through here," Buck told her, "He moved back. He's been living here got to be six months now. I could get him for you."

Her eyes darted around the room suddenly frightened.

"If you'd rather wait until Doc clears you to go to him, that's alright too but I no one's going to hurt you here."

The woman thought on this. She was suddenly apprehensive about seeing him. It had been a very long time and to come to him now in her current predicament, well, he might be upset with her. She had the thought that she felt safe with Buck here as well and if he left to go get Jimmy then she would be alone and scared again.

"I don't know," she said and Buck started to understand some of her fears.

"No one knows you're here but me and the doc. He ain't letting anyone in and I don't even know your name. You'll be safe and I know Jimmy pretty well. He'd never turn away a friend in need. I'll be back soon. You should eat more, get some water too. Doc'll let you go once you get some strength back."

She nodded and once the door was closed behind Buck she hugged a pillow to her and cried into it.

Buck rode hard to Jimmy's place which really wasn't that far out of town. It wasn't anything yet but a house and barn with a little land. It might someday be a nice little farm or small ranch but so far Jimmy hadn't quite figured out what to do with it. For the time being he seemed content in fixing up the house. It had needed a lot of work and to that point Jimmy at least had gotten a new roof on the place.

When Buck rode up, Jimmy was just fixing one of the steps to the porch. Jimmy looked up confused at how fast Buck was coming in.

"Is the town on fire or something, Buck?" Jimmy asked only half joking. Buck was one of the calmest people he knew and if he was riding hard like that there was a reason for it.

"I need you to come into town with me."

Jimmy's curiosity was piqued by the words and worried expression of his friend but he also understood the urgency and that stopping to ask a lot of questions was not going to be received well. He headed for the barn to saddle his horse when Buck came up behind him.

"You'd be better off with the buckboard, I expect," Buck told him.

"Are you going to explain any of this?" Jimmy asked as he hitched up the horse, "I don't like walking blind into things."

Buck sighed and looked at the sky a moment before speaking.

"I'll try but I don't really understand it myself."

Buck recounted the day as best he could from the stage coming in and the mysterious woman getting off and then fainting right up until she asked for Jimmy.

"No one thought to ask her name?" Jimmy asked climbing onto the buckboard.

"She's terrified, Jimmy," Buck answered, "She only trusts me because you must've told her about me and even then she's not trusting me a whole lot."

"I don't talk about my family to too many people," Jimmy said, "She say what she's scared of?"

"No I wouldn't expect her to tell me either," Buck replied, "She acts like someone's chasing her and looks like maybe whoever it is caught her once before. It's faded a little but she's got what's left of a black eye. Doc's pretty sure she hasn't eaten or slept in close to a week."

"You said she's expecting?"

"Pretty big too," Buck said nodding.

They had been riding as they talked and now found themselves in front of Doc Braden's office.

"Go on," Buck said, "I'll be right behind you."

Jimmy could feel knots forming in his stomach as he searched his brain for which chapter of his life this woman might be from. He didn't recall talking about his family here with many people but there had been times when he drank far too much and he would have no idea what he might or might not have said. He knew even at his lowest and most lost he'd never been cruel to women. He figured that this woman was probably some girl trying to get out of the life. That must be it. Now he only had to hope she really didn't have some lowlife on her tail.

Nodding as he passed the doc, Jimmy reached and slowly turned the knob. The woman was sitting with her knees up and her face buried in a pillow she had across her knees.

"Ma'am?" Jimmy offered cautiously, "Buck said you was asking for me."

The woman stiffened and then looked up warily.

"Jimmy?" she asked through the tears that her fears had renewed. Had it been too long? Would he turn her away? Would he find her disgusting now? Was this Jimmy or had Wild Bill made a comeback?

He studied her tear stained features and could not believe the sight before him. He was afraid to talk thinking that this was some sort of mirage and if he spoke she would vanish. He blinked and yet she was still there. How often he had dreamed of this very moment only not like this, not at all like this. She wasn't supposed to be hurt or frightened. She wasn't supposed to be looking over her shoulder. But perhaps he needed to let go of shoulds and supposed tos and just be glad that she was here at all. He swallowed and took a breath hoping his voice would work at all and then opened his mouth.

"Faith?"

* * *

><p><strong>Can I get a SQUEE? I mean obviously everything is not hunky dory since she's got a black eye and is all scared and stuff. But Faith is there. Is anyone else happy?-J<strong>


	17. Chapter 17

Jimmy stood stuck to the spot as if his feet had grown roots. He wanted to run to her, to hold her and kiss her and tell her how he had missed her and how lonely he'd been without her. But he was afraid. He still wasn't fully convinced that she was really there and running to her and getting an armful of air would be more than he could take. And he just wasn't sure of anything. He had longed to see her again since the moment he rode away but never dreamed that when he did she'd be pregnant, terrified and possibly battered. None of it made any sense to him at all. She should be overjoyed at expecting a baby and should be with her husband as they anticipated their child. He could see her eyes dart behind him making sure there was no one else. And who on earth would hit a pregnant woman, especially one as sweet as Faith? He wasn't even aware that he was shaking his head trying to figure it out, nor was he thinking of how that simple action would be interpreted by Faith.

"I'm sorry," she whispered cursing herself for the tears that once again flowed down her cheeks, "I didn't know where else to go. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She just kept repeating that over and over until they weren't even words anymore, just desperate sounds. Her mantra finally caused something to shift inside Jimmy allowing him to move and he propelled himself toward her. He crawled across the bed to her and held her close to him not even noticing her body as it went stiff in his arms.

"It's okay, sweetheart," he said rocking back and forth with her, "I'm here, Faith, I'm here. God, I thought I wouldn't see you again."

He ran his hands over her hair and he swore it was even softer than he remembered.

"You're really here, aren't you?" he asked and she nodded. "I'm not dreaming this, am I?" she shook her head.

Jimmy closed his eyes and just took in her scent, the feel of her against him. Something was wrong with that though. Every other time he had held her close she had melted into him and now she was tense and she wasn't hugging him back.

"I-I'm sorry," he said, "You're in some trouble, aren't you? Something bad's happened?"

She nodded her eyes wide and watchful of every corner of the room.

"Can you tell me?" Faith shook her head. Jimmy sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "Did you come for me, to be with me?" He saw her nod still looking terrified. "Are you here to stay?" Again she nodded and Jimmy reached out to brush a few stray hairs from her face.

"Then you tell me the rest when you're ready," he told her, "It doesn't matter this minute. You're here and we can be together now and I guess we'll raise this baby together too. I don't care it's not mine."

He stood to set to collecting her things so he could take her home with him but she held his hand and tugged gently for him to turn to her.

"It's yours," she said rubbing her belly. Jimmy sank back down onto the bed.

"Are you sure?"

Faith had been unsure of so much when Jimmy arrived. She had spent hours and hours through the last few months dreaming of coming to him with their child in her arms and how he would welcome her. Never had she envisioned coming to him bruised and roughly the size of a barn, crying and desperate. She had hoped on her journey to Rock Creek that he would welcome her but she understood if he would not. It always hung at the back of her mind that although he professed his love to her, he had left her all the same and maybe Aaron being alive was a convenient way out of his inadvertent proposal. That he could look at her size and think she was still three months from her due date was unthinkable or that he could entertain the thought she might have been with anyone other than Jimmy or Aaron. How could he even ask this? She was still frightened of so much. Her heart told her that Jimmy would never hurt her but then so much had happened that her head was screaming for her to ignore her heart and protect herself. Still his words hurt her worse than fists ever could.

"I was never unfaithful to you while we were together, not once," she said and could not help the indignant tone, "I'm at least seven months along. You do the math."

It was pretty easy math at that. Aaron had been home for six months, if she was seven months then there was only one other option.

"I'm-I mean, you're-well, really we-we're going to have a baby?"

"Yes," she said meekly, so much so that it concerned Jimmy. But he didn't spare much thought for the concern. Instead he was overwhelmed with this new knowledge. He reached for her tummy to touch the bump that contained his child, their child but Faith pulled sharply away.

Jimmy dropped his hand and then looked to her again.

"I guess I should be getting you home," he said, "That was the plan right? To come home with me? You don't have to."

"I came to be with you," she replied hoping that it really was what he wanted. She felt she was getting such mixed signals although perhaps she was reading too much into his words and body language. Maybe he didn't see her bruises as clearly as she did when she looked in the mirror. Maybe he didn't see how fat and ugly and pathetic she was but then how could he not? She was repulsive. She stood to head for the door but Jimmy put an arm gently around her as if trying not to startle her and lifted her into his arms.

"You aren't walking until I know you're alright. Now let's get out of here," he said carrying her out of the building pausing only to have a quiet word with the doctor.

"She need anything besides food, water and rest?" he asked.

"I don't believe so," Dr. Braden answered, "I wasn't able to perform a complete examination. Keep an eye on her for any other signs of injury and make sure she tells you if the baby is moving less than normal."

"I will," Jimmy answered, "Thank you, Doc."

He tried to set Faith down in the back of the buckboard but she only gripped him tighter. Jimmy continued on to the front of the wagon.

"You can sit with me, I actually kind of like that idea a lot better," he said lifting her onto the buckboard, "But I still have to set you down a minute. I have to talk to Buck real quick but you remember how fast I can draw and I'm not taking my eyes off of you. No one will get anywhere near you to hurt you."

She finally released his neck and allowed him to place her on the wagon but her eyes followed him as if she might die on the spot if she lost sight of him.

Jimmy went over to Buck to have a brief word with him.

"Thanks for seeing to her," he said, "When I get this sorted, I'll explain. In the meantime, anyone asking after her, I need you to keep her whereabouts to yourself."

Buck nodded and watched as the wagon disappeared from his sight. That woman was in trouble, there was no mistaking that and if anyone could help her it was probably the man she was riding out of town with but he did hope her trouble didn't bring danger to his friend.

He was still standing there lost in thought when Teaspoon rode in. The story was quickly related and Buck noticed Teaspoon's wince when he said the woman's name.

"You know who she is, Teaspoon?" Buck asked.

"Ain't my place to say too much but he's in love with her," Teaspoon replied.

"I got that much figured on my own," Buck said.

Jimmy pulled the wagon to a stop and walked around it lifting Faith into his arms and carrying her to a stool inside the barn.

"Sit right there," he instructed, "You can see me the whole time, alright?"

She nodded and he set to work unhitching the horse and getting it settled in its stall. The silence between them was enough to nearly suffocate him so he started talking.

"So you met Buck," he said pausing in case she felt the need or want to say anything. When she just sat there quiet as a mouse he continued. "He's changed some but then you didn't know him before and I'm sure he looks pretty much how I described him. He went and got himself married. I know I told you about all the fights we used to get into with the shopkeeper Tompkins over Buck and he went and married that man's daughter. You wouldn't see the changes in either of those men to look at 'em but they're different all the same.

Again he paused and again was met with silence.

"I wish I could've introduced you proper to him," he continued, "I will since you're sticking around and all. His wife, Jenny, is expecting too so I guess you girls would have a fair amount to talk about. I wish Teaspoon had been around for you to meet. You'd like him, I know you would."

He stood there searching so hard for something else to say that he almost didn't hear her whisper.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go or who else to go to."

Jimmy was finished with the horse by then and went to her kneeling in front of her.

"A wise man once told me that home is where you go when you don't know where else to go. We used to be home for each other," he looked down as if afraid he'd made a terrible mistake saying what he did and doing so he missed the grateful look in her eyes. "Please don't be sorry for coming to me. I was afraid I wouldn't see you again and that hurt something awful."

He then picked her up and carried her toward the house. Part of Faith wanted to tell him that he didn't need to carry her and she was perfectly capable of walking but then it felt so very good to be safe in his arms she stayed silent. Once inside Jimmy sat her on a soft chair and pulled over another chair for her feet. When she reached for the laces on her boots he rushed back to her.

"You want those boots off?" he asked and waited for her weary nod before crouching next to her and untying the boots. He loosened her laces and tugged one boot off and then stared mystified at how the foot he saw before him had been shoved in the boot. He quickly got the other one off and saw the same thing. Her feet were swelled to at least twice their normal size. "Do they hurt?"

Faith looked timidly at him and shook her head and when he gave her an incredulous stare she said softly, "Not much," and dipped her head as if embarrassed.

He took one of her swollen feet in his hands and began to rub at it gently and then the other one. Once he had rubbed at both of them a bit and could see the swelling going down he looked and saw Faith's head resting back against the head rest her eyes half closed. As soon as his hands left her feet her eyes flew open.

"Feel better?" he asked and she nodded. "Well, something tells me you just did that to make me feel better but I'll take it."

He stood and looked at her and wondered how a woman that large with a baby could possibly look small but it was almost like she was willing herself to be small. He moved his fingers to trace over her blackened eye and Buck was right, it had faded a bit but not nearly enough to not notice it.

"It sure looks like you've been through far more than a woman in your condition ought to have," he said, "I still don't suppose you feel up to telling me any of it?"

She shook her head and stared at her hands in her lap, or what was visible of her lap beyond the belly.

"It's alright," he assured her, "You're safe now though something tells me you don't fully believe that. Anyway, we can talk more tomorrow. I'm going to get you some food and water and then maybe once you get a good night's sleep you'll feel like talking more." He started to walk away and then seemed to remember something. "Oh yeah, the doc said you should tell me if the baby ain't moving like it normally does. He seemed pretty sure it was fine but you'll tell me if something ain't right, won't you?"

"Yes," she said meekly as her fingers rubbed small circles on her belly.

Jimmy came back with a small plate of food and a cup of water.

"There's more food if you're hungry and Doc said water was real important, more important even than food."

"Thank you," she said rubbing her belly again, "You've been so kind."

Jimmy didn't know what to think about that statement. He didn't think he was all that kind. For starters he was only doing what decent folk do and for another thing, he loved her and seeing to the needs of the person you love wasn't kindness exactly, it was something else. He didn't know the word for it but he didn't have another way to be toward her.

Faith watched him while she ate. He picked at his own food and looked nervous and uncomfortable. She would drop her eyes as soon as he raised his to her. She wanted to hope. She wanted to believe he really loved her still. That was ridiculous though. He couldn't love her. It just wasn't possible. He was just taking pity on her. She had no choice but to accept his pity. Maybe in time she could win back his love. She perked her ears up when she realized he was talking.

"I don't know much about ladies in a family way," he was saying, "I visited Celinda when she was expecting my nephew but all I got out of that was that sometimes they wanted strange foods. I could get you whatever you want if there's something. You just have to tell me."

He looked at her until she nodded that she would tell him and then he started in talking again.

"I can't wait to have you meet everyone," he went on, "I know they'll all love you."

"How do you know?" she asked and surprised even herself with her boldness.

"Well, I know them and you're their kind of people," he replied, "And I love you. In the past when I was young and stupid that didn't mean nothing. But you're a good person and you always treat me good. I know they will love you as much as I do."

Faith winced and her hand flew to her abdomen. Jimmy was instantly afraid he'd somehow upset her or maybe he shouldn't have taken her from the doc's.

"Are you okay, Faith?" he asked filled with worry, "I upset you. There's nothing wrong is there? Do I need to get some help?"

She shook her head a smiled an almost full and relaxed smile at him before wincing once more.

"Little one just got me in the ribs is all," she said and then felt emboldened by his concern for her. She took his hand and placed it on her belly. "Feel that? It moves all over when you talk. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I would guess there's some sort of instinct to know its father's voice."

Jimmy could feel a stupid looking grin come over his face as he felt the movements within her body. He had never felt anything like it before.

"It stopped," he said after a few moments. Faith could see moisture in his eyes and something like fear.

"Talk," she said, "It likes your voice."

Jimmy inched closer pressing both hands and his forehead to her belly.

"Hey there little one," he said softly and Faith could feel the vibrations of his deep voice across the skin of her abdomen. "You're quite the special little guy or gal. I don't think you know how special. You probably also don't know that you have the prettiest mama in the territory but I guess you'll see that for yourself."

He was about to say more when there was movement below Faith's skin as it looked like the child within made a full somersault. Jimmy looked up nervously at her.

"That didn't hurt you, did it?"

Faith shook her head fighting back the tears at his words.

"I'm glad because that was incredible," he said, "To think there's a little squirming baby in there just waiting to come out."

Faith yawned and the two of them looked at each other awkwardly. Sleeping arrangements had yet to be addressed. Each hoped for something but was too shy to express it. It was Jimmy who took the bull by the horns.

"Doc said you need your rest," he said, "I don't know how you want to do this. I mean, my bed is the most comfortable sleep you're going to get here. But I don't want to make you feel strange. We haven't shared a bed in months—not that I mean we'd share one like that, I wouldn't want you to think I'm expecting things—but still, I want you to be able to sleep and I don't know what's going to make that happen for you."

"You would stay with me?" she asked.

"I would go and be anywhere you asked me."

She nodded, "Where do we sleep then?"

He could tell she was forcing the brave face and without knowing what she'd been through he could only guess that someone had made her expect the worst from everyone and everything. But at least she was trying for the bravado that he'd noticed on the first day they had met. That was some progress anyway. He loved her quiet strength and was glad to see it returning. He straightened up and was about to lift her.

"I can walk, you know," she informed him, "You don't have to throw your back out carting me around."

He looked at her feet which still appeared angry.

"They always look like that," she said following his gaze, "They will until the baby comes."

"I'm sorry," Jimmy said feeling suddenly guilty for her condition.

She smiled at him that amused smile she once would get when he did something she found adorable and silly all at the same time.

"I'm not," she told him, "It's a small price to pay."

He helped her from the chair and led her to his room.

"It ain't much but then it's only been me here," he said apologetically, "Never had anyone to impress before."

"It's fine," she assured him.

The stood there for a few moments before Jimmy chuckled a bit.

"You'd think we'd never been in a room together before," he said softly, "Six months isn't so long we should feel this weird, is it?"

"It's long enough that you haven't seen this body before," she whispered embarrassed, "It's huge and ugly."

"It would seem to me that whatever it looks like is at least partly my fault. And I ain't looking for anything tonight but you getting some rest."

Faith was conflicted about his words. On the one hand she was exhausted and unsure of so many things and afraid of what he might demand of her but on the other hand she did want him and his touch. She didn't want him to be repulsed by her and if he wasn't already, he would be once her clothes came off.

Jimmy peeled away his clothes down to his long johns that he was thankful he was wearing that day. He saw her struggle with the buttons at the back of her blouse and crossed quickly to help her. He then sat on the edge of the bed to watch her ready herself. He hoped he wouldn't make her uncomfortable but it was one of his favorite parts of the day when they were together and he missed it so. Soon she was standing before him naked and preparing to pull her night gown over her head but he quickly went to her and stayed her hand.

Faith was puzzled at first and thought she might have a choice to make about the course of events and if she could convince him to just let her sleep or even if she wanted to. But this had nothing to do with her nakedness. She had forgotten.

Jimmy didn't find her body ugly at all. There was a beauty to the large sweeping curve of her belly especially knowing it contained his own child. Her breasts were larger as well and he almost thought he was going to have to pull a blanket over himself to hide his arousal but then he saw the marks upon her body. There were bruises everywhere, including her belly. Some were faded and some as fresh as the darkened and swollen patch around her eye.

She tried in vain to cover herself and the shameful marks on her skin.

"Please, Jimmy," she begged working her arm loose from his grasp, "I don't want to talk about this right now. I'm so tired. I tell you tomorrow. I promise. Just, please, not right now."

Jimmy staggered back until he bumped into and sank onto the bed. He watched as her body disappeared beneath her nightgown as it fell over her. His head swirled trying to make sense of everything. Trying to figure who could have done that and where was her husband while this was happening. Surely Aaron would never have let something like this happen. Perhaps he was dead. That was the only thing Jimmy could think of. He sat stock still and could not even take comfort in watching her brush through her long brown hair which was even more beautiful and luxurious than he remembered. Once her hair was in its familiar plait for the night, she rose and walked to the bed. Even in his shock and confusion he felt comfort in seeing her go to her side of the bed as it had been while they were together. He made himself move and get under the blankets on his side as well and just laid there as if frightened to move and really he sort of was.

"Jimmy," she squeaked timidly, "I understand if you say no but would, I mean, could you hold me a little while?"

He rolled to her and realized how desperate he was to hold her. He had only been afraid of frightening her. He pulled her to him and despite the lump between them and the shaky ground he felt himself on and the confusion, the hurt and everything else that was still there, holding her he felt whole for the first time in half a year.

* * *

><p><strong>This chapter was tough...more than I thought it would be. This is the third time I rewrote it. So much awkward. But then some good stuff too.-J<strong>


	18. Chapter 18

Faith drifted to sleep and for those moments before sleep completely overtook her she felt relaxed like she had not since Jimmy had left her. She felt safe and protected and like something in her disaster of a life might go right for once. She still wasn't confident of his affections. He had seen her bruises, her giant misshapen body. There was no way he really could love her but she would take his comfort for that night. She just needed the tenderness so bad.

Hours later Faith woke and was momentarily terrified as it took her a few seconds to remember where she was and whose arms were wrapped tight around her. She was just about to nestle in tighter to him when she became aware of what had woken her. She needed to relieve herself. It was, of course, a more frequent necessity the bigger the baby inside her grew. It still left her with a problem. If she slid away from him she ran the risk of waking him of course she couldn't hold it either. With the baby there just wasn't the room in there that there once had been. She steeled herself against her fears and slowly and so carefully made her way out of his arms and to the edge of the bed. She located the chamber pot. As she relieved her bladder she couldn't help but think of what was to happen next. It had happened every time she had gotten up in the night, every time she needed to make water while he was sleeping, every time she couldn't control the tears and thought she was safe in shedding them.

As she did her business she braced herself for the hand that would grab her hair and yank her onto the bed when she finished. It had taken her a while to learn and until she had, the punches would come first before her head was forced into his groin. More punches came until she learned to open her mouth and just let it happen. With every near choking thrust into her throat came the words that hurt worse than anything he ever did to her.

"You're just a bitch!" he would yell, "A whore. The only thing you're fit for is a brothel. You ain't pretty enough for the saloon anymore."

When she was lucky he would fall right asleep after his release but there were times he would stay awake longer just to hit her some more. Eventually she just learned the routine and she would climb on the bed and take him into her mouth on her own. It didn't stop the insults but it mostly stopped the beatings.

Faith finished making her water and rose slowly. She had not been grabbed; there had been no growling of cruel words. Perhaps she had not awakened him. Tentatively she turned around and saw his eyes open, looking at her. He quickly looked away.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and then got back into bed and began working at his long johns.

"Faith, what are you doing?"

"The only thing I'm good for," she whispered and he could tell the words weren't hers but they'd been planted deeply enough to have taken root in her beliefs. She rubbed him through the fabric still trying to get his long johns off of him. She was puzzled why he wouldn't let her and becoming more scared that she no longer could fill this purpose and he would just hit her. She became more frantic, rubbing him harder and trying to get a reaction to save herself.

Jimmy could not for the life of him figure out what was happening but he was concerned enough for her behavior that what she was doing was not getting a rise at all. Finally he grabbed her wrists and she looked up at him in terror. Terror, his sweet Faith was terrified of him. He rolled away for a moment to turn up the lamp. He hadn't extinguished it so that she'd have some light if she woke in the night. Turning back to her he could see her forcing herself to not inch away from him. Her eyes would not meet his. The lights finally went on in his head as her posture was exactly as his mother's when she was faced with his father. She was waiting to be hit. She was expecting him to hit her and the only think he could think that she thought she'd get hit for having to relieve herself and waking him in the process.

"Faith," he said gently, "Look at me please. It's me. It's Jimmy. It was Aaron that hurt you, wasn't it?"

Raising her eyes slowly, she'd been tricked before, there was no choice she could be hit for disobeying or hit for making eye contact. She'd gotten her lip bloodied for each in the past. She met his eyes. But they weren't Aaron's coal black eyes staring at her ruthlessly. These eyes were lighter and filled with sorrow. Jimmy. She looked down again ashamed this time that he knew. Still she nodded her head that he was right.

"I left you there," he said helplessly, "I just walked away and left you defenseless. My God I might as well have beaten you myself. How desperate did you have to be to come to the man who abandoned you? Can you even forgive me, Faith?"

Faith had been slowly edging away from him and as much as he didn't want to startle her, she was nearing a point where he was going to have to grab her before she fell right off the bed. But his words stopped her. She looked up as if he'd been speaking some nonsense words he was trying to figure out.

"Forgive you?" she asked.

Jimmy dropped his eyes wondering how he could ask forgiveness of her. He knew he'd never forgive himself. She asked him to stay. She didn't want him to go and he had. Now here she was terrified of him and nearly everyone else and covered in bruises to boot.

"I don't deserve it," he acknowledged, "You should be furious with me. You should hate me. I hate myself, I do. It ain't enough but I am so sorry."

"Hate you?" she asked as if trying to figure out what those words meant, "I don't hate you. I can't hate you."

Faith allowed a quick glance up at him and even tried a small smile.

"You took me in the way I am. You should hate me. I'm disgusting. Even if it was out of pity, I can't hate you when you've been so good to me."

"Pity? Disgusting? Did he tell you these things? How in the hell can you be disgusting?" he was trying hard not to raise his voice but was failing miserably. She only cowered more. "Of course he told you those things about yourself. It's what men like that do. I'm sure he told you plenty that ain't true. Probably that you're ugly and stupid and worthless and you should be grateful he was staying with you because no other man would have you. Sound familiar?"

Her eyes were wide looking at him as if asking how he knew.

"Heard it all said to my ma," he explained, "Wasn't true about her either. She was a good woman, like you, and real pretty too. At least I thought she was. She was my ma so I guess I was supposed to think that. Still no one deserves that kind of talk or the treatment that goes with it."

He reached to her and she tensed but held her ground. His fingers ghosted over the bruise around her eye and then lingered on her cheek.

"You are so beautiful," he told her, "These last six months I would try to picture you and you were always pretty but my memories didn't do you any kind of justice. I love you."

She just stayed still trying to process everything he had said. The words all sounded nice and he had always been so gentle with her before but then things could change. People could change.

Jimmy was just starting to wonder if she was ever going to say another word to him when her tiny voice broke through his thoughts.

"You couldn't have known," she said, "I didn't. He wasn't like that before. I didn't think he was capable of being like that."

"I should've stayed at least a while and made sure you were safe," he argued, "I love you so much and the least I could've done was assure myself that you were in good hands. I failed you. I don't deserve you, either of you."

"But you don't know what you were for me," she said, "Every time he hit me I thought of how tenderly you would stroke my face. Every punch, every bruise, every time he made me cry out in pain, I remembered how you made me cry out in pleasure. Every night spent cowering while he screamed at me what a dirty whore I was, I remembered sitting on the porch holding hands with you. You were all the strength I had."

Faith was surprised at her words but more than that she was surprised at the feeling that was welling up inside of her. It wasn't a new feeling exactly, just one she hadn't felt in a very long time. Anger. She was angry. And she was angry at so much and so many. God pretty much topped her list most days and had since the day she went out to the barn to fetch Adam for lunch and found his lifeless body on the ground. She still tried to believe that there was a reason but it didn't stop her anger. She was angry at Aaron for leaving for the war in the first place, she was angry with Jimmy for telling her he loved her and then walking away. She was angry with herself for not leaving with him or trying to persuade him to stay. If she had told him before he left that she thought she might be expecting, he would have stayed and fought. If she had told him something didn't feel right to her, she could have made him listen and stay or take her with him. She was angry with Aaron for every cruel thing he said and did to her and mostly for watching her so closely that she couldn't get word to Jimmy about the baby. Of course if she had still had allies in town that might have been different but she didn't so there was no way to sneak a message to anywhere. And now she was angry all over again at Jimmy. Whether she had the right to ask it or not, she needed one of them to feel certain and strong. She needed him to fight for her like he didn't before.

"I can't be strong anymore," she said angrily, "I've used it all and I don't have anything left. I can't do it. Please, I need you."

Then she dissolved into tears and it was like she was folding in on herself. That was what it finally took for Jimmy to crawl across the bed to her and hold her to him.

"It's going to be okay now," he said softly as he rocked her like a child in his arms. "I won't ever let anyone hurt you again. I won't ever hurt you again. You can believe that or not but I'll prove it to you. I will. I have no idea what I have to do before that little one comes but whatever it is, I'll do it. And I'll take care of you too. If I have to tell you a hundred times a day every single day that you are beautiful and wonderful and I love you just so you'll believe it, I will. But I need you to do one thing for me first."

Faith looked warily up at him.

"Come back here under the blankets and get some sleep. Whatever comes next we can tackle it in the morning after some rest."

Faith nodded and allowed herself to be pulled back up the bed and tucked into the blankets and then she was held tightly in Jimmy's arms as she drifted off to sleep.

Jimmy woke with the sun the next morning and moved quietly so as not to wake Faith. He padded out into his kitchen and started some coffee and then set to making breakfast. He had just started some bacon frying when there came a knock at the door. He peeked out the window to see Teaspoon and Buck on his porch and opened the door to them.

Teaspoon looked around and Jimmy caught his curious searching.

"She's still sleeping," he said, "Doc said she needed rest."

"How's she doing?"

"It was a rough night. I shouldn't've left her, Teaspoon. I thought it was the right thing to do but what he did to her-"

"You have to remember, son," Teaspoon offered gently, "The man was wounded, went through the good Lord only knows what, came home to find his son dead and his wife expecting another man's child. That would be enough to drive a man to his breaking point."

"He didn't hit her once," Jimmy informed him, "He got to that breaking point every day all over her for months. She's covered in bruises, even her stomach. If he was angry and didn't want her, why didn't he just put her out, send her to me or send her away to wherever?"

"I don't know," Teaspoon replied, "I don't understand and I can't defend it."

There was a pause and then Teaspoon spoke again.

"The baby is yours then?"

Jimmy nodded and he was smiling at the thought which warmed the old marshal's heart but Teaspoon could see the fear too.

"You'll be fine," Teaspoon assured him, "We'll all help you out and that child will have a right fine father."

Jimmy looked over at Buck who was assembling the story from what he could surmise from their talk.

"I can't thank you enough, Buck, for taking care of her," Jimmy said offering his hand and then thinking better of it and just hugging his poor bewildered friend. "I know I said I would explain it all but there's so much."

"Don't worry about it," Buck told him, "I think you have your hands full enough."

Jimmy turned to go and check on the food on the stove when he caught sight of Faith walking out of the bedroom yawning and stretching. He went over to her.

"Good morning, beautiful," he whispered in her ear placing a kiss on her forehead and then on her lips.

"I heard voices," she said looking concerned but nowhere near as frightened as she had been the night before.

"Let me keep breakfast from burning and then I'll introduce you."

He quickly took the pan from the stove and then went back to her and brought her to his friends although friends would never describe all they were to him. They were family in every way that really counted.

"Teaspoon, Buck," he said nodding at each of them, "This is Faith Lassiter. And this," he patted her belly, "Is, well, I don't know who it is but it someone pretty special. Faith, I know you sort of met Buck yesterday."

Faith walked toward Buck and wrapped her arms around him quickly squeezing before pulling away.

"Thank you, Buck," she said, "I'm so happy to meet you."

Buck wasn't sure what to think except that he was starting to think Faith would fit into their family very well and she was probably really good for Jimmy.

Faith turned toward Teaspoon and before Jimmy could say a thing said, "You must be Marshal Hunter. I have heard so very much about you and every bit of it was good. It's nice to finally meet you."

"The pleasure is mine, Mrs. Lassiter," Teaspoon said tipping his hat and giving a small bow. He regretted having said anything in defense of her husband. Aside from the black eye he had known about, her nightgown hung loose around her neckline and he could see bruises that surely continued down her chest and her sleeves were rolled a bit revealing more bruises on her wrists and arms.

"Faith, please," she said.

"Alrighty then," he said with a smile, "Faith it is but I'll be mighty offended if you don't start calling me Teaspoon."

Jimmy was beaming at how quickly Faith was being accepted and then he looked down at her still horribly swollen feet.

"Sweetheart, you really should sit down and prop those feet," he said guiding her to a chair and then propping her feet up onto another chair. She looked at the other men.

"I'd argue but he'd just pick me up and carry me here anyway," she told them and there was something in her that was almost proud of having a man who fussed over her instead of hit her.

Teaspoon and Buck didn't want to outstay their welcome so they said their goodbyes and Jimmy followed them out onto the porch.

"I'm trying to decide if I'm upset or flattered to have the two of you checking up on me," Jimmy said once he closed the front door behind him. His smile faded when he saw the serious look on Teaspoon's face. "What?"

"She tell you all what happened?" Teaspoon asked, "I mean, like why she up and ran when she did. She put up with this for six months and now she's here. Now maybe it was just the first chance she got to get away but maybe something happened and I think you need to know what it was."

"She really don't want to talk about it right now," Jimmy protested.

"Is that really it or is it more that you don't want to know?"

With that Teaspoon and Buck walked to their waiting horses and rode off leaving Jimmy to ponder. Of course there wasn't much to ponder. If he insisted, she would tell him but he hadn't because he didn't want to think about what she'd endured. He knew what he would want to do, what he already wanted to do and he knew that would help no one at this point. He wanted to kill Aaron Lassiter. Only shooting him was too good for him, too quick, too merciful. He had shown no mercy to Faith, a woman he had once claimed to love. Jimmy shook his head and thought that she was with him now and whatever she had been through and whatever hard times there were to come, she would be with him and he could help her and he worked a smile onto his face before walking back in and getting breakfast finished.

After they ate, Jimmy sat down next to Faith and took her hand.

"I know you probably still don't want to talk about all this and I admit I don't really want to hear it but there are some things I need to know."

She nodded and took a breath and then paused as if she needed to arrange her thoughts. Jimmy was grateful for the pause so he could brace himself for whatever was to come. He knew enough to know that he probably could have lost them both and never even known about it. He had to stop thinking of that. She needed him to be strong and he needed to find a way to manage that.

"I don't even know where to start," Faith said bringing him from his thoughts.

"How about you start at the beginning, when he came home," Jimmy suggested.

"There was something different about him," she said, "But he had been badly injured, had lost an eye and his face was very scarred. I had no idea what all had happened so I suppose I expected him to be a little different and we had to learn each other again. I guess I was timid too. I felt like he was almost a stranger and then there he was in my bed. He placed no demands on me at first and most of the time he was so sweet to me. We did share some tender moments. I had an idea that I might be expecting but I wasn't sure and I didn't want to bring up that suspicion when he had just gotten there. It didn't seem the right way to start things off. I should have told you before you left that I suspected it. I bear the blame for so much."

Jimmy started to speak but she held up her hand to stop him.

"Please don't. There is plenty enough blame to go around," she sighed and then went on with her story. "It was the first time we went into town that started things going so badly. Mrs. White had to come up and make some comment about how loose I had been in his absence while he was recovering from war wounds and how I could take up with a man with such a notorious reputation."

If Jimmy hadn't already harbored a death wish for Eunice White, that would have surely created one.

"Aaron was livid all the way home," she continued, "Ranting at how I had made him a laughing stock to the whole town and I begged him to understand how lonely I had been and how grieved when I was told of his death and then when Adam died and that it wasn't as if I knew he was out there. I was a widow as far as anyone, including the United States government, was concerned. He settled down and I thought things might be alright but then I became certain that I was carrying a child. I had to tell him, he was going to figure it out soon enough anyway when I could no longer hide the tummy and that day was coming faster and faster because he was so much more insistent about me performing my wifely duties for him so I could not hide under clothes."

She took a breath and blinked a couple of times.

"The day I told him about the baby was the first time he hit me," she went on, "He had never so much as raised his voice to me before he left and without any warning he raised his hand and hit me across the face. It got worse after that. I had no freedom whatsoever. If he went into town I went into town and if he did not then I did not. The most freedom I had in my day was hanging the wash or chopping vegetables for supper. Those times he would just sit in Adam's room and cry. Of course he always emerged from that room in the foulest of moods. I would say he was the most violent then but there really wasn't a time when he didn't have the potential for being very cruel. He would berate me and hit me and force me to…to…"

She looked away from Jimmy at the memory of every time he shoved her against the wall and lifted her skirt. Once he had shoved her so hard and so abruptly that she feared for her belly hitting the wall too hard. Her hands had gone to her middle to protect her baby which meant her face had no defense. She had come away with a broken nose and split lip.

Jimmy squeezed her hand tighter reminding her that she was with him and not with Aaron and that she was safe.

"E-everything you said last night," she continued, "He said all those things and more, anything he could think of to hurt me and make me believe I deserved what was happening."

"Did you think of how to get away?"

"It's the only thing I thought of besides you," she answered, "I would try to find times when I knew I could get a few minutes to myself. I didn't figure that I would have a chance until the baby came. I knew we'd go into church then and thought maybe I could talk to Pete. I didn't know him so well but he was your friend and he had a good reputation for being fair."

"How did you get away sooner?"

"Aaron forced my hand but then gave me the perfect opportunity," she said, "It got worse for me the bigger I got. I guess you know how he reacted when I had to get up in the night and happened to wake him. He didn't stop at calling me a whore anymore. He called me murderer and said I had killed Adam. Then he caught me in the kitchen one day and wanted, well, I suppose you can figure what he wanted. I didn't comply fast enough he must have thought because he grabbed a knife and threatened to cut the baby out of me. He said it was making me fat and slow and I'd either get faster for it being gone or bleed to death and he didn't even care which. Those threats went for a few days and I had no chance to get away. As long as I did what he wanted and didn't talk back at him, he still only used his fists on me but he started hitting me in the stomach. On a kind day for him he would tell me we'd leave the child at a church and maybe someone would take it in and the rest of the time he would tell me he would kill it as soon as it was out of me and often he would threaten to take it by force. I was terrified. Whatever he had me believing about myself, this baby is innocent and I had to protect it."

"That tells me why you needed to get out when you did," Jimmy said with a shudder thinking of what that man had nearly taken from him, "But it still doesn't tell me the how."

"I have you to thank for that, sort of," she told him with a hint of a smile through the tears she'd been crying. "Remember when we cleaned out your room in town? Well there was half a bottle of whiskey in there and you said to leave it but I didn't. I kept it in a cupboard in the kitchen. He found it and at first I thought it was the worst thing ever. In all the times he had beaten me, he had been sober and once he got drunk he gave me one of the worst beatings I ever had. But then he did something that shocked me. He wanted more whiskey and he went into town looking for more. I was alone. Really alone. I didn't know for how long so I had to make it count. I rounded up all the money in the house and everything of value and packed it up. I saddled a horse and rode for town. I was so afraid at first that he would see me but then even the worst of the people in the town would have seen how bad off I was and wouldn't have let him hit me. I didn't need to fear though. He was in the saloon, I guess. I went to see Pete and he got me on the next stage out. You said you were coming here first so this is where I went. I could have gotten to Omaha if you hadn't been."

She was crying but holding her head high and Jimmy sat there clinging to her hand completely devastated by what he had heard. He tenderly placed his hand on the protrusion of her middle and then lowered his head and rested it atop where the baby—his baby—was growing and still moving. His arms wrapped around her and he kissed her belly. Then he looked at her with reddened, moist eyes.

"You are amazing, you know that?"

* * *

><p><strong>Show of hands...who wants to run in and give them both big squishy hugs?-J<strong>


	19. Chapter 19

Faith didn't know what else to say. She had told her whole story that should have repulsed him and yet he didn't leave or berate her. He embraced her and their child. That was the first time she had been able to think of it as their child. She had thought it hers and when she thought more she often considered it his but never had it entered her mind that it was theirs. It seemed strange that the first thing they truly shared would be a child but if that's how things were to be, she knew what a precious gift it was to bring a life into the world.

Not only did he embrace her, he called her amazing. She hadn't thought a thing about that really. She had only wanted to get her—no, their—baby away from Aaron before he could harm it. Nothing else mattered to her but now that she thought about it, she had been pretty amazing. Jimmy had returned his head to resting on her belly and the baby was making small moves with its arms within her. It was perfect. She knew of course that things being perfect only meant something terrible was bound to happen but she would take the perfection for the time being. She was vaguely aware that Jimmy was speaking again.

"What did you say?"

"I said," he repeated without a hint of annoyance, "I have no idea what I'm doing. You might need to coach me on this baby stuff. I feel like I should do something but I don't know what except hold onto you and keep the two of you safe."

Faith smiled and ran her hand through his long hair.

"That's enough," she said, "It's really all I can ask. Maybe you should talk to one of your friends. You said Buck and his wife were expecting and doesn't your friend Kid have a couple little ones?"

"Yeah," he answered with a smile, "They're pretty great kids too. I didn't even get to tell you, they named the boy after me. James. They call him Jamie though. And little Mary got over being scared of me and sometimes I can even rock her to get her down for her nap."

"Sounds like you actually have a running start on the whole fatherhood business."

"I never gave kids much thought before," he said, "Never even met my nephew, Celinda's son, I mean. Jamie calls me Uncle Jimmy. Still don't think I even considered being a father to anyone until yesterday. It's a little scary, I have to say."

"I think you'll do just fine," she said smiling, then something occurred to her and she was in just a brave enough place to say it out loud. "Do you know what you haven't done since I have been here?"

"What is that?"

"Kiss me," she replied simply, "I mean you've kissed my head and my belly and there was that little peck when I got up this morning but you haven't given me one real kiss this whole time. I know I probably made it difficult at first but no-"

Her words were cut off by his lips on hers and he immediately took advantage of the fact that having interrupted her talking, her mouth was open allowing his tongue access. His hands held her face in a gentle caress and she sighed a half-whimpering noise.

A need for air caused them to finally part and Jimmy just sat smiling at her.

"If I ever forget to do that again you be sure to remind me, okay?" she nodded still breathless, "Forget the territory, Faith, those must be the sweetest lips in the whole country."

Faith giggled and then covered her mouth as if embarrassed. Jimmy took her hand and pulled it away.

"Smile, Faith," he said, "Laugh too. I don't guess you've had much cause in quite a while and if I can make you want to again then maybe I'll know I'm doing something right."

She smiled wider and then leaned to him and kissed him pulling back after a few seconds as if shocked with herself.

"Don't be shy about doing that either," he told her stroking her face, "You can do that pretty much any time you want. Do I need to tell you you're beautiful again? It's been a few hours. Maybe I need to tell you too that you're the most incredible woman I have ever met. I think I haven't said that near enough. Maybe I should tell you I think you're going to be the best mother that there ever was. Wait, scratch that, I know you are. I don't think I had mentioned that at all before now."

"Jimmy, you don't have to say these things."

"I do, actually," he pointed out, "You don't see 'em anymore for yourself so someone has to tell you these things and I just don't think I can trust anyone else with the job."

Faith considered his words. She wasn't sure if she'd ever stop waiting for the other shoe to drop but for now she felt good and safe with him. Perhaps coming here was really the right thing after all. She smiled at him and then stifled a yawn.

"You need some more rest," Jimmy said and internally cursed himself for pointing out something so obvious. "Let's get you back to bed and maybe while you rest I can run into town for a few things."

Faith's eyes got wide. As much as she feared that he had the same potential to turn on her as Aaron had, he was still all she had to protect her.

"No, please," she whispered, "Don't leave me alone."

"You're safe here," he assured her, "Unless there's something you're not telling me."

"He warned if I ever left that he'd hunt me down," she told him, "He'll do it too. He's crazy."

The fear he saw in Faith's eyes seized Jimmy as well. He now understood why she looked like a rabbit running from a wolf. He could not leave her or his child vulnerable to this man.

"I'll stay," he said, "There's nothing I need in town that urgent anyway, nothing that can't wait a day or two until you feel up to coming with me. I guess I'll just get started cleaning out the other bedroom for now. Little one might not need it at first but eventually he or she will and I might's well get working on it. Been meaning to anyway and I guess now I have a reason."

Faith's grateful smile melted into tears, "I'm sorry. I'm such a bother."

Jimmy pulled her to him and just held her swaying back and forth until her tears subsided. He was starting to become amazed at how many tears one person could cry. Of course she had been dealt some very harsh things and probably had held the tears in for months. He didn't mind as much though. Sure he wished she could just come to him and be happy but if she had to cry, if she needed that, then he'd hold her and let her cry forever as long as it was his arms she was seeking for comfort. They stood there like that for a while until Jimmy felt something shift against his stomach and looked down at the bump and then back up at Faith amused. She just started to laugh.

"You weren't giving someone enough attention," she said still giggling a little.

"I guess Little One is just going to have to get used to sharing me with its beautiful mama."

Faith just rested her head against his chest. It felt so good right there and she never wanted to leave but soon she found Jimmy ushering her to the bedroom so she could take a nap. He tucked her in and leaned to kiss her forehead but thought better of it and pressed his lips to hers. Then he smiled at her.

"I don't think you're going to be able to get me to stop kissing you now," he said.

She looped her hands around the back of his neck and pulled him back to her.

"I don't want you to stop," she replied, "Kiss me again."

He did, more deeply this time and he could feel her fingers working into his hair as he became aware that he was not kissing her so much as she was kissing him. He could scarcely comprehend the things he was feeling right then. She felt so good in his arms and her mouth tasted so good and sweet. He was still trying to hold back. He knew that she had been made to do things against her will and that Aaron used things that had been sacred to them as weapons against her to gain power. He didn't want her to think he was going to be like that. But she was pulling him tighter to her and moaning into his mouth and just when he thought he couldn't take it anymore, she pulled back. A sad smile crossed her face as her fingers lightly traced around his eyes and down his cheeks. After travelling along his jaw, they moved to his lips and he kissed them.

"You are such a handsome man," she said softly, reverently, "I think I had forgotten how good looking you are."

She kissed him lightly and then looked at him once more. It was making Jimmy a little uncomfortable but then her touch was so tender.

"You look so very tired," she told him, "You couldn't have gotten much sleep. Please get some rest with me. That room can wait."

Jimmy wasn't sure how much rest he'd get. She had dropped her blouse and skirt before climbing into bed so she would be more comfortable for sleeping and he was already developing a problem that needed his attention just from their kisses and laying next to her in her underpinnings wasn't going to help that problem go away. Especially if she had anymore kissing planned. But she was right, he was horribly tired. He had been awake so much of the night worrying for her and his body was crying for rest as much if not more than it was crying out for her.

He started to crawl into the bed but she stopped him.

"You'll be more comfortable if you undress," she said and she started undoing his belt. He stayed her hands and tried to look away.

"I've seen that before, Jimmy," she told him, "I never thought you'd be ashamed of it. It's the last thing you should be embarrassed about."

"But, he-"

"He became someone else and he doesn't have what God graced you with."

"Faith!" he said shocked at her words.

"Get undressed and come to bed," she instructed. He did as he was told. Perhaps once she was asleep he could sneak out and take care of his problem and then come back for some sleep himself.

He laid himself down next to her and she curled herself around him resting her head on his shoulder. Her breath was hot on his neck which did nothing to help his predicament. Then she started speaking.

"Tell me you love me," she said in a voice that was pleading and desperate.

"Faith, you know I do."

"I need you to say it."

"I love you Faith. I love you like I've never loved anyone," he told her honestly, "I love you and I know I always will love you."

"Tell me you want me."

"What?" he asked unsure of how this was happening.

"Tell me you want me," she said again reaching inside his long johns and grabbing a hold of the only proof she really needed. "I know you do but I want to hear it."

"I want you," he panted as her hand stroked him. He wondered if this was some sort of test and if it was if he was passing or failing but he couldn't lie in the situation he was in. He was worried that she would be frightened of his desire. But it wasn't like he could hide what he was feeling or that he wanted her, wanted to make love to her. After what she'd been through he wasn't sure when or if she would ever be alright to do that again and then with the baby, he was even more concerned but the truth was all he had. "I want you so bad."

Faith saw the fear in him and understood. She knew at least in that moment he would be gentle with her. It made her next move easier. Her hand left his erection and found his hand. She brought it between her legs. Jimmy could feel the wetness there.

"This is what you do to me," she whispered to him, "This is what you've always done to me. I need you to touch me."

He wanted to keep touching her. She felt so good and soft beneath his fingers and he ached for her all the more when she moaned and pressed against him.

"Don't you remember how we loved?" she asked him, "It was so tender. Tell me what you want right now."

Jimmy threw doubts aside and slid a finger inside her before growling softly, "I want to kiss every inch of your body. I want to make you feel so good you cry out my name and then I want to be inside you. I want your soft heat around me."

"God yes," she said hurrying as much as she could to rid herself of her undergarments which was a task Jimmy was more than willing to help her with. Once she was unclothed, he kissed her deeply allowing his hands to roam her body, gently over her breasts and following the soft curves of her hips. Her hands busied themselves with getting his underclothes off.

"Please," she said when his kisses moved to her neck, "I need to feel your skin on mine."

He shrugged out of everything that had kept their bodies from coming together and she sighed at the relief. Aaron never held her, never kissed her. He used her for his needs and as far as he was concerned she had no needs of her own. He would press her face to a wall or bend her over a table or have her on her hands and knees. He said he could not look at her face. The only time he wanted her to face him was when he wanted her mouth on him and that was almost a more violent affair than any other way he had her. Now she could feel appreciative and tender hands caressing her body and Jimmy's warm mouth working his way slowly to her breasts. She could feel his need and want pressing into her side but it was clear he was going to make sure he devoted plenty of time to her before he indulged that need.

Jimmy thought of every need he'd stifled or worked out on his own over the past six months and could not believe that now he had her back in his bed, next to him. He could trace her body which was different but then it only meant he had something new to learn. Running his hands over her breasts and hearing her moan beneath him nearly put him over the edge especially as her hip rocked against his hardening erection. He found he had to pull his own hips away from her. Then she stopped his hands with hers.

"Lie back," she said and he did and then felt her hand wrap lightly around him stroking gently.

"Faith, I can hold out," he said but she whispered in his ear.

"You never had any trouble going twice before," she reminded him, "It's been a long time and we'll both enjoy this more if you let me do this."

He had no more argument. Although he had kept his hand pretty busy, he had not been with a woman since he left Faith. She slid down his body and before Jimmy could register fully what was going on, her lips were around the base of his manhood which was encased in the heat of her mouth. She bobbed her head and it was not long at all before he came. It felt like an explosion to him. He looked down his body to see her smiling at him. Then she climbed back to where she had been laying and looked at him.

"Now where were we?"

"I think I was right about here," Jimmy grinned as he lowered his mouth to one of her breasts.

Faith was about to warn him how sensitive and sore they had been of late but his mouth was so tender upon her and it felt so good she found she didn't need to say a word. His lips and tongue continued their journey over her body finally settling between her legs. There had been times over those long months when she was alone long enough to touch herself but there had been no real pleasure for her in all this time. The anticipation was nearly enough to drive her mad.

His hand was on her before his mouth, spreading her folds and rubbing lightly against the center of her own need. Her hips bucked upward as she let out an animalistic groan. She could hear Jimmy chuckle softly, felt his breath hot on her wetness and then felt his tongue circling the hardened nub, drawing it into his mouth and then releasing it to flick it again with his tongue. His fingers found her opening and slid inside. Faith's eyes rolled back in her head as her back arched.

Jimmy could feel her thighs start to quiver at either side of his head. His fingers worked in and out of her while his mouth kept working on those nerves that would take her over the edge. He felt her stiffen against him and then cry out his name. He pulled his head away and kissed the inside of her thigh. He could see her shuddering and that her legs were shaking. Seeing her pleasure made him harden again but this was where he was at a loss. He straightened up on his knees and looked at her as she came back to earth.

"Faith, I want to be in you so badly and I think you want that too, though you know if you don't, I won't but I don't, I mean, I don't want to hurt you or the baby and I, uh," he stammered.

She rolled and got onto her hands and knees, spreading her legs as much as she could.

"I won't, uh, poke the baby, will I?" he asked.

"No, you will not poke the baby," she said but her annoyance was drowned out by how touched she was that he even cared.

Jimmy positioned himself and slowly entered her. It was softer and warmer than he remembered. He could feel her press back against him and he began a slow but steady rhythm in and out of her. At first he still worried that somehow he was going to hurt the baby but then the sensation of being inside her took over and he sped up his thrusts. One of his hands that had been resting on her hip slid around to reach the place she needed to be touched. When he found it, she started a rhythm of her own meeting his every thrust until she cried out his name once more. That was all it took for him to find his second release.

Jimmy wrapped his arms around her and pulled her over to rest in the contours of his body as he landed on his side. He was too out of breath to say anything and so was she. So he smoothed her hair and kissed her behind her ear before pulling the blankets back over them and falling asleep holding tight to her. As he slept, his hand rubbed over her belly lovingly and soon Faith was asleep too with a smile on her face and knowing she was safe and loved for the first time in what seemed like forever.

* * *

><p><strong>I was a little unsure of this chapter because in all my fanfic reading I don't think I have ever read third trimester pregnant sex...but it happens in the world and these two needed a little loving if two people ever did. <strong>

**On another note, I have seen some new readers and reviewers out there, not only to this story but also to the other stories and I just want to say how exciting it is to see new names here and it really is the more the merrier. Hurray! Welcome and please don't be shy!-J**


	20. Chapter 20

When Faith awoke, she had no idea how long she'd been asleep and for a moment was not even sure of where she was. Before she allowed the panic to set in, she closed her eyes and took a breath. It was then that the afternoon she had shared with Jimmy came back to her. She smiled to herself knowing that there was still little she enjoyed more than making love with him. In fact the only thing that might be better than the way he loved her and how she felt about herself when he loved her was waking up in his arms. Right in this moment she could almost forget about Aaron and everything he did to her, almost forget how he tried to hurt her baby. Almost but not quite. Still lying in Jimmy's strong arms after once again feeling worshipped by him was enough to begin what she thought might be a process of healing.

Faith lingered a while longer there curled on her side with Jimmy curled protectively around her his arm draped over her belly and his face nuzzled into her hair. Then she carefully extricated herself from him, dressed and shoved her feet into his boots. They were big on her but much more comfortable than her own. She made her way to the outhouse and relieved herself. She had forgotten how often she'd had to do that in the last few months before Adam was born but it was all coming back to her.

Feeling better she went back inside the house and began rummaging through the kitchen for food. Soon she had dinner cooking and went to sit down for a while as it cooked. She had just propped her still swollen feet up. They would probably be swollen for the duration; she had similar problems with Adam. But she had just gotten them up for a bit and leaned her head back against the chair and closed her eyes for a minute when she heard him coming out of the bedroom. It had been just over a week before when the sound of a man coming toward her would have nearly stopped her heart with panic. But this was not Aaron and she was not doing anything wrong by resting while their supper cooked. She simply opened her eyes and smiled at him.

"I told you that you were tired," she said.

"Looks like you still are too," he replied looking concerned.

"Nope," she told him, "Not still. I woke up feeling great but the little one wears me out. Supper should be ready soon."

"I could have rustled us up something."

"I haven't forgotten that you can cook, Jimmy. But you made breakfast so I guess I can handle supper," she said resting her head back once more.

She heard him cross to her quickly and for a moment had to fight the urge to cover her belly in protection. Faith told herself to remember where she was. Still she opened her eyes so that she could see what was coming.

Jimmy stopped short and just looked at her a minute. She was tensing and bracing but didn't even look as if she knew what she was bracing herself for.

"I ain't him," he said looking wounded, "I know I shouldn't've done what I did earlier but I'm not him. You could've told me no. I ain't him and I won't ever be."

He stood for a moment as if he wanted to say more or maybe even reach and touch her but he just turned and went back into the bedroom. Faith sat stunned for a few moments. She had never intended to make him feel that way. She maneuvered her way off of the chair and waddled toward the bedroom thanking her stars that there wasn't much left of having her mobility limited to go through before this little one came. She found Jimmy sitting on the edge of the bed holding the rolled piece of cloth she had sent along with him when he'd gone. Only it wasn't rolled up anymore, he had it undone and was just turning over in his hands the things that had been inside. He didn't seem aware of her presence.

"I'm sorry, Faith," he said softly speaking to the objects in his hands, "I failed you every possible way."

"First of all," Faith spoke up from the doorway making Jimmy jump, "If you're going to apologize to someone, you should probably do it to their face."

He looked at her and she had a hard time reading his expression which made her uneasy and nearly frightened at first. She was only just back and despite his professions of love to her, she had no way of knowing if he'd taken up with someone else since he'd been home and if he had the new woman was undoubtedly not the size of a barn. She wasn't even sure if she was afraid he would hit her as Aaron had done or if her fears were merely of being cast out. She studied his features a bit longer and saw the hurt and guilt in his own eyes and found the courage to continue.

"And second, what we did earlier was love. It was sweet and tender and caring. I know I could have stopped things if I wanted to and I almost did once or twice. But then I remembered who I was with and how badly I needed to feel something good and warm."

"It was too soon, Faith," he told her, "I could see how scared you were when I walked toward you and I only wanted to kiss you."

"I know," she said fighting off the tears. This was not how she wanted their reunion to go. It was not how she pictured it. Seeing him was supposed to wipe out all the bad memories. Aaron and everything he'd done to her was supposed to disappear in a puff of smoke and never come back and yet he still haunted every thought she had. "I'm sorry. I don't know how long it's going to take to remember where I am and have confidence you won't change like he did. I can't even believe that you wanted me like that. I have seen draft horses with shapelier backsides."

"Well, your breasts are bigger too," Jimmy pointed out, "And how could I not want you? You are beautiful."

"Even my feet are enormous!"

"Yeah I noticed you borrowed my boots. They had to feel better than your own. Clever girl," he said then half sighed at her, "Faith, I don't care how big you are. You won't always be this size and even if you are I don't care. I will always want you. I will always want to make love to you."

"Sure, after six months of having nearly any woman out there, you want to saddle yourself with a woman who looks like the broad side of a barn."

And there it was, out in the open. She wasn't an idiot. She knew what a handsome man he was and even without the reputation, women flocked to him. If he was carrying those Colts they would want him all the more. He believed he'd never see her again. There was nothing to keep him from taking numerous women to his bed or going to theirs. Still she regretted having said anything. She really wasn't sure she wanted to know. And even if he did want to settle down with her, knowing that in town there were women who had bedded him was more than she thought she could bear.

"There was no one else," he told her and she froze at that.

"What? You can't really mean that. You might mean no one steady or no one you'd consider marrying-"

"I mean no one at all," he clarified, "I didn't want to go back to how things were before you. I couldn't bring myself to even walk into the saloon. Kid and Lou tried to fix me up with some lady or another from town but it was always all wrong and we'd have an afternoon of awkward conversation and that would be it. I had my memories of you and this."

He held up his hand looking embarrassed. Faith blushed in understanding. He had really only dealt with his desires on his own—and to memories of her.

"But I'm not who you remember anymore," she protested. She didn't know why she was doing this. If he said he wanted her, she shouldn't want to push him away but she didn't want him to stay with her, take her in, raise a child with her without really considering everything. "I'm fat, bruised, ruined."

"Sweetheart," he said patting her tummy lightly, "This is not fat. This is the most wonderful news I have ever gotten. This is something I never even considered having because I didn't want to start wanting things I couldn't have. Bruises heal and eventually I promise we can heal the rest of it. I don't know how but someday you will take for granted that you are beautiful and loved and that no one will ever hurt you again. You are not ruined. I don't even understand what that could mean. You are the same in every single way that counts. And yes, I want you. I want you all the time. If it was all up to me and we didn't have to concern ourselves with eating and getting things done around the house, I would show you every minute of every day how much I want you."

Faith couldn't even believe what she was hearing. None of it made sense but she only needed to look at him to know he meant every word he said. It was what she dreamt he would say every time Aaron took her. Aaron did what he wanted and her mind would drift to finding Jimmy. She would bring the baby to him and he would be overjoyed to see her. He would sweep her into his arms and tell her she was the only woman for him and he had hoped against hope for her to come to him, for there to be a way for them to be together. It was the fantasy that got her through beatings and everything else Aaron did. But when she actually was on her way here she knew in her heart it couldn't be. It was just a fantasy. Now that she was here, now that every daydream was turning to a reality, she didn't know what to do. She blinked a few times, patted his arm and then turned to head out of the room.

"I should see to supper," she said willing her voice not to crack and her true feelings to venture nowhere near her face. "I'm sure it's nearly finished."

Jimmy sat there a while longer trying to think. He got an idea he had said or done something wrong but then he wasn't sure what it could have been. He thought maybe to ask Faith but then he didn't want to further upset her. She'd been through so much already. He shouldn't have let his feelings get hurt because she was still afraid. Of course he knew that sometimes feelings couldn't be controlled. And despite what she said, he surely shouldn't have made love to her that afternoon. It had felt good and he knew that he had made her feel good too but that didn't make it right. She was too fragile and hurt and he didn't even know if that was safe while she was carrying a child or at least when she was this close to having it.

The baby occupied as many of his thoughts as its mother. He knew he could do better than his own father but he also knew it took more to be a good pa than just avoiding hitting Faith or even paying more attention to the kids than to some cause. Teaspoon, without ever having raised a single child up was better at it than Jimmy felt he could be. Of course he knew he would not be alone but he also knew he couldn't go running to Kid or Teaspoon over every little thing that might come up with this child. His head was swimming. He was glad for the changes the last two days had brought him. There was nothing in the world he could have asked for but Faith back in his arms but he wasn't sure how he would get through any of this. He had promised that they would heal her but he didn't know how and didn't even know if it was possible. It wasn't a promise he relished breaking but he might have been unwise to make it in the first place.

A soft knocking brought his head up and his eyes focused on Faith in the doorway.

"Supper's ready," she said and then forced a smile. He could not read a single thing in her expression. Sometimes he cursed how much like Emma she really was.

"Thank you, Sweetheart," he said standing, "I'll be right there."

Faith nodded and waddled off toward the kitchen. She could only think of her walk as a waddle at that point and knew it was only to get slower and more awkward looking over the next couple of months. She was thinking less of her less mobile state than of Jimmy and how soft his voice was when he had just called her sweetheart. It was everything she had hoped of and gave her a flutter inside which for once was not caused by the baby. It also made her think of Aaron when she had been expecting Adam. He too had been tender and kind. He had called her things like sweetheart and honey. He had talked to the baby and rubbed her belly lightly. He had also hit her. His sweet words had turned to ugly ones. Faith wanted to believe in Jimmy but she just wasn't sure she could.

She heard Jimmy come into the room as she was dishing food onto his plate and kept her eyes glued to the task at hand. After dishing her own food, Faith sat down across from Jimmy and wished she had set the table differently. She just wasn't sure she could look at him right then. It wasn't that she feared he would hurt her if she looked at him but she knew she couldn't keep her perspective in place to keep herself and her baby safe if she met his eyes. She knew he would lay waste to her defenses and she'd trust him and too much was at stake for that. Faith kept her eyes on her plate and ate what she could. It was hard the less room that was left inside her and more often than not she could feel a foot sticking into her stomach. But she knew she needed to eat so she did.

Jimmy ate well. He had forgotten what a good cook Faith was. She was a much better cook than he was, that was for sure. Of course he'd never really set to learning too much, just enough to keep from starving.

"This is really good," he said mopping up the last of it with his biscuit.

"Thank you," she said meekly sparing only a quick glance at him before returning her eyes to the plate in front of her. "There's more if you're still hungry. I could get it for you."

"It's okay," he said quickly, "You don't need to get up. I'll get it myself. Can I get you anything while I'm up?"

"No," she replied softly before adding, "Thank you though."

The rest of the meal was eaten in an unwelcome silence. Each knew there were many things that needed discussing and yet neither one wanted to be the one to pierce the quiet and risk saying or doing the wrong thing. When they finished eating, Jimmy stood to help clear the dishes and took up a cloth to dry as Faith washed. At least one thing was still the same and he took a little comfort in that although he was disturbed by how little she had eaten. Once the last dish was put away, Faith grabbed her shawl and said she needed some air and would be on the porch if that was alright. It astounded him that she sounded like she was asking permission to sit on the porch and enjoy the evening air. He nodded to her and grunted something that more acknowledged where she'd be than gave or denied permission. It wasn't his place. It shouldn't be anyone's place to tell her if she could or could not sit on the porch.

Faith watched Jimmy a moment to see if he would protest her going outside to sit for a while but he didn't so she tightened her shawl around her shoulders and went out to one of the chairs and sat looking out into the darkening evening. The night air was refreshing and it occurred to her that this was the first time she had sat outside in months. The thought alone nearly brought tears to her eyes. Her hands went to her abdomen and she rubbed over the bulge. She could feel the life within stir as an arm reached and rubbed her back as if returning the comfort she tried to give.

The door opened behind her and she closed her eyes taking a breath and wondering what was to come next.

"Faith," Jimmy said softly for fear of startling her, "I made you some tea, Sweetheart."

She looked up at him with a furrowed brow. Of all the things she considered could happen right then, Jimmy bringing her a cup of tea was not one of them.

Jimmy smiled at her bewilderment.

"I know," he admitted, "I wouldn't've ever seen me making tea either but I was having trouble sleeping when I first got back into town. Buck told me if I made a tea from chamomile that it would help me sleep. He was right. It helped as much as anything else did anyway. I learned a few things from Buck. Learned mint helps settle your stomach. Eating my own cooking for all this time made me need the mint. I added some to your chamomile. Thought since you ate so little maybe you'd need some."

Faith took the cup from him and smiled at his thoughtfulness.

"Thank you."

"Mind if I join you?" he asked.

"It's still your porch," she answered.

Jimmy settled himself in the chair next to her and lifted his hand wanting to place it over hers but then thought better of it and put it back on the armrest of his own chair. The quiet settled over them and while they rarely spoke very much when they used to sit on her porch swing, this was different and felt wrong and uncomfortable somehow. Jimmy had no idea what to do or say and he was too terrified of saying something wrong to even speak at all. They sat like that for close to an hour just looking out into the night and avoiding looking at each other. Finally Faith yawned and stood.

"I think I'll turn in, now," she said and headed inside but stopped when she felt Jimmy's hand on hers. He didn't close his fingers tightly, just held her loosely to get her attention. She looked down to him and her eyes followed as he stood.

"I'd like to kiss you goodnight," he said. Jimmy was almost afraid to bring up a kiss but he really didn't want her heading to bed without one. He stood there unmoving waiting for her response. Her features softened and she moved as close to him as she could get with her belly in between them. Her arms slid around his neck as she looked up into his eyes, meeting them for the first time all evening.

"I can't get onto my tiptoes anymore," she said almost shyly, "I think you're going to have to come to me if you want that kiss."

He placed his hands gently on her cheeks and lowered his lips to hers, caressing her mouth with his. He was about to break away from her but her hands tightened around his neck to hold him close to her for a moment longer. When they parted she looked away quickly as if embarrassed.

"Goodnight then," she said.

"I'll be along shortly," he told her, "That is unless, well, you know…"

"No, I mean I know but…" she tried to find the words for what they were suddenly avoiding. "I, um, I like having you near me."

And then she disappeared inside. He stood there a while and then sat back down a few minutes before heading inside. Faith had left the lamp burning low so he could find his way without barking his shins and he decided to leave it knowing how often she had to relieve herself. He undressed and climbed under the covers. Everything was still for a little while until he heard her.

"Thank you for the tea, Jimmy," she whispered, "It was very soothing."

Then she curled around him as tight as her condition allowed and rested her head on his chest. She seemed to relax even more when he brought an arm around her and rubbed lightly along her back. With his other hand he stroked her belly and soon they were both asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Huge thanks to K and L for their help with the arrangement of matches (yeah it means something to us but I don't feel like explaining it right now).-J<strong>


	21. Chapter 21

Jimmy woke a few times in the night. Twice it was when Faith shifted away from him to use the chamber pot and another it was when her arms tightened hard enough around him to nearly squeeze the air from his lungs. She wasn't awake but a part of him rejoiced that in her sleep she would cling to him as she whimpered through a nightmare. That jubilation was short lived though as her whimpers formed words.

"Jimmy, help me," she squeaked as though frightened to even call for him. He supposed she had been. Calling for another man's help while her husband was in a jealous rage would have only fueled the violence. "Please, help me."

Jimmy stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head lightly.

"I'm here," he whispered, "I know it's too little and far too late but I'm here."

Her whimpering stopped as if she had heard his words and maybe she had at that and she nuzzled closer to him. He finally fell into a good sound sleep after that.

The sun was just beginning to lighten the horizon when Faith woke once again needing to make water. She was going to just use the chamber pot again but glancing out the window and seeing the beginnings of a new day caused her to think otherwise. She once again shoved her feet into Jimmy's boots and clomped out to the outhouse. Feeling better she set to making some breakfast.

Jimmy was having a wonderful dream. He wouldn't remember it once he woke up but he knew it was good. It was the kind of dream that even though you couldn't remember what happened in it, you woke with a smile. And he did wake when the smell of coffee hit his nose. He quickly pulled his clothes on and headed toward the smell. Jimmy found Faith standing at the stove dishing a plate of food. He stopped not wanting to startle her but she had heard him moving around anyway.

"You're just in time," she said, "I was about to come and wake you for breakfast."

Setting the plate on the table she nodded for him to sit and he did. When she sat his coffee down she did the thing he would have least expected. She bent down and kissed his cheek.

"I love you," she whispered.

He was able to catch her hand before she could move away. He kissed it and pulled her toward him.

"I love you too," he said and then kissed her belly, "Both of you."

Faith surprised him again by placing a hand on his face and holding it to her middle. Then she released him and went on with getting her food. Again Jimmy noted that she ate little.

"Is your stomach upset?" he asked concerned, "Are you ill?"

She smiled looking up from her plate and the hand without a fork in it went reflexively to her belly.

"No, I just have a tiny foot wedged in where food would normally go. There's just not a lot of room right now," she explained, "It'll get better when the baby is out."

"So that's normal?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied, "Very normal. At least I'm not sick all the time like I was with Adam. I threw up every single day with him. This one I've mostly felt pretty good. I wonder if that means anything."

Faith was just musing to herself really. She hadn't had much time to think on her pregnancy for most of it but her ponderings made Jimmy worried because he didn't know what it could mean.

"Like what?" he asked barely hiding fear that was driving him almost frantic.

"They say that carrying boys and girls is sometimes different," she clarified, "I am only wondering if this might mean I'm having a girl. Of course most women you talk to tell you every child is different to carry so there's probably nothing to be speculated about. It's fun to sort of wonder though."

"Is that what you want? A girl?"

"God's giving me a second miracle, Jimmy," she answered, "I'm not going to start getting picky with details. I'm just wondering. It's a long time to have such a mystery and I guess I'm just getting excited and impatient to meet whoever this is. I would imagine you'd probably prefer a boy, though."

"I hadn't really given it much thought," he told her honestly, "I mean I guess having a son would be nice, someone to carry on the name and all but then I see how sweet little Mary is and I start thinking that it don't really matter too much. You said I have maybe a month and a half or two months yet so maybe by then I'll have an opinion one way or the other."

Faith smiled but it faded once they heard the knock at the door. Her eyes were panicked as she looked across the table at him.

"Don't worry, sweetheart," he said patting her hand as he stood, "Probably just Teaspoon again or something."

Still he grabbed one of his Colts before peeking out the window. He exhaled and put the gun back into its holster. Then he opened the door.

"Good morning, Jenny," he said quietly stepping back for her to enter the house.

"Morning, Jimmy," she said in a hushed tone and gave him a quick hug, "Buck told me about, well, I don't know…"

She was obviously trying to figure out how to put it. Buck had told her about a woman named Faith. She was pretty sure the woman was not his wife so Jenny wasn't quite sure how to refer to her.

"Come on and meet her," he said using an arm around her shoulders to guide her to the kitchen. "Faith, I have someone for you to meet."

Faith looked up and Jimmy was smiling widely with his arm around a pretty blonde woman who was also smiling. The blood ran from her face. He had lied the day before. There was another and she was pretty and shapely and not beaten and broken. Faith forced a smile anyway.

"Sweetheart, I want you to meet Jenny Cross, Buck's wife," he said, "Jenny, this is Faith Lassiter."

Faith felt silly for a moment. Perhaps she should stop looking for trouble where there wasn't any but then if she had been looking out for trouble six months before she wouldn't have been blindsided by it when it knocked her upside the head.

"It's so nice to meet you, Jenny," Faith said warmly and she did mean it too although she was scared. Here was this nice lady who was married all proper and then there was Faith. Faith was married alright but not to the father of her child. Her black eye was still visible. If the floor had opened up and swallowed her whole at that moment, Faith would not have complained. "Would you care for some breakfast?"

"No thank you, Faith," Jenny replied, "I still get a little queasy in the mornings."

Faith saw Jenny's hand go to her belly which had yet to give clues to her condition. Faith wasn't sure how she had forgotten that.

"How far along are you?"

"Almost three months gone," Jenny said.

"Well, I'm going to let you two ladies talk for a little bit," Jimmy interjected before slipping from the room. Faith understood the gesture and in any other circumstance would have appreciated being allowed a little private girl time for baby talk and such but right then she still wasn't all that confident in the situation.

"Thank goodness it's just us girls now," Jenny said with a smile, "Men don't understand how we want to talk about our babies and things like that. Buck doesn't anyway. He's excited and all but he doesn't want to talk all the time about it. I guess it makes sense that he can think of other things since it's not growing in his body but still it's so nice to have another woman to talk to. Lou doesn't get into town as much as I'd like and Rachel, well, I feel bad talking to her. She was with child once and I guess it came too early or something."

Jenny looked like she might cry speaking of Rachel's heartache. Faith started to feel a glimmer of hope that she might have an ally here in Rock Creek.

"Look at this," Jenny observed, "I come to visit and do all the talking."

"That's alright," Faith said softly, "It's nice to hear another perspective on everyone. I've only met Buck and Teaspoon—and Jimmy, of course."

"Well, you have only been in town a couple of days. You'll meet everyone in time. I wasn't sure if it was too forward of me to come out and see you but Buck told me you weren't very well when you came to town and really he probably told me more than you would want me to know. I just wanted to come out and see how you were settling in. I know Jimmy would take as good of care of you as he knew how but then sometimes another woman knows what a woman needs. How are you feeling?"

"Better," Faith answered honestly, "How much did Buck tell you?"

"Enough to know that I am very glad you made it here," Jenny said seriously the smile disappearing from her face. "He said your husband was mean to you and hurt you and that the baby is Jimmy's anyway. I am so glad you made it to us. And now it makes more sense how Jimmy was acting since he's been back. He's just been so sad. I think Teaspoon knew why but he never said anything to the rest of us. Now I understand. He looks so happy to have you here."

Faith only allowed a small smile at that. She still wasn't sure of things and she felt she needed to be as noncommittal as possible right then.

"I'm sure Buck must be over the moon that you're expecting," Faith said needing so desperately to have the attention be off of her. She was mortified that Jenny knew so very much about her. Faith felt ashamed and like the worst mother in the world to have allowed her unborn child to endure that situation and she just couldn't bear to talk about her own circumstance at all.

"My goodness, yes," Jenny gushed, "He's already making a cradle. I told him there was plenty of time but he's really excited."

Jenny paused and studied the woman she wanted to think of as her new friend. Realization hit her like a ton of bricks.

"Faith, please don't worry what people might say or think, especially the family. We're the last people who are ever going to judge anyone. You got free of a bad situation and that's what's important. Some people are going to be small minded and stupid but you have the rest of us and every one of us has something we'd rather not have to hear about every day of our lives."

"I'm afraid I don't understand."

Jenny laughed a little at that.

"Jimmy hasn't told you all about us, has he?" Jenny asked.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean," Faith replied, "I know your father runs the store in town and you married Buck."

"Well, aside from the fact that plenty of the town busybodies would love to make a big deal out of the heritage of my husband," Jenny explained, "I spent a good deal of my life raised in the Lakota tribe. I still prefer many of their ways to the white man's. It makes me different and people with such small minds don't like different a whole lot. But that reminds me…"

Jenny hopped up and went back toward the door where she had dropped a small sack. Grabbing the sack, she made her way back to the table and to Faith.

"I understand if you don't want them—they won't make things easier with some people—but I thought these could help," she said reaching into the bag and pulling out a pair of moccasins, "Buck said your feet were very swollen. I know that's normal and all but I figured your regular shoes were probably too constrictive."

"Where did you get these?"

"I made them," Jenny said, "It's not all that hard."

Faith didn't even know how to respond. There had been so little kindness for her for such a long time. In fact since well before Jimmy had first spoken to her in town. She had been tolerated and pitied but still she knew the talk that went on behind it. She shouldn't be living alone with her son and then when he died it seemed all the more reason for others to think she should just snatch up the first eligible bachelor who wandered by. Jimmy didn't talk to her because he was looking to marry her. He didn't offer to help her with her things because he thought her incapable of doing it or in need of his pity. When she had first offered herself to him he had tried to resist. No one had been so gentle with her feelings but still he had been the only one. Until now. Sure Buck had gotten her to the doctor's but he was the deputy after all and he couldn't leave a pregnant woman passed out on the boardwalk. But this, this was just thoughtful for the sake of being thoughtful. And it came from someone who didn't even know her except for some of the worst things anyone could know. Tears formed in Faith's eyes and for once she didn't try to stop them or hide what she was feeling.

"Thank you," she said in a barely audible whisper, "I don't even know what to say. This was so kind."

Jenny saw the tears form in Faith's eyes and thought at first she had made a terrible mistake but understanding came to her quickly and she moved around the table and pulled Faith to her holding her tight and stroking her hair. Sobs wracked Faith's body as she clung to her new friend, the first friend she felt she'd had in longer than she could rightly remember. Jenny sang lightly a tune she remembered her mother singing to her. Possibly it had once been sung in English but her mother had translated it once she learned the language of their new people and Lakota was how Jenny knew it now. The words were soothing but not nearly so much as the tune and she sang and held Faith until the tears slowed and Faith picked her head up. Jenny poured a glass of water and then settled back to the table to wait. Faith needed to talk now and Jenny knew this even though it might take a while for Faith to organize her thoughts.

Faith sipped at the water. And tried to find words. Once when she was a girl she'd had a friend. Sally had been her name. She supposed Sally was still out there somewhere. They had lost touch after their respective weddings and they had both moved away from their hometown. Sally and Faith had shared their deepest secrets. Only Sally knew how close Faith had come to giving up her virtue before her wedding night. And only Faith knew that Sally had before hers. Every heartache of young girls was shared between those two and every joy as well. Faith had moved on thinking that friendship like that was something to be left behind with pigtails and the other trappings of girlhood. She knew some women had that relationship with sisters but Faith's sister was never close to her like that. Finally she was able to come up with something to say.

"You're going to be a very good mother, Jenny," she said at last, "You're a natural. That tune was lovely. I think I've heard it somewhere before. I didn't know it was did you say Lakota?"

"The words I sang were but it's not a Lakota lullaby. I just know the words better that way."

"It's beautiful."

Jenny reached across the table to squeeze Faith's hand and then found a wide smile. Later she would cry to Buck for the sadness she knew Faith had endured. He would hold her and share her sadness. But right now she needed to cheer her new friend.

"I'll bet you haven't been into town much at all and I'll bet you need all sorts of things," Jenny said brightly, "Get dressed and I can show you around. Maybe we can even stop by the schoolhouse around lunchtime and you can meet Rachel."

"C-can Jimmy come too?" Faith asked. She still didn't trust that Aaron wasn't lurking somewhere waiting to catch her unguarded. She may still harbor doubts about Jimmy but she knew he'd defend her from Aaron.

"Of course he can," Jenny assured her, "You get ready and I'll go find him and tell him."

Faith went into the room she now shared with Jimmy and wondered how even a woman who felt cast out from her choice of husband would be so kind to her. There was very little left of the black eye but here she was unmarried to the man whose baby she carried. Surely she was his woman but was he her man? She just didn't know. She moved as quickly as she could to dress and twist her hair up securing it with a comb. She then slid the moccasins that Jenny had made over her swollen feet and smiled at the pretty beads upon them and how comfortable they were. There would be no more shoving her feet into Jimmy's boots when she needed to use the outhouse. She was just heading toward the front door when Jimmy walked in.

"I, uh, I was just," he stammered, "I wanted to make sure you were alright. Thought maybe you'd need some help lacing those boots of yours. Or maybe some help shoving 'em on your feet in the first place."

Faith lifted her skirts just enough that he could see her feet and wiggled her toes inside her new footwear.

"Jenny had it covered," Faith said with some pride, "These are wonderful. Why don't white people wear shoes like these?"

"I guess they do now," he smiled at her, "Jenny's waiting on us."

"You don't mind coming, do you?"

"Frankly," he said, "I don't think I'd like you heading into town without me right now. I trust Buck and Teaspoon with my own life but I think for a while I'd like to see to yours and the baby's myself."

Faith noticed and was comforted by the fact that he was buckling both gun belts around his hips as he spoke. Jimmy saw her watch him.

"It's still what I know best," he said apologetically.

"I don't mind," she told him, "I think I feel safer with them coming too."

Faith began to walk to the door but Jimmy placed his hands lightly on her shoulders bringing her to a stop. He said nothing but slid his arms around her and kissed the top of her head

"I thought you were worried about keeping Jenny waiting," Faith only half protested. It still felt good in his arms.

"Sometimes I just need to hold you a minute. I'm sure she'd understand."

Jimmy released her and the pair went out to where Jenny was waiting on a buckboard. Jimmy helped Faith up and then climbed up himself.

"I must be about the luckiest man in the territory to be in the middle of two such lovely ladies," he said and then they were off toward town.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay. I am really glad poor Faith has a friend. And some shoes she can get her poor swollen feet into. Mine were like that with my oldest. Middle of December and the only shoes I could shove those overstuffed sausages passing as feet into were birkenstock sandals...nice. Of course I couldn't have tied shoes either because I couldn't reach my feet over my belly...good times. And all worth it the moment you meet that little someone.-J<strong>


	22. Chapter 22

The closer the trio got to the town, the more frightened Faith became. It was one thing to ignore Mrs. White and her nasty words but she didn't know these people. They might actually be decent folk who don't really want her sort around. And she couldn't blame them either. Her palms began to sweat as she saw more people and more horses and more wagons. They would know and for all she knew Aaron was already there and someone had told him she was here.

Jimmy could hear Faith's breathing coming faster and he handed the reins off to Jenny so that he could loop an arm around her shoulders.

"Are you alright sweetheart?"

"I don't want to do this," she said, "There's too many people."

"Faith, I won't make you do this but I think you ought to," he told her, "I'm not going to lie, there's some real uppity folks here like anywhere else but there's a lot more here that aren't than you're going to find most anywhere else. I won't leave if you don't want me to, okay?"

"They'll know," she whispered.

"Ain't anyone going to know a single thing you don't tell 'em."

Jimmy looked over at Jenny who nodded to him that he was in fact doing the right thing. When they reached town, Jenny brought the wagon to a stop in front of the marshal's office. Jimmy climbed down and then helped both women down.

"And just what are you doing with your hands on my wife?" Buck asked with a smile from the doorway of the office.

"What you should've been doing but were too slow to get out here and do," Jimmy answered amiably tipping his hat to Jenny. He then took a step over and offered his arm to Faith. She took it and allowed herself to be led into the office.

"Well, good morning to you Faith," Teaspoon said getting up from behind his desk ever mindful of the presence of ladies. He even removed his hat and bowed deeply. Jenny giggled having long gotten accustomed to Teaspoon but Faith only offered a guarded smile and when he looked at her she curtsied to him.

"Good morning Mar-I mean Teaspoon."

It took a little doing but eventually Faith was convinced to walk the few doors down to the store with Jenny and leave Jimmy behind in the marshal's office with Teaspoon and Buck.

"I'll be right here," Jimmy had assured her.

"I can't," she had whispered her eyes darting around in near panic.

"We'll be sitting outside," he told her finally, "I will hear if there's any problem and Buck and Teaspoon are right here too. You are safe, sweetheart."

The look she gave him said she wasn't safe, she never would be again and wasn't sure if she ever had been. Security is something she had come to believe was something of an illusion.

Once the ladies were heading down the boardwalk with Faith walking stiffly and Jenny trying to calm her with excited talk of babies Teaspoon looked at Jimmy.

"What in blazes happened to that poor gal?"

Jimmy looked dumbly at Teaspoon for a moment before speaking.

"Besides getting beat nearly every day the last six months?" he asked his voice detached as if still trying to figure out how such a thing could be. "He…he well, he forced…"

He let his voice trail away knowing that nothing more needed saying. He only barely registered Teaspoon's hand on his shoulder.

"She's safe now, son," Teaspoon comforted his boy.

"No she's not," Jimmy said quietly, "She's scared for good reason, not just jumping at shadows. He threatened to track her down if she ever left him. She had to leave. She couldn't stay and get beat and he was going to hurt the baby."

Jimmy stood abruptly and in two large strides covered the distance to the door and inside. The emotion was rapidly overtaking him and he wasn't about to break down on the main street of town. He thought it would be Teaspoon to follow him but it was Buck's voice he heard in his ears and therefore he knew it must be Buck's hands on his arms.

"Nothing is going to happen to her or the baby now," he said with all the resolve in him, "Faith and that baby are family now."

"I left her," Jimmy said staring vacantly ahead, "I just rode away. I couldn't face seeing her with another man. I was selfish and cowardly and she suffered for it. I could have lost them Buck." His voice was rising in volume as well as pitch. "I could have lost them both."

Buck flinched as Jimmy's fist connected with the wall. He was able to grab his friend's arm before the next swing. Jimmy struggled against him a moment and then went nearly limp.

"I could've lost them, Buck. I could've lost them."

Buck managed to get Jimmy into a chair and then pulled another chair up close. He grabbed Jimmy's shoulders and shook him.

"But you didn't," he asserted, "And you won't now."

Jimmy just stared at him.

"I am such an idiot," he said, "How could leaving her ever have been the right thing?"

"I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time," Buck said with a loopy grin knowing the worst of the storm had passed.

"It really did," Jimmy said half-heartedly returning the smile but feeling a little better with the exception of his aching hand. "Guess I haven't gotten any smarter over the years, have I?"

"That's just part of your charm, Hickok."

The two of them made their way back out front to join Teaspoon who had been at the ready in case his boys hadn't been able to get through this without him, if Buck hadn't been able to calm his friend down but actually he'd handled it much the same as Teaspoon would have. He puffed his chest out a little with pride in the work he'd done turning those boys into men any father could be proud of.

Teaspoon had plenty he'd like to talk to Jimmy about but right about that time he saw the two women headed back toward their men.

"I thought I taught you boys better'n to let two lovely ladies carry their own packages," he said nodding in the direction of Jenny and Faith. The two younger men headed immediately to help their ladies.

"I shouldn't have bought all this without talking to Jimmy first," Faith worried as the pair made their way down the boardwalk to meet up with their respective men.

"Nonsense," Jenny assured her, "That baby is going to need things and you are running out of time. You didn't buy a single thing you won't need to make things for the baby. I know Jimmy well enough to know he wouldn't want his child going around in its altogether."

Faith was about to protest further when she spied the men approaching them and she shut her mouth quickly and looked down. Buck took Jenny's packages and the two were almost immediately engaged in a playful conversation. Jimmy took Faith's bundles and leaned to kiss her temple.

"Is all this for the baby?"

Faith nodded and then stammered a reply, "I uh, I know it looks like a lot, but really, the baby will need-"

"Sweetheart," Jimmy cut her off, "I believe you. I actually was kind of hoping that maybe you got something for yourself too."

"I couldn't do that without asking."

"I know I lost your belief in me," he said gently as he shifted the packages to one arm so he could place a free hand on her face. "I really do just want to see you happy."

"I am happy," she answered looking away from his gaze.

"I think you have moments of it and I think sometimes you try to tell yourself you are," he told her, "But you're not really happy, not like how a woman about to have a baby ought to be. It's okay though. I guess it will just take time. Now as for all this stuff, I don't have the foggiest notion about what a baby needs so you'll just have to explain it all to me sometime."

Faith nodded at him and prepared to continue walking toward the marshal's office but he stopped her and placed his hand under her chin tilting her face up to him.

"Did you even have a little fun shopping with Jenny?"

The smile that spread across her face was genuine and surprised her. The ability to keep her emotions inside had been her saving grace for months but she did have a good time with Jenny and what was more it felt really good to have fun like that. Jenny had made over some fabric that she thought Faith should make a dress out of. Of course Faith wouldn't get it but she thought maybe some time she would ask Jimmy about it.

"Now that is a smile," he beamed at her not allowing it to reach his own features how much he wished he could have put that smile there. "It's beautiful, just beautiful."

And then he kissed her lightly on the mouth. It was a chaste kiss and appropriate for being in public as they were but it made Faith feel warm and hopeful all the same. He offered his arm and she gladly took it as they continued on their way.

They caught up with Buck and Jenny who were talking to Teaspoon. Jenny immediately brightened at seeing the contented smile on Faith's face. Jenny had been worried about her new friend. Faith was so skittish and while Jenny didn't know Jimmy as well as Buck or the other former riders did, she knew him well enough to know that Faith should never fear him. Jenny decided to pounce on the good feelings that smile spoke of, the security that Faith was feeling with them all right now.

"It's just about lunchtime," Jenny noted, "If we hurry we can catch Rachel while the children are outside. I know she would just love to meet you."

Faith looked uncertain for a second only before Jimmy leaned down and whispered in her ear.

"You go on. I've got some things to do here in town. Ain't none of us far away if you need us."

The two women set out toward the schoolhouse but stopped when Jimmy called to them.

"Faith, are you sure you should walk that far? Maybe you should take the wagon."

Faith's hands went reflexively to her belly and her smile only grew at the genuine concern. She didn't even care right then if the concern was actually for her or just for the baby, at least he was concerned about one of them.

"I'm fine, Jimmy," she told him, "Exercise is good for me and the little one."

But she didn't turn and walk away immediately either. Instead she walked back to Jimmy and wrapped her arms around him resting her head against him for just a moment to hear the steady rhythm of his heart. Then she released him and walked away with her new friend to meet someone who might be yet another new friend. For the first time since Jimmy rode away from her all those months ago Faith felt like maybe things would be alright.

The two women walked up to the schoolhouse just as children were flooding out to eat their lunches. Jenny took Faith's hand and led her into the building. They found Rachel at her desk unpacking a basket of food. She looked up when she heard feet approaching her.

"Jenny," Rachel said with a smile, "What a nice surprise!"

"Hi Rachel," Jenny said breezily, "I wanted you to meet my new friend Faith."

Faith was heartened by the fact that she wasn't introduced as Jimmy's woman but as Jenny's friend. She loved the idea of being his woman, had once delighted in the thought of being his wife but there was something about the knowledge that Jenny wasn't only spending time with her because of Faith's attachment to a friend of her husband's that felt really nice to know.

"So is this Jimmy's Faith?" Rachel asked, her smile never changing. Faith didn't know where to look or what to say. She had no way of knowing what Rachel knew or didn't know about her. Rachel came out from behind the desk and took Faith's hand gently in her own and then pulled Faith toward her into a hug.

"Oh honey," Rachel said, "You're among friends here. There's no need to be so uncertain."

The three sat and talked a few minutes and both Rachel and Jenny tried to keep to light topics. It wouldn't do to get into anything too heavy when there was so little time before Rachel had to call the children back in from lunch.

"Have you two thought anything about names?" Jenny asked and Faith looked down at her hands in her lap.

"That's alright," Jenny said on seeing her friend's discomfort, "You've only just gotten here and you two haven't even had time to properly get to know each other again let alone talk about silly baby things."

"If I know Jimmy," Rachel added, "He's probably still trying to get used to the idea of fatherhood. He's a sweet boy but sometimes it takes him near to forever to digest news. I think I should have you two over for supper sometime. How about tomorrow?"

Faith tried to think of what to say. She wanted to accept the invitation and for sure didn't want to be rude but she didn't know if it was her place to do so.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Rachel smiled, "You're not likely to hear anything about it from Jimmy but if you're concerned you can say I insisted."

Faith nodded and allowed herself to be pulled from her seat by Jenny who was indicating it was time for them to leave so the children could come back in for school.

* * *

><p>Jimmy watched Faith walk away with Jenny and had some serious mixed feelings as he did. He knew she was safe and was very happy that she had a friend. But at the same time he hated having her out of his sight. He had only just gotten her back and letting her go the first time had proven to be a big mistake. He felt now that he needed to see her at all times to prove to himself she was really alright. Jimmy knew that wasn't realistic or even fair and hoped that need would fade some in time as they both got more comfortable again. He was so lost in his own musings he didn't hear the first two times that Teaspoon cleared his throat to get Jimmy's attention. Finally on the third 'ahem' he looked up.<p>

"She got any kin?" Teaspoon asked.

"Her father passed on a couple years ago and her mother moved in with Patience and her husband," Jimmy said quickly clarifying, "Patience is her rotten sister. I mean that too. She is just terrible to Faith."

"Then I guess I should act on her behalf a bit," Teaspoon mused, "Someone needs to know your intentions toward that lady."

"We were engaged, Teaspoon," Jimmy told him wondering how anything could be clearer, "She's carrying my child."

"So are you still engaged? Is she still married?"

Jimmy visibly deflated, "I don't know either one of those things."

"I'll tell you what," the older man said, "I'll look into the legalities of her marriage. Might be she ain't even married to him no more and might be it's real easy to get divorced from him. You see to the other part. And if you want my advice on that, ask her on purpose this time."

Jimmy half smiled remembering his bumbling and accidental proposal the first time. She had almost been a different person then as she had brazenly called him on his choice of words. He knew that something that subtle would now be allowed to pass by so he would have to be more overt. Or he could just ask her if she believed they were still engaged. Perhaps she did. He would like to think so. His feelings for her had not changed at all but he didn't know her feelings exactly and had been afraid to ask for fear of finding that she no longer felt the same and only sought him out in desperation. She had no one else really to turn to.

* * *

><p>About halfway between the schoolhouse and the marshal's office Jenny stopped Faith.<p>

"I know bad doesn't even begin to describe what you went through," she said trying to find the right words to say all she needed to. Jenny just could not bear to see Faith in this much hurt any longer. She wasn't sure why she felt such an instant bond with her and perhaps it was purely the opportunity to have a female friend and especially one who was going through the same thing she was. As excited as she was to have a baby, without her mother, Jenny was actually quite nervous. "But I know you're safe now. Jimmy protects his family and he's been so miserable without you. We didn't even know there was a you out there but we knew he was miserable. He won't hurt you."

"Every person who ever met Aaron would have said the same thing," Faith snapped with tears springing to her eyes.

Jenny was taken aback and as much as she tried not to show it, Faith saw and felt bad.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't have bitten your head off like that."

"No, you're right," Jenny told her guiding her new friend over near a tree where they could sit a little while and talk. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't try to tell you how to feel."

Faith couldn't fight the tears any longer.

"I don't want to be afraid of him," she sobbed, "I love him and I know he still loves me. I think I doubted a little because he had left you know but he says it and he shows it and I believe him. But then Aaron loved me too. He used to be so kind and thoughtful and now he is cruel. I can't let my guard down. Jimmy says someday I'll take for granted that he loves me and I'm safe but I don't think I can ever take something like that for granted again."

For the second time that day Jenny held Faith while she cried. Jenny figured that Faith probably did a good amount of crying and would probably need to do quite a bit more.

Once Faith's tears stopped the two finished making their way to the marshal's office.

* * *

><p>Jimmy was starting to worry for how long the women had been gone.<p>

"Relax," Buck told him, "Jenny's with her and they are close enough if there was trouble we'd've heard."

"I left her unguarded once Buck."

Buck understood. He wasn't sure how he'd react if anyone had done those things to Jenny, especially now that she was expecting. There weren't really words he could offer to comfort his brother so he opted to change the subject a little.

"So are you ready for fatherhood?"

"No," Jimmy answered honestly, "I don't know what that even means, being ready."

"You know babies need things, Jimmy," Buck pointed out.

"I know they do I just don't know what those things are," Jimmy replied, "All those packages in there and I have no idea what she needs to do or make with all of that."

"Clothes, blankets, diapers," Buck answered, "Babies need other things that she can't make herself. Where is the baby going to sleep?"

Jimmy just looked blankly at his friend and brother and Buck smiled.

"Babies sleep in cradles and you need to make one unless Faith is hiding some carpentry skills."

Jimmy furrowed his brow for a moment and then a smile spread across his face.

"A cradle," he mused, "Hell, I can make a cradle."

It made him feel better to have a purpose and he couldn't wait to tell Faith which brought him back to worrying for her. She should have been back by now. He searched the direction she would be coming from and when he saw two shapes heading toward him he took off running toward her.

Faith was surprised to see Jimmy running toward her and grabbed Jenny's elbow for support.

"I think he missed you," Jenny said stifling a small laugh, "I'm going to find Buck. Don't worry. A smile like he's wearing can only mean he wants to kiss you silly."

Jenny broke away and gave a knowing smile to Jimmy as she passed him. Jimmy closed the rest of the distance to Faith and wrapped her in his arms. A part of Faith told her she should be frightened but the rest of her wanted to melt into his arms and live there forever. But then Jimmy released her and she felt a little sad for being let go. She didn't get much time to mourn the loss of his arms around her as he took her face in his hands and brought her lips to his. Jenny had been right and Faith suddenly remembered how very good it felt to be kissed like this. When his lips left hers, she could not help the giggle that escaped her. Jimmy couldn't think of a better sound than her laughter and the only thing that made it sweeter was that he had brought it about. He just had to kiss her again.

"Guess what, Faith," Jimmy said not really pausing for her to guess anything, "I'm going to build a cradle."

He just couldn't get over how good it felt that he could do something useful for her and for his child with his own two hands and that when his baby was asleep it would be in a bed he lovingly crafted. He had felt too helpless for too long.

Faith smiled at him, really smiled at him. Perhaps she was even proud of him, he dared to think.

"I have to talk to you about something, sweetheart," he said, emboldened by her laughter and smiles, "It's important and I'm not good with words so bear with me."

Faith cocked her head to one side trying to read his expression. She wanted to believe this was nothing bad. Surely he couldn't kiss her like that and then have bad news for her but she couldn't read his face. She did think she caught a glimmer of something resembling fear deep in his eyes.

"I don't know how to tell you how happy I was to see you here," he began, "I mean, sure, I would have preferred that you not be hurt and none of that happened to you. That's my fault for leaving though and I understand why I've lost so much of your trust. I want to work to get it back though. Nothing changed about how much I love you though. I can't even think of another woman besides you, even when I thought I'd never see you again."

He paused and ran a sweaty hand through his hair.

"I don't know how you feel about me," he continued, "I mean I know you're scared and I expect you're mad a little too. You should be anyway. I don't know if you came here because you wanted to be with me or because the only other option was Patience. I asked you this once on accident. I meant it but the way I asked probably didn't sound like it. I don't aim to make that mistake again."

Faith's hands went to her mouth as Jimmy lowered himself onto one knee.

"Faith, I love you and I want to marry you. Please say you will."

He looked to those eyes which in the best of times only gave him a tiny glimpse into her feelings and they were wide as saucers and beginning to shine with moisture. Her hands were still over her mouth.

"I'm asking you to marry me. Please say something."

"Oh Jimmy," she said at last.

* * *

><p><strong>And in the immortal words of Bugs Bunny..."Ain't I a stinker?"<strong>

**So what does everyone think her answer will be? And what about Aaron the crazed wifebeater? It probably won't be long before another installment is up. And a special thanks to my dear sweet friend for not only helping out with all my arranging of matches but with keeping me sane when the world is bound and determined to make me otherwise. Thanks K!-J**


	23. Chapter 23

"Oh Jimmy," she said at last, "I-I-I just…"

Her eyes darted everywhere but to his as he knelt helplessly before her.

"I shouldn't've asked," he said as the strength seemed to leave him. He no longer knelt on one knee but dropped the other as well and settled back on his heels. As he studied her for any more clues he just sank over and sat on the ground. "I left. I abandoned you. Of course you can't say yes. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you and I especially don't deserve that babe you're carrying."

Faith knelt in front of him and reached out to take his face in her hands. She took a breath and struggled to find the words she needed to say.

"I'm glad you asked," she told him, "I am. I think it's the first time since I've been here you really told me what you were feeling, or part of it anyway. And it was a much better proposal than your first."

She gave a small smile that he returned. It wasn't much for levity but it was all they had.

"I want to say yes so badly," she assured him, "At least most of me does. But I can't yet. There's too much left to be dealt with, too much else to consider."

"I love you and I think you're telling me you love me too," he said looking at her and waiting for her nod which she gave him with a smile. "What else is there, Faith? What could we possibly have to consider besides that?"

Faith hated what had to come next. Hated that the ugliness had to come and mar what should have been her perfect moment, the one she had dreamt of.

"Aaron," she replied, "I'm still married and he's looking for me and, well, I just, I mean, I'm afraid."

"You're afraid I'm going to change like he did."

She only nodded refusing to meet his deep, soulful eyes. Her resolve would crumble if she looked into them and her resolve was the only thing keeping her objectivity.

Jimmy sighed heavily preparing to go through her objections.

"First of all, Teaspoon ain't convinced you still are married and even if you are he said it might not be too hard to get a divorce. He's looking into it now," he began, "And I ain't afraid of Aaron coming here. I'm pretty tight with the marshal and his deputy and I've been deputized before. I could be again. He ain't going to hurt you again, ever. That's not just my promise either. Those were Buck's words."

He looked up from his hands to see the tears sliding silently down her cheeks. He wiped them away with a gentle brush of his fingers.

"As for the last part," he went on, "I don't even know how to convince you I ain't ever going to hurt you. All I can do is promise I'll spend the rest of my life trying to prove it to you. I just need you to let me."

Faith couldn't keep her eyes from his any longer and once she looked into those eyes she could not deny his request anymore either.

"Yes," she said simply.

"Yes?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed, "Yes I will marry you!"

She beamed at him and he knew the moisture now forming in her eyes was not from sadness or fear.

"And I do love you," she told him, "I really do."

He pulled her to him then and the kiss they shared was probably fodder for the gossip circles for quite some time to follow but if Jimmy had been told that he would have shrugged it off as the jealousy of those old biddies that no one kissed them like that anymore if indeed anyone ever had.

Then he stood and helped her to her feet and the pair of them walked back to the marshal's office with Jimmy's arm around Faith's shoulders.

* * *

><p>Teaspoon stood in front of his office with Buck and Jenny watching what they could see of the pair in the distance. At first he thought he should give them some privacy when Jimmy kissed her but then Jimmy dropped to one knee and he called the others to look on with him.<p>

"Oh that don't look good for Jimmy," the marshal said when Jimmy sank to the ground looking dejected but then his hope rose again when Faith went to him and eventually he saw a very passionate kiss. "Looks like I better get to investigating if there's a marriage in their way or not."

As Faith and Jimmy made their way back toward Teaspoon and the others they became aware that their news was already out.

"I would think with a beautiful woman of your own you wouldn't need to be spying on other couples," Jimmy said trying to sound annoyed and failing miserably. He knew there was still a fair amount of rough road ahead of them but he also knew they wouldn't be walking it alone anymore and that brought him more joy than he thought possible.

"Even if I hadn't been spying," Teaspoon retorted, "I would be able to tell by the smile on your face."

Teaspoon then turned his attention to Faith.

"And as for you, young lady, may I say that a smile makes you even lovelier," he was rewarded with a larger smile although there was a blush there too that said he was treading on shaky ground in making her the center of attention. "May I be the first to officially welcome you to our family such as it is?"

Teaspoon would have liked to have offered a hug but he didn't want to frighten her so he merely took her hand and kissed the back of it bowing to her slightly. Faith blushed but made no move to him. He hoped in time she would come to know how safe she was with them.

* * *

><p>That night as Faith washed the dishes and Jimmy dried them and put them in the cupboard they each pondered the day and most of their ponderings were happy ones too. Jimmy was the first to break their comfortable silence.<p>

"So what did you think of Rachel?"

"I almost forgot," Faith said whirling around to face him so fast she nearly lost her balance. "She invited us for supper tomorrow. I hope you don't mind I said yes but she's very nice and I didn't want to be rude."

"Of course I don't mind," he told her, "I want you to get to know our little family and Rachel is real nice. Besides it'll be a night when you can get off your feet and let someone else do the cooking."

Once the dishes were finished the pair made their way onto the porch. When they had been together before it was how they spent nearly every evening and it still felt like a comforting routine.

"I think once I get that cradle made I might have to set to making us a swing for this porch," he noted as he pushed the chairs on the porch closer together so that she could lean against his shoulder while they gazed out into the night at the steadily twinkling stars. As they sat there Jimmy noticed Faith had moved one of her hands and was trailing it up and down the inside of his thigh. It was not uncommon for the night air to have this effect on her but he still stopped her hand.

"Sweetheart," he said swallowing hard because he did not want to stop her. He knew where her hand was going next and he really wanted it to and then he wanted to carry her inside and into the bed they now shared.

"When we did this before it all kind of happened fast or it seemed that way to me but I have to ask how safe this is. I mean in your condition and all, is it safe? Can it hurt the baby or you or, well, I don't want to cause you to have problems."

"It's perfectly safe to make love," she replied simply, "As long as we don't put weight on the baby."

"Is that so?" he asked with a glint in his eye, "Well I think I can manage that just fine."

Faith matched his glint and raised a smirk before standing and heading to the front door. She paused before disappearing into the house giving him what could only be described as a come hither look. Without a thought Jimmy stood as if his body was under the control of another which, if he was being honest, it was. He followed her inside and found her just as she was entering their bedroom. She moved as if to unbutton her blouse but he stayed her hands with his own and kissed her deeply. As he kissed her he took care of her buttons and when their kiss ended he quickly dispatched with the rest of her clothes.

Faith felt suddenly shy to be standing in front of him completely nude. Her arms went across her chest and she looked at the floor uncertainly. She nearly flinched away when he placed a finger under her chin but she allowed him to turn her head up toward him.

"Please," he said, "Please don't turn that beautiful face away from me."

Faith didn't feel beautiful, not any more. But somehow when he said it she almost believed.

Jimmy saw the trust in her eyes as she looked at him and swallowed hard from the weight of it. It was what he wanted after all. He just hoped he could follow through on all he had promised her. For now though the only promise that mattered was showing her how much he loved her. He kissed her again and impressed even himself by toeing off his boots and unbuttoning his shirt while never losing contact with her lips. Soon Faith was helping him off with his clothes and they were both naked by the time the kiss ended.

"There now," he said with a hint of that loopy smile that drew her in that very first day, "I think this is much more fair, don't you agree?"

"Much," she answered trailing her fingers lightly down his side. He could still feel the uncertainty coming off of her in waves.

"Why are you nervous?" he asked, "This is one thing we've always been good at."

"I'm sorry," she answered quickly and how quickly bothered him even more than her words. He sat down on the bed and pulled her to sitting next to him.

"What on earth do you have to be sorry for?"

"I can't seem to do anything right," she replied in a tiny voice.

"Sounds like we're a matched set then," he said and then saw how serious she was. He knew that talk. Thinking she couldn't do anything right, looking nervous until he ate his first bite of food and confirmed for her it was good enough, jumping when he came into a room or neared her, avoiding his eyes—it had all been the product of Aaron and what he had done and said to her.

"Faith," he began seriously, "You do everything right as far as I'm concerned."

He knew he needed to ask something then and he hated that he had to because his body wanted this so badly but he couldn't be the kind of man who would take advantage of certain situations.

"Sweetheart," he said gently, "Did you really want to be with me like this right now? I know he used this to have more power over you. I don't want to do that. Anything we do I only want it if it's really what you want."

"It is," she assured him, "I am nervous though. I don't know why. I don't suppose I should be."

"What can I do to help that?"

She merely shrugged and looked away. Her reaction frustrated Jimmy a moment or two until he decided he was just going to have to figure it out himself. He ached to touch her so he did but gently, reverently as someone might handle fine china. Holding her close he was awash in the sensation of her skin against his. Her clean scent filled his nose and he allowed his fingers to gently, reverently play across her skin. Faith moaned against his neck and he knew he was making progress at getting her over her nerves.

At his urging she lay down on the bed, on her side facing him. His hands caressed her and he added a trail of soft kisses upon every inch of her face. Jimmy felt her hands begin to explore his chest and he allowed his fingers to trace circles around her nipples. Her breathing was coming faster and when her hand reached downward to stroke along his erection he let out a moan of his own and captured her lips with his while his tongue explored her mouth as if it was unknown territory. When her legs parted one of his hands snaked in between them and quickly found the hardened nub amid the moist heat. Their lips parted as she threw her head back in pleasure before grabbing hold of his throbbing manhood. He thrust his fingers into her using his thumb to keep rubbing and pushing her closer and closer to her bliss. At times she tried to rub him as well but she was too distracted by her own pleasure. That was fine with him. If she had been able to keep that up for any amount of time he would have gone off and he wasn't ready to do that yet. His ministrations were soon rewarded as her muscles clamped around his fingers and her thighs began to quiver before she arched her back and cried out his name.

The waves of pleasure Faith felt had not completely subsided when she began to roll herself so that he could enter her. She did want him inside her and knew she should not make him wait.

"Where are you going?" he asked pulling her back to him.

"I was getting on my hands and knees."

"Not yet," he whispered, "We have time and I want to see your face."

Faith began to protest but his lips silenced her and his hand between her legs once again made her forget what those protests might be. When their lips parted he whispered in her ear.

"Climb up."

At first she didn't move not exactly understanding what he meant but then he drew her leg across him illustrating his desire. Soon Faith was straddling Jimmy and he was maneuvering himself into her. She had forgotten how good it felt to have him so deep within her. Slowly she began to move and every movement brought deeper and more guttural moans from beneath her urging her on.

Jimmy was in a state of ecstasy he couldn't even fathom. Every move she made was electric through his body. In the soft lamp glow he could see her eyes darkening with pleasure and passion, watch as her breasts bounced and fully appreciate the look of pure bliss upon her face. Her movements became more rapid as she neared her end and he clamped his hands on her hips for his final thrusts. The fluttering of her muscles around him nearly drove him mad but he could still see she was spent and he reached up to cradle and guide her to lie next to him.

"Are you alright?" he asked pulling the blankets over them still holding her tight to his chest.

Jimmy could feel her nod against him and hoped she wasn't just giving him the answer he wanted. Then he felt a soft kiss on his chest and words whispered into the skin there, words he could not hear.

"Hmm?" he questioned hoping she would find the courage to answer him.

"I love you," she said a little louder.

They stayed like that for quite a while tight to each other but without words. It was enough right then to just be close and feel loved. Jimmy was surprised it was Faith who broke the silence with a tentative whisper.

"Jimmy, are you still awake?"

"Yeah," he answered softly not wanting to disrupt this sacred time with her in his arms, "What's on your mind?"

"Baby names," she replied.

"I guess we do have to name it, don't we?"

"That's traditionally how it's done," she said simply, "Do you have any opinions? Would you want him named after you if it turns out to be a him?"

"I never really thought about it," he said honestly, "I have a little time to think, right?"

"You do."

"What about you?" he asked, "Do you have any ideas? I know my sisters gave their dolls such elaborate names always planning what they'd name their own babies when they had 'em. I expect you did the same thing."

"My favorite name for a boy was Adam," she said carefully speaking each word to rein in the emotion and Jimmy wanted to kick himself for even bringing that memory up for her but then she continued. "James is a very good name but then there seem to be a lot of them around here. Like you said, we have a little time."

"It could be a girl too, couldn't it?"

"Yes, I suppose it could," she answered.

"Doesn't sound like you've given that much thought either," Jimmy noted, "I might have an idea or two about that though. Let me think a bit."

Faith felt better for having broached the subject at all and just nodded through a yawn.

"I think sleep sounds like a pretty good idea too," Jimmy said kissing her head and snuggling closer to her.

Faith rested her head against his broad chest and nestled herself deeper into the cocoon of his strong arms. A tear slid down her cheek at the realization that in this moment she was safe. He would not hurt her. He would not let harm come to her. He meant it when he said he loved her. She closed her eyes and thought of some evening in the not too distant future when she would rock their child to sleep and nestle it in the cradle its father had built and then mosey her way out to the porch where she and Jimmy could sit and watch the stars until it was time for bed. It was such a simple thought but nothing could be more wonderful to her.

Jimmy woke to bright sunshine streaming in through the curtains and looked up to see Faith at the foot of the bed beginning to lay out her clothes for the day. For the time being she stood there as she had been in his arms all night: naked. Most of her bruises were fading but a few were still very angry looking. He moved to the end of the bed and reached for her and for once was gratified when she did not flinch at his touch. His fingers traced an ugly purple spot in the small of her back where he could still see the knuckle marks. Faith tried to step away but he held her arm and gently brought her closer and turned her to face him. He had seen the bruises. He knew they were there but he had not really looked closely at them. It sickened him to see the outline of a boot at the side of her swollen abdomen.

"My God Faith," he said kissing the reddish purple boot print, "How could something like this happen?"

He hadn't meant it as an accusation against her but the reaction he got he knew that's how it had come out all the same.

"I'm sorry," she said backing away, "I'm sorry. It was the last time. I swear it was. I found a way to leave after that. The baby's alright. I promise. I'm sorry."

"Dammit Faith!" Jimmy bellowed, "Stop saying that. Stop doing that."

Faith closed her mouth and kept backing up until her back hit the wall. If she could have willed herself through that wall she would have. This was it. She knew it was coming. All she could do was brace herself.

"That's not even you talking anymore," he ranted on pacing wildly. Every time he neared she braced herself for an impact that never came and then he would stomp to the far side of the room again. "It's him. Those are his words and his thoughts he poisoned you with. I don't want any part of him in our bedroom again!"

His fist came down hard on the top of the chest of drawers. Faith jumped and let out a small scream quickly covering her mouth. She slid down the wall and tried to make her huge, ungainly body as small as possible but he didn't even seem to hear her.

"Oh Hell," he yelled making Faith jump once more, "It's my own damned fault. I left you. I could've lost you forever." He emphasized 'forever' with a punch to the wall. "I could've lost both of you forever." Another punch to the wall. "I wouldn't have even known. So stupid!"

He punched the wall again and again repeating the word 'stupid' over and over. As abruptly as the punches started, they stopped and he just stood there his shoulders rising and falling as he fought to catch his breath. He looked around fingers flexing and noticed for the first time he hadn't dressed yet. He quickly grabbed his pants and pulled them on buttoning them as he shoved his feet into his boots and stomped out of the room.

Faith sat still for a while and she wasn't sure exactly how long of a while. He hadn't hit her. He was angry and while not all of the anger was at her, at least some of it was and still he did not hit her. Even when he was yelling at her it didn't seem like he was yelling at her so much as himself or maybe someone not even in the room. Slowly she relaxed and stretched her legs and rested her hands lightly over her belly. It was then that she realized she was still naked and she was even able to laugh a little at herself. Getting up off of the floor was a challenge but not as bad as it would have been if she was closer to her time.

Her clothes were still laid out on the end of the bed and she put them on before sliding her feet into the moccasins that still made her feel warm and almost giggly for the spirit in which they were given. Cautiously she peeked out of the bedroom and found no one in the living room. She made her way through the house assuring he was not in the kitchen or the other bedroom either. Then she heard sounds from outside and dared to walk out and find him.

Jimmy worked away chopping the wood that was not all that necessary with the days getting longer and steadily warmer. What had been stacked there when he came out was sufficient for cooking for a month but it was this or shoot something and he knew he had messed up badly enough, scared Faith badly enough already. He couldn't have her sitting in there hearing gunshots too.

He knew all the reasons he blew up when he did. He understood why that triggered him but still he hated that she had seen that. His temper was always his worst feature and he tried so hard to control it. After everything she had been through for him to act that way was just terrible. Over and over he swung the axe trying to figure out how in the world he'd ever convince her she was safe now that she'd seen what she had. He wondered if she really was safe. Sure he didn't hit her and didn't even consider it but he really lost control in there. From somewhere in the back of his mind he heard the screen door on the house falling shut. She was there, watching him now. He let his arm fall to his side still clutching the axe.

Faith stood on the porch. She had watched him for a while before coming full onto the porch and letting the screen fall shut behind her. She knew he heard the sound when he stopped swinging the axe and just stood there gloved hands at his side and one still wrapped around the axe. The morning sun glistened off the sweat he had worked up chopping the wood and she only needed to think back a few moments to when the muscles rippled under his skin sending the light this way and that. So he was mad she told herself. She knew mad. She'd been living with mad for most of her life. Letting out mad wasn't a bad thing as long as you didn't hurt anyone.

She blinked free of her thoughts and saw he was still just standing there looking at her like he wanted to say something but didn't know how or maybe even what. Lifting her chin she strode over to him until she was only a couple of feet from him.

Jimmy stood still afraid to move or speak as if she was a bird that would startle and fly away from him. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he needed to tell her but he just couldn't get any of it unstuck from his head. She began toward him her head high and her eyes never wavering from his. A smile ghosted across her mouth and her hazel eyes shone as the sun picked those red strands of hair in her otherwise brown tresses. He marked every bit of this as he feared it would be the last he would see of these things. She stopped and stood in front of him and tilted her head up to meet his gaze. He studied her eyes and for the first time since she had come to Rock Creek he saw not a trace of fear. He opened his mouth to speak but her raised hand stopped the words before they fully formed. Her smile widened and he realized all at once that maybe getting mad was the best thing he could've done. She had been waiting all this time for the other shoe to drop and now that she had seen him mad and still come out unharmed she saw there was no other shoe. In what he thought was his worst mistake he had finally found the compelling argument for her trust.

Jimmy only vaguely heard the thud as the axe fell to the ground and he raised his gloved hands to cup the sides of her face bringing her lips to his. They had first met over seven months earlier and had even created a new life but somehow this felt like the very first kiss they had shared. In it every fear fell away, every wound they each had endured was laid bare and left to the nurturing of the other. This kiss spoke of sadness and heartaches of the past and the joy they might share in the future.

Jimmy thought of the rest of his life spent in peaceful evenings on the porch swing he would build with his arm around his beautiful wife. His thoughts were interrupted by a sharp movement against his own stomach. He pulled away from Faith with a soft chuckle remembering that they would not simply be a pair living out their days together but a trio.

For her part, Faith had not entirely gotten over the sight of him swinging that axe bare-chested in the morning sun and his kiss had done nothing to make her want him less.

"Jimmy," she said softly and only continued when he met her eyes. "Remember once you said not to keep it to myself if I had needs?"

A smile turned up one corner of her mouth as she blinked silhouetting her long lashes against her cheek before she reopened her eyes and stared into what felt like his very soul. Jimmy nodded thinking he was going to like where this was going.

Faith's hands ran up and down his chest tracing the muscles there and then she whispered, "I need you."

* * *

><p><strong>I had hoped to get this chapter done sooner but it took a turn it needed to take and I realized it needed to take it right then...So yeah...I knew all along she would say yes but well, she had to consider things too. She's been through a lot... <strong>

**Hopefully this makes everyone happy...I have some serious meetings with the school this week and a couple other irons in the fire that need attention so I don't know exactly when I will get to the next chapter. At least I left them in a very good place.-J**


	24. Chapter 24

Jimmy finally felt like he got his Faith back, the one he knew and fell in love with and not the broken pieces of her that had escaped Aaron's grasp. She was whole and she was funny. She teased him and challenged him and loved him without shame or hesitation. Sure there were still times when she would be sad but then she had those before and sometimes people are sad. She no longer tried to hide from him but sought him out for comfort.

He was sitting in the barn in a little area he had set aside as a work space. Once he had used it to ready materials for repairs on the house but right then he was working on a bed for the baby, his baby—their baby. He had made good progress in a short amount of time and was nearly finished. When he had left the house after breakfast, Faith was humming and baking bread and he had glanced toward the house once during that morning to see her on the front porch sewing diligently on something that would in some way clothe their child. He decided right then that life was about as good as it could get. He wasn't sure that there really only was one true love for every person but he knew that there wouldn't be very many in the world for him and he was glad he got a second chance with the only woman he really had loved. Things made sense again in a way that he had thought impossible at one time. He thought back to when he had met her and how disgusted he had been with his life, how ensnared with Bill he had become. Now Bill was little more than a memory. No one seemed to talk of Bill anymore and no one paid him much mind at all. He even carried the guns some of the time and no one seemed to take notice of them at all. It was freeing.

As he worked he heard Faith's humming coming closer to him and knew it must be around mid-day if she was bringing him lunch, which she was. Actually, as she had for the last three days, she was bringing lunch for both of them. It wasn't fancy, just sandwiches but sitting together and talking, not about anything in particular really, was better than any fancy meal he could imagine. They talked sometimes of how they had missed each other and sometimes about what had happened with Jimmy while they'd been parted and sometimes they spoke of a future together with their child and sometimes they even contemplated baby names. There were afternoons where they also spoke of that night they spent in the pond and then under the willow. It had been such a perfect night. They would laugh as they talked because neither of them would bring up sadness at this time. There were times for such things, times when Jimmy would speak of how lonely and nearly despondent he had been and times when Faith would cry out her fears that this was another tease by God and she still would have her miracle somehow taken from her just as Adam had been. Lunch was not the time for these things.

This particular day Jimmy was feeling so good about the progress he had made on the cradle that he decided to take the afternoon off. On a typical day Faith would remain after lunch and sit and watch him work until she needed to head inside to prepare supper. Today he thought he would break the routine up a little bit.

"Faith," he said as they were each nearly finished with their lunch, "How about the two of us take a little ride once we're finished here?"

"Just a ride or are we going somewhere in particular?" she asked and even her question felt good to Jimmy. He wasn't sure she would have voiced such a thing when she had first arrived.

"You still haven't met Kid and Lou," he said, "They haven't been to town in a while so I don't even know if they know about you but I feel like they should meet you and you should meet them too."

Her face, now devoid of all signs of the violence done to her—he wished he could say the same for the rest of her body but those were fading as well—brightened.

"That would be nice," she told him, "I've heard so much about them."

The two were on their way shortly after that. Jimmy held the reins lightly and Faith rested her head on his shoulder. If he needed a confirmation that his life was perfect, this was it.

"Aren't I a lot to spring on someone all at once?" Faith asked after they'd been driving a little while, "From what I understand Teaspoon was the only one who knew I existed and to not only pop in with me but with, well, us," she rubbed at her belly which Jimmy marveled had gotten even bigger. "And we're getting married too. It just seems like a lot."

"It is a lot," he agreed, "It was a lot just to see you come here in the condition you're in. But it's all good news and if I'm going to overwhelm my friends with news, it might as well be good news."

Jimmy smiled as Faith wrapped her arms around his arm and rested her head once again against his shoulder. They traveled along like that a while and were getting closer to Kid and Lou's place.

"Jimmy," Faith said almost tentatively. It was a tone she hadn't been using much of late and it concerned him some.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?"

"Yes," she replied squeezing his arm tighter, "I just think I'm a little nervous. I'm meeting two of your closest friends and I just worry what they might think of me."

"They will love you," he said kissing her forehead, "How could they not?"

At last they arrived at the little homestead. Faith allowed Jimmy to help her from the wagon. Jimmy looked around a moment as if deciding what to do exactly. Then he spied him.

Kid was just heading up to the house when he saw the wagon pull in and his good friend, a man who'd been in many ways more a brother to him than his own brother had, climbed out. Blood may be thicker than water but he and Jimmy had a bond between them thicker than blood even. His brow furrowed a question as he saw Jimmy helping a woman he didn't recognize down from the wagon. She looked to be heavily with child. Without thinking about it, Kid quickened his pace.

"Hey Jimmy!" he called out, "Good to see you!"

"Kid!"

The two came together and slapped each other on the back. Jimmy noticed Kid's eyes glued to Faith.

"Why don't you go and fetch that wife of yours and I'll make introductions all at once?"

Kid nodded and went inside calling for Lou. While Jimmy put an arm around Faith's shoulders squeezing her to him and kissing the side of her head. Soon Kid and Lou were standing on the porch and Jimmy and Faith approached them.

"Hey Lou," Jimmy said nodding in the direction of the woman he more than once thought he ought to try to love. "I wanted you both to meet my fiancée, Faith. I'd introduce you to the baby too but we decided it'd be best to wait to name it until we knew if it was a boy or a girl."

Kid was off the porch immediately heading toward Faith and Jimmy. He shook Jimmy's hand heartily.

"That's great news, Jimmy," he said knowing there was a story behind all of this but if he was patient, he would be filled in. Then he turned to Faith. "It is so good to meet you. Isn't this great news, Lou?"

Lou had followed Kid off the porch but with nowhere near the enthusiasm. She pasted on a smile because that was what was expected but she was not as jubilant as the men. She had never laid eyes on this woman before and now he was marrying her? She had seen Jimmy's failed attempts at love before. It wasn't that Lou didn't think he could find love, she just didn't trust him to find it on his own. The last thing Lou thought she could bear after seeing his sullenness these last few months was seeing his heart broken once again.

And if Lou was being honest, she was hurt. Jimmy had always confided in her. He had even told her about that church lady Alice. None of the others knew about her, even still Kid didn't know because Lou wanted to hold tight to the connection she and Jimmy shared. She knew her path was with Kid and she was better off for it. She would not trade their life for anything but so many times she had looked at Jimmy and felt something she shouldn't feel and wanted something she shouldn't want. It wasn't that she was jealous exactly but perhaps extra protective in a way that couldn't be purely explained by the sibling type aspect of their relationship.

"Lou," Kid said pulling her from her inner thoughts, "Maybe you and Faith could go inside and get to know each other."

"Yes," Lou said stiffly, "I was just making myself some tea."

She led Faith inside but all the while Faith was starting to wonder if her appearance was really as good of news as Jimmy thought it would be. She looked back to Jimmy but he was already engrossed in happy talk with Kid.

The two men settled into the front porch and Kid waited patiently for Jimmy to begin talking which he did once the door had shut behind the women.

Inside, Lou gestured to a seat at the kitchen table and set about pouring tea for the two of them. Faith felt desperate to break this uncomfortable silence between them. Everything Jimmy had ever told her about Lou spoke to her kindness and warmth. Surely Faith must be misreading her now.

"So do you prefer Lou or Louise?" Faith asked timidly.

"Louise," was the curt reply, "My friends call me Lou."

Faith was taken aback but recovered quickly. Of course Louise hadn't known her long enough to consider her a friend. In time perhaps she would earn that closeness. Louise had been through a lot and maybe wasn't as able to open up as quickly as Jenny.

"I've heard so many wonderful things about you, Louise," Faith said still trying to break the ice with this woman.

"Isn't that nice?" Lou snapped, "I've never heard a thing about you until today. I have to figure he's had his chances in the last six months. He had to've known you at least that long I'm guessing."

"More like seven," Faith said rubbing protectively at her belly.

"You're claiming it's his, then?"

"It is his child," Faith asserted, "There's no way it could be anyone else's."

"So you say," Lou said, "Women are always claiming things where Jimmy's concerned."

"I would never claim what wasn't true about him," Faith whispered, "He's too good of a man for that."

She swallowed hard and blinked to keep the moisture from leaving her eyes. She could not figure why Louise was being so mean to her. All she wanted was to be with the man she loved, the man who had given her life back to her.

"He is a good man," Lou shot back not even attempting to hide the venom in her voice. This was for every woman who had hurt Jimmy. This was for Sarah Downs who nearly got him hanged and for Rosemary who got Noah killed and then drug Jimmy away from them all. They were all sugar and sweetness on the surface but beneath they wanted what they wanted and if her dear friend was a casualty then that was none of their concern. Lou wasn't having any of that this time. "He's more than those guns he straps on, too. Whatever you're running from, whatever took you six whole months to finally show up for that good man, you better be damned sure you want more than just his help getting rid of it."

Faith wasn't sure what was happening. She had been told no one would judge her here and this woman's husband had certainly not judged her. Jenny hadn't either. Buck, Teaspoon and Rachel had been kind and welcoming but this woman hated her. Faith couldn't even find words so she just stood and ran out not even bothering to hide the tears.

The men were leaning on the rail of the porch talking.

"I can't believe all this happened and you didn't say a word, Jimmy," Kid said amazed.

"Well, I didn't know half of it until recently."

"I know but you never even mentioned Faith to us. I should've guessed something like this though with the way you were acting."

They both looked up as the door flew open and Faith came through it as fast as she could move her enlarged body. Kid headed in to see to Lou not knowing what had happened and Jimmy followed Faith down the porch steps wrapping her in a bear hug once he caught her.

"Let go of me please," she cried, "I just want to be alone."

"Talk to me," he pleaded with her, "Tell me what's wrong."

"I just need some air," she said, "I want to be alone right now. Please!"

"You'll tell me later?"

"Yes," she said willing to promise anything just to be free of all of this for a while, "Just let me go."

Jimmy did as she asked and Faith hurried out to a huge oak tree. Jimmy watched until he saw her sink to the ground in its shade and rest her head against the trunk to weep.

Inside, Kid found Lou glaring out after the other woman.

"What happened Lou?" he asked, "Faith looked upset. A woman in her condition-"

"Just stop it Kid," Lou said sourly, "A woman in her condition turning up out of nowhere after being out of someone's life at least six months and you think she's here for anything good?"

"Lou," Kid said, "He's in love with her. He has been all this time."

"He was in love with that Downs woman too," she spat not even paying attention to Jimmy who had just walked in the room, "And with Rosemary too. Or did you forget? Six months he's here with us and never once mentions her and no one thinks maybe she's not what she appears?"

"So you're why Faith is crying?" Jimmy bellowed figuring all he needed to, "Dammit Lou, what did you say to her? You have no idea what she's been through."

"Why was she going through all of that instead of here with you?"

"Because I walked away," he said hanging his head, "I made a stupid decision and I left her to a monster. I didn't know she was already carrying my child when I left and neither did she."

He sank into a chair at the table and proceeded to unravel the whole tale from beginning to end.

"I know I normally would have confided in you," he said, "But Teaspoon got it out of me once and it hurt so bad to even talk about her that I couldn't bring myself to bring her up again. She showed up here a week, week and a half ago. I failed her but she didn't even care. She came to me anyway. She still loves me and God knows I never stopped loving her. I promised her no one here would judge her or hurt her. I just can't keep a promise to her."

"I'm sorry, Jimmy," Lou told him and she was. There was no way she would have said anything like she had if she had known all Faith had been through. She had seen what a man's beatings could do to a woman's spirit and what she had just done to that poor woman was nearly as bad. "I was just worried that she was trying to use you to escape a trouble that'll come gunning for you."

"It will," he said grimly, "He will. I don't know when but he will. But I'm the one she should run to and I'm the one who should help her escape from him."

Jimmy stood and looked around.

"I should probably head out and check on her," he sighed, "She gets edgy if she's alone too long."

"No," Lou jumped up and grabbed his arm, "I upset her. I should go and talk to her. If I'm lucky we can start over."

They all walked outside but the men stayed on the porch while Lou headed toward the tree. She still wasn't entirely sure of this woman but she knew there was more to her than the conclusions she had jumped to earlier. If there's one thing Lou was it was a big enough person to admit when she was wrong and apologize for it.

Faith had been sitting beside the tree sobbing into its trunk for a while and not feeling any better. She was about to cause a rift between Jimmy and his family and there was nothing she wanted to do less than that. It was clear that Lou hated her and Jimmy spoke more affectionately of Lou than he did his own sisters. She didn't hear feet approaching until she felt a small hand on her shoulder.

"Lady, why are you crying?"

She looked up and met the eyes of a little boy of four, maybe five years of age. He had the curly brown hair she knew he'd gotten from her father and the deep, dark chocolate eyes of his mother. Oh those eyes looked so like her Adam's eyes had. She quickly wiped at her own eyes to avoid further concerning the child before her.

"Sometimes, sweetie, ladies just need to have a cry," she said conjuring a smile for the lad. "You must be Jamie."

He nodded suddenly feeling shy.

"Right," she smiled again, "You're probably not supposed to talk to strangers. My name's Faith. I came here with, uh, your Uncle Jimmy."

Jamie loved his uncle Jimmy. He was the greatest man Jamie had ever met and if Uncle Jimmy brought this lady then she must be fine.

"Do you got a baby in your tummy?"

"Yes, I have," Faith answered, "It's moving. Do you want to feel?"

Jamie nodded and reached for her belly smiling.

"Mama had a baby in her belly," he said excitedly when he felt the kick, "But she came out. Her name's Mary."

"I heard about Mary."

Faith blinked and swallowed hard but just could not get past how much Jamie reminded her of Adam. The tears began to slide down her cheeks again.

Neither of them saw or heard Lou approaching them. Lou thought to walk right in but opted instead to stand back a little ways and listen. Whatever she had first feared about this woman, Lou could not fathom that Jamie would be in any danger.

"Are you sad?" Lou heard Jamie ask Faith.

"Maybe a little," Faith replied, "You remind me so much of my little boy."

"You have a little boy?" Jamie asked and Lou's ears pricked up. Neither Jimmy nor Faith had mentioned another child.

"I did," Faith told the lad, "His name was Adam."

Jamie didn't catch the past tense of Faith's words but Lou did and it tore at her heart a little in spite of herself.

"Where is he?" Jamie wanted to know.

"He's an angel now," Faith said and Lou could hear the crack in her voice even as her own breath hitched.

"Angels live in heaven, right?" Jamie questioned and Lou wondered how much longer this woman's patience with these questions would hold out. She nearly rushed in to save Faith from any more interrogation but then she heard the answer come anyway.

"Yes, they do. And they watch over us."

"My uncles live in heaven too," Jamie said and Lou had to bite her lip to keep from sobbing out loud. "Maybe they know Adam."

"I'd like to think they do," Faith said and it did comfort her some. She had heard Jimmy speak of Ike and Noah and the thought that her little boy might be in their company somewhere beyond her sight felt better.

"I'd like to think so too," Lou spoke up and stepped forward blinking away her tears. "Jamie why don't you go on up to the house and tell Uncle Jimmy that Mary needs to get up from her nap."

The women watched the boy run off happily toward his uncle.

"If I let her sleep too long she'll never go down tonight," Lou explained, "And she'll wake up better if Jimmy gets her than if Kid does or I do. He's going to be a terrific father."

Faith rubbed her belly still reeling from her thoughts of Adam and from the seemingly sudden change in Louise.

"I'm sorry," Lou said, "I didn't know anything and I assumed things I shouldn't. I get protective of him and he's sometimes so thick."

Faith didn't know what to say at all.

"Really Faith," Lou spoke again, "I should have shut my mouth and at least given you a chance. Can you forgive me and maybe we can start over?"

Faith nodded.

"I would like that, Louise."

"Call me Lou."

* * *

><p><strong>Well did her reaction to Faith really surprise you all that much? Thanks as always to my dear, sweet friend and idea bouncer for her help with this...this is a much better story for our chats, hon!-J<strong>


	25. Chapter 25

Faith was exceptionally quiet that evening. Jimmy had gotten her to talk a little about the things she was making for the baby and even a little about Jamie and Mary and some of her conversation with Lou. He had heard how thick Lou thought he was where women were concerned and admitted this failing was true right up until he had met Faith. Apparently Faith had gotten the complete story behind Sarah Downs and Rosemary Burke which he sort of wished she hadn't and he had to explain Alice and why that hadn't worked out. Still Faith spoke in ways to make him talk and fill the void and allow her to stay quiet.

Jimmy had tried to let it slide and kept topics light, poking fun at himself playfully when he could but even that elicited only a small response from her. Her silence became even more apparent as they stood washing and drying the dishes and now as they sat on the porch it was nearly oppressive to him. Something was wrong and a part of him didn't want to ask what. With Faith he just never knew what was going to come out and he still feared not everything of her six months with Aaron had been revealed. But he knew he had to ask. Being afraid of her pain wasn't going to make it go away. Not talking about things didn't help. He had learned that when he had blown up and let his temper get the best of him. She had feared him for a time but then had seen he was not going to hurt her and things had been better. It's not that he didn't already know that confronting fears was the only way past them but he just didn't like doing it. There just wasn't a choice though.

"Faith," he said softly squeezing her hand a little tighter in his, "What's wrong? You're so quiet tonight. Did Lou say something else that's upsetting you?"

"No," Faith said absently or seemingly absently. Jimmy knew her well enough to know that this is how she spoke when she was trying to shove her emotions to the back burner and not allow herself to break down. He would have liked to have allowed her to do just that but he knew that wasn't what was best for her. As much as it hurt him to see her cry, he knew he had to get her to let this out, whatever it was. "No, she was very kind to me when she came back out. I understand that she was just trying to protect you. She loves you, you know."

"Yeah, I do know," he told her, "Like I needed another sister looking out for me."

"Not like that, Jimmy," Faith asserted, "You really are thick. She's happy and would never act on it but she loves you. So she worries and she gets protective and I think a little possessive too. I understand."

"So that's what's got you upset and quiet?"

"Lou? No," she replied, "Like I said, she'd never act on it, I can tell. She's happy and she loves him."

"Then what is it?" he asked, "I should have told them and not sprung you like I did. I said I was sorry for that."

"That's not it, Jimmy," she assured him, "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Why are you so quiet and why are you pushing me away? I thought we were past that."

"It was Jamie," she whispered.

"Lou said he asked a lot of questions about Adam," Jimmy said, "Did he upset you making you think about him? He didn't mean anything by it, you know. Lou said she thought she should have stopped him sooner."

"Jamie is a sweet boy," Faith half snapped at him to get him to stop rambling, "He's a very sweet little boy who happens to have eyes just like my little boy's. Jimmy, he was so much like my Adam. God forgive me but I hated her for having what I lost."

"Faith, sweetheart," Jimmy tried to soothe her, "That's only natural. That pain has to go somewhere."

"It's not natural for a woman to hate another woman for having a child that didn't die," she snapped, "I'm not a hateful person, Jimmy. I'm just so frightened. Nothing ever seems to work out for me. Maybe I'm really not supposed to have a child. Maybe all those doctors who told me that were right and it has nothing to do with my body but just what's meant to be. What if something happens to this one too? How would I ever…"

If there were words that followed, Jimmy could not make them out through her sobs. All he could do was pull her close and hold her tight as she cried. He had absolutely no idea how to comfort her. He had already failed to protect her and just earned her trust back. Her son had been claimed by a tragic accident and while it terrified him to no end that something like that could happen to the squirming life within her womb he knew there would be little he could do to stop such a thing from happening. He also had seen many women lose their babes to illness and there was only so much he could do about that. He could promise all that was in his power but he knew that power was very limited. There were people he could go to for advice but not at this hour and not at the risk of leaving Faith alone. He had no doubt that Aaron would make good on his threat to find her and if Jimmy left her unprotected and anything happened to her or the child he knew he would never forgive himself.

So all he could do was hold her tight while she wept. Once she was calmer he helped her stand and brought her into the house. He got her to sit down and prop her feet which were as swollen as ever and then he went into the kitchen to heat some water. He got the herbs around for her favorite evening tea and hoped it would help calm her nerves some. Jimmy worried that getting nearly hysterical as she had been wasn't good for the baby but then he didn't really know of such things. She had already had such an emotional day and that had been his fault. If only he could do one thing right for her. At last her tea was ready and he brought it to her and then sat on the floor next to the stool where her feet were propped. He slid the moccasins off of her feet and began to rub them.

"I know there's a lot of promises I can't make you, Faith," he said gently once he saw her head tip back and some of the tension leave her face. "But I swear I would draw down on God himself if it meant keeping you or that little one safe. You've had far too much pain and I'll do anything I can to make sure you don't get any more of it."

Faith tried to lean toward him but her belly was just too much in the way so she reached for him to move closer so that she could rest her hand on the side of his face.

"I know you would, my love. I know you would."

Tears shone in her eyes and Jimmy leaned forward just a bit more to catch her lips with his. He had been told that women got extra emotional while they were expecting but her tears still upset him. Once she had finished her tea, he helped her to bed and then curled next to her and rubbed her belly. He thought maybe that she had fallen asleep and was considering doing the same when she spoke so softly he almost wasn't sure if he was supposed to be hearing it or not.

"You've had far too much pain as well," she said, "Too much has been because of me."

"You're forgetting that my greatest joys have also been because of you," he replied nuzzling into her hair and continuing to rub circles on her belly. "Get some rest now sweetheart, you've had a hard day."

"Speaking of hard," she said reaching behind her to grab something of his growing steadily harder and then rolling toward him.

"Now that doesn't have to be your concern right now," he said knowing how tired she must be.

"What if I want to make it my concern?" she replied impishly.

"Well then, that would be another matter altogether," he said, "I think I might just have to oblige you then, ma'am."

Faith giggled and Jimmy knew that her worries would not be solved with just a cup of tea and a little frolicking between the sheets but he would take whatever happy feeling he could get from her. Eventually she was asleep in his arms and it still made him marvel that no matter how drastically her body changed, they always seemed to fit right together when she was in his arms.

The next morning Jimmy rolled out of bed to the smell of breakfast and Faith singing as if there had been no sadness or fear the day before. It confused him but he was happy to hear her singing happily and quickly dressed so that he could get to the kitchen and steal a good morning kiss.

"How did you sleep, sweetheart?" he asked and the concern nearly dripped from his voice.

"I always sleep well when you hold me," she answered with a smile and raised eyebrow that said it was less his holding of her than what had preceded it. Jimmy chuckled.

"I sleep better when I'm holding you too," he said kissing her behind the ear in effect letting her know he knew exactly what she meant. As good as she felt in his arms, making love to her was the best way he knew to wear himself out for sleep.

Faith squirmed in his arms to turn and face him with a smile.

"You should eat your breakfast before it gets cold, my love."

He knew the sadness was only away for a while but he still loved the moments like this when they could just sit and dream of the happy times to come. They both needed those dreams and the joy they might bring if allowed to come true.

After breakfast Jimmy went out to work on the cradle which was nearly done. He was actually quite proud of the work he'd done and how quickly it had come together. He was actually starting to wonder if there were other things he could do to help prepare for the baby. It felt good and like an atonement of some sort to get things in the ready for his child. Midday came before he knew it and with it Faith. She wasn't humming or singing when she walked out so he did not hear her walking up.

Faith stood a moment at the door to the barn and watched Jimmy sanding the rough edges from their child's bed. It wasn't an unseasonably warm day but the sun beating down on the structure which had little for cross breeze made the building quite warm. As he worked, Jimmy had shed his shirt and was working bare chested. Faith watched his muscles flex under his skin as the sweat dripped from his brow. Suddenly she found she could not care less about the tray of food in her hands. She set the tray down quietly and moved around behind him wondering how he could miss something the size of a mountain moving around him and then leaned into his back reaching her hands around to his front and splaying her fingers across his chest.

"I'd ask who it is but someone just kicked me in the backside," Jimmy said turning to her with a smile, "I'm beginning to think the little guy don't like me."

"Nonsense," Faith replied, "He—or she—loves you. Just like I do."

Her hands traced over his backside bringing him as close as her belly would allow.

"Is it lunchtime already, Faith?"

"Yes," she answered batting her eyes a couple of times, "Are you terribly hungry?"

"You know I wasn't at all," he told her, "But I am starting to feel like I could use a little something."

Jimmy bent his head to place tiny kisses on her neck. Faith began to pull him toward the house but he stood still.

"I have a better idea," he said pulling her to where he had some hay bales stacked. He began to work at the buttons on her dress.

Faith giggled when she realized where this was headed and stayed his hand for a moment.

"Out here?" she asked and he only nodded getting back to her buttons and releasing her breasts. Soon her dress as well as her petticoats and pantaloons were in a puddle at her moccasin clad feet. She stood before him nude and unashamed, her bruises fading and some already only memories. They were memories he was intent on replacing with more pleasant and loving ones.

Faith reached for his belt buckle but he stopped her causing her brow to furrow. Jimmy lifted her hands to his mouth and kissed the tips of her fingers before walking over and grabbing an old wool blanket he had placed there during the winter when he had been working in the freezing cold and sometimes needed more than his coat over his shoulders. He laid the blanket over a hay bale. Then he picked her up which was not as easy as it had been when she first arrived. The baby was growing and growing fast. But he was still able to lift her into his arms and set her on the bale of hay. His lips burned a trail from her neck down to her breasts. He smiled against her as her fingers tangled into his long hair pulling him tighter to her chest. Whatever failings he might have and however imperfect he might be as her man or as the father to that child, he knew how to please her. It wasn't everything but it was something. Caressing gently the insides of her thighs, his hands stopped just shy of their apex and soon Faith was whimpering before him.

"Jimmy, please," she whined.

He stepped back from her and quickly dispatched with his trousers and boots his erection springing free and eliciting another whimper from Faith. Jimmy allowed a smirk at that and stepped forward gently pushing her shoulders until she lay back on the blanket and he could align himself with her entrance. She was visibly wet and her thighs were already beginning to quiver as he slowly pushed his way inside of her. He positioned his feet a little wider and withdrew partially before thrusting back into her.

Faith could not describe how exciting it was for Jimmy to take her right here in the barn or how frustrating he had been undressing her and not letting her touch him. But then being with him had never been a disappointment so she opted to follow his lead although it nearly was her undoing when he shed his trousers exposing exactly what she needed. When he laid her back onto the blanket she felt so close to the edge she thought his next touch alone would send her into that blissful oblivion. He was slow and tender at first but his own passion soon took over and as his pace increased she felt his fingers tightening around her hips. Her legs wound around his back as she watched his face contort with the pleasure that overtook him. She always wanted to make love more when she was expecting. It was just the way things were for her and she had needed him so badly the months when it was only Aaron and his cruelty but to see that she could still bring him that pleasure was even better. He was close to his release but slowed and Faith worried for a moment not understanding his actions. But then she felt his fingers working over her own desire. And when her heels dug into his back and her pleasured cries began to echo through the barn he sped back up again allowing their climaxes to come so close together so as to be nearly simultaneous. His hands came down on either side of her as he slumped forward over her belly clearly spent.

"I know I'm getting huge but I think there's room up here for the both of us," she said scooting over as much as she could and he climbed up next to her curling his body around hers.

"I'd say it's a perfect fit," he whispered in her ear content to hold her close to him for as long as she would let him and that turned out to be quite a while. She was quiet and Jimmy worried perhaps her fears were returning and he thought to the plans he'd had for the afternoon and how maybe he could still get to them. Her small voice broke the silence.

"The cradle is beautiful," she said softly and he could hear in her voice that he would see tears if her back were not pressed to his chest.

He didn't even know what to say. He had done the best he could with it and tried to make it special in some way. He had never contemplated a family before and had actually thrown away every one that had ever come to him. He could not do that with this child or this woman. He wanted them to have the best he could give them and creating something to care for his family instead of destroying things and hurting those he loved most felt so good to him.

"I'm so sorry," she choked out through sobs and Jimmy was quick to roll her toward him wiping her tears away with his thumb. Buck said she would be emotional just from her condition and maybe more so than other women because of all she'd been through but he was starting to get dizzy from the way her moods swung wildly.

"Faith, sweetheart, I thought we were past you apologizing to me all the time," he said pressing a kiss to the side of her head, "You forgave me for leaving and I will forgive anything you think you did wrong even though I don't think you did do anything wrong at all."

"I doubted you," she said through her tears, "He said things about me and I believed them but he also said things about you and I believed those too."

"What did he say?" Jimmy asked starting to anger that this man—if he even could be called a man—was being brought up again and that he thought he had any room to talk about Jimmy. Jimmy knew what he had been but he also knew that whatever faults he might have he would never brutalize or bully someone as Aaron had done to Faith.

"He said that a man like you would never settle down and even if you let me stay you wouldn't change and I wouldn't have you all to myself and you wouldn't really love our child," her words came out in such a rush they almost ran together. "That cradle is too beautiful for you to not love this baby. If you didn't want us, really want us and love us, you wouldn't have made a bed for it at all and it surely wouldn't have been so grand. I'm sorry I doubted you. You showed me already what was inside beyond the legend and the façade everyone else saw and I let myself forget it. I'll never doubt you again. I swear it."

Her tears had stopped and her eyes looked at him big and earnest. These words were her vows to him and trumped the ones she would eventually say at their wedding.

"I allowed that doubt when I left," he said and made a vow of his own, "I swear I will never again give you reason to doubt me because I will never leave you."

His hand ran over the roundness of her belly.

"You hear that in there?" he said, "I love your mama and I ain't ever leaving."

Faith giggled, "If it's a boy are you going to let him use those guns?"

"Of course," he answered, "I don't have much else to pass on. I'll teach a girl to shoot too. I taught you, didn't I?"

She merely smiled at him remembering that day and how angry and hurt she had been at Patience's letter and how he had known exactly what to do to make her feel better and the passion that had ignited between them that day. Faith snuggled deeper into his chest just as he was noticing the gooseflesh erupting on her arms. When they had finished earlier they had both been coated with a fine sheen of sweat but that was gone and they were cooling down and it wasn't quite warm enough to lay naked in the barn. Jimmy kissed her shoulder.

"We probably ought to get some clothes on," he noted, "And I did want to head into town for a bit this afternoon if you're up for it."

"I guess I am," she said hesitantly, "Was there something you needed in town?"

"Well, there sort of is something I need to attend to and I know Teaspoon wanted to talk to you about, well, about Aaron."

"I don't want to talk about him," she said firmly, "Especially to, well, to someone I don't really know."

"I think Teaspoon'd like to change that not knowing him thing too," Jimmy said pulling on his clothes and handing hers to her. "You barely spoke when we went over for supper that night. You're family now and he doesn't need to know about you and Aaron. He just needs to know what to look out for if Aaron comes looking for you and I think he has some news about what it would take for us to get hitched."

Faith still looked unsure.

"I won't be far," he said kissing her forehead, "But I think it'll be good for you to learn to trust Teaspoon. Buck will probably be somewhere around too. You like him, right?"

"I like them all," she told him buttoning up her dress, "I just feel better when you're there."

"Like I said I'll be close. I know after meeting Lou and how that turned out at first you must think I lied about how great these people are but Teaspoon and Buck already think you're pretty terrific."

"Maybe they just told you that so they wouldn't hurt your feelings," she said softly and was surprised when Jimmy laughed out loud.

"There's plenty of people in the world who would lie to save the feelings of Wild Bill but these people aren't going to mince words to keep me from getting hurt feelings. They'll tell me what a rotten cook I am and they will for sure tell me if the woman I am in love with is all wrong. I don't always listen but they won't be shy about telling me."

Faith still looked at Jimmy like he maybe didn't know his family as well as he thought but decided that she would chance it anyway. Buck and Teaspoon had been kind to her so far and there was nothing to say they would stop just because Jimmy wasn't there. And the women they were with were so kind she didn't feel that Jenny would be with a man who could be mean and Rachel couldn't either.

"So what do you need to do in town?" Faith asked once they were on the buckboard headed in.

"I was just needing a little advice," he told her honestly.

"Don't you usually go to Teaspoon for advice?"

"I somehow don't think he could help me with this like someone else could."

Faith didn't press the issue even though she still didn't quite understand. She knew if she asked he would tell her and explain things but she also knew that he had his reasons for not explaining and she needed to trust him that there would be no unpleasant surprises.

They got into town and Jimmy took her arm and led her into the marshal's office.

Faith looked around at the now familiar and, it seemed, never changing office. She did not see Buck but Teaspoon was there at his desk with his hat pulled partway over his eyes. She thought him to be asleep but he was upright and standing before both of her feet had cleared the threshold with a smile on his face for her. He reached as if to take her hand to kiss it again but Faith didn't let him. Instead she took the extra step toward him and leaned to kiss his cheek.

"Hello Teaspoon," she said to the surprised man who continued to smile at her.

"Good afternoon, Faith," he said when he found words and Faith got the idea that he didn't lose them that often. "Why this is shaping up to be quite a day. A visit from a lovely lady and a kiss as well."

Teaspoon was rewarded with a genuine smile. Really he was quite taken with Jimmy's young lady and it did his heart good to see her becoming less afraid. He understood her reasons for her fears but if he was honest, it had hurt a little that she was so frightened of him but he understood and tried not to take it personal. He could see the pride on Jimmy's face at Faith's actions and knew there had been a lot of work that had gone into Faith's renewed confidence. He should be proud to be building this woman back up from all she had gone through. Teaspoon looked questioningly at Jimmy. As much as he was glad to see the two young people he wondered what had brought them into town.

"I needed to see to some things here in town," Jimmy started to explain and was surprised when Faith cut him off.

"He needs you to babysit me," she finished for him though not using the words he would have chosen.

"Faith," he began but she cut him off again with a wave of her hand.

"Don't 'Faith' me," she said, "I don't want to be alone while he, Aaron, I mean, could be out there somewhere anyway. Spending some time with Teaspoon is much better than being afraid somewhere by myself. I'm sure we'll have a lovely chat while you are doing whatever it is you need to do." Then she turned her attention to the older man. "Won't we?"

Jimmy could see her shoving her fears and insecurities beneath the surface and placed an arm around her shoulders.

"It is going to be fine," he whispered low in her ear, "I promise. And I promise I will explain all of this to you later."

He kissed her full on the lips and then headed out of the office and in the direction of the school. Rachel should be just about ready to let the children go for the day and that meant he could maybe catch her to talk a bit. He arrived at the school just in time to get nearly turned around in a sea of young people. Making his way into the building he found Rachel sitting at her desk at the front of the classroom. She looked up when she heard someone enter.

"Hello Jimmy," she said brightly once she caught sight of him, "Faith's not with you?"

"Oh I see how it is," he replied jovially, "Now that I have a woman in my life you don't want to see me anymore."

His eyes smiled at her letting Rachel know he was just kidding.

"Actually," she said once they had a little chuckle, "I was surprised you let her out of your sight. Teaspoon told me she's still in some danger and that she's been really scared too, not that I blame her or anything."

"That's who she's with right now," Jimmy explained, "No one's going to hurt her in the marshal's office. It was hard leaving her there but I can't keep her in my sight forever."

"No you can't," the pride was evident on Rachel's face. Jimmy had been the one who was so old beyond his years and yet avoided making the attachments of adulthood. She understood all the reasons but it made it that much sweeter to see him settling down and looking after this woman he loved so well. Faith was a good woman for him too; at least she would be once she recovered a bit more from her ordeal. She was kind, that much was evident and Rachel thought she saw a little fiery streak and maybe even a bit of playfulness. She would be good for her boy once she was able to heal. The look Jimmy was giving Rachel now made her think that perhaps there was a bump in the road to her healing though. "What's wrong, Jimmy? You look upset and you usually don't come to see me so I'm guessing you need to talk about something."

Suddenly Jimmy felt the need to rethink his purpose for visiting her. Before it had only occurred to him that she might have a way for him to help Faith but now he was realizing that he might hurt Rachel in the process and that was something he just didn't want to do. He sighed and looked around as if trying to find a way out of this.

"Out with it, Jimmy," Rachel said sternly, "You came here which means it's important."

"It's about Faith," he said at last realizing that now that he was there, he had no choice but to talk about this. He just hoped Rachel wouldn't be cross with him for what he needed to bring up.

"I figured as much," she said gently, "You know it will take time for her to recover. She isn't going to go back to being the woman you remember right away."

"I know that and she's doing great actually," he told her, "I'm real proud of her. I'm not here about what he did to her. It's something else. She's so sad about things and not about Aaron but-"

"Women get emotional when they're expecting," Rachel assured him, "And that means all kinds of emotions that don't make sense to the woman anymore than they do the people around her."

"See, these emotions make sense, Rachel. They make all kinds of sense and that's why I needed to talk to you. I need to help her and I don't know what to say because she's right to feel all she's feeling but these feelings are tearing her up."

"I think you're going to have to be more specific," Rachel told him, "That is if you want me to help you."

"I probably shouldn't've come to you with this, I know that. I don't mean to bring up what this could bring up for you but I just didn't know who else could help."

"Jimmy," Rachel said and there was a warning in her tone that he'd better just spit it out.

"This isn't Faith's first child," he finally got out, "She had a little boy, Adam. When he was six there was an accident."

"Oh dear God!" Rachel cried. "Poor Faith!"

Tears stood in Rachel's eyes only a moment before they began to fall. Her heart broke for this woman. She knew of people who had lived such pain, of course. This was a hard land and it was made harder by the hard times that came with a war but losses like Faith had suffered still moved her and she hoped they always would. As a woman she knew the pain Faith knew. Although Rachel had never really gotten to meet her own son, she knew the loss, the hurt and possibly even the fear that gripped the young woman who now carried Jimmy's child.

Jimmy watched helplessly as the tears cascaded down Rachel's cheeks. He shouldn't have come. He should have talked to someone else, anyone else. He should learn to handle his own problems and quit bringing them to people who had already done more than he ever could have asked of them.

"I'm sorry, Rachel," he said, "I shouldn't've, I mean, I know, I mean, well, I don't even know what I mean but I didn't mean to make you cry."

Rachel walked around her desk and wrapped her arms around Jimmy.

"You didn't make me cry, not exactly anyway. And crying isn't always a bad thing. Crying reminds us we can still feel and crying reminds us of things that matter. I am so proud of the man you've become, Jimmy Hickok. I want you to know that. Now sit and let's talk this out."

* * *

><p><strong>This chapter kicked my tuchus! The chatacters kept going off on tangents and losing their focus. 'Bout had to borrow Noah's whip to keep them in line.-J<strong>


	26. Chapter 26

Faith stood at the window of the marshal's office watching Jimmy walk away and absently rubbing her belly. She nearly jumped out of her skin when Teaspoon spoke.

"Was the fearless act for me or for Hickok?" he asked easily and without accusation. She had done a great job of looking happy to be left with a near stranger after all that she had been through but Teaspoon wasn't buying it and he was pretty sure Jimmy hadn't either.

She turned to him and felt terrible for the hurt in the older man's eyes. She had heard stories galore from Jimmy about what Teaspoon Hunter had been to him and to the others. He was a good man and here she was causing him pain after all he'd done for the man she loved.

"I don't want to be frightened of you," she said quietly, "I know there's no reason to fear you. I can't help it though. I'm scared all the time."

Teaspoon could see the emotion fighting to come to the surface and being forcibly pushed down by the woman in front of him. Jimmy was right; she was a lot like Emma.

"You got every right in the world to be scared," he said, "You got a lot to lose and someone intent on taking it all from you."

"But that someone isn't you," she replied, "You don't deserve me acting like this. You're too kind."

"While you're here you're trusting me to keep you safe," he explained, "I'm good and I'm fast but you don't know that. You know he is and you know he'd lay down his own life to save yours. Jimmy don't want to trust no one else with your safety right now either. I can't say as I blame him too much."

A smile ghosted across her face beginning at the corners of her mouth and moving toward her eyes which sparkled for a moment before it was gone and she said distantly, "He said he would duel God Himself to protect us."

Teaspoon puffed out his chest enough that it was a wonder the buttons stayed on his shirt.

"I don't doubt that he would at that."

He looked up as a sob suddenly escaped the woman in front of him. He saw her hand fly to her mouth to stifle it and knew it came as much a surprise to her as to him. She thought she had put her feelings away tightly enough and she hadn't. Frightened or not, it was not in Teaspoon Hunter's make up to leave a woman standing alone and crying. He placed an arm gently on her shoulders and pulled her a little tighter to him and then walked the both of them to his desk where they could lean.

Faith wanted to run and hide her feelings away but Teaspoon was so comforting. His care of her was all she could have dreamed to have gotten from her father but that he was incapable of giving. She turned her face into the man's shirt and let the tears overtake her. She would have liked to say that she didn't know where the tears came from but she knew only too well. That dream still haunted her. She could often even feel the weight of him in her arms as the life poured from his body and she just couldn't bear it. Her worst fear as she had travelled to him wasn't that he would put her out. She had been alone before. What scared her most was that he might not even be alive when she reached where he had been. When Buck had offered to get him, she was so relieved and it was only then the thought occurred to her that he might not want her or their child, that he might be repulsed by what he saw. Now things were as near to perfect as she could have them. Her baby was growing inside of her and had been created of love with a man she loved. She was with this man and he did things like build a cradle for their child. He held her and loved her and told her she was beautiful. And when she wept, there was family there for her. Jenny had made her a treasured gift without ever having set eyes on her and then had soothed her as she cried. Buck had carried her to the doctor without even knowing who she was. She was just some battered woman who was expecting a child and had no people to meet her stage but he stood by her side and refused to leave her until he could help her. And now here she was with a man she would have been proud to call father holding her tightly and stroking her hair spewing comforting words that told her things would be alright and that she wasn't alone and needn't fear. Her worries fell away for a while as she let his words wash over her. Somehow she could believe him for a little while.

"There, there," Teaspoon said patting her on the back once her tears had subsided. "I don't rightly know what I said but I sure didn't mean to upset you."

Teaspoon fished in his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief folded into a precise rectangle. He handed it to her so that she could dry her eyes.

Faith leaned back against the desk and her shoulders slumped as she dabbed at her eyes and under her nose.

"Oh, it's not you, Teaspoon," she said, "Not really. I just get so scared when he talks like that. I can't lose him. I don't want him to ever die saving me. I'd rather die."

"Now you can't really mean that," Teaspoon said gently and he was not prepared for the reaction that brought.

"How could you possibly know what I mean?" she spat at him, "What do you really know about me? No one ever really loved me before Aaron and then he left and he died and even though he came back, the Aaron that loved me died and I thought I could get by because I still had my Adam. My sweet little Adam who gave me hugs and brought me handfuls of wilted flowers and left muddy handprints on my skirts. He loved me and I still had him. Until I didn't. Was it so very much to ask that one person love me and stay with me? Jimmy loved me like no one else had, even Aaron and then he left too."

Teaspoon opened his mouth to say something in his boy's defense but closed it again when she raised her hand.

"Don't," she said, "I know. I get it. He thought it was the right thing and I know I could have made him stay but I didn't. But don't you see, I can't bear it if he leaves again and the reason won't matter. I can't do that anymore. I can't keep losing everyone I love, everyone who loves me. I can't."

Teaspoon sat on the edge of the desk next to her as if the wind had been knocked from him. He thought for a moment and then spoke again.

"Then I guess we're all going to have to make sure it don't happen. We kept him alive before when someone else didn't want him to be. We can do it again. Can't we, Buck?"

Buck didn't even get rattled that the old man knew he was there without seeming to look toward the doorway. He'd gotten used to such things over time and he'd worry more if Teaspoon had been unaware of him.

"Of course," Buck said smiling, "He's a pain in the backside but I kind of like having him around again."

"I hate what that means we have to talk about now," Teaspoon said bracing himself for another over emotional tirade from Faith.

"Aaron," Faith said with no feeling whatsoever, "What do you need to know?"

"Anything that's going to help us know him if he comes to town," Buck said not sure if he should touch her or not but finally opting to rest a hand on her shoulder.

"You'll recognize him from the scars on his face and the eye patch," she said coldly, "He's pretty hard to miss. And he lost whatever he once knew of subtlety as well. He'll ask for me and he'll ask for Jimmy and he'll tell anyone wondering his version of the story."

"Does he have any skill with a gun?" Teaspoon asked.

"I don't think so," she said, "Good enough with a rifle to keep us in meat even after he came back. He carries a pistol now but I never saw him fire it so I can't tell you how good he is."

"Have you seen Jimmy fire a gun?" Buck wondered.

"Sure, haven't you? He taught me."

"Only Jimmy would teach his, his…" Buck was at a loss for how to refer to Faith.

"Fiancée," she finished for him, "We were planning to get married even then but I know you almost said woman and I'm not ashamed of anything we've been to each other. And you're right, not many men would teach their women to shoot. He's not like many other men I've met."

Buck smiled. Faith wasn't at all like he thought she was on first meeting. She was strong and had spunk. She was more perfect for Hickok than he at first had thought. While he lamented that Ike could not still be among them raising a family alongside all of them he was pleased at how they all had somehow found someone to put up with them so they could become family men.

"Teaspoon," Faith said getting the marshal's attention, "Jimmy said you'd been looking into my official marital status. Am I a married woman or not?"

"It just happens that I do have an answer for you but I thought I would wait until Jimmy was back and tell you both together. What did he have to do anyway?"

"I don't know," she answered, "He was being sort of secretive about it."

She saw the looks exchanged by Teaspoon and Buck.

"What?" Faith asked them, "I'm sure he'll tell me later where he was. I trust him to. Wait, I can trust him, can't I?"

Teaspoon realized where her mind was going and that he and Buck were at fault and pulled her into a hug.

"Of course you can trust Hickok," Teaspoon soothed, "That boy's loyal as the day is long. Whatever he's up to is probably some nice surprise for you. Me and Buck was just thinking to ourselves that Jimmy found himself a pretty exceptional woman is all."

"Yeah," agreed Buck trying to help Teaspoon out, "You say how he's not like other men. You're not like most women either. You're better for him."

She looked skeptically at them but then decided to extend a small amount of trust to them. They knew Jimmy better than she did and maybe they knew exactly where he was and who he was with and what he was doing. She would trust for now that he would tell her where he'd been but she would keep her eyes open and make sure it rang true. She hated the thought that maybe Aaron was right and he would never be fully hers even though she would never love another.

Teaspoon feared what seeds he might have planted into her head and hoped Hickok would get there soon before she started fretting and crying again. He hated to see a woman cry and he especially hated when he was the cause of it. And he never meant for her to think Jimmy was off doing anything bad just that it was odd that a woman wouldn't hound a man to find out what he was up to. Thankfully he didn't have to wait too long for the door to the office to swing open and in walked Jimmy with Rachel on his arm.

"I've delivered your lady to you safe and sound, Teaspoon," Jimmy said before Faith was on him. Her arms flew around him and she clung tightly as if for her own life because she knew her own fate was wrapped in his and always would be. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

His arms wound around her as he asked the question. She seemed to be trembling and he was nearly certain she was fighting off tears. He felt her nod against his chest.

"I'm better now you're here," she whispered.

"I shouldn't've left you," he said nearly wanting to kick himself. It was too soon to leave her even in the care of someone he trusted as much as he did Teaspoon and Buck. "I'm sorry."

Instead of answering she just held him tighter for a short while and then released him albeit reluctantly. Jimmy kept his arm tight around her shoulders.

"Are you ready to go home then?" he asked.

"I think Teaspoon had some news for us," she replied with a small shake of her head.

Teaspoon had been looking on grateful that Jimmy had returned finally to take care of her. Women in her condition were emotional and she was especially fragile. He worried for nearly everything out of his mouth and that wasn't typical for him but he just didn't want to make things worse for her or for the baby. But this was his cue to talk and he did have news, news they needed to begin moving forward. He cleared his throat and adjusted his suspenders over his stomach before speaking.

"I talked to a couple lawyers I know and it seems that death certificate was official and all," he began, "You were a widow once that was issued and him coming back can't change that else wise you'd have people who got married believing one of them was a widow and their marriages wouldn't be real and that just ain't right. You aren't the only woman who got the wrong news, you know."

"So she ain't married to him?" Jimmy asked.

"No she ain't," Teaspoon confirmed, "So I guess in the middle of all your baby planning you need to plan a wedding too."

Faith couldn't help herself and left Jimmy's side to rush to Teaspoon and throw her arms around him.

"Thank you!" she exclaimed planting a kiss on his cheek and then more softly added, "And thank you for putting up with my craziness earlier."

Teaspoon was startled at first but then returned her embrace and whispered softly, "That's what family's for."

Faith pulled away from Teaspoon with her eyes shining but her huge smile left no doubt that she was happy and not about to get weepy again. She looked to Jimmy who was smiling just as wide at the knowledge that nothing more stood in the way of him marrying this woman.

"I guess we'd better get home," she said, "I need to be starting supper."

"Not today," he said offering his arm, "Today we are celebrating. I am taking you out to supper."

She happily took his offered arm and the two headed for the door with Faith stopping only to give Buck a small hug goodbye as well and then they were out the door and headed down the boardwalk toward the restaurant.

"I don't think I realized how much that was weighing on my mind until the weight lifted," she observed.

"Well, I know it was weighing on mine," he said honestly, "I really wanted to be married before that baby came. I was a little worried maybe it wouldn't happen. So I guess we need to see about a church or something, right? And you need a dress and all of that. Maybe Rachel can help, or Lou."

"This isn't going to be a big, fancy wedding, Jimmy. It's just not. I outweigh a buffalo right now and I'd just like to keep to a simple ceremony with just family. Maybe just at our house or something."

"I feel bad you don't get a nice church wedding and all," he said.

"I don't," she replied, "I had one of those and it was pretty and all but this will be better because at the end I'll be married to you."

Jimmy wasn't sure how that made things better but she seemed happy with it so he just patted the hand that was on his elbow.

"I still think you should get a new dress at least," he said softly.

"A dress I could only wear another month?" she scoffed, "That just seems silly, Jimmy."

"I'm sure you could take it in or something afterward but even if it is silly, I want you to have one."

Suddenly Jimmy felt both of her hands tight around his elbow pulling him backwards.

"I want to go home now, Jimmy," Faith said and she sounded terrified, "Please let's just turn around and go home."

"Faith, what is it?" Jimmy knew she was emotional and her moods were sort of all over the place but this was different even for her.

"I just want you to take me home," she managed.

Jimmy followed her gaze and saw the man walking toward them with a hard look. He knew it must be him. The eye patch and scarring gave it away.

"There's the whoring little bitch now," he said and Jimmy stiffened for a moment as if to confront him.

"Take me home," Faith said, "Take me home. Take me home. Just please take me home."

Grabbing Faith's arm Jimmy turned and began to walk away. It was what Faith wanted and really they didn't have to think about this man. He had no legal claim to her or the child. He could be left to Teaspoon and Buck.

"So you're Wild Bill?" Aaron Lassiter said malice dripping from his words, "Not quite what I expected. Thought you'd be taller. Didn't figure you a coward either." Jimmy stopped and took a moment to shake off the insult. This wasn't about him. "For sure thought you'd associate with better than that ugly cow."

That did it. It was one insult too many at Faith. She was just beginning to rebuild and Jimmy would not have this sorry excuse for a man causing damage to her again. His jaw flexed as he heard Aaron continue.

"I told you I'd find you, you little whore. I told you I'd kill you and that bastard you're carrying too."

Jimmy took Faith's hand from his arm.

"Said I'd kill him too. Awful considerate of you to make it so easy to get all of you," Aaron continued, "How about it, Wild Bill? Ready to meet your maker?"

"No, Jimmy," Faith pleaded, "Just take me home."

But he couldn't. He couldn't let any of that stand. She'd be furious with him later but he could deal with that. This was something he had to do as a man. He turned slowly and that's when he felt the fist connect under his jaw. He heard Faith scream his name before things went grey and then black.

* * *

><p><strong>Hmmm...I thought Aaron was showing up in the next chapter. Guess he had other plans.-J<strong>


	27. Chapter 27

"Jimmy!"

The scream was blood curdling and cut through Teaspoon like a knife. He was certain it was Faith's voice although he'd never actually heard her scream. He caught Buck running out the door and quickly followed as well trying to signal to Rachel not to leave the office even though he knew she would anyway. If one of her boys was in trouble she would always be right there. What he and Buck found when they exited the office made them stop dead in their tracks.

The people on the street had cleared away offering an unobstructed view of Jimmy flat on his back and unconscious with Faith standing between him and a man fitting the description of her former husband. Aaron was holding a gun.

"No Aaron," Faith pleaded with him, "Please no. Don't hurt him. It's me you're mad at."

"Shut up, whore," Aaron growled at her, "You'll die today too but not before you watch me kill him."

"I can't get a clear shot at him with her in the way, Teaspoon," Buck whispered. Teaspoon was in the same predicament. They could only watch as Aaron continued toward Faith his pistol aimed squarely at her swollen belly.

Faith could see where the gun was pointed. He wasn't willing to kill her just yet but he'd have no problem with injuring her in a way that would extinguish her child's life. She backed up still pleading with him to leave Jimmy out of this. If he was going to kill her then he could but Jimmy didn't deserve it. Neither of them did really and she knew it. They had done nothing wrong.

As Faith backed up, she wasn't able to see where she was going and her heel struck the bottom of Jimmy's boot. If not for her ungainly condition she might have been able to right herself but she could not. She fell back onto Jimmy and felt him stir beneath her. Aaron was coming closer and she quickly thought of something just before Aaron grabbed her arm hard and flung her off of Jimmy and off of the boardwalk entirely. Buck and Teaspoon both ran for her. Jimmy was coming around but if they didn't see to her then there would be hell to pay when this was over.

Faith was able to brace her fall with her hands and keep most of the impact from her belly. There was no time to lie in the street and assess her condition. If she didn't act fast her condition and that of all she held most dear would be dead. She stood with a swiftness that belied her condition and raised the gun she had snatched from Jimmy's holster before being thrown from him.

"Aaron!" she yelled, "Aaron look at me!"

He had been just about to dispatch with the man at his feet when he heard her yell and turned his head to face her. Time stopped on the street. Buck's blood ran cold in his veins as he saw his friend struggling toward consciousness and the mother of that friend's child raising a gun and taunting the gunman. Rachel couldn't stand to look but also could not look away as she willed her family to be alright. Teaspoon only muttered under his breath, "Merciful God."

"What are you doing with that thing, bitch?"

Faith's thumbs brought the hammer back as she took a breath. She was stunned at how steady her hands were. She held the gun in both hands straight out in front of her and leveled it about to Aaron's heart. He had broken hers and she would put a hole in his.

"I'm getting ready to kill you and make sure you stay that way."

"You don't even know how to use that thing, you whore!"

"I've used it before and you're a bigger target than the cans I shot down," she hollered at him, "You're closer too. You shoot him and I will kill you and you'll never get the chance to kill me or my child. Point your gun over here and see if I don't have the guts to pull the trigger. I might kill you first anyway and then you're out of your misery like the dog you are. You might kill me and then you can take your chances with him. He is as fast as they say though. Either way you'll be in hell before nightfall."

No one moved, no one even breathed it seemed. Aaron's eyes darted between the man on the ground in front of him and Faith in the street with the gun of Wild Bill Hickok. He wanted her to suffer by watching her lover die but there were too many people. If she didn't get him then the two men with stars on their chests would and still she would live and give birth to that bastard child and give it Hickok's name. He swung the gun to aim at her.

Jimmy's heart was pounding out of his chest. He was on the ground with a gun in his face, there was nothing he could do but as long as the gun was on him, she was safe. Then he heard her. He wanted to call to her to get to safety and let him handle it but her voice was too resolute. She would not back down. If she had been a man he would never even try to stop her. This was a showdown many months in the making and she had the right to it although it killed him. She called for the man in front of him to turn the gun on her. It made him sick until he realized she had taken the gun on his right side. That was his girl. She was even smarter than him in a situation like this. He smirked at the man over him. He had heard the hammer click back a while before and if Aaron made a move she would take the shot. He was nearly sure of it but then he didn't have to be certain.

Faith saw Aaron start to turn to her bringing the pistol with him. This was it, her justification. She squeezed the trigger and as her shot rang out, she heard another simultaneous to it.

Jimmy saw Aaron's focus leave him and saw the pistol shift its aim away from him. He reached across his body and drew the gun she left him. She knew he was faster right-handed and had left that for him. He pulled the trigger and brought his left hand down on the hammer. He heard her shot ring out as well and saw Aaron begin to crumple before him.

Faith saw Aaron fall and knew he was probably dead or as good as dead. But that wasn't good enough for her. She cocked the hammer back again and shot into his limp body as she stalked toward him and then shot again and again until the gun was empty and the corpse was riddled with holes. She was standing at the edge of the boardwalk. Jimmy was just staring at her his mouth agape. She looked from the man she once loved to the man she would forever love and that's when something close to hysteria overtook her.

Jimmy watched as she continued to fire into the dead body. She reached him and made eye contact for just a moment before letting the gun fall from her hands and onto the wooden planks beside him and then she seemed to fold in on herself. Slumping to her knees she raised her face to the sky and uttered a wail that could certainly have been heard for miles around. It was filled with such agony that no one on the street that day was left unaffected. She screamed and screamed her pain and sadness and horror to the heavens and then when she could not scream any more, she let her head fall forward and cried. Her shoulders heaved with every sob that seemed to come from the very core of her being. Jimmy grabbed the gun next to him and shoved it back into its holster as he stepped down onto the dirt street. He knelt next to Faith and pulled her tight to him. He became aware that half the town was staring at him as he held this woman in his arms. He wanted to yell at them but Teaspoon was already shooing everyone away telling them there was nothing more to see. Looking up Jimmy saw Buck driving over with the buckboard and his horse tethered to it.

"Get in back with her and I'll take you home," he told his friend. Buck saw Jenny ahead of him standing in front of her father's store looking terrified for her new friend. He gave her a wave and as much of a smile as he could muster to let her know things were handled and he would talk to her later.

Jimmy looked up at Buck and thought at first the doctor might be the best place for her but he put his hand on her stomach to check first.

"Come on little one," he muttered under his breath, "Just let me know you're okay in there."

He was rewarded with an arm swinging out to push against his hand. Faith appeared unharmed and the baby was moving and seemed fine. He nodded to his friend and lifted Faith into his arms and climbed onto the wagon still cradling Faith.

There was no talk on the drive home. Buck had no idea what to say but he knew enough to understand sometimes words were not necessary. Once at Jimmy's Buck helped Jimmy off of the wagon and watched him into the house then set to unhitching the horse and seeing to it. Finally he mounted his own horse and headed toward home where he would explain to Jenny all that had happened and hold her tight while giving thanks that she was safe in his arms.

Jimmy carried Faith into their home and from that moment forward he knew it would be their home. It was no longer the house they shared but a home for them and for the family they were building. There was nothing standing in the way of them marrying and raising the baby together. All of the legal research Teaspoon had done meant nothing. There was no one to contest anything and no doubt of her widowed status. If anything had been fuzzy before, there was a dead body in town with seven holes in it to make the matter crystal clear. She had no husband and Jimmy was set on changing that at the first opportunity he had. But for right now, he had to see to her. He knew that her time with Aaron had fractured things within her mind, her heart and her soul. The afternoon's events had caused those fractures which had been precariously held together before to shift and everything within her crumbled. Before he could think of marrying her or anything else he would have to collect the pieces and fit them back together again.

Faith had quieted but was not speaking or responding to anything he said to her. He set her down in the front room and went to fetch the tub. Once her bath was prepared he went back to her and began to unbutton her dress. It was the second time that day he had undressed her but this was so very different.

Jimmy thought of how the afternoon had begun with the two of them on the hay bale in the barn and was grateful for the memory. He blinked back the tears at his uncertainty about when they'd be that for each other again. Sighing he finished undressing her. Right now the most important thing was getting her back enough to even rebuild. She was about to have his child and he owed it to that child to take care of its mother. Once she was undressed he took a moment and rested his head against the bulge of her stomach and rubbed it lightly.

"It's alright, little one," he whispered, "Your mama's tough and she'll pull through this. Just wait until you meet her. You'll feel bad for kicking her ribs."

He was rewarded with a shifting from under her skin. He pressed a kiss to her stomach before lifting her into his arms and carrying her to the tub. It took two or three tries to set her down in the water as she was clinging so tightly to his shirt he could not release her at first but finally she allowed herself to be placed in the warm water. He had rolled up his sleeves while he was preparing the bath but realized that was insufficient and quickly removed his shirt altogether. He sat next to the tub and wrapped his arms around her. She leaned into him but still made no sound. He ran his hand up and down her back and kissed the top of her head. Then he set to washing her. Slowly she seemed to relax and once she was clean he reached for a towel and wrapped it around her as he lifted her from the water. Jimmy carried Faith directly to the bedroom and sat her on the edge of the bed in order to dry her. Once dry he got one of her nightgowns and lifted it over her manually moving her arms into the sleeves as if dressing a small child.

Jimmy looked at her and sighed. There was no way he could tuck her into bed with her hair in the state it was in. He pulled the comb from her hair that had been securing it and watched as her locks came cascading over her shoulders. It was the first time he saw that without an immediate reaction from his body but this time it was as if his body knew that she was too frail and he couldn't even think about such a thing. He took her brush from her dressing table and was grateful he had watched her do this so many times. Gently he began working the brush through her hair careful to avoid pulling or tugging too much. When he came to a snarl he remembered seeing her come to them before and worked them from the ends as she had always done.

"I'm sorry if I pull too much, sweetheart," he said softly, "I ain't never done this before. Hell, I barely brush my own and probably not as much as I should. I don't want to hurt you though."

Finally her hair was silken and shining.

"You are beautiful," he told her, "I'll never know what you see in me but I guess I shouldn't question things like that."

Jimmy then realized what he had to do next. He'd braided rope before and supposed that would have to be good enough knowledge.

"I know this ain't going to look all nice like when you do it," he apologized in advance, "But it should be enough to keep the tangles at bay."

He twisted her hair into a braid that he supposed didn't look all that bad and tied it with one of the ribbons on the dressing table.

"Well, I guess that's about the best that is going to look until you're feeling better," he said picking her up and carrying her to her side of the bed where he tucked the blankets around her. He planted a kiss on her forehead and tried to stand but she held tight to him.

"It's alright, Faith," he assured her, "I think I'm as tired as you are. I'm just going to get undressed and I'll join you. That pillow is looking mighty inviting right now."

She released him and he did just as he told her he would. Once in bed he pulled her tight to him and allowed their bodies to melt together. Faith fell asleep quickly but Jimmy found it harder to track slumber down. As tired as he was he could not turn his mind off. All he could see when he closed his eyes was that gun shifting its aim to her. But every time he saw it in his mind's eye he was not quick enough and she was gone from him. He knew this was ridiculous. She was right there in his arms and yet in many ways she was more distant from him than when he'd been here and she'd been with Aaron. Eventually sleep did come to claim him and took him to a fitful place where dreams tormented him with visions of his failings. Every time the dreams woke him he pulled her tighter to him and reminded himself that for all the times he had failed those he loved, he had not failed her this time. She was alive and in his arms and their child was still squirming in her belly.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah...I got nothing...really this was hard to write.-J<strong>


	28. Chapter 28

Faith woke once in the night, panicked for a moment and then remembered where she was and who held her. Somehow a piece of her knew that some things were better and healed and others never would be. She couldn't move, her limbs felt like lead but she heard. She heard him speaking to her.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he whispered so softly she knew he was speaking more to himself, "I caused this and then you had to save me. They should write the books about you. You saved my life. I better remember to thank you for that once you're feeling better. And you have to feel better, Faith. You just have to."

His tears fell hot onto her head and broke her heart. Things were muddled and confused and she was tired, so very tired. She wanted to reach for him, comfort him but she just could not and she fell asleep again instead.

Jimmy spent the next day seeing to Faith. She either slept or cried and he really didn't know what to do with himself no matter which she was doing. He rubbed her feet. He helped her to the outhouse which he was sure when she got over this would embarrass her to no end but there wasn't a woman to do it so he did. He talked softly to her until he was just too frustrated.

He sat on the edge of the bed holding her hand.

"Faith, you have to get over this crying," he said far more gruffly than he meant to, "He ain't worth your tears. You're engaged and going to have a baby, my baby. I don't know how much longer I can sit and watch you cry for another man. Especially one who did such things to you."

He released her hand knowing he was no longer offering comfort. He knew he ought to apologize for his harshness but he wasn't even sure she was really taking notice of him and he wasn't sorry for what he had said or even how he said it. He sat quiet for a while until he heard a knock at the front door.

"Right," he grumbled, "Like we need visitors right now."

Jimmy opened the door to find Buck and Jenny standing there and he just stared at them as if demanding an explanation for their presence.

"We, uh," Buck managed before Jenny spoke up.

"I wanted to check on Faith," she said offering no explanation of why her husband had come with her. She knew that she needed none. He had clearly come to check up on his friend also. Jimmy begrudgingly let them in.

"Faith's in bed," he said, "If you think you can get her to do anything but sleep or cry, have at it."

Jenny uttered a concerned sounding sigh and hustled to the bedroom and her friend. Jimmy looked up at Buck who quickly looked away. He had been studying Jimmy, gauging his mood.

"Maybe you could use some air," Buck suggested wishing now that he had asked Teaspoon to take Jenny out to visit Faith.

Jimmy nodded and followed Buck to the porch but looked back warily before closing the door.

"She's alright now, Jimmy," Buck assured.

"I thought she would be but she ain't."

"That was quite an ordeal she went through," Buck reminded him, "She shot a man in the street. She had a gun pointed at her and at you. She lost everything once and she couldn't bear to again so she did what was necessary but even so it had to be hard for her. Look how many times you've had to kill and it still takes a toll on you no matter the circumstances."

"I don't lay in bed crying."

"Last time I checked you weren't a woman about to have a baby either," Buck said simply.

"She was so strong when she shot him," Jimmy mused remembering how her eyes were hardened and how steady her hand was even as she shot an already dead body.

"You know how that is," Buck said, "You can keep it together in the moment but once the danger passes then it all hits you. The fear, the hurt, the guilt…"

"Guilt? She ain't got nothing to be guilty for."

"Really? She took another human life," Buck reminded him, "And not just any life, the one of the man who once loved her, the one who gave her a son. You think she doesn't feel bad about leaving him? I know she had to and I know she did what she did to save the baby but she must have a host of feelings she can't even sort out."

"If she'd just talk to me I could help her."

"Maybe she can't talk to you yet," Buck offered, "Maybe Jenny can get through to her. Or Lou. They have a lot in common, those two."

* * *

><p>Faith heard every word Jimmy said to her. She heard his tender pleas for her to just talk to him, to let him in and his harsher words about mourning another man when he was right there. It wasn't fair of her maybe but then so many things were not fair at all in this situation. She couldn't even sort the good from the bad after a while. His words hurt her because they were true and because she felt powerless to do anything about them. She did love him. She loved him more than she would ever be able to say but for the time being she couldn't do anything about it or about anything else. She vaguely remembered him bathing her and readying her for bed the night before. She didn't deserve such treatment, not from him and maybe from no one. He thanked her for saving his life and yet she wasn't sure she had and she knew she was the reason it needed saving in the first place.<p>

She heard the knock at the door and was momentarily frightened. It could be Aaron. He had come back from the dead once and he could do it again. Or it could be Teaspoon had to arrest her. She had killed a man. Or Jimmy had. Maybe he was to hang and not her. Jimmy went to answer the door as she held her breath and listened. She heard Buck's voice and became scared again. He was a deputy after all but then she heard Jenny's voice. Buck wasn't here as a deputy but as a friend and Jenny was here to check on her. Friends. She had friends. She finally had friends once she no longer deserved such a thing. Oh they all thought she did but she knew better. She knew they didn't have the whole story. If they did she'd be lucky if they let her stay long enough to give birth and that would only be so they could take the child for surely she wasn't fit to handle such innocence when she was so guilty.

Jenny bustled into the room.

"Oh Faith, honey," she declared upon entering the room. She sat on the bed and pulled her new friend to her. "I know," she went on stroking Faith's hair and rocking her slightly, "I know, you just let it out. Men don't understand. They try but they just don't get it. I'm here. You just cry it out and then we can talk. Maybe I can get those men to be useful and make you some tea or something at least."

Faith felt her tears renew and allowed herself comfort she wasn't sure she was worthy of but she allowed it anyway. How long the two women sat like that with the one rocking the other was anyone's guess. Eventually Jimmy braved to look in on them.

"How's she doing?" he asked quietly from the doorway.

"This wave of crying's done," Jenny answered, "I think some tea would do her good right now. She said you had one you made special for her."

Jimmy nodded. At least he could do that.

"He's a good man," Jenny said softly to her friend, "I know you have all sorts of stuff in there tearing at you. If there's a person in the world who understands that it's him. I know you know he hides too much. Buck says he doesn't even know all of what happened to Jimmy before the Express and even during. He doesn't tell hardly anyone. I think he fears people will turn from him if he does. He ought to know that family doesn't turn from family. Maybe you should know that too."

"Not family," was the choked and ragged reply from Faith.

"What was that, Faith?"

"I'm not family."

"Oh yes you are," Jenny said smiling, "Even without that baby growing inside you, you are family because he loves you. You've been family since before we even knew you existed. And that man of yours…you've likely been family since shortly after he met you. You are his family as far as he is concerned and that makes you our family."

Jenny looked up when Jimmy cleared his throat and saw him there holding the requested tea.

"Well, look who's back with your tea," Jenny said patting Faith's hand, "I'm going to move along now."

Jenny paused as she passed Jimmy.

"She'll get through this. Just try to be patient with her."

She squeezed his arm as she left to collect her husband and go home.

Jimmy put the tea on the night table before sitting on the bed. He propped Faith up and kissed the side of her head.

"I let it cool a bit before I brought it to you," he said softly picking up the cup and guiding it toward her lips, "I didn't want to burn you."

He helped her to a sip of the beverage.

"I'm sorry about earlier. That was selfish. I know what I said was wrong and hurtful."

"My fault," Faith whispered, "My fault. Everything, my fault."

Jimmy quickly set the cup on the table and pulled Faith tight to him, or as tight as he could with the baby between them.

"Sweetheart," he said softly, "None of this was your fault. If it was anyone's it was mine."

"You don't know…"

"Maybe you tell me and then I will."

"I killed him," she choked out through her tears.

"You don't know that, sweetheart. It could as easily been my shot. Besides he was asking for it. He was a monster."

"You don't understand," she insisted.

"Help me understand."

"You'll hate me," she cried, "I already hate me and you will too. I deserve it but I don't know if I could bear it."

Jimmy shifted to look her in the eye.

"Faith, I could never hate you," he said almost sternly, "I know what it is to hate yourself but that don't mean other people will hate you. I spend a lot of time hating myself but the people around me won't hate me. They won't even try."

"Aaron was a good and kind man; he really was," she said desperately, "He wasn't a monster. Whatever he was, I made him."

"Faith," Jimmy said with anger mounting, "He beat you. He threatened to kill the baby. Maybe the man who left for the war was good and decent but the one who came back was a monster. No decent man leaves marks on a woman like you had."

"But he wasn't a monster. I swear it," she protested, "I-"

"Men like that always try to make the woman believe it's her fault-"

"Listen to me!" she shrieked, "Shut up and listen!"

Jimmy reached to calm her and shush her. He worried for the baby if she became hysterical. Faith swatted his hands away from her.

"Stop fussing and stop trying to fix and just listen. You said you wanted to understand and you don't let me get a word out and you, you, you try to smooth everything over and it can't be. It's rough and it's ugly and you can't make it smooth and pretty. You can't."

Tears were streaming down her face and her voice was tight but she stared back at him as intensely as any gunman he'd ever faced. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly and her eyes were on fire and he had forgotten how excited she could make him and then cursed himself for the timing of that thought.

She cut her eyes at him and he knew that she had picked up on his thoughts. He nodded to her to speak, not daring to say anything else himself.

"He came home different," she said softly, "He was angry. He had a right to be angry after all he'd been through and he was still angry with me. When he left I said horrible things to him and then spent months convincing myself that I hadn't meant them but I had. I told him he was abandoning his responsibilities to play soldier like a child. I told him I hated him for leaving. I told him he wasn't a man."

Jimmy thought to say something, tell her that those were natural sentiments to have but he closed his mouth immediately and just looked at her waiting for her to go on.

"I was so hurt and angry that he was leaving me, leaving us," she went on, "There I was knowing that he would be gone for well, I didn't even know how long and I was being left by myself to care for everything including Adam and me. It's not like I had anyone to come help me. You know Patience wouldn't ever dream of actually lifting a finger to help. She does plenty with her so-called words of encouragement. I apologized in the first letter I wrote him but I knew that an apology in a letter or any version of 'I'm sorry' at all wasn't going to fix anything and he wrote several times before I got word of his death and he never once told me he forgave me."

Jimmy stayed silent again.

"Could you hand me my tea?" she asked.

"It's probably cold."

"I don't care," she replied, "My throat is dry."

She took a sip.

"It's good tea. Thank you for making it for me."

"You're welcome," he said reflecting on how oddly civil and normal that exchange was. She had been hitting a lot of extremes with her moods lately.

Faith sighed and continued her story.

"I could tell he was still angry and hurt over the things I said before he left but he tried for a while. It nearly destroyed him to hear about Adam. I know it did and that made me mad. Really everything he did made me mad. His temper was quick and his face was scarred and he was so sad and I felt like he didn't have the right because he chose the stupid war over me anyway and if he hated his life so much then why didn't he stay dead. It wasn't people in town who told him about you. It was me. I told him that I had someone else with me while he was away and that I loved you more. I just didn't love him anymore, Jimmy. Wanting him to come over that rise and back home was a dream but I wanted the same man that left and I wanted that to mean my little boy was back too and I wanted it to mean I could go back in time and he would never have left and we would never have lost that simple love we had. I wanted his homecoming to erase every lonely day I had, every day where there was too much to be done and not enough of me to go around. That was never going to happen. I should have told you all of that before you left. It would have been kinder to him if he had just come home to an empty house. Maybe he could have moved on. Maybe he could have had some kind of a life."

Her voice was distant and filled with a longing for all she had lost. From the moment he left for the war she had no hope of recovering any of that even if he had come home unscathed and Adam had not died.

"I was mad at him and I thought I was mad about him leaving and making me do everything by myself but you taught me that I can and I am strong and I guess him leaving was part of that too."

She took a deep breath and then Jimmy had to lean close to hear her say, "I hated him for not staying dead. I hated him for being alive."

Faith looked at him frightened and found no shock upon his face, no judgment so she went on.

"I threw you in his face every chance I had. There were times I felt bad for his pain and I would apologize and I would try but his hands on me felt wrong because I knew I only ever wanted yours on me. Once I knew I was with child, I could easily figure it was yours and I threw that in his face too. Don't you see? He never asked for that. He's only human and I broke him. I wanted him to set me free so I didn't have to make the choice to leave. I knew what that would make me look like."

She half laughed at that.

"The first time in my life I ever cared one wit about appearances. It wasn't the biddies in town I cared about either. Mrs. White can take her self-sanctimony and stuff it. I feared what you'd think if I left him. But if he said for me to go then that would be different and you wouldn't think me fickle or unfaithful or without honor. But he didn't set me free, he held tighter. I was all he had left and as long as I was there, even if he hated me, it meant he hadn't lost everything. That's when it all started. I created the monster and I had to kill it. But I shouldn't have created it in the first place. I killed him. Whether my shot struck the fatal blow or not, I killed the man who loved me, the man I once loved. The man who fathered my Adam. The man who used to pick me flowers and bring them to me with a silly smile saying they were pretty and made him think of me because I was pretty too. I killed him because I love you more. I killed him because he didn't stay dead before. I killed him because he chose another loyalty over me first. It doesn't even matter why I killed him. It matters that I did."

* * *

><p><strong>Okay...I knew there was more to the story but some of that surprised even me. So thank you to Lisa and Kristina who have been rock stars lately and willing to read things for me and talk me off the ledge when I get insecure about things. You guys are the best...hot pics of Josh and Stephen coming your way you awesome ladies!-J<strong>


	29. Chapter 29

Jimmy just sat there not knowing how to respond or even if he was allowed to. He looked at his hands which seemed so very powerless right then and waited for her to speak again.

"You do hate me now, don't you?" she said.

"No," he said meeting her wounded eyes, "Nothing's changed. I still love you. I'll always love you. I wish you'd understand that."

"How can you say that?"

"There's things I been afraid to tell you about me," he said, "I told you I know all about hating yourself. There's a good woman out there widowed and raising her boy all alone because of something I did. I killed an innocent woman because I couldn't figure how to get out of another gunfight. I'd like to think I'm more than those mistakes. I know you are."

"Jimmy you didn't set out to hurt those people," she protested, "You couldn't hurt someone on purpose. I did. I meant to hurt him. It backfired but I wanted him to hurt."

"Faith," Jimmy said and while his tone was soft it commanded her attention as well, "I listened to you I'm going to ask you listen to me now."

Faith was stunned by his words but what he asked was fair. She simply looked at him.

"You think you're the only one who's had ugly thoughts?" he asked her, "Every person you meet has said or done something at least once in their lives just to hurt someone else. People all get ugly sometimes. No one wants to show that side but we all have it."

"The things I said-"

"Don't change that he was wrong," Jimmy said flatly, "Don't change that he came after you, that he had that gun pointed at the baby."

"At you," she whimpered before dissolving into tears once again, "I brought that here. I put you in danger. He might've killed you and that was my fault."

Jimmy could help but laugh a little at that and then shrank back from the glare Faith shot him.

"You think that's funny?" she spat, "I lost absolutely everything in my life once and you think I could bear even the thought of losing you?"

"I don't think that's funny at all Faith," he explained, "It's just something Teaspoon calls irony. I've spent my whole life pushing people away because I couldn't bear to see people I loved in danger on account of me and here I am in the other position all of a sudden. I understand a lot of talks me and Lou had through the years now."

"What talks?"

"Lou would get mad at me because I believed no one could ever love me and I could never really allow myself to love anyone because I'd bring danger to them, because I couldn't promise them a tomorrow," he explained, "She'd get mad saying there might be someone out there who would love me anyway and it would be that woman's decision after all and not mine. Faith, if a crazy husband came calling every other day pointing a gun at me, I could take it if it meant still being with you."

She stared at him a moment or two.

"Just so we're clear though," he said, "There aren't any others, are there?"

She shook her head and allowed a smile at his attempt at humor.

"No, Aaron was the only one."

Her head dipped and for the first time she noticed the braid draped over her shoulder and resting on her chest. She picked it up and looked at him.

"Did you do this?" she asked scooting closer to where he sat on the bed.

"I, uh, yeah I did," he said sheepishly, "I know it's not real good or anything bu-"

His words were cut off by her mouth covering his and her tongue invading his mouth. He moaned against her but then pulled back. She was still so fragile, so frail.

Faith looked at him with such longing. She reached and grabbed a handful of shirt and pulled him back to her. He still held his head back from hers knowing that her belly would not allow her leverage to get to him.

"Sweetheart, you've been through so much," he said, "Are you sure you're alright?"

"It's going to be a long time before I am alright," she whispered, "I might never be entirely alright. But I know I love you with more passion than I have ever felt toward anyone else. I need to kiss you and touch you and know that this isn't my imagination. I need to know you are really here and weren't taken from me. I need to feel something besides sad and hurt. Please, remind me all I have to look forward to with you." She stopped talking and studied his eyes for a moment before dropping her gaze to her hands still holding his shirt. "Unless you don't want me anymore. I was assuming and maybe I shouldn't. I ha-"

This time he cut her words off with a searing kiss of his own. Faith was breathless when he released her mouth.

"Did you honestly think anything you said could make me love you or need you less?" he asked with a smirk, "If you'll let me rid you of that nightgown I'll be more than happy to show you what you have to look forward to for the rest of your days with me."

Between the two of them they maneuvered her nightgown over her head and Jimmy immediately descended on her breasts. Faith arched her back pressing her chest to him as his tongue worked over one of her nipples. His hand kneaded at her other breast.

"Ow," she said and he looked up worried at her. "They're kind of sore. Because of the baby." He still just looked at her. "So they can make milk soon."

He hovered over her belly and then pressed a kiss to it before speaking.

"You're really working your poor mother over, aren't you?" he said softly to her swollen abdomen, "I still say you're going to feel bad about that when you truly meet her. Things she has done to keep you safe and happy already and you make her hurt? That's not nice, little one."

He kissed her stomach again before continuing a string of kisses that ended between her legs. He paused.

"It ain't sore here, is it?"

"No," she said already growing breathless from anticipation.

Faith's head fell back into the pillow as his tongue teased at her driving her into frantic pleasure. She needed this. She needed this more than she had even known. She was still trying to catch her breath when Jimmy crawled up to rest next to her his head resting on one arm and a smug smile on his lips.

"So why are you still wearing clothes?" Faith asked him, "I don't think they're very practical right now, not for what I want to do to you."

At that point Jimmy found he could not shed his clothing quickly enough and soon he was naked with Faith astride him and their bodies joined as he was certain they were truly meant to be.

* * *

><p>Rachel wasn't sure what she'd find when she drove the wagon up to Jimmy's place. She had talked to Jenny the day before and had heard Faith was in a very dark place and poor Jimmy wasn't doing much better. As she approached she smiled at Jimmy as he stuck his head out of the barn.<p>

"Hey Rachel," he called to her wiping his brow with a handkerchief, "What brings you out?"

"I'm checking up on your fiancée of course," she replied matter of factly, "How's she doing? How are you doing?"

"She's better," he sighed, "Not all better but maybe everything she went through was meant to change her. I'm doing alright. It's hard to see her like this."

"I know it is, sweetie," Rachel said offering a sympathetic smile, "That's why she's so lucky to have you. So what are you doing hiding out here in the barn?"

"I ain't hiding," he answered, "I need to get the cradle finished before she goes and has that baby. It's got to sleep somewhere after all. I think you'll probably find Faith on the porch. Last I saw her she was there knitting something or other for the baby."

"I think I'll just go check on her then," Rachel told him, "I brought some supper for the two of you so she doesn't have to trouble herself. Everything else aside, she's getting mighty big and she's probably tiring easier these days."

"Mostly," he said and then looked down blushing fearing he had revealed too much. Rachel laughed lightly.

"That's normal for a woman in her condition. I don't know what it is but it makes a body amorous."

"That's a good word for it."

Rachel smiled at him and finished making her way toward the house where Faith was indeed sitting on the front porch with her knitting in her hands. She wasn't actually knitting though. She was sleeping.

"Oh the poor dear," Rachel said softly as she climbed down from the wagon and headed toward the younger woman. "Faith honey."

Faith blinked and looked momentarily frightened but then a smile warmed her features.

"Hi Rachel," she replied, "Sorry, the sun felt so good on my face and then the fresh air and I guess I must've just dozed off."

"You've got a nice spot for a little doze here," Rachel told her pulling a chair up beside Faith. "It's got to feel good to be able to relax."

"I guess," Faith answered noncommittally, "Can I ask you something Rachel?"

"Of course, sweetie."

"Can I really relax?"

"Well, I don't want to go into too much detail on something that's probably still giving you nightmares," Rachel replied, "But you made good and sure Aaron Lassiter would never come after you again."

"That's not what I mean," Faith responded, "Could I lose him? I went completely crazy. Could he…I don't even know how to put it into words."

"He understands," Rachel assured her, "If anyone in the world understands losing your mind to the fear and the anger for a moment or two it's the one working diligently to make a bed for your baby right now. He's afraid but he's afraid for you, not of you. Is that what you were asking? For whatever stories have been told about that man through the years, I know him. He loves deep and when he loves someone, counts them as one of his, there's no more noble or loyal man, I think."

Faith looked out toward the barn where she knew Jimmy was working hard at the one thing he felt he could do for their child. It warmed her heart but the tears sprang to her eyes anyway.

Rachel saw the fear and uncertainty lingering in Faith's eyes and knew she worried maybe Faith felt the only thing she had to offer was what she was carrying in her womb.

"He felt bound to you before you even showed up here," she said, "None of us but Teaspoon understood because he wouldn't tell anyone else about you. He would avoid as many of the young ladies that Lou tried to set him up with as he could. Cody was in town a couple months back and tried to get him to the saloon and he wouldn't even go for a drink, let alone any female company. You showed him what it was to be with someone he loved and you ruined him for anyone else who might not have whatever it is that you do that makes him love you so much."

"I don't even know what that is," Faith replied sadly, "I don't know why he loves me."

"You don't have to. He doesn't have to know either. He just has to feel it. You can make yourself crazy trying to figure out love. The whys don't matter one bit. You love that man out there and he loves you. That's it. That's what matters, Faith."

"What about Bill?"

"Cody? What about him?"

"No, Wild Bill," Faith clarified, "Jimmy hates him, talks about him like he's a separate person. Do men still come looking for him?"

"No one has since he's been here," Rachel answered hating that name being brought back up again, "He's laid low a good deal since he's been here. He didn't even wear the guns for a couple of months. He refuses to pin on a badge. He said what he wants is right here. I doubted everything he wanted was here. I don't anymore now that he has you with him. I think he's got everything he could ever dream of right here on this land."

"I can't lose him," Faith whispered, "He's…I just can't…"

Tears that had been threatening fell then and Rachel wrapped her arm around Faith hugging her tight and letting her cry it out.

"What happened?" Jimmy asked walking up on the pair. He had just felt the need to check on Faith and found her crying her eyes out onto Rachel's shoulder. Rachel looked up at him.

"Nothing happened, Jimmy," she answered, "Women in Faith's condition just need a good cry from time to time. She'll be just fine."

Jimmy stood there wanting to grumble something about how she'd been crying enough but had a feeling that wasn't going to do anything but earn him a glare from Rachel and more crying from Faith. He hated when women cried and the worst was when they cried over things that couldn't be fixed. He knew that whatever Faith was crying about, whether it was the events of the last couple of days or just the moodiness that went with expecting a baby, there wasn't a single thing he could do to fix it and probably nothing that anyone could do. He hoped that once she had the baby at least there would be less crying. Well, less crying from her; he was sure there would be plenty from the baby. But then from what he learned from helping with Mary, a baby's crying was usually something he could fix, or at least something fixable. The baby needs changing or feeding or rocking or something like that. Faith was much more complicated than that. While he hated the helpless feeling he had right now, he wouldn't dare to give up the times when they would stand side by side doing the dishes or sit talking on the porch and gazing out at the stars. Somehow at those moments, her crying was so far from his mind he couldn't even remember that either of them had ever been unhappy.

Faith felt like she was floating away from everything and everyone sometimes. All she could do was cry and it tore her up to be leaning so heavily on those she had just met. She couldn't help it though. Her tears just came outside her control. From somewhere that sounded like it was miles away she heard Rachel explaining about women in her condition crying more. Thinking back to when she'd been carrying Adam, she knew she had been more emotional but not this weepy. She had smiled more and felt hope and that things were right and good. Now she was in a whirl of feelings but none of them were good it seemed. She was afraid and angry and ashamed and afraid some more. The only time she felt any happiness was when she and Jimmy were loving each other. It gave her a hope that he would be there, that he wanted her and that maybe things would be alright. He was a handsome man who stirred her passions anyway but then she had always desired the physical acts of love more when she was expecting. Even with the increased desire, it hadn't felt so desperate before. Faith was beginning to feel it was the only way to connect with Jimmy. What she would do while recovering from the birth when she couldn't anymore was something she didn't even want to contemplate. So far he had been wonderful to her and even when he had gotten angry, she knew she deserved that anyway. She deserved worse.

It finally registered who Rachel was talking to and she lifted her head from the other woman's shoulder and looked up into the eyes of the man she loved. Those eyes were losing patience with her. She knew that. Quickly she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Sorry," she muttered pulling herself free from Rachel's embrace, "I should see to supper."

Jimmy caught her arm as she attempted to walk past him and held her tight to his chest. He didn't say anything more out of a fear of saying the wrong thing than anything else.

"Supper's already seen to, sweetie," Rachel piped up and set to fetching the food she had brought, "You need to rest when you can right now."

"Rachel you shouldn't have gone to such trouble," Faith said lifting her head away from Jimmy's chest, "I can still cook for him."

"No one's saying you can't, just that you shouldn't have to all alone," Rachel answered, "We take care of our own here and you, my dear are one of our own."

Once Rachel was in the house putting the food away, Jimmy kissed Faith's head.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know you can't help crying sometimes. I shouldn't make you feel bad for it. I get frustrated because I want to make things better and I know I can't."

Faith hugged him tighter and Jimmy laughed when the baby shifted between them.

"I still don't think that child likes me very well," he said, "Hope I can win him over once he's here."

Faith whispered something that Jimmy couldn't make out.

"What was that?"

"Or her," she repeated only a little louder, "The baby could be a her."

"Well if she is then I hope she's pretty as her mama," he replied pressing a kiss to her lips.

"Between the two of you I don't think you should be worried about good looking children," Rachel said coming out of the house, "Oh and Lou said she'd like to have the two of you over for supper if Faith's feeling up to it."

Rachel didn't wait for a response to the last part and climbed onto the wagon and headed away. Jimmy felt Faith's arms tighten around him.

"I know you've been so tired lately," he told her, "If you're not up to it yet, we can wait."

"Lou was just starting to like me," Faith whispered into his chest, "I'm sure she's heard by now. She's right to be so protective of you. You make terrible decisions."

"I used to," he agreed, "I guess I still do because leaving you was maybe the worst one I ever made. I'd like to think I'm back on track."

"You deserve better than me."

Jimmy laughed.

"There ain't anyone out there any better than you," he assured her kissing the top of her head, "You're beautiful, a right fine cook and you put up with me. You're having that baby. I gave up on thinking any woman would be willing to…"

He trailed off thinking of all he had resigned himself to and how all of that lonely sadness had fallen away the moment he laid eyes on her in the street that day all those months ago.

"Nope, ain't a woman out there any better than you, not for me at least."

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah two whole weeks to write one lousy chapter...well I hope it wasn't actually a lousy chapter...It's been a rough couple weeks for my bunch and I've had some other writing distractions. Yeah I know all about excuses and what they are like.-J<strong>


	30. Chapter 30

"Oh let the men go off and talk," Lou said with a warm smile when she saw Faith's uncertainty at seeing Jimmy walk away with Kid. "I made some lemonade for us girls."

Faith was somewhat encouraged by Lou's smile and words and accepted the invitation to sit on the porch.

"How are you doing?" Lou asked.

"Okay I guess," Faith answered rubbing her belly, "The last few weeks are always the longest."

"That's not exactly what I meant," Lou said, "I meant after everything that happened with you having to shoot your…your…"

"Aaron," Faith finished, "His name was Aaron." Faith paused and looked out to where Jimmy was smiling easily with his friend and took a deep breath before speaking again. "I don't know how I'm doing. Sometimes I feel alright and others I feel terrible. I don't even know how I'm supposed to be doing."

Lou nodded understanding.

"Jimmy probably told you a man hurt me once too."

"No," Faith replied, "He didn't. He just said you'd been through hard times. I'm sorry that happened to you."

"It was a long time ago," Lou told her, "I let it define me for a while. I wasn't married to the man or nothing but it still turned me around for a while that he took from me what he did. I know it's not the same."

"I loved Aaron once," Faith said softly, "He was worthy of it too."

"That damned war messed up a lot of men, good men too," Lou nearly whispered, "I'll never be able to thank God enough that Kid stayed and didn't go fight."

"He was a good and kind man before but I guess I've heard that war changes a man. Aaron was proof of that."

"You must have been terrified when you saw him on the street," Lou said and then saw Faith's eyes grow distant.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly, "I can't imagine you want to dwell on that much at all, not when you should be thinking of happy things like that baby."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Faith asked as the tears began to slowly fall, "I thought you were his friend."

"Faith, I am his friend. I'm yours too. One doesn't rule out the other."

"I'm a terrible person," Faith sobbed pushing Lou away as she tried to comfort her. "You were right to be suspicious before. Your instincts were good. I'm all wrong for him."

"My instincts were way off," Lou asserted, "You were in trouble and it followed you but what I had been afraid of was you trying to use him. Plenty of women have you know. I can see you really love him. And I can't wait to meet this baby and see the two of you building a life together like me and Kid have been able to do. Jimmy never gave himself a chance at that before. I could tell he wanted it but it was like he didn't give himself permission to want it. You gave him something precious right there and in a few weeks you'll give him something even more precious."

Faith shook her head as her tears slowed.

"No, this is his gift to me," she said, "I was told I'd never have another."

"That reminds me," Lou said jumping up, "I have something for you."

She bustled inside emerging a few minutes later with a small quilt.

"I wanted to give you this for the little one."

Faith's tears renewed but they were no longer fear or sadness but the joy of having finally found friends long after giving up the search flowing from her eyes. Lou gave Faith a hug and then settled back into her chair sipping at her lemonade.

"Have you thought about names?" she asked, "I feel bad now about naming Jamie what we did. I mean you could still have a Jimmy junior but I don't know if he'd want one with our circle so full of Jameses already."

"He didn't want to name a boy after himself anyway," Faith told her, "We've talked some but I don't think we've settled on anything just yet."

"Something will just seem right," Lou assured her, "So are you going to try to fit a wedding in before the baby? It'll be tight but I'll bet we could manage the planning."

"There isn't much planning to do," Faith answered, "Teaspoon's going to marry us at our house and it'll just be for our friends anyway. I don't need to be a spectacle waddling down the aisle with this belly and I don't need the big ceremony anyway. I just want to be married to him. I don't care much what it looks like."

"Well we have to do something still," Lou mused, "Have a party, even if it's small. You should have a new dress too."

"I don't think a new dress is very practical given my size right now."

"I can make one that would fit now and I could fix it up to be a nice dress after the baby too," Lou said, "I'll get with Jenny and we'll come over sometime and get to work. I'll just bet between Jenny and me and Rachel we can get some food made to have a nice little party."

"I really don't think we need to make a big fuss," Faith protested, "I'm ridiculous enough marrying when I am this big with the baby. I don't think we need to increase the scandal. He's worked so hard to avoid notice and here I am drawing a big arrow to him and starting people talking all over again. It's not bad enough he's marrying the crazy lady who shot her husband down in the street barely a month before she was to have a baby. I'm sure the gossips will be talking about that for months."

"A couple will talk about it because their own lives are so boring and desperate for excitement they have to borrow yours," Lou agreed, "But most people have better things to worry about. They got over the fact that I dressed like a man, did a man's job and slept every night in a bunkhouse full of men. They even looked past the fact that I married one of those men. Not exactly the picture of the blushing bride but people turned out for the wedding all the same and they wished me well and they meant it. When I had Jamie, the ladies turned up with quilts and clothes and diapers just as they would for any new mother. If one of us is sick they show up with food and offers to watch the young 'uns same as for any other family. Once you have your precious one they will be there for you too. We don't have the same pretenses around here that some places might. We have a marshal who probably wasn't always on the right side of the law who has a half-blood deputy. That deputy's wife was once raised among the Indians herself. Our schoolteacher is a former gambler and the speculation of what else she might have done has run all over at times but she does her job and the kids get an education and eventually no one cared. Though if Teaspoon don't marry her soon that might change. To have Wild Bill Hickok come riding back into town was a bit of a stir for about a month and a half and now he's just Jimmy and no one pays him any mind. You're a mystery but once people are used to seeing you around they won't bat an eye and you and your baby will be just as much a part of this place as the rest of us."

A whimper from the floor of the porch pulled the women's attentions from Faith's worries to where Mary had been happily playing on a blanket. Mary's little face was starting to twist into a frown and Lou moved to grab her before she worked into a full blown wail but Faith stood first and put a hand on Lou's shoulder.

"I can see to her."

Lou thought to protest but then relented quickly somehow understanding Faith's need to see to the child. Later she would reflect at how many reasons Faith seemed to have to want to tend Mary right then beginning with a desire to show friendship and aid to a new friend and extending to a need to remind herself that she did indeed know how to take care of a baby since she would be doing it on her own in a few short weeks and a host of other reasons as well that fell between those two.

Faith lifted the girl and held her close.

"You just need someone to hold you a bit don't you?" she cooed knowing full well the child needed a nap, "How about Aunt Faith rocks you a little while once we get a clean diaper on you?"

Faith couldn't help the moisture that sprang to her eyes when Mary tightened her chubby little arms around her neck. It had been so long and still it felt so good to hold a little one close. Faith made short work of Mary's diaper and then sat in the rocking chair next to her crib and stroked the girl's hair while she sang softly to her. It didn't take long before Mary was asleep against her. Faith almost didn't want to move her to the crib; it was so nice to have this sweet babe asleep in her arms. But she stood anyway and gently placed the baby in the crib.

"Sleep tight little one," she whispered and straightened up to find Jamie watching her from the doorway. She smiled at him and felt her heart seize once more at how like her Adam he looked. Once she was out of the room he spoke to her.

"Why'd you rock Mary?"

"Because your mama works hard and needs a break," she explained before adding, "And I need the practice again. It's been a long time since I rocked a baby to sleep."

"Uncle Jimmy could show you," Jamie said earnestly and Faith couldn't help but smile.

"He's that good at it?" she asked.

"Mary likes him best of all."

"Do you think this baby will like him best of all too?" she asked patting her belly and smiling at the boy who obviously had a pretty high opinion of his Uncle Jimmy too.

"Uncle Jimmy's the best!" the boy declared.

"But he won't be Uncle Jimmy to this baby, he'll be pa."

The boy got a look that said he wished Uncle Jimmy was his pa and Faith stifled a giggle. Someday their own baby would probably prefer any of his or her uncles to Jimmy. Uncles can be much more fun and never have to handle the unpleasantness. But she did get a warm feeling thinking of Jimmy rocking their own child someday soon.

* * *

><p>Faith and Jimmy had just finished breakfast and Jimmy was heading out the door when he nearly bumped right into Lou and Jenny.<p>

"Morning ladies," he said smiling and tipping his hat earning him a smile and playful swat from Lou.

"Ain't you finished that cradle yet?" Lou asked.

"I have but don't tell her that," he said, "I'm working on something special—a surprise."

He walked away and Lou leaned to Jenny.

"Thank God Faith is a good woman," she whispered, "As head over heels as he is for her, if she wasn't I might have to shoot her."

Jenny giggled as the two walked into the house knocking lightly on the door jamb as they did. Faith looked up at them and smiled.

"Let me finish the breakfast dishes and then I'll get some tea on and we can talk," she said.

"Dishes later," Lou said, "And no time for tea either. We have work to do."

"What work?"

Jenny pulled some cloth from a sack smiling, "We need to make you a wedding dress!"

"I don't need a wedding dress," Faith insisted, "I'm bigger than a buffalo and it's just not necessary to go to such fuss."

"I wouldn't have taken you for selfish," Lou said pointedly.

"I'm not selfish. I'm thinking of what it looks like for Jimmy. I'll be due almost any day when we marry. We're only just sneaking this in before our baby is born out of wedlock. Making a big old thing out of it is just poor taste."

"You don't want a big ceremony in the church and that's fine," Lou told her, "Jimmy wouldn't have cared a lick for that anyway. But don't you deprive him seeing you walking toward him in a pretty dress. Kid says that's one of his favorite memories was watching me walk down the aisle with my hair all done and in a new dress. He remembers thinking right then how lucky he was that I was his. And you want to walk to your new husband in some old worn work dress?"

"I hadn't thought…" Faith looked like she might cry.

Jenny wound an arm around Faith and Lou spoke quickly.

"I didn't mean to snap at you," she said apologetically, "I get a little protective of him, remember?"

"We kind of asked Jimmy what he might like," Jenny spoke up, "Without letting him know why we were asking. Come look at the material."

Faith did and couldn't help falling in love with the simple pattern of small pink and purple flowers on a white background. Lou pulled out some wide dark green ribbon the color of the leaves of the flowers.

"I'll use this to accent the sleeves and the waist and down the skirt," she said, "And I have some nice lace as well to go around the collar and maybe at the cuffs."

"Waist?" Faith asked looking down at her lack of a waist.

"Well, I guess really that's just under your bust," Lou acknowledged, "There's a name for a waist that high. If I do it right it won't take anything at all to alter it into a regular dress once the baby is born and we can find your real waist again. It'll make a nice dress for church socials."

The women set to work and worked diligently until Faith stopped them.

"Jimmy will be coming up for lunch any minute," she said as the women quickly hid the progress they had made on the dress giggling. Lou and Jenny helped Faith throw together a lunch for Jimmy and themselves and they ate in relative quiet.

Jimmy paused to kiss Faith before he went back out to work on his surprise project for her. He hoped to finish it in time for it to be a wedding present.

"So what are you girls up to in here, anyway?" he asked holding her to him and not really wanting to let go and leave for the barn.

"I could ask you the same thing about what you do in that barn all day," she said, "I know how close you were to finishing that cradle weeks ago. It must be done by now."

"Fair enough," he smiled at her and then kissed her deeply paying no mind to the fact that they weren't alone, "You have fun now. You deserve it."

He kissed her again and finally released her leaving Faith feeling a little lost and lonely for the lack of his arms around her. She sighed and Lou giggled.

"I think you'll make it until supper," she said, "But I remember those days when I couldn't bear an hour away from Kid."

"I still miss Buck when he leaves for work in the mornings," Jenny said sadly.

The women set to work again and by the time Faith had to start getting supper ready for Jimmy the dress was pinned together and needed only for Lou to finish sewing it.

"I'll be over the night before the wedding to put your hair in rags," Jenny said, "Don't forget to boot Jimmy out for the night."

"I can't kick him out of his house," Faith protested.

"I can," Lou said with a smirk, "And I will."

Later that night while Faith was brushing her hair Jimmy spoke up. She snapped to attention as he rarely spoke while she did this. He always watched but hardly ever spoke. There was a time it made her uncomfortable to have his attention so completely but she now could read the love in his expression.

"So Lou tells me I'm sleeping in the old bunkhouse the night before the wedding," he said smiling.

"You don't have to," she said the brush pausing halfway through her long hair; "I think we've already built up all the bad luck possible. Seeing me before the wedding won't hurt a thing. You shouldn't be put out of your own home."

"Our home," he corrected her, "This ain't just my home. It wasn't a home at all until you got here. And I don't think me being scarce the night before has anything to do with luck, just with the other ladies trying to get you all prettied up for the wedding."

"You don't have to leave."

"It's one night and I think the reward'll be plenty worth it," he told her.

Faith quietly finished brushing and braiding her hair and came to bed quickly finding herself in Jimmy's arms.

"Did you have fun with the girls today?"

Faith nodded against him. It had been fun to be around two other women and spend time talking about babies and dresses. Faith had actually shared the details of her first wedding which she hadn't really thought about in far too long. It still stung a little bit but she was finally coming to some understanding that her husband had been dead from the time the government had declared him so even if the actual man had still been drawing breath. The man she had loved was already gone and she had moved on which was only to be expected. In time maybe the guilt would leave her but at least it didn't hurt so bad anymore and she thought maybe it was okay she had friends. At first she was sure she didn't deserve Jimmy or his family here in Rock Creek.

"You should have fun, you know," he whispered into her hair, "You should smile more too. I miss seeing your smile like I used to. I know things haven't been smooth for us but you should still smile more."

Faith couldn't help the tear that slid from her eye and onto his chest. Jimmy just squeezed her tighter.

"I have to work on this love thing a bit more, Faith," he said, "I want for you to smile and I make you cry. You really sure you want to hitch yourself to a man who can't do any better than that?"

"It wasn't a sad tear," she said softly, "Sometimes I'm just too happy when I think that you really love me. You are…I just…I just love you so much and I can't always believe that somehow I have this now."

"I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky to find you but maybe there's something to fate or God or something leading us where we need to be," he told her, "I don't think I would have found you on my own, that's for sure."

Faith pushed herself up so that she could reach his lips and kissed him deeply then nestled next to him resting her head back on his chest. Her eyes closed as she listened to his heart beating steadily in her ear.

Jimmy held tight to Faith knowing that somehow he had found her. He had in his grasp all he had ever needed even when he thought so surely he had needed something else. She relaxed into him and he knew she had fallen asleep. He thought back to the day so many months ago when he had been up early not being able to stand one more moment in that drab and sad room and he had spied her, hair down and glinting in the morning sun. She had been frightened but showed a brave face and he thought maybe he had fallen in love with her right then. Her defiant strength was something he admired and it drew him in and made it impossible for him to ever leave her for long. Or so he thought. He could also remember the day he had made the biggest mistake of his life and she had been the one to pay for it. Somehow they were granted another chance and he would not mess this up. He would never leave her or their child again and he would fall asleep every night as he was that night, with her tight in his arms.

* * *

><p><strong>Wow...there isn't much more to this now...I would dare to say the next chapter is wedding! Yay! And she doesn't have long to go before we have a little Hickok baby! I just love the idea of little Hickok babies. Oh it just makes me squee to think of them.-J<strong>


	31. Chapter 31

"Jimmy wait," Faith called causing him to pause one more time and look at her. He saw her waddling toward him and opted to meet her half way since moving had become so laborious.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"Do you really have to go?" she asked looking up at him with near childlike eyes, "I mean you could stay, couldn't you?"

"I'll be right back here tomorrow morning," he reminded her for what was at least the twelfth time. "I will be fine. You will be fine. I will see you tomorrow when you are coming toward me in your pretty dress that Lou and Jenny made you."

"I don't sleep well without you," she said looking at her feet and fighting the tears.

"I know you don't. But it's just one night and then you never have to again," he assured her.

"I don't want to be without you," she said and the tears could not be held off any longer, "Not even for one night."

Jimmy wound his arms around her and held her close feeling her sink into him.

"I know you don't but you have to," he told her, "I love you and I always will."

He pulled back just a little and tilted her chin up so that he could look into her eyes.

"I promise this is the last night we ever spend apart. That won't be in those vows tomorrow but I promise you right here and now and I'm pretty sure God's listening in on this. I will never leave you. I learned my lesson and you will never be able to get rid of me now."

He kissed her once more and then was on his way. Faith just stood there crying. Lou and Jenny had stayed in the house in order to give Jimmy and Faith some privacy to say their goodbyes but finally looked out when it was so long and their friend had not returned to the house.

"Oh no," Jenny said under her breath and then muttered something else in Lakota as she scurried outside.

Faith wasn't aware of much as Jimmy rode away from her. All she could think of was the last time he had ridden away. Her heart broke the same as it had then. He said he'd be back but he left anyway. He left her alone even though she didn't want to be alone.

"Brides are not supposed to cry the night before the wedding," Jenny gently chastised wrapping her arms around her friend, "Even when they are moody and about to have a baby."

"I told him not to go," Faith said distantly, "And still he left."

"It's only for this night."

"The telegram came and he never even asked, he just decided and I told him I loved him. I told him to stay and he still left."

"Faith that was a very complicated situation," Jenny tried to soothe, "He did what he thought was best."

"He wasn't ever coming for me. He wasn't ever coming back. I had to come find him. He left me for good. He left me forever."

Lou walked up and heard the last part of Faith's sobbed tirade. She smoothed Faith's hair and whispered to her.

"No, he didn't leave you. Not all of him did anyway. He came back here and something was missing. His heart was somewhere else."

"But he's gone, Lou," Faith choked out through her tears, "He just rode away like before."

"This is nothing like before," Jenny cooed at her, "That man loves you. He's coming back."

"And if he doesn't," Lou said with a hint of a smile, "I'm not above riding out and bringing him back at gunpoint."

The women slowly managed to get Faith back into the house and set on the couch. Jenny went to make tea while Lou sat next to Faith.

* * *

><p>Jimmy made his way to the old bunkhouse. He hated riding away from her like that. He still didn't feel particularly secure in letting her out of his sight. That would change in time, he knew but she was still so wounded and so frightened and he hated leaving her and thinking she might need him.<p>

As he made his way through town, Teaspoon and Buck came out of the marshal's office. He stopped for them.

"Thought maybe you might want to go for a celebratory drink being as you're getting yourself hitched tomorrow," Teaspoon said.

"I'm not really feeling like drinking," Jimmy said and he wasn't. He was feeling more like turning the horse and riding full out back home so he could sleep with Faith in his arms.

"Just come on in the office with us," the older man insisted, "Not asking you to go to the saloon or nothing. I know you've developed an aversion to them places."

Jimmy wanted to continue on to the bunkhouse. He wanted to be alone but then he realized that maybe being alone right now wasn't the best plan. He really hated being alone when he was honest. So he climbed down from his horse, tethered it and followed the other men inside.

"Rachel sent over some food for us," Buck said pouring and handing Jimmy a glass of whiskey, "She's pretty busy finishing food for tomorrow."

"I'll just bet she is," Jimmy said as he watched the other two men get their own glasses, "This isn't going to be a big party, is it?"

"Your bride didn't want one so we're trying to respect her wishes," Teaspoon replied, "Had to fight Rachel to keep from inviting half the town but it might still be more people than Faith had in mind."

"Hopefully she'll get over it," Jimmy said cringing at the thought that maybe she would be upset.

"Trust me, son," Teaspoon told him, "She'll be so happy to be getting married that she won't mind an extra person or two."

All three men held glasses so Teaspoon cleared his throat.

"I feel the need to say a few words as yet another of my boys has seen fit to find himself a good woman," he began, "And she is a good woman, Jimmy. You make sure she always knows that. I been married six times now and I think I might give lucky number seven a go here before too long if I can convince the lady to take a chance on me. I failed a good number of those times but each failing teaches you something. Maybe if I can pass on a little of what I know then it won't take you boys six tries to find happiness. You got to talk to her and listen to her, really listen. It gets hard sometimes though don't repeat that to Rachel. But it's important. I think the most important thing of all. And she has to know every day that you love her. You make sure you do those things and it all should fall into place pretty well for you. So let me raise a glass to young Hickok here. May your days with Faith be many and filled with joy!"

They clinked their glasses and quickly threw back their drinks. Jimmy could feel the warmth spread through him. It had been a while since he had indulged himself with a drink. He hadn't been in a saloon since the night before he heard of Faith's dream. He frankly didn't care if he ever set foot in another one. He'd rather play cards with Buck and Teaspoon for matches than sit in one of those loud rooms again with the jangling pianos and the women trying to rub against him. He knew he'd never want for female companionship again so he had no need of those women. And when he was with Faith he never felt the need so much to drink heavy. He'd have a beer with supper if he was out at a restaurant but no need to throw back whiskey. Still his nerves felt calmer for the drink—or maybe it was Teaspoon's words of advice. No, he was sure it was the whiskey.

Buck noticed the tension leaving Hickok's shoulders, tension he hadn't taken notice of when they had stopped the man as he rode through town.

"You weren't getting cold feet, were you Jimmy?" Buck asked only half teasing.

"No," Jimmy answered quickly, "Just a little nervous I guess."

Buck nodded. When Jenny had come back to be with her father, he at once felt the attraction to her as he had when they had first met. She had changed and he supposed some of that was just growing up a bit. She knew how to act among the white world and yet carried the independent fire that came from her time with the Lakota. She was sure of herself and she had put away her anger in favor of compassion. He'd in truth never met anyone with more of it than she had. People he thought deserved none of it, she felt badly for their ignorance.

"Just think of all they miss out on, Buck," she would say to him, "Think of your friends. Think how they've become family and then think of how many people would miss out on the chance to know what wonderful people they are because of their petty prejudices and ignorance."

She had even lost her anger for her father again only thinking of how lonely he would be without his daughter. It didn't take long before the man came around. In honesty he was heading that way for a while. Buck understood now things he wouldn't if not for his Eagle Feather. He now was proud to call Bill Tompkins a friend as well as father-in-law. He knew that he would have missed out on that if not for Jenny's compassion leading the way. Still, as much as he came to love her and as sure as he was that he wanted to wed her, the night before his wedding he was a mess. He wasn't nervous that he was making the wrong decision or that he would regret marrying her. He was afraid she would regret marrying him. He feared he would not be the husband she deserved and he thought perhaps Jimmy was worrying the same things.

"You will be fine," he assured clapping Jimmy on the back before downing his third or maybe fourth shot of whiskey, "She already loves your ugly mug so that's a good start. And you take good care of her. All she's been through I doubt you'll run into anything that you can't handle."

"It's not just being good enough for her that has me nervous," Jimmy answered putting an arm around Buck's shoulders more to hold himself up than anything else. "She's going to have that baby nearly anytime now and I don't have the slightest idea what I am supposed to do with a baby."

"You know what?" Buck asked fighting to not laugh, "I don't either. I'm scared to death."

Then Buck did start laughing and Jimmy joined him in laughing and they nearly fell down as each was the only thing holding the other one up.

"How about it, Teaspoon," Jimmy called to the old man who had sort of slumped into his chair behind his desk, "You raised us. Any ideas how the two of us can manage to be pas?"

"Now the both of you have seen me with babies and know full well I don't know what to do with a baby anymore than you do. When those young 'uns get older, then you come and talk to me."

That got them all laughing until they were crying. It wasn't too much longer before the whiskey ran dry and they all decided they should move along and try to get some sleep. Buck decided to sleep in the old bunkhouse with Jimmy since his own wife wasn't at home either.

"Hey Buck," Jimmy whispered into the darkness once they had both turned in for the night. "I'm glad you're here with me."

"I'm glad you're back with all of us too, Jimmy," Buck said.

"I know everything that happened with Aaron was terrible and I hate what he did to her," Jimmy went on, "But if she hadn't gotten that telegram then we would've gotten married without any of you around. I can't help thinking in some ways this is better. The baby—my baby—gets to know his uncles. Or hers, I suppose."

* * *

><p>"There now," Jenny said as she tied the last rag into Faith's long hair, "Tomorrow you'll have the prettiest curls for Jimmy. What a vision you'll be for him."<p>

"Thank you," Faith said, "Both of you. You've both been so good to me. I really am sorry about that scene earlier. I know I was being silly. He'll be back. Of course he will. I just guess I get scared still."

"That's to be expected," Lou said sitting next to her, "Things have happened so fast for you. To finally have a way to get away from Aaron and get here and then finding Jimmy and getting engaged and Aaron finding you…why anyone would still be getting scared. It took me a year at least before I quit jumping at shadows. You're used to Jimmy being here to protect you and he's damned good at it too. Tonight though you have me. I'll be in the living room with a gun. No one hurts my friends. And for sure no one hurts my family."

Faith smiled at Lou.

"And I will be right here so you won't be alone at all," Jenny said, "And I think right now you should try to get some sleep. It won't do for your groom to see you with circles under your eyes."

"You're right," Faith said, "I look enough of a fright these days. No need to make myself worse as I go waddling toward him."

Lou left the room and headed to the living room while Jenny turned the lamp down. Faith rolled over and just soaked in the day. It hadn't been that bad really. She and Jimmy had spent most of it together and had only just gotten up and decently dressed before her friends had gotten there. Faith had felt so warm and loved in Jimmy's arms and knew she could count on that feeling forever. But of course the memory of his arms around her only made her long for them all the more. She felt so empty and so frightened. She knew no one was after her anymore and she was beginning to believe no one was after Jimmy anymore either. If anyone did want to get to her they would have to go through Lou who was armed and Jimmy had told her enough tales of Lou during her pony express days that Faith knew no one was getting past Lou. She had friends and she had the life within her and things were going to be alright. As if to confirm this, the baby in her belly squirmed. It seemed to have a harder time making larger movements and Faith knew that was because there just wasn't the room there. She also knew that they were getting this wedding in just in time. She had been feeling the tightness overtake her abdomen off and on for a few weeks and that meant her body was getting ready to do the real work of pushing the child out.

Faith still closed her eyes trying to pretend that Jimmy was near but he wasn't. There were no arms around her and she could not hear his deep breathing. She could not fall asleep listening to his heart beating in his chest.

"Faith," came the whisper, "Faith are you awake?"

"Yes," Faith answered honestly.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" Jenny asked softly.

"No, I have such trouble sleeping without him."

"I understand," Jenny replied, "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"When the time comes for me to have my baby, will you be there?" Jenny asked her, "I'm really very frightened and I'd feel better with you there."

"I could be nowhere else," Faith assured, "It's a very scary thing. I've been afraid every day since I was sure that I was carrying that something bad would happen. I lost a few before Adam, you know. I think today was the first time I wasn't afraid for the baby. Aside from my little episode I have felt actually quite well today. But I know the fear, Jenny. I'll be there for you. I'm sure by then I can trust Jimmy with the baby."

"I'm sorry to bring up your Adam. It must hurt so to think on him."

"It always will but don't be sorry," Faith said very softly, "Memories are all I have of him. If I didn't think of him he would truly be gone forever and that I could not bear. I wish at times that Jimmy could have known him, that you all could. He was such a sweet boy. But he is part of a life I don't have anymore and I am meant to bring this baby into the new life."

"I am so glad you came to Rock Creek," Jenny murmured now close to sleep.

"I am too," Faith told her and it was the truth. The circumstances that brought her here might have been the most terrible she could imagine but Jimmy was better with his family and she was learning that she was better off as well. She had friends for the first time since she was a schoolgirl and she was learning they were more than friends, they were sisters, brothers and even a father and mother of a sort. She thought back on the day that Jimmy had approached her in town and offered to help her with her supplies. She had been frightened and almost still insisted he go on his way but then there was something in him, a light flickering under the surface of the infamous gunman that made her think maybe she was safe with him. And she was—safer than she had ever been. Now she truly had everything she could ever want, well she had nearly everything she wanted. In the light of the new day she would get the one thing that she still lacked—his name. It wasn't just for her that she wanted that but for the child struggling against the confines of her belly. Once she had the name for her and for their child they would truly be family and that was really all she wanted or could want.

* * *

><p>On the other side of town Jimmy was just drifting off himself. He had at one time thought that family was something he did not need. His own growing up had taught him only self reliance and mistrust. But Buck and Kid and Ike and Cody and Noah and Lou had taught him that he could trust others with his life while Emma and Teaspoon and Rachel had taught him that there were those who could be trusted with things far more important than his life. He'd had a rich life when they were all together. Maybe not rich in money but he considered himself rich in all that mattered when he was with them. Leaving them he thought he was leaving it all behind and that he no longer was worthy of such things. Faith had her own lessons for him. He sometimes thought she had brought him back to life. As much as he loved the pieced together family that had been established during his time with the express, he knew the dawn would bring the day that he would become head of his own family. It was daunting and yet exhilarating at the same time. He would be husband and father and somehow he would rise above the example set by his own father and instead walk in the footsteps of the man who truly taught him to be a man. He knew if he could be half the man that Teaspoon was that he might just be up to the task of deserving his Faith.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>I do believe we are on the home stretch of this story...one or two chapters more I think. I know I will say this again but for the record I want to thank everyone for hanging in with me even when this story got difficult and sad. It has kept me going to know that there are people out there who care what happens to Faith and Jimmy and their baby!-J<strong>


	32. Chapter 32

The sun rose the next morning to singing birds, gentle breezes and two frantically nervous people at opposite ends of Rock Creek.

To be honest Jimmy was less nervous than hung over. His head was splitting and with every movement his stomach threatened to empty its nonexistent contents on the floor. While Faith was just nervous.

Faith was more than nervous, she was afraid. She was afraid that maybe he didn't really love her, that he was marrying her out of pity or obligation and eventually would resent her. She was afraid what that resentment could turn to in time. He could be a very fearsome man to those who raise his ire. She was also afraid that the tightening of her abdomen meant that she wouldn't make it through the ceremony. She had labored many hours with Adam, more than a day, but she knew that first babies took longer and if this one didn't feel like taking its time then they might not get to the I do's. Despite all of her fears, she did want to be married to him. She wanted that chance to prove to him that she could be a good wife, better than she had been to Aaron. Most of all, she wanted to make sure there was no doubt about the last name her child would be born with. She was proud of the very thought of bringing this man's child into the world. She knew he never thought he would have such a thing and for all he had done for her, to give him something he thought impossible seemed the best way to repay him.

Lou and Jenny tried to get Faith to eat some breakfast but she just wasn't all that hungry so they gave up and set to getting her ready for her big day. The rags were taken out of her hair to reveal ringlets that cascaded down her back. Most of these curls were gathered atop her head but some were allowed to flow. Faith was helped into her dress as the first sounds of approaching guests could be heard. Jenny looked out through the curtain.

"Looks like my father is here," she said smiling, "And everyone else too."

The finishing touches came in the form of a few flowers stuck into the pile of curls on her head and a bundle of wildflowers tied with a ribbon for her to carry down the aisle. Lou ducked out of the house to make sure everything was ready.

The men had set up a few chairs for the sparse guests which basically consisted of Lou and Kid and their children, Buck and Jenny and Jenny's father and then Rachel and Teaspoon. It was very small and intimate but then that is how Faith wanted things. Lou quickly found Jimmy and told him Faith was ready and he should take his place.

"Faith," Lou said once she was back in the house, "We missed a detail here."

"What is that?"

"Who's giving you away?"

"I am" Faith replied, "It only makes sense."

Her words were true and how she felt but sounded strained as another cramp hit her. They were getting a little stronger but were still nearly a half hour between each and anything but regular.

"I'll waddle my own self down the aisle," she told Lou and she sounded much more convincing now that the pain had passed. Lou finally just nodded at her.

"We made it so you don't have too waddle far to get to him," Lou said, "Jenny and I will go out and sit and you come out when you're ready. You look beautiful."

"Thank you. Both of you," Faith said, "I know it hasn't been easy being my friend and I can't begin to tell you how much your kindness has meant to me. Before I met Jimmy it had been a very long time since anyone had been very kind to me. Thank you."

Lou and Jenny each offered a hug to Faith before leaving but Jenny hung on an extra moment or two.

"People weren't always nice to me, either," Jenny said, "You're easy to be nice to."

Faith then found herself alone at the front door. This was it; her last moment to make sure this was what she wanted. There was really nothing to make sure of. There was nothing in the world she wanted more than to be Mrs. James Hickok. Faith was about to reach for the doorknob when her belly tightened up and she had to lean against the wall until it passed. That was only twenty minutes or so since the last one. She hoped Teaspoon wasn't going to get too wordy with the ceremony or Jimmy was going to be holding her up. It still wasn't very bad but the pains were starting to get more intense. When this one subsided she grabbed the doorknob.

Jimmy stood in front of his family and looked next to him at the man who had been more a father to him than his own had the time or inclination to attempt. Teaspoon offered an encouraging smile for him. Soon he saw Lou and Jenny take their seats next to their respective husbands. He watched the door for what seemed like forever before it opened and his breath was taken from him by the vision that emerged. He had never seen Faith look lovelier. The sun was playing upon her hair bringing to notice all of the red strands hiding among the brown just as it had the day he first took note of her. She looked uncertain for a moment but once her eyes caught his, a bright smile spread across her face. He knew his own smile matched hers right then. If there was not another person on the earth but the two of them, Jimmy knew she would be enough.

Faith turned the knob and stepped out to the sight of everyone rising and turning to look at her. Feeling self-conscious she almost went back inside but then she lifted her eyes and saw him. Jimmy was looking at her with that expression of reverence that always made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Suddenly the others no longer existed. There was only Jimmy and her and she was just fine with that.

It was slow going getting to Jimmy as she was probably the least mobile she had been in the whole time of carrying this child. The baby had lowered to prepare to be born and it was almost painful to walk but his eyes and smile pulled her to him.

Jimmy thought something was different in how she walked toward him but her smile was so big for him that he chose not to worry. Eventually she was at his side and they both looked to Teaspoon who cleared his throat before beginning to speak.

"Dearly beloved," he began with a smile, "We're here today to see these two fine young people joined in marriage."

Teaspoon looked from Faith to Jimmy as his smile grew and his chest puffed out a little. He thought maybe he'd failed with Jimmy but it seemed the boy was just a little later blooming. Taking a breath, Teaspoon continued and got them through the exchange of their vows.

Faith thought the ceremony was going to last forever and hoped the next cramp was something she could smile through but at last it was over. Teaspoon said Jimmy could kiss the bride. Faith turned to him and lost her breath at the look in his eyes. In all her time thinking on what it meant to her to be marrying this man who treated her so well, who brought her pleasure she never knew possible, who worshipped her and held her and just loved her, she never had considered what this was for him. But right then his eyes spoke volumes. She saw his love for her and happiness that they were married but she also saw the fear. He had feared she was lost from him for good. But he also had feared he would never meet someone in the first place. She forgot what the reputation of Wild Bill did to people, what it actually had done to her at first too. She had rarely seen him so unguarded. He was vulnerable before her now and the power of how powerless he looked hit her and had she not already been in love with him, she would have fallen for him right then. His lips descended on hers and the tenderness and passion in them made her weep. It made her sad how many would never know a love the likes of which they had for each other and how close she came to losing this, to losing him. The next pain came but she barely felt it for the kiss.

That was it. They were married. Jimmy never wanted to let their lips part again, never wanted to let her go. But he had to and he knew somehow that was alright because they would always be together and soon another would join them and make everything even better although he still wondered that anything could be better than how he felt right then. Faith's hand tightened around his and he whispered softly to her.

"We sure took the hard road to this but we're married now."

Her grip on him loosened and he was sort of glad he thought she might break his hand but still she did not release him entirely and when she looked to him there were tears shining in her eyes.

"I love you," she said and noted that the pains still seemed about twenty or so minutes apart. There was still time to even enjoy a bit of the party and let their guests enjoy themselves too before she would need to get to the real work of bringing their child into the world. She was disappointed that there would be no wedding night as most thought of it but then perhaps this would be even better.

The two of them were ushered to a table the men had set up in the yard and Rachel had made enough food for a small army. It was wonderful but Faith barely touched what was on her plate.

"Is the baby sticking his foot in your stomach again?"

"Not exactly," she said, "I just don't feel much like eating right now. Maybe I'm too excited."

Her words were strained around the tightening of her tummy muscles.

"If something was wrong you'd tell me, wouldn't you?"

Faith smiled and patted his hand.

"Of course I would."

She wasn't lying exactly because nothing was wrong. She was just in labor and that was a perfectly normal thing and from what she recalled this was how it felt and nothing felt even the slightest bit amiss. She would let him and someone else know when she needed to excuse herself from the party and things would still be just fine. That wasn't to say that she wasn't starting to get a little scared. She remembered delivering Adam and she knew it was painful and so many things could go wrong and she wished that she could tell Jimmy and have him hold her and tell her everything would be fine. But then if she told him then she would be handed off to Rachel or Lou and taken away and she would not get that comfort she needed anyway. So she stayed close to him and was delighted when there was some music being played and Jimmy bowed to her and extended a hand. She gladly took it and allowed herself to be led to a cleared space which had become a dance floor. The pains were getting closer and this would probably be the last little time she would spend with him. Indeed it would be the only time they would have as a married couple, just the two of them.

Jimmy kept watch on Faith. Most of the time she was smiling and laughing and a gracious hostess but occasionally she looked strained and it worried him. He knew that she was not completely over her ordeal and possibly that she would never be but it bothered him that those six months he had left her might be marring their wedding day. She said there was nothing wrong and he hoped she wasn't just trying to save his feelings. This day was the true start to the life he really wanted. When the band Teaspoon had arranged for began to play Jimmy was proud to be able to turn to this woman, his wife, and ask for the dance and the look of joy on her face at that moment was worth everything they had gone through. It was worth everything that went before her. If all that was what he had to do to hold this woman close and sway with her to music then he would take it, all of it. He felt her melt into him and rest her head against his chest. The song ended and Faith looked up at him.

"I don't want to stop dancing," she said, "Please keep holding me and dancing with me. It's perfect."

Jimmy was more than happy to oblige her. They swayed and held each other and took no notice of the other couples around them or even the envious looks some of the guests gave them. He did feel her arms tighten around him every so often and her body would become tense but then she would relax into him again. He was about to ask if she was alright when she pulled away from him.

"I wish I could dance with you like this forever," she told him.

"You can," he replied, "At least for the rest of today and maybe tonight as well."

"No I can't," she paused and he could feel her body tighten in his arms, "Kiss me."

He did and when they parted her eyes were moist.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?"

"Nothing but I need to find the women. I love you."

She placed a hand to the side of his face and then stepped away to find Rachel or someone who could help her through this. She made it barely a step when the next pain hit her. Things had been coming steadily closer together as they had danced and the pains were less than five minutes apart, she guessed. They didn't seem that bad in his arms but away from him this one was enough to double her over. Jimmy grabbed her and held her tight.

"Faith, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she gasped, "The baby is coming."

"Rachel!" he yelled and soon the yard was a flurry of activity as the women rushed Faith into their bedroom and started barking orders to the men to watch Mary and Jamie and get water on to boil.

Faith felt her dress being lifted from her and replaced with a nightgown as Lou and Jenny settled her onto her bed. Another pain hit and she cried out.

"How close are these coming?" Rachel asked.

"I think every two or three minutes," Faith answered through gritted teeth.

"How long have you been having the pains?"

"Since the middle of the night," Faith said as she started to weep in the wake of the last pain, "I knew I had time and I wanted this day so badly."

"Well, then it shouldn't be long now," Rachel observed, "I guess that's good. I don't think your husband could handle if this was too drawn out."

"That's going to take some getting used to," Lou muttered to herself at the reference to Jimmy as a husband.

Jimmy headed toward the house at the first scream he heard only to have his arm grabbed by Teaspoon.

"She's alright, son," the older man said, "Going inside and hearing her louder ain't going to make it go faster or make it easier on either one of you. Rachel and the girls will take good care of her."

"She's hurting, Teaspoon," Jimmy whined, "And it's all my fault—again."

"I don't think she'll want to hold this against you too much once she has that babe in her arms," Teaspoon mused, "Now I heard tell that you had some secret project you was working on in the barn. How about you show me what that is?"

Jimmy reluctantly led Teaspoon to the barn and first they passed the cradle Jimmy had made.

"Has she seen this yet?" Teaspoon asked.

"No, I hadn't had the chance to bring it in yet. Thought I had more time."

"I think she'll be right pleased with it."

Jimmy ran his hand along the end of the bed he had made for his child and felt a stab of guilt that Faith was in there without him struggling to bring the child into the world and the most he had suffered for it was a few splinters. It didn't seem right. He was supposed to protect her and he was the one who was supposed to do the hard work. He was the man after all. It didn't seem right she was the one in pain right now. He knew it was just how things are and the way they have always been and it wasn't up to people at all to decide such things but it still seemed wrong. How God could make such beautiful and soft creatures as women and make men want to take care of them so badly but then leave the men having to listen to the woman they love screaming in pain and be helpless to do anything at all about it. He hadn't suffered at all for this child. He had been there when it was made and that was no suffering at all. He couldn't know which time they were together that had created this life but every time with her had been pleasure and beautiful and something he treasured. She had suffered to keep the child safe while he left her and now she was suffering again.

"Son, you've got to just trust the ladies are going to take care of your missus for you right now," Teaspoon assured him, "Now what is it you have been working on?"

"It's done now," Jimmy said, "I made sure it would be before today. It's her wedding present. I didn't get to give it to her though."

"You will," Teaspoon told him following behind as Jimmy led him to his latest project.

There, resting on a bale of hay was a porch swing all ready to hang on the end of the porch.

"She had one at the other house," Jimmy explained, "We used to sit out on the porch in the evenings and look at the stars and sometimes we'd talk and sometimes we'd just sit. I missed being able to do that with her."

"I think she'll be real happy with this when you can show her. Might even be a nice place to rock that little one when the nights are hot."

* * *

><p>Inside the house Faith was wondering how she had managed to get through this before. The pains were coming so close together it was as if she was having just one long pain and there was no time to even catch her breath.<p>

"You're doing great," Jenny told her as she dabbed at Faith's forehead with a cool cloth.

"You're doing so well," Rachel agreed, "I don't think it will be long now."

* * *

><p>Outside Jimmy was just staring blankly at the porch swing.<p>

"Women have babies every day," Teaspoon said, "She'll be fine. You two'll be cuddled on that swing looking at the stars in no time."

"Yeah," Jimmy said noncommittally.

"What's really troubling you, son. You might's well talk about it."

"What if all that time with Aaron beating on her hurt the baby or hurt her inside and we didn't know? She could die, Teaspoon," Jimmy nearly whispered as if saying it out loud would assure it of happening. "Women die having babies. And what if there's something wrong with the baby? How could she ever bear that after losing Adam? I don't think I could do any better. I don't know how to be a father but I don't think I've ever wanted to do something more."

"You need to settle down some," Teaspoon said trying to calm Jimmy, "I'm sure everything is going to be fine. I just have a feeling."

* * *

><p>"Okay, Faith," Rachel said as Jenny held one hand tight and Lou had the other, "When the next pain hits I need you to push as hard as you can. I can see the baby's head now."<p>

Faith took as much of a breath as she could and when the pain began she pushed and screamed and tried to breath for a bit before another wave of pain hit and she pushed and screamed some more.

"Almost there," Rachel encouraged, "Give me one more big push!"

* * *

><p>"Jimmy!"<p>

Teaspoon and Jimmy both whirled around to the door of the barn where Buck stood trying to catch his breath.

"Jenny said you need to come up to the house."

"Is she okay, Buck?" Jimmy asked frantically, "And the baby? Is the baby okay?"

"I didn't get details," Buck answered, "She just said for me to get you."

Jimmy took off on a dead run toward his house trying to fight the horrible thoughts that were flashing through his mind.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah...whatever...get your pitchforks...just see if I care! Ha! I know what happens and you don't! heehee...It was a nice wedding though, wasn't it?-J<strong>


	33. Chapter 33

Jimmy's heart beat faster and faster as he drew closer to the house. It hadn't been very long since the women had taken Faith inside. Something could be wrong. If everything was fine, it seemed Jenny would have said that. Something must be wrong. He didn't think he could bear going in. Something could be wrong with the baby or Faith or both of them. What would he even do without them? There was just no possible way he could go on if they weren't in his life.

He turned the knob on the front door with his heart in his throat and walked in. Rachel was standing there and wrapped him into a big hug. Then she pushed him toward the bedroom without a word. Dread overtook him more with every step and he paused outside the bedroom and heard humming. Faith was humming. It was the same Beethoven tune that she hummed that night at the pond. He dared to step inside and saw Faith was cradling a bundle close to her. Tears were running down her face as she rocked gently back and forth and continued to hum that old tune.

It wasn't until he sat on the edge of the bed that she looked at him but she didn't stop rocking or humming.

"What's wrong, Faith?" he asked not being able to bear her tears any longer. Whatever was wrong with the child they would face it together. She would never again face heartache alone.

She bent down and kissed the babe's forehead and Jimmy craned his neck to see if he could figure what was wrong, what had her so upset. These weren't just tears of joy though he thought maybe they were part of it.

"What's wrong with the baby?"

"Nothing's wrong, really," she said through a sniffle, "I thought I could give you a son."

Her voice was so sad and Jimmy figured out right then.

"A girl?" he asked in wonder, "I have a daughter? Can I see her?"

Faith looked up doubtfully but the huge smile across his face told her that her worries had maybe been unfounded. She shifted the bundle to rest on her lap and lifted the blanket partially obscuring the girl's face.

"She's so beautiful," Jimmy whispered, "She's really ours?"

"All ours," Faith confirmed.

Jimmy dared to reach out and trail a finger across the child's soft skin. He hadn't been around babies a great deal and never around a newly born one. He was actually afraid he would break her. She was so tiny.

"She's so small," he said as the enormity of his responsibility hit. For as small as she was, protecting her seemed such a huge task. "Is she supposed to be that small?"

"I think she's a little bigger than Adam was when he was born," Faith replied, "Would you like to hold her?"

"I don't know how. I don't want to hurt her."

"I'll teach you," she smiled at him and went about showing him how to hold his arms so that the baby might be placed there.

Jimmy still wasn't sold on being able to handle this tiny bundle being placed in his arms but once she was there and looked up at him with her wide eyes he knew he never wanted to put her down. He thought that if he could hold her forever that maybe then he could keep her safe.

"Thank you," he said raising his eyes to Faith.

"You were part of this too," she reminded him.

"I think I had the easiest part."

Faith allowed a small giggle at that.

"We probably ought to name her," she noted.

Jimmy looked at the tiny face looking back at him. The child's brow furrowed as if she was thinking on something real hard and then relaxed. There was something about her eyes. They challenged him in a way he wouldn't have thought such a new life could. They were like Faith's and a little like…

"Emma," he said softly, "Could we name her Emma?"

"That's beautiful," Faith told him, "Emma Hope, perhaps?"

"I like that," he agreed, "I like that an awful lot."

"Emma Hope Hickok," Faith declared beaming, "I think you should take her out to meet the others. Rachel, Lou and Jenny met her but weren't formally introduced. And I think there's a couple gentlemen who need to make her acquaintance."

Jimmy stood uncertainly. Holding her while sitting on the bed next to Faith was one thing but standing and walking and being in a different room was another. He wouldn't have Faith to help him. He looked to see her giving him a reassuring smile.

Jimmy walked into the front room to see everyone there except for Kid and his children. He had taken them home and was probably even getting them ready for bed by now. So Jimmy walked first to where Teaspoon was sitting and held the child out to the older man.

"It's a girl," he said only barely holding his tears at bay, "We named her Emma, Emma Hope."

Teaspoon's eyes were moist as he took the child from her father. While he was over the moon to have another 'grandchild' to spoil—he loved Jamie and Mary more than he thought possible to love another being—it was less about little Emma in his arms than the man who had just handed her off. Jimmy had been his greatest worry after Buck. He knew Cody would be fine and he knew Kid and Lou would take care of each other. He had often worried Buck would never understand that he did indeed fit in somewhere. But Jimmy closed himself off to so much. He never lamented not fitting in because he didn't let himself even want to fit in. Teaspoon had worried for the day he'd get the news of Jimmy's untimely passing and more than once thought that when Jimmy had ridden out with that Burke woman that it would be the last time he ever saw the boy. To have him stroll into town like he had those months ago was an answer to prayers Teaspoon had stopped daring to pray. To have Jimmy home was one thing but then to have Faith come here as well and complete this family for Jimmy was more than he could have dared to wish for this young man who had been one of his children as surely as if he'd actually fathered him. He sat there honored to be the first handed the child and spared a look at her but then could not pull his eyes away. He had seen newly born babes before and usually they weren't much to look at really. This girl was lovely. She had fine light brown hair, just enough to lightly cover her scalp but it was her face that held his attention. Her skin was not the mottled and uneven skin he usually saw when they were first born. It was like fresh cream and the tiny spots of a reddish cast were really more pink and just over her perfect round cheeks. Her tiny rose colored lips looked as if they'd been tied in a bow. Her eyes were wide and wondering at everything around her but she had such an air of inner peace so unlike a new child. She seemed to merely observe as if she was just collecting information and would let them all know what she thought about it later.

"She's beautiful, Jimmy," the old man choked out.

"I know," Jimmy beamed, "I ain't quite sure how I managed any part of making something that perfect."

* * *

><p>"Jimmy, let me open my eyes," Faith laughed as Jimmy led her through the house toward the front door. "I'm not coordinated as it is."<p>

"I ain't going to let you run into anything," he assured her with a big smile on his face. He had been waiting for this moment for a couple of days. Faith had been in bed all that time recovering from bringing little Emma into the world but now she was ready to be up and around so once she had fed Emma and gotten her to sleep for a nap, Jimmy had told her to close her eyes so he could give her the wedding present she didn't get on her wedding day.

"I didn't get you a wedding present at all," Faith had lamented but Jimmy had assured her that the tiny girl in the cradle was all the present he would ever have wanted.

"We're nearly there, sweetheart," he said opening the door and pulling her through, "Just step over the threshold here."

"Can I look yet?"

Jimmy turned her to face the end of the porch.

"Okay, you can look."

Faith opened her eyes to see a swing hanging from the ceiling of the porch.

"You made this for me?" she asked in disbelief.

"Actually I made it for us," he said, "Come here and sit a while with me."

He had put a cushion on the seat for her since he knew she was still sore and they sat and rocked for a while until they heard Emma start to fuss. Faith popped up to run and get her but Jimmy stopped her just before the doorway.

"We missed something on our wedding day if you recall," he told her as he lifted her into his arms and carried her across the threshold. He set her gently down and kissed her lightly. "That's better. I guess one of us should go see what she wants."

"Probably changing," Faith said and went off to do just that.

* * *

><p>As she stirred the pot on the stove, Faith tried to make sense of the nearly year since she had first met Jimmy. Well, she recalled, she didn't think she was meeting Jimmy at all. She thought she had met Wild Bill Hickok. She involuntarily giggled at the thought that she was now Mrs. Hickok. When she had sent the letter to Patience telling her of the wedding and little Emmy's birth she imagined she could hear the scream clear to Rock Creek. The only benefit had been that her sister had for the most part refused to write to her since then so she had fewer of those rotten and mean letters to look for but then it had only been two months since she'd married and had the baby.<p>

So much had happened in just under a year and her mind whirled with the wonder of it all. Things had gotten to feeling normal for the most part. Jimmy had been working hard and had decided that he knew more about farming than ranching so the preparations were underway to make that happen. They both worked hard and slowly the place was coming together. Emmy was hardly fussy unless she needed something and Jamie had not exaggerated his uncle's skill at rocking a baby to sleep. In fact, she knew that was probably what he was doing as she finished preparing their supper.

She walked toward the bedroom but stood in the doorway and just watched father with daughter.

"Hey there, Emmy," he cooed at her, "Mama says you been good today. I told you she was nice. Bet you feel bad about kicking at her so much. You probably still want to kick me." He took a breath and kissed the child's forehead. "So I guess I ought to give you a story. I know I usually tell you about when I rode for the Pony Express and the characters I met there. Hard to believe those same crazy young people turned out to be me and your uncles…and your aunt. I think today I'll tell you about the best day of my life. I didn't think it was going to be such a great day. None of them were for me back then. I was lonely and I had really lost my way. But you should know that losing your way ain't the end of a story. You can always find it again if you want and sometimes you can even find someone to help lead you back. Well, that's what happened to me. I was up early with a headache and feeling pretty low when I spotted the most beautiful thing I had ever seen to that point. It was a woman with long brown hair and the sun was picking up all the colors in it. And there was something in her eyes that I just felt drawn to. I went over and offered to help her with her things and at first she didn't want to let me. People thought I was something scary back then. Guess you'd find that laughable to see me now but it's the truth. I swear. I somehow convinced her I wasn't going to hurt her and eventually I got that woman to fall in love with me. I tell you it's the best day of my life because that woman was your mama and she changed my life in every way possible. She brought me home to a family I thought I'd lost and she gave me you. I told you that losing your way ain't the end of the story. I guess for me it was the beginning."

He took a breath and blinked back the moisture in his eyes that came every time he thought of the gifts Faith had brought to his life.

"Sleep tight now, Emmy," he said as he stood and placed her gently in the cradle. He brushed his hand gently over her head one last time before straightening up and turning to leave. The sight of Faith in the doorway made him stop in his tracks.

"It was the best day of my life too," she said and then blinked and swallowed the emotion away. "Come on now before your supper gets cold."

* * *

><p>"That cake looks delicious, Faith," Rachel said admiring the confection as Faith set it out on the table.<p>

"Thanks Rachel. Do you think I made enough food for everyone?"

"I think you and Jimmy will be eating leftovers for a week," Rachel laughed.

"Well, Cody's coming and Jimmy always talks about his appetite and Lou said Jamie's getting ready to hit a growth spurt…"

"There will be plenty," Rachel assured her.

"I never threw a birthday party for Adam," Faith said sadly. "We didn't have many friends. I was going to on his next birthday since he was in school and had some friends there who might want to come. He was so excited."

Rachel hugged Faith around the shoulders.

"You don't just have friends now, you have family. This will be the best first birthday party any little girl has ever had."

The guests rolled in after that. Teaspoon came later than Rachel even though she was his wife by then. He had wanted to check on things in town before heading to the party. Kid and Lou showed up with Jamie and Mary who had skipped walking and went straight to running in an effort to keep up with her brother. Cody did come and Faith was terribly nervous to meet him even though Jimmy kept assuring her there was no need.

"Faith, I want you to meet one of my best friends, Bill Cody," Jimmy said by way of introduction, "And Cody this is my wife, Faith."

"So glad you could come, Mr. Cody," Faith said earning a hearty laugh from the blond mustachioed man before her.

"Please, just Cody or Billy or Bill," he told her, "We don't stand on ceremony too much here." He then turned his attention to Jimmy. "I couldn't believe it when I heard you was getting married and had a baby besides. Now that I see the lovely creature you married, I believe it even less."

Jimmy laughed heartily while Faith blushed at the compliment.

"I caught this one heading toward the cake with her little fingers just itching to get into it," Lou said walking up to Faith and handing Emmy over to her.

"And this," Jimmy said reaching out to hold his daughter's hand as she leaned into her mother's shoulder, "Is Emma Hope Hickok. We call her Emmy."

"Pleased to meet you, Emmy," Cody said as he patted her head. She looked to fuss or be frightened but then giggled.

"Cody was always good with children," Jimmy joked, "He's just a big one himself."

"Oh look, Buck and Jenny are here with Sally!" Faith nearly shouted. She and Jenny had become even closer friends since their daughters were mere months apart though they also spent a good deal of time with Lou and Mary. Jamie had started school so Lou welcomed the company and the chance for all of their daughters to become friends.

"Sorry we're late," Jenny laughed, "We were busy cleaning strained peas off the walls. Someone did not appreciate her food."

"I bet she'll appreciate that chocolate cake over there," Cody interjected, "Buck, it's good to see you."

Cody first stuck his hand out but the handshake quickly became a hug.

"I can't believe the two of you finally saw the merits of family life," Cody declared, "I honestly never thought you would. It's a good look for both of you."

There was a commotion and Cody looked up smiling.

"I know this is a birthday party and I'm not trying to take anything away from the guest of honor but if I recall the story this is also your anniversary," he explained, "I thought I'd bring a surprise as kind of an anniversary present."

Jimmy strained his eyes and then blinked, not believing them. He was sure he recognized the man helping the red-haired woman off of the buckboard but then it couldn't be. The sight of one little girl bounding down with her sand colored ringlets bouncing and then a smaller girl with a head full of ginger curls being lifted into the arms of the woman confirmed it for him. He was rooted to the spot as he watched her walk across the yard to him and hand the toddler off to the man.

"Jimmy Hickok," she said looking him up and down, "If you aren't a sight for sore eyes. Looks like married life agrees with you. I'm not often one to say I told you so but I feel pretty good about this. I told you so."

It was only then she allowed a smile across her previously stoic face. Her dark brown eyes danced as he remembered they did when she allowed a smile.

"It's good to see you, Emma," he told her pulling her into a hug, "I can't tell you how good. I guess I should introduce-"

"Faith," Emma finished for him extracting herself from the embrace, "I remember her name from your letters."

Emma neared Faith and placed a hand on either side of Faith's face and then smiled warmly before wrapping her arms around her.

"Thank you," she whispered, "Thank you for saving my boy."

"I'm pretty sure he saved me," Faith answered.

The rest of the party went better than Faith could have dreamed. There was laughter and merriment and it was everything she ever hoped a child of hers could grow up knowing. Jimmy and Sam sat a while talking about how completely Jimmy had walked away from being a lawman and Faith thought Sam might have tried to convince Jimmy to go back to it but he still pushed it away 'for now' as he always said. Faith now thought less and less that he missed that life. Sam did mention that it was nice not to fear seeing Jimmy's face on a wanted poster. Emma's girls were delightful and the older one, Betsy, could not get enough of Emmy and Sally. Faith smiled as she sat on the porch swing remembering the look on Emma's face when she saw her namesake. Emmy took to Emma quickly as if she knew the things they shared and maybe she did at that. Sitting there in the darkness and staring out at the stars Faith felt peace she once thought she would never be allowed. She had all she had ever wished for and she could feel secure with it now. Jimmy had made good on his promise to make her take his love as a given. She could never doubt it and would never again. Aaron was a distant memory of another life and most of the time she was even at peace with Adam being gone. She knew he was well taken care of. Jamie was right, she had concluded, Noah and Ike would have somehow found him and looked after him for her.

Faith looked up as Jimmy walked out on the porch.

"I thought she would never get to sleep," he said looking tired but happy all the same.

"I told you I'd put her down tonight if you wanted."

"You know I love spending that time with her," he replied shaking his head, "Besides, you worked so hard getting this day together, it was the least I could do."

He sat down next to her on the swing, looping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her tighter to him.

"What were you thinking about all alone in the dark?"

"How I'm not alone anymore," she said smiling at him, "How I never will be again."

Jimmy leaned and kissed her and was surprised when she took control of the kiss and then more surprised when her hand started running up and down the insides of his thighs. They had resumed their romantic life in every respect after Faith recovered from giving birth and it had become even more active since Emmy had been moved into her own room but he really thought she'd just be tuckered out from the day. He was pleased to know she wasn't.

"Would you like your anniversary gift now?" she whispered in his ear.

"I thought you'd never ask," he replied lifting her into his arms and maneuvering her into the house, "I hope you're not disappointed but I got you the very same thing."

Faith giggled and then leaned close to his ear again.

"I'm never disappointed," she said, "And I have something to tell you. I guess it's part of your present too."

He placed her gently on their bed and looked at her seriously.

"What is it? What do you need to tell me?"

"The doctors were wrong."

She said it as if it made all the sense in the world and cleared anything up at all but Jimmy sat there confused and wondering what doctors and what she meant and why she looked so happy.

"Doctors?"

"The ones who said I couldn't have children."

"I knew that," he told her, "I just put the proof of that to bed."

Faith just smiled at him and he knew he still wasn't getting it but then it dawned on him.

"You mean? We're? Really?"

She just nodded and smiled with tears welling up in her eyes.

"Now that is something worth celebrating," he said as he bent and kissed her deeply.

* * *

><p><strong>Yes, dear readers, this is the end. Until I decide there needs to be a sequel. Not sure about that. But I think I left them in a good place. I wasn't expecting Cody or Emma to make an appearance but they just wanted to come to the party so badly. And I speak from experience when I say that a daughter is the best wedding present you can get. Faith did well on that one. I hope this wrapped things up well enough for you all. This story strayed so far from its humble beginnings but I think I feel good about it all the same. I cannot thank enough the ladies of the plus for their unending support for me. Not only with this story but all of them. Some days I think I might just throw in the towel if not for them. So Kristina, Anita, Rosie, Vandy, Marie, Mercy, Fran, Lisa and anyone else I am neglecting...Thank you! I love you all! And I love all who read this as well.-J<strong>


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